Your “Second Verse – Same As The First!” Thursday Evening Open Thread

NFL News:

  • In a harbinger of what this season might look like, Alex Smith’s agent is already talking about where he might end up next year.
    • “Alex is the present, and as good a football player as he is, he’s going to have opportunities whether it’s in Kansas City or someplace else.”
  • The Seahawks are going to pay Justin Britt…$9 million a season?
    • They do know Russell is getting killed on the outside, right?
    • Well, what Russell wants, Russell gets I s’pose.
  • Since they are never going to play in the Super Bowl, the Browns figure hosting the draft is a much-more attainable option. So, they have applied to host it in 2019 or 2020.
    • Laughably, they’ve added the Hall of Fame to the bid as a site in order to make “Cleveland” seem attractive.
  • It’s getting ugly between the League & the NFLPA over the Ezekiel Elliott appeal.
    • The League is threatening the union over alleged “victim (“slut”) shaming” in advance of the appeal of Zeke’s suspension.
    • PFT, meanwhile, is trying to tie the Josh Brown domestic violence suspension into all this. Why?
      • The League originally suspended him six games, but reduced it prior to appeal based on “mitigating factors”.
      • Harold Henderson, the arbiter, also was the arbitrator during the Gordon appeal.

Now, last night, I previewed (quite well, mind you) the wrong game. So I rechecked the schedule on the nfl.com website. Have a gander at this:

They highlight the Bills – Eagles, yet if you squint, the actually-broadcast game will be the Bucs – Jags. So, some quality fan service by the folks at nfl.com.

 


Game preview: Bucs at Jags.

Oh man, is this shit sad. Both SB Nation sites read like first drafts of suicide notes.

Tampa’s issues are playing out on “Hard Knocks”, and while I refuse to shell out for HBO Canada – “HBO Canada: we call ourselves HBO, but don’t carry all of the programs. Canada!” – I can watch clips on nfl.com and Youtube, and boy is that awkward. Seeing Roberto Aguayo waiting to get axed was awful; it’s like knowing you’re going to get dumped by the best girl you’ll ever get, and dreading each ring of the phone. Their SBNation site – Bucs Nation – has the analysis from a “you poor bastard” perspective. But don’t fear, they also have analysis of how management has gotten them to this point, and how they have a star QB but nothing else to go with it. If an NFL website is all kicker all the time, that’s not good.

The Jags website – Big Cat Country – has clearly given up on the Blake Bortles experiment:

To sum up both teams, here’s video of a fight at their joint practice, courtesy Pewter Report:

Otherwise, ESPN has you covered, since they’re broadcasting the game.


Tonight’s sports:

  • Football:
    • NFL:
      • Bucs at Jags – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
    • CFL:
      • Eskimos at Blue Bombers – 8:30PM | TSN
  • Baseball:
    • Little League World Series:
      • Southwest vs. Great Lakes – 7:00PM | ESPN2
    • MLB:
      • Yankees at Mets – 7:00PM | Sportsnet

kd lang was excellent last night. Voice still has all the power. I recommend all Canadians take a ladyfriend to the show, as she will thank you for it. Plus, you might get an added attraction we got – DRUNKEN LESBIAN BRAWL!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Unsurprised

Here are all the gifs I made for last night’s shit fests.

https://gfycat.com/unsurprised/quotables_2017_preseason_week_2

Unsurprised

Fuck. Why won’t gfycat work?

http://imgur.com/DsW7y1V

http://imgur.com/MeVRaPw

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Finally got one of the last three done.

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Senor Weaselo

Wouldn’t that mean she favors them?

Unsurprised

This is why we have the preseason, to workshop the jokes.

litre_cola

Hello internet friends. I hope you are all well and none of your favoUrite players got hurt/arrested tonight.

/looking at you raiders

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Way more* Bears fans than I expected were rooting hard for Catler and the Dolphins tonight.

*Data according to Bears Reddit, therefore nearly worthless

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Eh, it’s not so surprising. Bears fans are generally good people, and it’s not like the Dolphins are rivals of the Bears.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Shhhhh if Cuntler hears you say Bears fans are good people, he’ll rip your face off.

Senor Weaselo

But if Buddy hears you say Bears fans are good people, he’ll ask if you want an introduction!

Brick Meathook
Romonobyl

The second most beautiful aircraft ever made.

Senor Weaselo

I like how specifically Rob’s posts are the ones doubling.

WCS

Testing.

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WCS

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It worked!

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Huh, I never knew Carol was Chilean

Unsurprised

That was a copper mine.

Brick Meathook

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Senor Weaselo

Hey, if it means I don’t have to do it!
/Wait, but I already did most of it

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ryan Mallett (artist’s conception)
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Unsurprised

I won’t have been able to visit the beach at all this summer.

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Unsurprised

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WCS

GRAB ‘EM BY THE GONOPHORES

(look it up)

WCS

Be quiet, and sit down, Beerguyrichard.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Damn you youtube autoplay. Thanks for making me cry.
Sumbitches.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NU9JoFKlaZ0

Unsurprised

You can turn that default off if you’re logged in.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nah, I just let it play for background and let it go how it wants. Occasionally one sneaks up on me tho. One of my favorites to be honest, but the video brings me to tears every time.

Unsurprised

Mmmm. Not enough A/C.

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Brick Meathook

yikes

theeWeeBabySeamus

In many ways.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

As my Grandpappy always said, “Never trust a woman whose boobs can stare in two directions at once”.

Unsurprised

Up to 37,326 views:

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Meanwhile, my final three gifs are languishing in post-production. My genius goes unseen yet again.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Holy fucking shit, I’m surprised anyone else remembers that. I’m flattered

theeWeeBabySeamus

So close….
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Unsurprised

I already saw all the failed reads by Cutler, thanks.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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WCS

GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD

theeWeeBabySeamus

Every time I see this gif, I wonder….what floor were they on?

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Fun fact, a cat has a good enough mass/surface area ratio that it can theoretically survive a fall from any height

blaxabbath

The Logan Lucky commercial quotes Uproxx’s review of their film.

Unsurprised

Vince or Not-Vince?

Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

RAIDERS’ SEAN SMITH CHARGED WITH FELONY ASSAULT

Doing the team proud.

Unsurprised

It’s hard to make fun of the Dolphins when no one has posted any fucking clips because they sucked so badly.