Your “I’m Up and Down and In Between” Saturday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

(pic via)

It’s Day 1 of the three-day weekend here in Vancouver. The skies are still really smoky due to the fires up north & the winds dragging the smoke down to the coast. The air tastes like a brush fire, and the cruise ships full of seniors on their way to Alaska hopefully have extra O2 tanks.

But at least the smoke is deflecting the heat we were supposed to be getting; it’s knocking 5-7 degrees Celsius off the Vancouver temperature, so we’re nowhere near as hot as Seattle.

Tonight at 10:00 PM is the finale of the “Celebration of Light” explosion festival. Here’s Japan from Day 1:

Have I mentioned how much I hate fireworks? Because I fucking hate fireworks. Irrespective of never JPP-ing myself, it’s usually due to those smug little fuckers who let them off about 2:00 AM in a garage or such place. When I was a high school VP, if Halloween fell during Monday – Friday, I had to sit in the school until 11:00 PM night of to make sure the building didn’t get vandalized or catch fire. One year, one of the teachers refused to close the windows (“…because it’s stuffy”), and they aimed right for them until I got them all closed. On both floors.

To enjoy this festival, you have to mark your spot on the beach about noon. And the cops come & take all your booze, because God-fucking-forbid you want to have a drink. No problems with all the weed being smoked on the beach during the fire & smoking ban, but opening the cooler is a pour-out and a $175 fine.

I know I’ll never win that battle, so I practice avoidance as best as I can.

Sunday is the annual Gay Pride parade, which a number of my out & proud friends no longer attend due to its corporate nature & general acceptance. Oh, they’ll go to the parties, because few str8’s have the jam to attend those, so it’s more their-community-oriented. I went out for a couple of beers with them earlier this week.

I can’t remember if I told this story last year: One of my former students was a parade Grand Marshall back in 2012. Her name is Jenna Talackova.

On the right, obvs.

I knew her pre- & post-op. I let her do her law presentation of the legal issues of her name change and gender reassignment with government agencies.

Fun fact: she sued the Miss Universe pageant because she won Miss Canada but was disqualified from the main pageant because she wasn’t a “naturally born female”. In a surprise reversal, the Miss Universe Organization, owned by Donald Trump, not only re-entered her; it allowed all transgender women to compete in its worldwide competition, modelling its rules after the Olympic system.

Fast-forward to 2017: they can wear bikinis & talk world peace but not fatigues & break ISIS codes. Gotcha.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NFL:
    • Pro Football Hall of Fame Enshrinement Ceremony – 7:00 PM | ESPN
  • CFL:
    • Roughriders vs. Lions – 7:00 PM | TSN
  •  AFL:
    • Adelaide vs. Port Adelaide – 2:30 AM | TSN2
  •  UFC:
    • UFC Fight Night – Pettis vs. Moreno, from Mexico City
      • Prelims: 8:00 PM | FS1
      • Main card: 10:00 PM | FS1 / TSN5
  • MLB:
    • Blue Jays at Astros – 7:00 PM | Sportsnet

GO FORTH & ALCOHOL!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

/CONTINUES THE IMPROMPTU QUOTABLES SUBMISSION CONTEST
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I only have one from Gratliff so far.

I didn’t know Nnamdi had a stint as a Saint

BrettFavresColonoscopy
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Make A Wish is getting out of control

Romonobyl
Member

So thaaaaat’s what a “catch” is.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

No Alexa. 2/10

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(every DFO’er groans knowing tWBS is now gonna hang onto the Alexa bit for months again)

Goddamned right, fuckers. I’d not only hold onto her bits, but I’d….

/gets punched in head

GODDAMMIT ALEXA WE NEED MOAR TIME APART!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy
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For those of you ragging on Chicago style pizza, I just had a terrible slice of pizza in Colorado and would murder someone for a slice of deep dish.

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

I’ll murder someone for any kind of pizza.

In fact, fuck it. I’m getting a slice of pizza.

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

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Romonobyl
Member

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

/bails Unsurprised out for attempted murder when he doesn’t realize he doesn’t have to murder someone for pizza
//gets murdered by Unsurprised, loses pizza

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

INTERNET FIGHT. It is who makes it from what ingredients, and of course is subjective. Eat what you fucking like.

