Hooray, it’s finally here, the inevitable third installment of the trilogy that we didn’t necessarily need! You know, like Godfather Part III, Shrek the Third, Matrix: Revolutions, and Spider-Man 3. (As opposed to Return of the King or surprisingly Toy Story 3. Don’t get me started on Toy Story 3, man! My emotions. MY EMOTIONS!)
The NBA playoffs have been about as interesting to watch as paint drying (or most Thursday Night Football games) and the Finals matchup of the Cavs and Warriors has been a near-certainty since, well, if not since Tim Duncan retired, then definitely when Kevin Durant signed with Golden State, leading fans of Oklahoma City to listen to the works of Lil B. (This is a real song. No, if I were you I would not play it at your workplace.)
(Gotta love how he rhymes “Dirk Nowitski” with “Dirk Nowitski.”)
But anyway, this matchup needs to be the greatest NBA Finals of all time in order to live up to the shitshow that the first three rounds were. Even the “good” matchups were tainted! Houston-OKC was Russell Westbrook vs. the entire Houston Rockets, whether he or Harden was winning MVP didn’t matter. Clippers-Jazz was good but didn’t Griffin get hurt? I don’t even remember at this point. The conference finals were a dud, considering the Warriors were always one or three steps ahead of the Spurs, especially after injuries mounted for San Antonio. And I’m still not sure how the Celtics took a game in Cleveland considering the other four games were “Okay, let’s keep it close, keep it under forty.” Forty. That’s as many as four tens. And that’s terrible.
Okay, that was only Games 1 and 5, but still! You’d expect more from the best record in the conference!
So yeah, you’ve got LeBron with Pepsi commercial extraordinaire Kyrie Irving (hey, I like Uncle Drew) and occasional afterthought Kevin Love against the Voltron that is the Warriors (Klay and Durant are the arms; Draymond Green and Zaza Pachulia are the legs kicking away, yes literally; Curry’s the head). Who wins? I don’t know, the real question is do we care? (I guess if you had to put a—hey where’d you get that gun to put against my head? Fine, fine, uh… Warriors in 7? Steph’s healthy, Durant is better than Harrison Barnes, Draymond Green’s probably not going to do as much stupid shit and get himself suspended, and revenge factorq.) Either way barring Game 7 going into at least quadruple overtime and/or the winning team pulling off Mortal Kombat fatalities, nobody’s going to give a rat’s ass about this series until twenty years from now or so when everyone goes “yeah I guess it was cool seeing all those stars playing for the championship.” And it would be, if only it hadn’t been pre-destined since fucking July!
Okay, Senor, calm down, deep breaths, even if there was any drama in the NBA this year it wouldn’t change how much your Knicks suck. Moving on!
NFL News:
First off, 98 days until football. That’s 14 weeks. That’s not terrible. And I don’t see a dumb listicle. So that’s downright pretty good!
NFLPA and player reps turn over Ezekiel Elliott’s phone records to the NFL regarding their investigations on whether he assaulted his girlfriend at the time. Elliott wasn’t charged by the Columbus City Attorney’s Office but is of course subject to the NFL’s conduct policy.
Jets trade former first-round pick S Calvin Pryor to the Browns in exchange for Demario Davis. Davis signed with the Browns as a free agent last year after starting every game for the Jets the three years prior.
Colts sign Christine Michael.
Falcons first-round pick Takkarist McKinley is very happy about Atlanta’s first check clearing. Way to get that direct deposit, Takk!
-Can we make a note of the last line of this article? “Now Myrtle [Collins, McKinley’s grandmother who raised him and who he made his emotional speech about on draft night]’s boy is a millionaire professional athlete. I’m sure she’s dancing, too.” Um, he talked about her that night because she passed away before she could see him become a D-I college star and get drafted in the NFL, Dan Hanzus.
Other Sports News:
White Sox announcer Ken “Hawk” Harrelson will retire at the end of the 2018 season. Or as he’d put it, “He gone!”
