So, a lot of things have happened since I last saw you.  tWBS rolled into town and raised some hell.  I replaced my car. Oh, and there were a heap of upsets in the AFL and the competition has now gotten super tight like my first girlfriend’s vagina.  Or a-hole.  Pick a hole. Any hole.

This week, I’ll try to catch us up on the happenings in an abbreviated manner as I had brunch with tWBS, it’s Mother’s Day, and well, shit just got in the way.  Let’s begin.

Welcome to Balls of Steel’s AFL Beat!

Round Seven

If I told you that the St. Kilda Saints beat the GWS Giants handily, would you believe me?  Or that I would have to shave my balls ahead of schedule because Geelong couldn’t beat the awful Gold Coast Suns?  In case you forgot, here is the exact quote:

This is one of those games where hokey journalists say that if Team A loses, they will walk back to their home town.  I am neither hokey nor a journalist but I promise to shave my balls ahead of schedule if the Cats lose.

Would you also believe that the motherfucking Roos would beat the shit out of the league-leading Adelaide Crows?!?

Yeah, Round 7 had some crazy shit happening.  It’s a good thing I was in Joshua Tree with some very high/drunk people.  You know, the last time I was in Joshua Tree, I came back to civilization to find out that we had killed Osama Bin Laden.  I’m telling you, crazy shit happens when you go to the desert, man.

Here are the scores:

St. Kilda Saints 108 – 85 GWS Giants

North Melbourne Kangaroos 145 – 86 Adelaide Crows

Collingwood Magpies 56 – 79 Carlton Blues

Port Adelaide Power 87 – 97 West Coast Eagles

Gold Coast Suns 124 – 99 Geelong Cats

Western Bulldogs 80 – 75 Richmond Tigers

 Sydney Swans 135 – 81 Brisbane Lions

Melbourne Demons 91 – 94 Hawthorn Hawks

Fremantle Dockers 116 – 79 Essendon Bombers

Here is the ladder as it stood after Round 7:

 Round Eight

So, based on Round 7, I’m sure you think there were more upsets, right?  Well, you’d be right.  Sort of.  The teams on the top have started losing, the teams on the bottom have started winning, and all kinds of hell is happening in the middle.  Well, except for Brisbane.  They still suck.  I still believe that the AFL Women’s team will end up with more points than the men’s team at the end of the season.

Here are this week’s scores:

West Coast Eagles 69 (Nice!) – 61 Western Bulldogs

Hawthorn Hawks 113 – 75 Brisbane Lions

St. Kilda Saints 85 – 66 Carlton Blues

GWS Giants 102 – 99 Collingwood Magpies

Essendon Bombers 110 – 93 Geelong Cats

Adelaide Crows 66 – 107 Melbourne Demons (how the fuck did this happen in Adelaide?!?)

Richmond Tigers 70 – 72 Fremantle Dockers

Gold Coast Suns 38 – 110 Port Adelaide Power (in China)

North Melbourne Kangaroos 78 – 120 Sydney Swans

The shocker of the round was the Melbourne win IN ADELAIDE.  The Crows have lost two straight.  The Cats and the Tigers have lost THREE straight.  Yet, all three are still in the Eight.  In the meantime, the Saints and the Eagles have rolled off three straight wins to solidify spots in the Eight.

Here is the ladder as it now stands:

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Footy Tipping Contest

Both Rounds wreaked havoc on all our picks.  As it is, we were all kinda in the same boat, so the standings are not too much different.  Here is where we stand after Round 8:

The big difference is that Spanky and I have passed BFC and WhyEaglesWhy in the standings.  As you can see, though, it is super tight and the top three have a healthy margin. Overall, though, all it takes is to forget to put tips in one week and you could fall down the ladder.  Therefore, DON’T FORGET TO PUT THE FOOTY TIP IN!

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Round Nine

Here are the games this week:

Friday, May 19, 2017

2:50 AM – Geelong Cats v Western Bulldogs at Simonds Stadium

It’s about friggen’ time that the Cats had a real home game!  This is the first game this season at Simonds Stadium.  I really hope the Cats decide to put their tackling shoes on else the Doggies will run a train on them.

8:45 PM – St. Kilda Saints v Sydney Swans at Etihad Stadium

Two teams on winning streaks meet in Melbourne.  This is another one of those games where we decide if the Saints are for real or not.  Ideally, they should be able to squash the Swans’ hopes for a successful season, but….

11:35 PM – GWS Giants v Richmond Tigers at Spotless Stadium

The reeling Tigers visit the Giants to try to stay in the Eight.  It will be a tough task as the Giants rebounded in Round 8 from their surprising Round 7 loss.

Saturday, May 20, 2017

2:25 AM – Brisbane Lions v Adelaide Crows at the Gabba

This is one of those games where hokey journalists say that if Team A loses, they will walk back to their home town.  I am neither hokey nor a journalist but I am an idiot, so I will not make any further comment on this game.  But yeah, the Crows should win.

2:25 AM – Collingwood Magpies v Hawthorn Hawks at the MCG

Hawthorn seems to have revived their season.  The Pies have played teams close, but have lost those games. I’m thinking another close game and another close loss for the Pies, but you never know…

8:10 PM – Essendon Bombers v West Coast Eagles at the Etihad

West Coast doesn’t like to play outside of Perth.  They play badly in Melbourne. They play horribly at the MCG.  Luckily for them, the game is at the Etihad against the young Bombers.  This should be close.

10:20 PM – Melbourne Demons v North Melbourne Kangaroos at the MCG

This shapes up as an interesting game as both of these teams are capable of winning and losing to any team.  This one is really a coin-toss.

11:40 PM – Fremantle Dockers v Carlton Blues at Domain Stadium

The Dockers have rebounded from a rough start to knock on the door of the Eight.  Depending on other results, they may get in after Round 9.

You may notice that there is one less game this week.  That’s because the Port Adelaide Power and the Gold Coast Suns played their game in China and the AFL gave them the week off to recover and get used to breathing normal air again.

/DFO gets hacked by Chinese hackers

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That’s all for this week.  Next week, the AFL Beat will take over the slot (hehe) formerly occupied by In Search of a Goddess.  So, later in the morning and with less sex.  MAYBE.

Have a great week, everyone!

MONDAY MORNING UPDATE!

Here are the updated versions of the charts tracking positions.  Now that I think about it, I don’t need to post both because Round 8 includes Round 7.  Anyway, here they are:

NOW you can have a good week! 🙂