NFL News:
- In a harbinger of what this season might look like, Alex Smith’s agent is already talking about where he might end up next year.
- “Alex is the present, and as good a football player as he is, he’s going to have opportunities whether it’s in Kansas City or someplace else.”
- The Seahawks are going to pay Justin Britt…$9 million a season?
- They do know Russell is getting killed on the outside, right?
- Well, what Russell wants, Russell gets I s’pose.
- Since they are never going to play in the Super Bowl, the Browns figure hosting the draft is a much-more attainable option. So, they have applied to host it in 2019 or 2020.
- Laughably, they’ve added the Hall of Fame to the bid as a site in order to make “Cleveland” seem attractive.
- It’s getting ugly between the League & the NFLPA over the Ezekiel Elliott appeal.
- The League is threatening the union over alleged “victim (“slut”) shaming” in advance of the appeal of Zeke’s suspension.
- The NFLPA is threatening a slander & defamation suit over the allegations.
- PFT, meanwhile, is trying to tie the Josh Brown domestic violence suspension into all this. Why?
- The League originally suspended him six games, but reduced it prior to appeal based on “mitigating factors”.
- Harold Henderson, the arbiter, also was the arbitrator during the Gordon appeal.
- The League is threatening the union over alleged “victim (“slut”) shaming” in advance of the appeal of Zeke’s suspension.
Now, last night, I previewed (quite well, mind you) the wrong game. So I rechecked the schedule on the nfl.com website. Have a gander at this:
They highlight the Bills – Eagles, yet if you squint, the actually-broadcast game will be the Bucs – Jags. So, some quality fan service by the folks at nfl.com.
Game preview: Bucs at Jags.
Oh man, is this shit sad. Both SB Nation sites read like first drafts of suicide notes.
Tampa’s issues are playing out on “Hard Knocks”, and while I refuse to shell out for HBO Canada – “HBO Canada: we call ourselves HBO, but don’t carry all of the programs. Canada!” – I can watch clips on nfl.com and Youtube, and boy is that awkward. Seeing Roberto Aguayo waiting to get axed was awful; it’s like knowing you’re going to get dumped by the best girl you’ll ever get, and dreading each ring of the phone. Their SBNation site – Bucs Nation – has the analysis from a “you poor bastard” perspective. But don’t fear, they also have analysis of how management has gotten them to this point, and how they have a star QB but nothing else to go with it. If an NFL website is all kicker all the time, that’s not good.
The Jags website – Big Cat Country – has clearly given up on the Blake Bortles experiment:
- 6 quarterback options to replace Blake Bortles
- shockingly, their lead choice is Colin Kaepernick
- Doug Marrone on Blake Bortles: “Some good throws and some horsesh*t throws”
- Allen Robinson after Blake Bortles pass: “F***ing keep that s**t in bounds, bro!”
To sum up both teams, here’s video of a fight at their joint practice, courtesy Pewter Report:
Former #Buc Arrelius Benn getting into it with #Bucs LB Ardarius Glanton. Teams had to be separated. Third scuffle of the day. pic.twitter.com/wMhHilU37C
— PewterReport 🏴☠️ (@PewterReport) August 15, 2017
Otherwise, ESPN has you covered, since they’re broadcasting the game.
Tonight’s sports:
- Football:
- NFL:
- Bucs at Jags – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
- CFL:
- Eskimos at Blue Bombers – 8:30PM | TSN
- NFL:
- Baseball:
- Little League World Series:
- Southwest vs. Great Lakes – 7:00PM | ESPN2
- MLB:
- Yankees at Mets – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
- Little League World Series:
kd lang was excellent last night. Voice still has all the power. I recommend all Canadians take a ladyfriend to the show, as she will thank you for it. Plus, you might get an added attraction we got – DRUNKEN LESBIAN BRAWL!
Here are all the gifs I made for last night’s shit fests.
https://gfycat.com/unsurprised/quotables_2017_preseason_week_2
Fuck. Why won’t gfycat work?
http://imgur.com/DsW7y1V
http://imgur.com/MeVRaPw
One left.
https://gfycat.com/unsurprised/quotables_2017_preseason_week_2
Finally got one of the last three done.
Wouldn’t that mean she favors them?
This is why we have the preseason, to workshop the jokes.
Hello internet friends. I hope you are all well and none of your favoUrite players got hurt/arrested tonight.
/looking at you raiders
Way more* Bears fans than I expected were rooting hard for Catler and the Dolphins tonight.
*Data according to Bears Reddit, therefore nearly worthless
Eh, it’s not so surprising. Bears fans are generally good people, and it’s not like the Dolphins are rivals of the Bears.
Shhhhh if Cuntler hears you say Bears fans are good people, he’ll rip your face off.
But if Buddy hears you say Bears fans are good people, he’ll ask if you want an introduction!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UV7-73LmOm0
The second most beautiful aircraft ever made.
I like how specifically Rob’s posts are the ones doubling.
Testing.
It worked!
Huh, I never knew Carol was Chilean
That was a copper mine.
I thought the Jets preview was next week.
Hey, if it means I don’t have to do it!
/Wait, but I already did most of it
Ryan Mallett (artist’s conception)
I won’t have been able to visit the beach at all this summer.
Flawed tan lines.
8/10 would bang.
GRAB ‘EM BY THE GONOPHORES
(look it up)
I don’t come here to learn!
Be quiet, and sit down, Beerguyrichard.
Damn you youtube autoplay. Thanks for making me cry.
Sumbitches.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NU9JoFKlaZ0
You can turn that default off if you’re logged in.
Nah, I just let it play for background and let it go how it wants. Occasionally one sneaks up on me tho. One of my favorites to be honest, but the video brings me to tears every time.
Mmmm. Not enough A/C.
yikes
In many ways.
As my Grandpappy always said, “Never trust a woman whose boobs can stare in two directions at once”.
Up to 37,326 views:
Meanwhile, my final three gifs are languishing in post-production. My genius goes unseen yet again.
Holy fucking shit, I’m surprised anyone else remembers that. I’m flattered
So close….
I already saw all the failed reads by Cutler, thanks.
GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD
Every time I see this gif, I wonder….what floor were they on?
Fun fact, a cat has a good enough mass/surface area ratio that it can theoretically survive a fall from any height
I’D RATHER DIE THAN GET A FLU SHOT!
The Logan Lucky commercial quotes Uproxx’s review of their film.
Vince or Not-Vince?
Doing the team proud.
It’s hard to make fun of the Dolphins when no one has posted any fucking clips because they sucked so badly.