Your “What Does A Male Cow Excrete?” Thursday Evening Open Thread

NFL News:

• The internets are alive with football’s ‘finest’ spreading it pretty thick today:
  • Mike Florio today suggests the Seahawks will trade Russell Wilson after the 2021 season.
    • Because the cap hit drops from $32 million to $13 million.
    • And because his salary demands will top $40 million per season, which is equivalent to converting 38 lacrosse players into offensive linemen.
  • Joe Buck admits FOX will likely use fake crowd noise during broadcasts to make the action seem more exciting.
    • I’m sure the Falcons still have the CD they were using two years ago.
      • If not, I’m sure Vince McMahon can loan them whatever they use to make Roman Reigns sound popular.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wu6dQ6NGuKE

• The Packers sent a letter to all their “shareholders”, informing them of the reserves they are using to supplement the team during the shutdown.
  • In it, they say they have a $385 million reserve fund to draw from until they can begin collecting revenue again.
    • One expense was sending Packers face masks to all registered season-ticket holders.
  • As for visiting Lambeau Field or the annual general meeting, Murphy states that, “under Badger Bounce Back, Wisconsin’s plan to safely reopen the state, we need to reach Phase Three of necessary criteria before we can have a gathering of more than 50 people.”
    • So expect white guys with guns trying to worship at the altar of Bart Starr sometime after Memorial Day.

• Eric Dickerson hates the new jerseys.
  • Which is what you want to hear from the Rams’ vice president of business development.
    • He said the horns on the helmet look like “two bananas” and that the changes make the team look “soft.”
      • “The helmet and the logo, they both suck,” he said.

Finally, Deebo may have brought Bountygate (ugh) back to life.

• He was on Barstool’s podcast (UGH!) & said that after he hit Browns wide receiver Mohamed Massaquoi in 2010, Tomlin gave him an envelope after the game:
  • “I ain’t gonna lie to you, when that happened, right?” Harrison said. “The G-est thing Mike Tomlin ever did, he handed me an envelope after that. . . . I ain’t gonna say what, but he handed me an envelope after that.”
• Plus, he’s still sore about what he considered then, and considers now, a legal hit:
  • “Listen, on everything I love, on my Daddy’s grave, I hit that man with about 50% of what I had, and I just hit him because I wanted him to let loose of the ball,” Harrison said on the podcast. “If I had knew they was gonna fine me $75,000, I would have tried to kill him.”
• If you hate yourself, you can read PFT’s comments, or go on Twitter & read every Masshole’s opinion on the topic.
  • But by bringing it up, it’s going to force the league to look into it, which is something they don’t want floating around while they are restarting the season.

Today’s good internet dog is this Celtic fan’s White German Shepherd, & they both clearly hate Rangers.

🤣🤣🤣 Good Dog pic.twitter.com/ieha0595K0

— Robert Paterson⭐ (@madbhoab) May 14, 2020

Oh sure, that’s fine & dandy like sour candy, but what’s his reaction to Celtic taking a piss every Europa season?

Tonight’s … entertainment?:

• Top Chef – 10:00PM | BRAVO / Food Network Canada
  • The chefs head to the mountains, a few hours outside of Los Angeles to go to Summer Camp where they are challenged to an outdoor grilling Quickfire for Padma and “Top Chef” Kentucky winner Kelsey Barnard Clark.
  • Before the sun rises, the chefs get to work on an upscale brunch buffet for 200 moms vacationing at the camp using a very limited stock pantry.

We might finally be running out of new shows to watch. Dear. God.