“About Time Already”: Your Thursday Evening NBA Finals Open Thread

Hooray, it’s finally here, the inevitable third installment of the trilogy that we didn’t necessarily need! You know, like Godfather Part III, Shrek the Third, Matrix: Revolutions, and Spider-Man 3. (As opposed to Return of the King or surprisingly Toy Story 3. Don’t get me started on Toy Story 3, man! My emotions. MY EMOTIONS!)

The NBA playoffs have been about as interesting to watch as paint drying (or most Thursday Night Football games) and the Finals matchup of the Cavs and Warriors has been a near-certainty since, well, if not since Tim Duncan retired, then definitely when Kevin Durant signed with Golden State, leading fans of Oklahoma City to listen to the works of Lil B. (This is a real song. No, if I were you I would not play it at your workplace.)

(Gotta love how he rhymes “Dirk Nowitski” with “Dirk Nowitski.”)

But anyway, this matchup needs to be the greatest NBA Finals of all time in order to live up to the shitshow that the first three rounds were. Even the “good” matchups were tainted! Houston-OKC was Russell Westbrook vs. the entire Houston Rockets, whether he or Harden was winning MVP didn’t matter. Clippers-Jazz was good but didn’t Griffin get hurt? I don’t even remember at this point. The conference finals were a dud, considering the Warriors were always one or three steps ahead of the Spurs, especially after injuries mounted for San Antonio. And I’m still not sure how the Celtics took a game in Cleveland considering the other four games were “Okay, let’s keep it close, keep it under forty.” Forty. That’s as many as four tens. And that’s terrible.

Okay, that was only Games 1 and 5, but still! You’d expect more from the best record in the conference!

So yeah, you’ve got LeBron with Pepsi commercial extraordinaire Kyrie Irving (hey, I like Uncle Drew) and occasional afterthought Kevin Love against the Voltron that is the Warriors (Klay and Durant are the arms; Draymond Green and Zaza Pachulia are the legs kicking away, yes literally; Curry’s the head). Who wins? I don’t know, the real question is do we care? (I guess if you had to put a—hey where’d you get that gun to put against my head? Fine, fine, uh… Warriors in 7? Steph’s healthy, Durant is better than Harrison Barnes, Draymond Green’s probably not going to do as much stupid shit and get himself suspended, and revenge factorq.) Either way barring Game 7 going into at least quadruple overtime and/or the winning team pulling off Mortal Kombat fatalities, nobody’s going to give a rat’s ass about this series until twenty years from now or so when everyone goes “yeah I guess it was cool seeing all those stars playing for the championship.” And it would be, if only it hadn’t been pre-destined since fucking July!

Okay, Senor, calm down, deep breaths, even if there was any drama in the NBA this year it wouldn’t change how much your Knicks suck. Moving on!


NFL News:
First off, 98 days until football. That’s 14 weeks. That’s not terrible. And I don’t see a dumb listicle. So that’s downright pretty good!

NFLPA and player reps turn over Ezekiel Elliott’s phone records to the NFL regarding their investigations on whether he assaulted his girlfriend at the time. Elliott wasn’t charged by the Columbus City Attorney’s Office but is of course subject to the NFL’s conduct policy.

Jets trade former first-round pick S Calvin Pryor to the Browns in exchange for Demario Davis. Davis signed with the Browns as a free agent last year after starting every game for the Jets the three years prior.

Colts sign Christine Michael.

Falcons first-round pick Takkarist McKinley is very happy about Atlanta’s first check clearing. Way to get that direct deposit, Takk!
-Can we make a note of the last line of this article? “Now Myrtle [Collins, McKinley’s grandmother who raised him and who he made his emotional speech about on draft night]’s boy is a millionaire professional athlete. I’m sure she’s dancing, too.” Um, he talked about her that night because she passed away before she could see him become a D-I college star and get drafted in the NFL, Dan Hanzus.

Other Sports News:
White Sox announcer Ken “Hawk” Harrelson will retire at the end of the 2018 season. Or as he’d put it, “He gone!”
-Thank goodness. As far as annoying homers go he was pretty high up there on the list, and I’m guessing even a decent number of White Sox fans didn’t want to deal with him considering “Heave the Hawk” was one of the first hits on the Googles. Sorry, the first hit (apart from the news articles of course).

Mr. Met got in trouble for giving fans the finger at Citi Field last night. I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say that’s no way for a mascot to act and also BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA.


What’s on tonight?

NBA Finals:
Game 1, CLE vs. GSW, 9:00 E, ABC

MLB:
NYY at TOR, 7:00 E, MLBN, SNET-1 (Canada)
BOS at BAL, 7:00 E, MLBN

tWBS will be here tomorrow for TGISF. Hopefully the theme won’t be dolls but I can promise nothing.

CHECK IT!

Image of the West 4th Street Courts courtesy of Wikipedia. I thought I had a pic in my phone but I was apparently mistaken.

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Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn't doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn't happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.
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Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

NFL’s conduct policy

Something so thoroughly useless and yet such quintessentially American bullshit.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I need to kill this daily routine of looking at hot women because it’s killing my soul and it’s just become boring and sad.

http://68.media.tumblr.com/2ab5b38d72ca910de091ed86ea721774/tumblr_nmjy1lazCc1qh9nffo1_400.gif

Unsurprised

The apocalypse will be boring?

WCS

It probably will be. We’re just dumb enough to not realize it’s actually happening, before it’s too late.

Unsurprised

But it will come, because everyone is expecting it now. God can’t deny His audience what it most desires.

