The scene: The Castle of Death, in Chihuahua, Mexico, where our band of intrepid DFOers, with the help of a pair of valiant luchadores and, to a lesser extent Wolfman Rob, have over the last several episodes been fighting a trio of vampiric beauties, a horde of zombies, and now a legion of psychotic clowns from another dimension who are currently raining down from a giant sky-hole.

So, it’s pretty much what we here at Door Flies Open call “Friday.”

In the castle itself, Doktor Zymm and Future Moose have run upstairs, carrying Man in Plaid #2’s head. They are surprised to find Ballsofsteelandfury and Covalent Blonde, along with Yolanda the vampire.

Ballsofsteelandfury: Hey, Zymm! Wow, looks like the gang’s all here!

Doktor Zymm: Ach! I vas hoping zis vas a laboratory.

Covalent Blonde: It’s more like Balls’ fun-time room. He and the big-bad vamp were getting all down & dirty until she ended up trying to kill him.

Ballsofsteelandfury: Eh, it was still better than my last three dates.

Future Moose (high-fiving Ballsofsteelandfury): Apocalypse sex? Nice!

Ballsofsteelandfury (shooting finger guns): And guess who’s got the blood of Aztec kings running through his veins? That’s right. This guy.

Doktor Zymm: Ja, ja… Right now, ve have a vay to close zat interdimensional portal….

Ballsofsteelandfury: The what now?

Doktor Zymm (rolling her eyes): Ze sky-hole. But I need a pair of pliers to extract ze Man in Plaid’s tooth.

Covalent Blonde: Which tooth?

Man in Plaid #2’s Head: The rear lower molar on my right side. It contains a very small yet incredibly powerful explo-

Covalent Blonde swings her fist in a perfect left jab, knocking Man in Plaid #2’s head out of Doktor Zymm’s hands and onto the floor. He rolls over twice, then comes to a stop. He moves his tongue around for a few seconds, then he spits a molar out onto the floor.

Man in Plaid #2’s Head: That is…incredible!

Covalent Blonde (shrugging): Eh, I’ve had a lot of practice.

Future Moose (picking up the tooth): Nice! Now we just need to get this to the sky-hole and watch the fireworks.

Doktor Zymm (walking over to the yuuuge hole in the wall left by JJ Fozz going through it): Zis looks like…Fozz?

Covalent Blonde: Yeah, he and the vamp queen were tangling. And he was big and purple at the time, Zymm.

Doktor Zymm: Ja. Ve vill talk about zat later…

Doktor Zymm looks out of the hole in the wall and spots a normal JJ Fozz down below. A pair of unconscious clowns lay close by, and he is currently beating the tar out of a third one.

JJ Fozz (beating the clown mercilessly): And that’s for my eighth birthday party! And that’s for that time at that damned circus. And that’s for Stephen King’s It!

Cut to: The shattered doorway of the Castle of Death, where Low Commander is defending the castle from the clown attack with the aid of WCS, Otto’s Brain, Pirate Sloth, Señor Weaselo and La Araña Discoteca.

Low Commander (kicking a clown in the cowbells): Keep fighting, men! This isn’t over yet!

Pirate Sloth (parrying a clown’s blade with his clown arm): Aye, never give a clown an inch, or he’ll take yer ship, throw yer crew to the sharks an’ drink all yer grog. I learned that the hard way.

WCS (bashing a clown with Otto’s Brain): We just need to hold them off until Zymm figures out something, guys!

Otto’s Brain: Easy for you to say! You’re not the one being swung around like a yo-yo! I think I’m getting kind of nauseous…

Señor Weaselo: We are hard-pressed, my friends, but never let it be said… Madre di dios!

The DFOers and luchadores look in amazement Doktor Zymm’s RV barrels down the road, sending clowns flying. At the wheel Moosemas Gorilla lays on the horn, then cranks the wheel hard. The RV skids sideways toward the door and the DFOers and luchadores flee back into the castle as the vehicle’s passenger side slams up against the doorway, effectively blocking it from the clowns.

[RV DOOR FLIES OPEN]

Moosemass Gorilla: Ook!

Horatio Cornblower: Nice job, pal! Okay, everyone out! Let’s move it, people!

Cookiethulhu (exiting the RV): I say, this is all quite exciting!

Abraham Lincoln (following Cookiethulhu): For you, maybe. I’m just getting’ a mite too old for this shi-

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly (rushing past Abraham Lincoln): If there’s drugs here, I call dibs! On all of them!

The rest of the DFOers inside the RV rush out of it and into the castle. Darkest Timeline Zach Morris brings up the rear, talking on his cell phone.

Yeah Right (ushering out Teddy’s BOTW): C’mon, boss! Who are you callin’ at a time like this?

DTZM: Our Canadian chapter. I’m calling in a favor.

Cut to: The Door Flies Open clubhouse, Canadian chapter. Litre Cola is just pulling up on his hawg. He heads inside to find the Maestro on the phone.

The Maestro (on the phone): Oh, sure, we can do that for ya. What’s that? Oh, sure, eh? No problem.

Litre Cola (as The Maestro hangs up): Who was that, eh?

The Maestro: Oh, you know, that was Darkest Timeline Zach Morris. His chapter’s down in Mexico. Quite the kerfuffle goin’ on there, I guess.

Litre Cola: Oh, yeah?

The Maestro: Yeah. There’s zombies an’ clowns, an’ they got themselves a big ol’ sky-hole.

Litre Cola: Those things can be bad news, eh?

The Maestro: Oh, sure.

Litre Cola: So, he wants us to head down to Mexico, then? Lemme just grab my bunnyhug and…

The Maestro: Ah, no. He was just askin’ if we could take a drive down to the American clubhouse. Everyone took off down to Mexico, so he was wondering if we could head on down there an’ keep an eye on things.

Litre Cola: I guess we could do that. But who’s gonna stay here and watch our clubhouse?

The Maestro: Beerguyrob?

Litre Cola: Nah, he’s down in the States, remember? He went down there on that cultural-exchange thingy. The American club got Beerguyrob an’ we got that Don T fella.

The Maestro: Hey, that’s right! So where is that Don T fella anyway?

Litre Cola: Ah, he’s probably out seein’ the sights. We got a beautiful country here, eh?

Cut to: Don T at the scene of an accident. His bike is mangled, his foot is swollen, and Canadian paramedics are loading him into an ambulance.

Don T: Agh! My foot! I think it’s busted!

Paramedic: That’s okay, sir. We’re going to fix you right up.

Don T: Aw, crap, I don’t have any insurance info with me.

Paramedic: That’s all right, sir. We’ll take care of it.

Don T: Oh, yeah? Say, y’know…I’ve got a tooth that’s really been bothering me…

Paramedic (grimacing as Don T shows him the tooth): I’ll make a note of that, sir. We’ll make sure the doctor takes a look.

Don T: And I’ve been having this problem with my knee…

Paramedic: Don’t you worry about a thing, sir. We’ll get you fixed up as good as new.

As the door to the ambulance closes, the paramedic smiles brightly and gives a thumbs-up to the camera.

Cut to: The Canadian DFO clubhouse again.

The Maestro: We’ll leave him a note, eh?

Liter Cola: Sure. Should I pick us up a two-four for the trip?

The Maestro: They got beer in America.

Liter Cola: American beer.

The Maestro: Good point. Better make it two, eh?

Litre Cola: True.

To be continued…