That said; where did you go? One place I like, depending on the store is Abo’s; simple and open late, good crust.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

I want to say it was called Street Legal Pizza. We just went in there to get out of the rain. Regrets.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It was bad, but how is your stomach?

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Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl
Member

This is the Chicago pizza I grew up with.

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Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

That looks like an apple pie.

Romonobyl
Member

Aurelio’s Pizza. Odd yellowish color and always cut in squares, but sooooo good!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I just started eating some Chicago pizza. I will get back yo you when I am done.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: I would murder everyone in this (pseudo chat) room for touch of sweet sweet boob beer

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

May be drunk.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl
Member

I just had TiVo installed yesterday, now I have a million channels and there is still not a goddamn thing worth watching.
I can’t wait for feetsball to start so I can start bitching about how bad that can be.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Just back from a taco festival at a brewery. Fewer lesbians than implied.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Romonobyl
Member

I went to a carpet convention once. Same issue.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Where the IPA stands for… something… else.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

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litre_cola
Member

I approve of pugs in any fashion.

WCS
Member

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbCpzAp13PA&ab_channel=AdultSwim

What happens starting at 1:22 might be my favorite moment of this entire show. That’s saying a lot.

Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am watching tomorrows Game of Thrones ep again. Maisie Williams is so much of a better actor than anyone else in her scenes. I am not even talking about the action scene.

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Spoiler
That look she gives Littlefinger is cold blooded.

Duchess
Member

have they leaked the other 3 episodes?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I wish but to my knowledge no.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Her headlights are on

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

My stick is in gear.
(probably a cause and effect there I guess)

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

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WCS
Member

The Drumpf Administration (Artist’s conception)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Can’t hold onto balls. 2/10
Panties around ankles 12/10
Average: 7/10

Would bang.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You’d drop your ball if your panties had no elastic too.

Wait.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I think it’s a slip

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

tWBS doesn’t wear slips; that being the point.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

They do usually slip before they drop.

Oh wait, you meant….never mind.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

So that’s where I left my penny

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I think this mostly went well and….ah shit, never mind.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

It is August 5th. still assholes playing with fireworks scaring my dad just as he got home.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They are letting them off here too; the dog is saying “What the FUCK?”

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

King Hippo takes a country bike ride…..
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King Hippo
Member

I am nowhere NEAR that coordinated NOR elegant

Jerry Was A Shogun Named Marcus
Member

I have done this. But the ramp was a 10 ft quarterpipe. Always fun.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Kills self when he realizes Rx still in pocket.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Jelly or syrup?

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Howdy Fuckers.

Errrrrrr….I mean, hello upstanding citizens whom I respect.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

He is going to be back as soon as he gets that pack of cigs!

Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Italian Spiderman (2007)

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Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Holy God, how I love Doug Stanhope.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He can go off on the dark deep end, too fucked up to make sense, but that place is where he seems to get some of his best stuff. So yeah.

King Hippo
Member

when he’s good, he’s really fucking good.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I always wanted to see him when he comes around NYC, but there is a 50-50 chance he will be amazing, or a drunken mongoloid off on a tangent that I can get from a garden variety pants shitter outside Port Authority Bus Terminal.

King Hippo
Member

such is sadly the way with twisted geniuses, I hear tell ’twas similar odds buying tix to a later years Doors show

Gratliff
Member

One of his better bits. Second only to Sub-Rock Bottom Prostitute

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

is this it?

Gratliff
Member

“Fuck Keynesian economics” remains one of the funniest fucking lines I’ve ever heard.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I spat water at “Dig up dat dead Jew Milton Friedman”

King Hippo
Member

“gettin’ the blood diamond” for me

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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OK, I laughed….

Duchess
Member

It took me entirely way too long to realize today was not Friday. Granted I was a bit distracted by the cute 20 something walking her dog this morning in a long white shirt and a bright pink thong.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I need to start walking my dog there…. where ever that is.

Duchess
Member

yeah, I don’t think she knew her thong shown through the shirt… or maybe didn’t care cause it was 645 am in Northern Virginia.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Excuse me Miss, I believe you dropped something.”