-Thank goodness. As far as annoying homers go he was pretty high up there on the list, and I’m guessing even a decent number of White Sox fans didn’t want to deal with him considering “Heave the Hawk” was one of the first hits on the Googles. Sorry, the first hit (apart from the news articles of course).
Mr. Met got in trouble for giving fans the finger at Citi Field last night. I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say that’s no way for a mascot to act and also BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA.
What’s on tonight?
NBA Finals:
Game 1, CLE vs. GSW, 9:00 E, ABC
MLB:
NYY at TOR, 7:00 E, MLBN, SNET-1 (Canada)
BOS at BAL, 7:00 E, MLBN
tWBS will be here tomorrow for TGISF. Hopefully the theme won’t be dolls but I can promise nothing.
CHECK IT!
Image of the West 4th Street Courts courtesy of Wikipedia. I thought I had a pic in my phone but I was apparently mistaken.
Something so thoroughly useless and yet such quintessentially American bullshit.
Listening to this broke me.
https://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/589/tell-me-im-fat
http://68.media.tumblr.com/056ba78fa2e1b818c06d18fb57bd31ed/tumblr_nqiej9OYyA1qh9nffo1_r1_400.gif
I need to kill this daily routine of looking at hot women because it’s killing my soul and it’s just become boring and sad.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/2ab5b38d72ca910de091ed86ea721774/tumblr_nmjy1lazCc1qh9nffo1_400.gif
I have quickly come to the realization that this summer will be a lot more boring than last, for all it entailed.
The apocalypse will be boring?
It probably will be. We’re just dumb enough to not realize it’s actually happening, before it’s too late.
But it will come, because everyone is expecting it now. God can’t deny His audience what it most desires.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sn-Bstoxdl4&ab_channel=FrankReynolds%28BestofItsAlwaysSunnyinPhiladelphia%29
That’s painful to watch.
Rohan, no!
Where there’s a spelling bee, there’s mountains of blow:
Okay. This is nuts.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yTOCAd2QhGg
Because now it’s pykrete time, Mythbusters.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMKis4FPykw
And then they made a boat.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHufDv6obrU
I’d never have been able to keep a straight face long enough to spell this one…..
Neither could he.
Sorry, sorry, I’m trying to delete this.
Does anyone else remember the Frotcast with guest Pam Benjamin where she discussed being part of a clown orgy?
Well Ted is a dipshit.
OOK OOK
In the end, Rohan needed help from his brother Gondor but the call never came.
Shit, how am I going to top that one in terms of nerdiness?
This is banner material Sir.
I don’t think that is from Spider-Man.
Goddamn it, Frank Miller.
So the afterparty must be a whos-who in the spelling industry. People mingling about enjoying their tepid water with bread for dipping.
Joe Flacco thinks that’s a wonderful evening, but it’s late and he needs his rest.
When do they execute Rohan?
Tut-tut. No execution. Seppuku.
I stand corrected. The only appropriate end for a true spelling warrior.
“How do you feel?”
“Shit, I’m tired, Michelle. I need a sandwich and a nap.”
Still not the creampie I was hoping for.
She looked absolutely terrified when the confetti went off.
Random loud noises are pretty terrifying.
WHAT!?
http://thefw.com/files/2013/05/Spelling-Bee-Loser.gif
That looks like the worst remake of ‘Carrie’ ever.
Hehe…proud moms ftw.
It also could have been her father running up the stage, both are equally likely.
If she misspells this then and only then will Rohan know that her love is true.
If that were real, it would be more tragic than Hemingway’s baby shoes.
Her dad is way too invested in this.
You mean you don’t do the hand things?
Never. I just yelled “catch the fucking ball you fucking Mongoloid!!!” during baseball games.
Didn’t even have a kid on the team.
That’s true passion for The Game.
Poulaine? That’s like when you get a routine grounder at baseball camp playing Golden Glove and they say “Too easy, have another one.” Also that is a candidate for the cheesiest thing I have said on this site.
