Graduations! Inorite? Last Monday was miss T’s turn. (?! ) But really: graduation ceremonies are a total drag.

There’s no drama; everyone knows who’s getting what award. It’s barely a glorified roll call, with photo ops and speakers. I’ve attended around 20, and the speeches are the same: what a journey, hard work, you made it, time flies, growth, and hortative stuff about challenges, goals, and dreams. And, if it’s from a Puerto Rico public school, plenty of God this and Jesus that. Whatever; I’m a Live and Let Live atheist. But I will never, ever, EVER let pass a chance to sit down ceremoniously upon hearing “Remain standing for the Invocation”, then locking any judgmento’s eyes with my “Da hell you lookin’ at” upwards stare followed by the “Scripture’s thata way, nosey” head jerk. Truly I say unto you: being a self-righteous prick is more enjoyable than being a Constitutional blowhard.

Turning to pressing matters, the Opening Kickoff is 99 days away: celebrate accordingly. Me? I’ll keep on stewing about scenarios in which the Titans’ offensive line regresses despite keeping the same personnel and coaches. Hey, if it’s possible and bad, I guarantee you it’s in my head.

Onto NFL news,

Ugh. Here we go.

Pittsburgh is agog over T.J. Watt doing stuff. Related: I’m glad for not having used my personal or the office’s data for checking this sorry piece of non-news.

Onto list-based claptrap, 99 people who will shape the NFL season, per the World Wide Layoffers. It has tiers, some boilerplate (“Defensive MVP race”, “Hot-seat watch”), some portentous (“Culture-changers”, “Off-field game-changers”). [Reads back.] OK, that was just me taking potshots. The piece does have some not-obvious substance, and mentions persons of import who haven’t been moving the proverbial needle lately, like Aaron Donald (27) and Eugene Monroe (36). Other notables include Cardinals QB coach Byron Leftwich (96), Kaep (68), Tom Coughlin ([6]9), and Dan Quinn (28:3). Unknown prospect J.J. Watt is #1, and there is no “Ass kissers” tier #SavedYouAClick.

ESPN fired John Clayton, per USA Today.  The article includes a video: “Disney CEO Bob Iger explains why people may be overreacting to the recent layoff’s [SIC!!11!] within ESPN.” Ah yes, the “overreaction” card, arrow #2 in the condescenders’ quiver, after “You don’t have all and / or good information”. I like Clayton, but cannot remember the last time I saw his work. (It may have just been on a split screen trying to argue a point over a meathead+ Trent Dilfer around 2010.) Games, NFL Matchup, Bob Ley, NFL Live, and a select few 30 for 30s (the outstanding Randy Moss, Bad Boy Pistons, and Ricky Williams ones): the rest of ESPN, blech.

David Carr “sets a deadline for contract negotiations” with the Raiders. Start of training camp? That’s the, uh… Assumption; he ain’t saying. Carr’s in the last year of his rookie contract and is set to make a bit less than a mill–YAAAAWWWWWWN. He’s been in OTAs despite being victim #2 in last year’s Christmas Eve Tibia Massacre. (Marcus Mariota was #1; he has also been in OTAs.) Raiders @ Titans on the Week 1 early Sunday slate / trough. NFL schedule makers: still a bunch of welebichos.

The Jets’ Christian Hackenberg is “showing signs of progress“. Also showing signs of progress, all working clocks.

There’s an ambitious but concise piece on Fox Sports that ranks the importance of NFL positions, from long snapper to QB. Well, if you can get past the NO ONE DENIES THIS opening line: “Football is the ultimate team sport.” Man I really hope that was the editor’s punch up, because otherwise it’s a fine primer. Also enticing: it’s not a slide show.

Matt Cassel will miss six weeks (thumb). If I had my way, Matt Cassel will miss the Titans’ season (sucks).

Mark Sanchez is out (knee) until training camp. Temper your Sanchize expectations, Bears fans, whichever way they may slant.

One novel thing about my daughter’s graduation was that they opened the mike to guests, in a “or forever hold your peace” kinda way. Being fairly peaceful and wanting the thing to end, I stayed in my seat. BUT, if I’d gone up there, I would’ve been brief and kept the focus on the students. (Pro tip: unless you are a renowned captain of industry or thought, public speaking opportunities are seldom “Let’s make it about me” affairs.) This is what I would’ve done.

I’d celebrate the students’ achievements. (Graduating high school may not be momentous in the grand scheme of life stuff, but forced schooling has been most of the young ‘uns life up to this point.) More importantly, I’d be truthful and denounce the snowflake, participation trophy, and millenial stuff for what it is: total bullshit. (So some post multiple selfies daily on dozens of platforms—gimme a break! Being self-absorbed is the very essence of youth.) Shitting on those below your age cohort is trite, anachronistic, and stereotyping. To paraphrase a popular sign on establishments here: “Kids don’t bother; the custodians who don’t pay attention to them are bothersome”.

I’d encourage the graduates to strive for uniqueness and cultivate their individuality; popularity out of conformism is the fleetest of thrills. To the prize getters: brace for even more undeserved scorn from peers and superiors, in college and work. We adults are equally prone to infantile pettiness and throwing-under-the-bus machinations. To those that only get a diploma:  congratulations. Celebrate your present achievements, but always look forward. Dwelling on past failures is for old, tired, and washed-up losers. And to all: be productive; provide for your loved ones; and take pleasure in being independent, generous, and understanding. That way, you will never need acknowledgement to be happy.

What I would not mention are the dire local prospects—educational, economic, social, and political. That hat in the banner with the “Goodbye High [school,] Hello Avon” pretty much sums it up: higher education is not worth much for getting a job here, and it will get worse. But I digress; point is: let the graduates have their day. They have a lifetime ahead to strive and fret and self-doubt and fight and fall down and get up and repeat. Besides, let me clarify: developing an entrepreneurial mindset (with Avon or otherwise), may be the best bet for all Puerto Ricans anyway, especially the tech-savvy young.

On tap for tonight, Game 2 of the Stanley Cup Finals! I’ve been keeping up with Smashville’s exploits, as Predator love on Titans Twitter and [DFO] hate for Sidney Crosby has provided a pleasant echo chamber. Game is at 8:00 PM on NBCSN and CBC. Go Preds exclamation point.

Major League Dirt Loitering – Lotta games

Onto the NB—whaaaaat? You mean to tell me that the NBA Finals start A WEEK after the last conference semis game? God I used to love the NBA, now I can’t stand it. I watched most of a Thunder @ Warriors game some months back and felt like I was aging a year per every “that’s three steps”, “isolation play”, “no boxing out”, “was that a fourth step?”, “does anybody play D?”… By the fourth quarter, I was tweeting on parchment and quill.

Finally, a word on Beerguyrob: I am glad you are well and recuperating nicely. Best wishes, you Monster of Nature.

Images via my phone and pond5.com.