On another note; can’t fly united: they would kill my dog.

Duchess
Member

it was an 8-week old puppy so she bent over to pick her up.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, I see then YOU dropped something.

King Hippo
Member

shit, I would somehow start walking my cat…

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Just have to figure out how to walk your cow, then the cat will fall in to place
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herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Theory: internet commenting can somehow be used to mine crypto currency.
Heh, now to wait for someone else to do all the work and I’ll take all the credit and money.
/Shirley we can all band together and figure out how to do that, can’t be too hard?
Crap, I said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

This is a very interesting question. I wonder if it’s possible to force a computer to run calculations during the submission part of commenting (i.e. must run X number of calculations for your comment to submit properly).

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Something about comment content could be used as a truly “random” input for an equation. Though google or someone has done somethign simular with captchas, using them to verify optical character recognition. Not sure if it actually works.

Duchess
Member

Would explain how Uproxx paid all that money to be considered an”authority” and a breaker of news that was just on Reddit the day before.

litre_cola
Member

What’s an Uproxx? I have smoked enough weed to forget them.

Gratliff
Member

Tessa Blanchard is a lot of fun to watch, and that’s not even counting her old fetish videos
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff
Member

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I have to admit; that was a pretty good butt punch.

Butt Punch.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

Here’s a video honoring Abraham Lincoln, whose birthday was last week.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

So if I could potentially steal a Chicago deep dish pizza when I let my mom’s dog out. Yay or Nay? She is in Chicago no so she could pick another up if I tell her I stole it.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Yes to all pizza

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

MY DEFINITION OF PROPER PIZZA IS THE ONLY PROPER PIZZA.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“But what about Space Pizza?”

Duchess
Member

Deep dish? no, but stuffed pizza hell yeah!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You mean calzone?

Duchess
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Italian casserole?

litre_cola
Member

Free pizza is a hard yes.

Gratliff
Member

I’m sorry, free is too expensive for chicago style pizza

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Lou Malnati’s sausage pizza is fucking amazing. Shit on the rest of Chicago pizza if you want I love this stuff. Even frozen.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I more drunkenly than I thought I was talked to my mom and then my sister. They gave me the ok

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Why is this (fake, illegal, non-binding, headline-grab-only-for-publicitity, not real) trans military ban always painted as anti-trans? They DON’T get to get paid to go die in another country. If there’s ever a draft you can all just start calling me Herodotina.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Oh and uh, smh god bless and ,,,,,

Gratliff
Member

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Gratliff
Member

Et tu, azquotes?

Gratliff
Member

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litre_cola
Member

Bottle 2, Litre’s selection. Nice. Thought it would take longer than this!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Doesn’t it seem like it would really piss off ISIS (I mean, more than they are already pissed off) to know that American troops included transsexuals? I would think the U.S. Army would want them just for the troll factor alone.

King Hippo
Member

apparently, the Washington Post polled it, and every single fucking state opposes this ban. YES, even Wyoming (55%) and Alabama (61%).

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I always remember that Contra code as b…a…SELECT…start cause I was playing with my brother.

blaxabbath
Member

I’m high as shit but I would swear it’s Up Down Up Down….

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Up Up down down left left right right select start. There were derivations for each game but basically that.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Also Konami Code. It was in all of them

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I might be a nerd who loves video games

King Hippo
Member

and oh shit, I feel bad, Litre…I meant to e-mail ya earlier, but the Cottagers were streaming on ESPN3 today (at least in Murrika), maybe you will at least get better coverage this season? And get 1st or 2nd and avoid the playoff lottery.

Woke up with raging migraine, took Imitrex, forgot and took 6-hr nap instead. But feel bad nonetheless.

Also, you gonna preview the League again? I am too depressed, and you are probably too busy. Fucking United.

litre_cola
Member

I can do it. When is week 1. Not I will be jaded as hell with the promoted teams

King Hippo
Member

Kicks off Friday night!

litre_cola
Member

OK, will be in 2 parts. I can handle 10 of em for Saturday morning. phrasing. Want me to send em to you this week like last year? I will do the other 10 next week.