I thought that was that Canadian dish with the fries and gravy and cheese.
http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/canadian-former-nurse-pleads-guilty-to-8-murder-charges/ar-BBBMvWl?OCID=ansmsnnews11
Eight. EIGHT! That’s some damn good hustle, lady.
To be fair, the ones who died were old as shit. Trying to kill the 57-year-old was a dick move and I hope they bury her under the prison.
OK, too soon for this joke too.
Robin; the Boy Wondertoe.
Is it sad that I kind of want to see this now?
Well, I would want to buy two copies in case something happened to the first one…… so no.
No. I want to now.
The New York Times review completely sold me on seeing it.
The woman behind the moderator’s left shoulder isn’t even bothering to hide her disappointment in her loser kid over there on the bench.
Gonna be an awkward ride home for that family.
Who beats whom harder? Her beating the kid, or her husband beating her?
Ole Rohan looks like he has somewhere to be amd this is boring him
Life is boring him. He’s going to die from autoerotic asphyxiation at 13, if he’s lucky.
Wasnt aware he was an aficionado of iNXS.
And Kung-Fu
3 straight years we’ve had co-champs! What do you think of that?
B-O-R-I-N-G.
Fight to the death!
Apparently they said it goes to a test they’ve already taken. Hell if I know what that means. And you know that fight to the death would be the most boring deathmatch in history. Or even prehistory.
(SOCIAL) CRIPPLE FIGHT!
“Are there any alternate pronunciations?”
“It’s Welsh kid; there are no correct pronunciations.”
“Your word is ‘outside'”
“I’m sorry, what?”
This gonna be another goddamn tie.
YOU get a dictionary and YOU get a dictionary and YOU…get the idea.
Should’ve taken the mystery box instead.
I know pykrete thanks to Mythbusters! And my spellcheck says it’s wrong, so fuck you spellcheck!
More DaDDario.
Yeah, Eva Mendes is hot as fuck.
Unfortunately so is Ryan Gosling.
I got ice cream last night, and I should get some again because I’m weak.
/Obligatory
http://37.media.tumblr.com/c470dd3981ca174c0579815d5fa96d3d/tumblr_n3hl8fojRr1somw7ho3_1280.png
“These kids aren’t competing against each other, they’re competing against a dictionary.”
No. No, they are very much competing against each other.
For a hot plate!
Winner gets 15 minutes of non-educational TV!
Making the losers sit there and watch until a winner is crowned is unnecessarily cruel and I love it so.
We’re down to the final two!?
MotherFUCKER!
I care so little about the NBA that I am watching the Yankees post-game show instead.
Also drinking beer. Sierra Nevada does a ‘Beer Camp’ thing where they partner with a bunch of lesser known breweries and put out a one-time only collaboration. This year one of the breweries they partnered with was Treehouse so I bought a 12 pack. Of course there are 11 other collaborations in the 12 pack so I did what any rational person would do and closed my eyes, spun the carton a few times and then reached in and grabbed one.
St. Arnold’s Weisse. I do not like it. At all.
But this 12-pack was $30 so I am by God going to drink it.
Holy shit. TONIGHT’S THE SPELLING BEE AND NOBODY TOLD ME?
Yeah how are we not live-blogging that?
And with that, I guess we are.
Can I hijack my own thread and make this a spelling bee thread? Especially considering there’s only 2 of them left?
Go for it.
Duznt it go fer liek a cuple dayz er sooo?
“Shooter” Update:
Mr. “Morally Upright” Shooter Guy is going to bang the fuck out of his dead partner’s girlfriend.
“That’s just the way it goes, fucko. Maybe you shouldn’t have gotten killed on my watch. You didn’t think about that, did you?”
What a twist.
“Shooter” Update-
An obviously corrupt politician gets his deserved comeuppance.
/[realizes why he likes the movie so much]
Politicians aren’t corrupt, they represent the people.
http://a.abcnews.com/images/Video/AP_Dennis_Hastert_ml_150605_16x9_992.jpg
Not the creampie I was hoping for.
I need to exercise more.