Unsurprised

That’s painful to watch.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Rohan, no!

Unsurprised

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

Where there’s a spelling bee, there’s mountains of blow:
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
theeWeeBabySeamus

I’d never have been able to keep a straight face long enough to spell this one…..
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Horatio Cornblower

Neither could he.

Sorry, sorry, I’m trying to delete this.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Does anyone else remember the Frotcast with guest Pam Benjamin where she discussed being part of a clown orgy?

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Well Ted is a dipshit.

Unsurprised

OOK OOK

Horatio Cornblower

This is banner material Sir.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I don’t think that is from Spider-Man.
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Unsurprised

Goddamn it, Frank Miller.

litre_cola

So the afterparty must be a whos-who in the spelling industry. People mingling about enjoying their tepid water with bread for dipping.

Horatio Cornblower

When do they execute Rohan?

Unsurprised

Tut-tut. No execution. Seppuku.

Horatio Cornblower

I stand corrected. The only appropriate end for a true spelling warrior.

Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised

Still not the creampie I was hoping for.

Horatio Cornblower

She looked absolutely terrified when the confetti went off.

Horatio Cornblower

WHAT!?

Horatio Cornblower

That looks like the worst remake of ‘Carrie’ ever.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehe…proud moms ftw.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

If she misspells this then and only then will Rohan know that her love is true.

Unsurprised

If that were real, it would be more tragic than Hemingway’s baby shoes.

Horatio Cornblower

Her dad is way too invested in this.

Horatio Cornblower

Never. I just yelled “catch the fucking ball you fucking Mongoloid!!!” during baseball games.

Didn’t even have a kid on the team.

Unsurprised

That’s true passion for The Game.

Horatio Cornblower

I thought that was that Canadian dish with the fries and gravy and cheese.

Unsurprised

Eight. EIGHT! That’s some damn good hustle, lady.

To be fair, the ones who died were old as shit. Trying to kill the 57-year-old was a dick move and I hope they bury her under the prison.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK, too soon for this joke too.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Robin; the Boy Wondertoe.

Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

Is it sad that I kind of want to see this now?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, I would want to buy two copies in case something happened to the first one…… so no.

Unsurprised

No. I want to now.

blackroseMD1

The New York Times review completely sold me on seeing it.

Horatio Cornblower

The woman behind the moderator’s left shoulder isn’t even bothering to hide her disappointment in her loser kid over there on the bench.

Gonna be an awkward ride home for that family.

Unsurprised

Who beats whom harder? Her beating the kid, or her husband beating her?

litre_cola

Ole Rohan looks like he has somewhere to be amd this is boring him

Unsurprised

Life is boring him. He’s going to die from autoerotic asphyxiation at 13, if he’s lucky.

litre_cola

Wasnt aware he was an aficionado of iNXS.

Unsurprised

And Kung-Fu

Horatio Cornblower

3 straight years we’ve had co-champs! What do you think of that?

B-O-R-I-N-G.

Fight to the death!

Unsurprised

(SOCIAL) CRIPPLE FIGHT!

Horatio Cornblower

“Are there any alternate pronunciations?”

“It’s Welsh kid; there are no correct pronunciations.”

Horatio Cornblower

“Your word is ‘outside'”

“I’m sorry, what?”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Horatio Cornblower

This gonna be another goddamn tie.

YOU get a dictionary and YOU get a dictionary and YOU…get the idea.

The Maestro

Should’ve taken the mystery box instead.

Unsurprised

More DaDDario.

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Unsurprised

Yeah, Eva Mendes is hot as fuck.

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Horatio Cornblower

Unfortunately so is Ryan Gosling.

Unsurprised

I got ice cream last night, and I should get some again because I’m weak.

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Horatio Cornblower

“These kids aren’t competing against each other, they’re competing against a dictionary.”

No. No, they are very much competing against each other.

Unsurprised

For a hot plate!

Horatio Cornblower

Winner gets 15 minutes of non-educational TV!

Horatio Cornblower

Making the losers sit there and watch until a winner is crowned is unnecessarily cruel and I love it so.

Horatio Cornblower

We’re down to the final two!?

MotherFUCKER!

Horatio Cornblower

I care so little about the NBA that I am watching the Yankees post-game show instead.

Also drinking beer. Sierra Nevada does a ‘Beer Camp’ thing where they partner with a bunch of lesser known breweries and put out a one-time only collaboration. This year one of the breweries they partnered with was Treehouse so I bought a 12 pack. Of course there are 11 other collaborations in the 12 pack so I did what any rational person would do and closed my eyes, spun the carton a few times and then reached in and grabbed one.

St. Arnold’s Weisse. I do not like it. At all.

But this 12-pack was $30 so I am by God going to drink it.

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah how are we not live-blogging that?

And with that, I guess we are.

Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

Go for it.

litre_cola

Duznt it go fer liek a cuple dayz er sooo?

scotchnaut

“Shooter” Update:

Mr. “Morally Upright” Shooter Guy is going to bang the fuck out of his dead partner’s girlfriend.

“That’s just the way it goes, fucko. Maybe you shouldn’t have gotten killed on my watch. You didn’t think about that, did you?”

Unsurprised

What a twist.

scotchnaut

“Shooter” Update-

An obviously corrupt politician gets his deserved comeuppance.

/[realizes why he likes the movie so much]

litre_cola

Politicians aren’t corrupt, they represent the people.

Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised

Not the creampie I was hoping for.

Unsurprised

I need to exercise more.

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