The scene: The Godverse. It is the dimension where ancient gods and elemental forces, from those revered in myth and song to the many forgotten by time and history, reside. Ancient deities like Og, prehistoric god of the cave, hangs out here. He owns a condo next to Pok, ancient god of sour grape drink and morning headaches. It is also home to Bruce the Shark-Headed God, who some centuries ago dated Lilith the ancient vampire. Since then he’s hung out at his mansion, which has a really cool swimming pool. Bruce has a bit of a gambling problem, which is why he is even now standing near his really cool pool and arguing with Mars, Roman god of war, over monies owed…

Bruce: Look, I keep telling you… I have the money! It’s just not, y’know, on me right now!

Mars: You shudda thunk o’ that before ya made those bets, Brucie.

Bruce: It’s Bruce. And you know I’m good for it! Look, tell your father…

Mars: Jupiter ain’t in the mood fer no more excuses, Brucie. He just wants his money.

Bruce: Look, I…

Both gods look around at the sound of a loud voice getting closer.

Mars: What the Hades?

Bruce (shrugging): You got me! Chak-tu lives down the hill. Maybe he’s having one of his cannibal parties again.

The sound gets closer. Its getting very loud now.

Mars: Nah, there’d be more screamin’ if it was from Chak-tu’s place. And speakin’ of screaming…

Bruce: Hey, hey! No need for violence! I’m sure we can work this ou-

Suddenly a yuuuge purple man falls out of the sky onto Mars. The Roman god crashes into an unconscious heap. The purple man shrinks down to his normal size and hue again, leaving an unconscious JJ Fozz lying on top of Mars.

Bruce: Huh. Well that’s just…

Bruce’s thoughts are interrupted by a high-pitched squeal.

Bruce: That sounds like the time my Cuisinart jammed.

Bruce looks up, just in time to see Man in Plaid #2’s head come flying down out of the sky. Horatio Cornblower is clinging to him with both tiny hands. The pair miss Bruce by inches and splash down into his pool. The water ripples and then Horatio Cornblower breaks the surface, treading water with his tiny arms.

Horatio Cornblower (to Bruce): Excuse me… Do you mind giving my friend a hand? Turns out he’s not very buoyant.

Bruce: Uh, sure. Let me just grab my swimming trunks.

Horatio Cornblower: Appreciate it. Hey, is that Fozz…?

Cut to: The beachside cove on the Island of Doktor Zymm! Jerry and BFC, still clinging to the bale of marijuana, are being pushed into the cove by Marc Trestmans Windowless Van’s great white shark.

BFC: And who played Quint?

Jerry: Robert Shaw. Look, I told you, it was a joke! I’ve seen Jaws a bunch of times.

BFC: Uh-huh. And what happened to Hooper?

Jerry (sighing): In the movie he lived. In the book the shark ate him.

BFC: Wait, really? I didn’t know that…

Jerry: He also had an affair with Mrs. Brody.

BFC: Ack! Spoilers!

Jerry: For a forty-five year-old book? Anyway, are you satisfied now?

BFC: OK, but why did you say you hadn’t seen it?

Jerry: I was being ironic.

BFC: Ironic?

Jerry: Sure. I figured if the shark ate me, it’d be funny if my tombstone said, “Eaten by a shark. He never even saw Jaws.”

BFC: Uh-huh. And who was going to get that inscribed on your tombstone?

Jerry: Well, I figured you would.

BFC: Was that after the shark ate me, too?

Jerry: No way, man! See, I was gonna curl up into a big ball when Sharky ate me. That way I’d get caught in his throat so he couldn’t eat you.

Sharky: Rarr?

Jerry (patting Sharky on the side): Well that was before we knew you!

BFC: So all this went through your head…irony, your tombstone, choking a great white…all while Sharky was bearing down on us?

Jerry: Yeah. I know I kinda screwed up our vacation, so I wanted to make it up to you.

BFC: I gotta say, no one ever tried to choke a shark for me before.

The trio float into the cove. As they get close to the shore Sharky gives the marijuana bale a push, sending BFC and Jerry up to the beach. Jerry rolls up a wad of marijuana the size of a basketball and tosses it out to Sharky. The great white leaps up out of the water and happily catches it.

Jerry: Good boy! That’s a good boy, Sharky!

BFC: So we were saved from drowning in the Pacific by a great white shark. That’s going in the memoirs.

BFC spots Don Po sleeping on the beach. Bun-bun is sprawled on top of him.

BFC (tapping Don Po): Buddy…hey, wake up.

Don Po (groggily): Ahh….wassup, brah?

Jerry (joining them): We were just wondering where we were.

Don Po (vaguely pointing west): Everyone’s up at the secret base, brah.

BFC: Secret base?

Don Po nods as he falls back to sleep.

Jerry: So, secret base, then?

BFC: I don’t see why not.

Jerry: Do you think they have something to eat up there? I’m really hungry.

BFC: I would think so. Secret bases usually come well-stocked.

Cut to: The not-so-secret base, where Doctor Deadly has just come through the Dimensional Energy Retrieval Portal. Doctor Deadly is an alternate universe version of Rikki-Tikki-Deadly, but cool, man, cool. Like, he’s less

And more

Doktor Zymm: Zo, I take it you are from an alternate earth?

Doctor Deadly: Well, I prefer to think you are, actually. But whatever the case may be, I was testing out my Dimensional Response Input Panel. My signal must have crossed with yours, and here I am.

Doktor Zymm: Hmm. It ist gut to know zis vorks. But I must ask…

Doctor Deadly: I would be happy to answer your questions, but can we do so over a cup of coffee? I could really use one.

Doktor Zymm: Zertainly. Ve can talk in ze cafeteria.

Doctor Deadly (as they depart): Excellent! Say, this world wouldn’t happen to have SPONK!, would it?

Doktor Zymm: Vell…

The room is quiet for a few moments, and then the D.E.R.P. starts to hum again. As the portal glows, a figure steps through. He looks very familiar, although generally less angry. Maybe it’s the geektastic horn-rimmed glasses and the pocket protector…

JJ Fizz: OK, guys, the coast is clear!

Two more figures step out of the portal behind him. One is seven feet tall with a severe crewcut, and the other is a pouty blonde in a push-up bra and lots of makeup.

Coquettish Blonde: So this is the alternate dimension Rikki’s been talking about? Doesn’t look so special to me.

JJ Fizz (adjusting his glasses): He prefers to be called Doctor Deadly.

Coquettish Blonde: Rikki-Wicky said I could call him whatever I want.

JJ Fizz: Fine. You two know what to do, right?

Vodkamanboris: Da.

Coquettish Blonde: Yeah, yeah, yeah. We know the plan, Fizz. You hack into the mainframe and find the guy we’re looking for and we’ll find a vehicle so we can blow this joint.

JJ Fizz (exiting the lab): OK! Meet back here in thirty minutes!

Coquettish Blonde shakes her head and sits down in one of the lab chairs. She starts spinning it around.

Coquettish Blonde: What a dork.

Vodkamanboris: Da.

Coquettish Blonde: Ten-to-one he gets lost and we have to rescue him. Again.

Vodkamanboris: Da.

Coquettish Blonde: Wanna make out?

Vodkamanboris looks down one hallway, and then looks down the other. He turns back to Coquettish Blonde with a big grin.

Vodkamanboris: Da!

To be continued…