Well, it’s just about that time again folks. Time to resign yourself to the fact that you frittered away yet another weekend doing not much of anything. Time to think about the coming work week and the varied and sundry stresses that that entails. [shoulders droop] But wait. [dawning realization…] I can distract myself with one more football game, get drunk and forget about that looming Monday! Okay, so I was drunk earlier on in the day-I’m not big on details. Besides, I was talking about you folks out there. So crack open that bottle of liquor/strangely-named microbrew and get going! To The Game!
SF/Min: Vike rb Murray was kind enough to get hurt and thereby provide no competition whatsoever to rook rb Dalvin Cook who returned the favour by rocketing past him on the depth chart. Cook also appears to be the darling of the fantasy set as he’s now going in the third round to guys that recall how effective AP was in this offense. Qb Bradford had a 20-5 TD/INT ratio last year but has some 18-13, 21-13 and 19-14 numbers on his CV. Perhaps he’ll regress? His counterpart in this tilt is Brian Hoyer who has that “hold the fort while we figure out the qb spot” look about him. Perhaps the front office has 3rd rounder CJ Beathard in mind. He’s currently pushing recent signee Matt Barkley for reps. What is it with these USC qb’s at the pro level? I call it The Marinovich Conundrum.
That’s it for me. Do what you do best.
FTP!
Orbits is tricky. Ppl forget that.
Submitted for your approval, a new contender for “Best Below the Waist Football Name Combo”:
http://www.tradingcarddb.com/Images/Cards/Football/4757/4757-1054458Bk.jpg
https://media.culturalist.com/media/2e5ea17ee536d6783dd4bcf5bd804fb6_large
Just learned that Game of Thrones won’t start their next season until late 2018, early 2019 at best and this is really pissing me right the fuck off.
FUCK IT LET’S GO STAB SOME ZOMBIES OURSELVES TO KILL TIME WHILE WE WAIT
oh I thought this was the series end thingy
Oh sweet tv show-child; how quaint, only waiting 14 months for a new season. The last book came out in 2011.
You guys, it’s a pretty good day. I have completely paid off one of my student loans. Only many more to go!
did you even have to use yo’ AK?
IS ANYBODY ELSE ESSENTIALLY SHITTING THEIR OWN DICK RIGHT NOW FROM THE GAME OF THRONES FINALE
NO LIEK a good Christian American I is watching Vikes/Tomsulas and trying not to fall ‘sleep even tho it’s very very amusing
It had a good incest-to-zombie ratio
Goddamn moderation not letting me make jokes using the cousin-fucking word
it puts yer sister to the test ,, ppl forget that
Alabama?
….. that’s my favorite episode too, ever thought about that connection till now
NCSU (and yes, think about the order of those letters) is the anti-USC.
We’ve got multiple starters in the league now (Rivers, Wilson, Glennon) but never could manage to do shit with any of them.
Loser mentality is loser.
Arizona has never won a CONFERENCE title.
Teddy Bruschi, Rob Gronkowski fam, Nick Foles —
Err, two NFL studs ain’t bad…
Some observations from that USC quartedback list:
Carson Palmer was in college for 6 years, at least.
There was a MAN named John David Booty and everyday we walk and don’t talk about it.
Years of inexplicable success regardless of QB: 2002-2008; Years of Pete Carroll was head
cheatercoach: 2001-2009.What a name though!
Maybe he went east to reclaim his ancestral lands
http://wordpress.clarku.edu/id252-eed/files/2015/09/djibouti_map-280×300.gif
and that’s why we never hear about him anymore.
Younger brother of Josh Booty. For awhile, he was known as “Little Booty.”
I feel like there’s a “big booty” joke to be made here, but I also feel like maybe I don’t know you well enough to take a swing in that territory.
I don’t know what brigades he led but I say we tear down all statues of this John David Booty!
I talked to my pills and they said K so we cool
I think it’s great they’re letting broads make these shitty calls now.
#Progress
well ain’t this turned uber-preseason-y??
Third and long screen play…
‘Round these parts, we call that the NC State offense.
Wait, Ron Turner coached you guys too?
Fuck if I know. I try not to pay attention to the revolving door of NCSU coaches anymore. It only raises my blood pressure.
Also, Mike O’Cain.
Chuck Amato
Tom O’Brien
Dave Doeren (I know you don’t know who he is…that’s OK…Don’t get used to him he’ll be gone this time next year probably).
Already un-learned.
Do Vikes ppl say LOKS! when shit liek this happen?
Haha, just informed that this is a 2 qb league, ppr.
Litre: What the fuck???
6 people: It was like that last year.
Gonna take a stab in the dark here and say you’re not the reigning champ in this league?
4th. I thought, jesus how did I do that? I paid no attention to this one apparently.
It’s important not to overprepare for one’s draft. Need to save room in one’s brain to read the room and to analyze/adjust to how the board is falling.
so…how’s that Magary twitter feed now, WCS?
Those poor Menendez boys . . .
True story: An ex was attracted to me initially because she thought I looked like one of the Menendez brothers.
Yes, the sex was amazing, why did you ask?
that is winning at life ,, ppl
Hey, gotta play to your strengths.
– Not Chip Kelly
Also, USC QBs are traditionally horrible in the NFL. I can’t name one good one in the history of the sport.
Wasn’t Palmer USC? Bout the only decent one I can think of though.
Arnold? Jim?
Arnold? Keep your goddamn disgusting tea out of my lemonade.
What he said, but this time about Jim.
EDIT – shit I forgot to finish that….
…but this time about your tea out of my underpants.