King Hippo
Member

Sure! Or I can just cede ye the floor. You are an author now, right?

litre_cola
Member

Sure am. Such fabuloUs titles as Baking with Litre and other futbol exploits. I will send em to you and you can add your 2 cents if you like.

King Hippo
Member

This is how good my migraine brain is, you see. JEEBUS.

yeah right
Member

I don’t often do endorsements but this shit is goddamn delightful. It’s a jam made with garlic and ghost peppers. No, it’s not THAT hot. Has a nice sweet taste and th garlic really punches through. It’s only after a few bites when you get the fire that basically singes the edge of your tongue. This would be amazing in a stir fry.

Wait! I have an idea!

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Senor Weaselo
Member

Their sauce is amazing and won gold at the 2016 Screaming Mimi’s. I think I mentioned it at last year’s Expo post. They make good shit and I need to get things when the fridge empties out a bit.

King Hippo
Member

Wait, it’s a jam? So, for when you kinda want toast, but you also kinda want to shit your pants??

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I would go with chips, but maybe fry up some tortillas and throw it on there

yeah right
Member

It’s solid on a tortilla chip. The proprietors who sold it to us served it on a wheat thin with a little shmear of cream cheese and the jam on top.

Will this make it into a Sunday Gravy post?

BULLEE DAT!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Oh, sorry, I am from Wisconsin. Obligatory. Throw some cheese on there.

yeah right
Member

PRECISELY!

King Hippo
Member

who needs Momantic! Huzzah!!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I have the “MEEP MEEP MEEP” of construction haunting my brain all the god damn time. I could hear one of my neighbors telling them they are doing a great job while out for a cig. They haven’t had a street in 3 years. I want to kill both of them.

King Hippo
Member

we are good with alibis ,, ppl forget that

Romonobyl
Member

You don’t like fireworks?!?!?! What kind of red-blooded Ameri….

Ohhhhhh, forgot, you’re one of “them”.

litre_cola
Member

There is quite a few of ‘us’. Wonder how many lurkers.

Romonobyl
Member

I knew this would happen when somebody decided to wire Canadia.

King Hippo
Member

I think Romonobyl will be mostly a benevolent interment camp commondant. Remember, I’m the one who likes opiates. DAK DAK DAK DAK!!!

King Hippo
Member

Like that “Amerida” skit on SNL

King Hippo
Member

I know we have Hawkeyes here who probably saw this, which is still the best hoopsball game I have ever seen. Rodney Monroe v. Roy Marble in the OTs was a hell of a fight. Jimmy V and Dr. Tom Davis. Plus old school commercials.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

GT four OTs IMHO.
But also Rodney Monroe going the fuck off insanely.

litre_cola
Member

At inlaws for 9 days. At least he has a huge wine cellar.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Downside. He will tell you about every bottle and its history before you can drink. It will still taste like every Cabernet Sauvignon and spent more than $15 on.

King Hippo
Member

Just furrow brow knowingly and be all like “will this make me crunk?”

litre_cola
Member

I organized his cellar so once he gets a few in him and I get the green light its go time. Also has about 30 bottles of single malt which we will get to after dinner.

litre_cola
Member

He can’t bullshit me about wine. He knows that I know my shit. I just have to once in awhile fake liking a shit bottle like right now. I will get to start picking by day 2.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Is it weird I am angry at myself for ending a sentence with a preposition? I am and that sentence was phrased awkwardly.

Romonobyl
Member

I’m sorry, but it goes on my report.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I don’t know why this made me laugh so hard, but I thank you, sir.

litre_cola
Member

All good. Was a weird wording for sure.
/grabs glass of wine and slaps MTWV on ass HARD

King Hippo
Member

I am gonna contest Scotchy’s earlier claims of “Best College Shooter” – Rodney Monroe was a goddamned assassin. This was one of two games in particular that season when he went on something like a 20-2 run against a team by himself.

He had an NCAAT OT showdown with Roy Marble of Iowa that was one of the meastiest things I ever saw.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Ok, new open thread I guess. You really didn’t have to do the work though BGR. There is nothing going on tonight. I appreciate the effort though.

/slaps on ass, hard

wpDiscuz