Realizes no one else is gonna get that joke anyway, and I fucked it up to begin with. I need to start drinking again, it’s only been three days and I’m already stupid from lack of alcohol.
U no like tighty whiteys?
HOLY SHIT YOU DID GET IT!!!!!!!!
I’m old.
Yeah, I feel ya.
I mean, I don’t…ummmm…never mind.
I said boo-urns too.
Nothing’s changed. You’re just sober enough to notice it. Kidding, kidding.
You’re good man, hang in there.
All good. And I’m about to go pop open an oatmeal porter I think.
Your call man. If you need a break take it. If you’re good then do what you gotta do. In other words…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MweybdKPbO8
It’s been a day. I’ve earned a beer.
But no vodka.
Probably.
😉
I guess Carson Palmer is MOAR LIEK “cromulent”
He was never good.
Good thing us running backs don’t fuck up tho, huh?
– The Defendant
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_USC_Trojans_starting_quarterbacks
Rodney Peete and Vince Evans had their moments, no?
If you mean banging Holly Robinson, then yes he certainly did.
Evans was one of the most successful……………… backups ever.
Gets one down the esoteric “what is good?” avenue as compared to mediocre (but “man in the arena” Carson Palmer)
I’ll give you Vince Evans, but I’m not conceding Rodney Peete or Sean Salisbury. Their horrible announcing overwhelms any positives they had on the field.
I was supporting your point, ya big dummie.
All backup, no legitimate starters. Sanchize’s success was all defense related.
Rob Johnson is the NFL champion of getting sacked. That should count.
AND getting stern sideline glares from Wee Doug Flutie!
Man, it would be so awesome if Brady died in the opener. Or if someone ripped his dick off. But he could conceivably come back and play as a eunuch, so let’s stick with dead.
Brady?
Tom Brady is a greater fan of Donald Trump than most of the GOP.
Tom Brady and every single Patriots fan can be accurately described as white supremacists.
Nazis even!
NAWT FAY-uh!!
I’d rather see the o-line fall apart resulting in a huge amount of sacks, not enough to injure, just enough to keep him in pain the whole season. The Cutler lead Dolphins win the division. Gisele to have an very public affair with Bobcat Goldthwait. His buddy Trump in jail. His coach Bill to have a boating accident which results in him needing reconstructive anus surgery.
I’ll concede that is an odd fantasy with a low probability of actuation.
Bobcat was a nice touch, tho
I think the world needs a Bobcat/Gisele sex tape. Not normal, regular guy Bob Goldthwait, but a full on in-character Bobcat. And when he’s done he lights Brady’s couch on fire.
WOMP WOMP
I’ll fire up my T-16 if you’re having problems with them.
Sweet jesus that stadium is UGLY…
But, it does a fantastic job of keeping the local bird population low.
my cat approves
I used to tell my ex all the time to stop feeding birds in the yard because of all the feral cats roaming around. She ignored me until she finally witnessed the aftermath for herself. Bird feeder came down real quick after that.
You are just luring them to certain death! But yeah, nobody believes until they see the carcasses. I love the cirrrrrrrcle of life, I refuse to interfere with any of my various lifetime cats’ murder funtime, but I wouldn’t want to be setting them up, either. At the very least, it’s unsporting.
Feral Fantasy Football.
SHIT. JJ Watt didn’t drown.
this is what results from RAM IT!! losing the Battle FOAR L.A. last night ,, smgdh
Fuuuuuuuck. 30 minutes to wait.
Reid trying hard to purge his Thielens.
You’re welcome.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_NeqMAAsBk
Dear NBC…the Menendez was 28 fucking years ago. No one cares anymore.
I mean, at least pick someone interesting and under-publicized (relatively) like Son of Sam.
RIP everyone else’s ratings
I didn’t even know that was going on until Brocky’s gif. Because I AM THE WORST.
Did Taylor Swifts new video drop?
she has so much trouble with boyz, why doesn’t she just dip a skinny toe into the sapphic pool? I mean, at least for her Q rating??
Photos or it didn’t happen.
Would let her write a revenge song about me/10
Holiday roooooooooooooaaaaaddddd…
“Why does the colored one celebrate so much?”
*room goes silent*
“You know the really strong yellow one with the big head carrying a big load?”
*silence is deafening*
“I’m talking about the mascot, not Hines Ward, you assholes.”
*room brightens up*
“Ohhhhh okay, grandpa!”
“He looks like one of those lumberjack homos.”
*room sighs, resignedly*
oh, you done made Hippo guffaw
“Prepare your anus.”
I’ve really missed you Buddy.
Thank you for that.
also that’s offensive, lumberjacking is a completely different union
/also, is the “stubble” around his mouth a subtle nod to former Sen. Santorum?
Sam Bradford’s NBC photo is just goddamned terrifying.
The camera stole his soul.
oh, that GOOD!
I get all the deep cuts straight from the butchered bison.
So, the Vikings are going to continue to drive Drew to an early grave. Again.
it’s just a home thrashing to the Tomsulas! It’s still good. It’s still good!!
The Lions went 4-0 in the preseason, 0-16 in games that matter.
LET ME TRY TO MAKE BAD YUK YUKS!!!1111
Check out his Twitter feed. You can almost hear him loading the revolver.
Remind him: mouth, not temple. You want a kill shot, not to miss so badly he only goes blind and then to live with the ignominy of fucking up suicide by gun.
Which is precisely what being a Vikings fan is.
that’s WAY more vital info than “down the street” not “across the tracks.” You talkin’ bout the inability to really make a proper 2nd attempt even. JEEBUS.
Under the chin with a mouthful of water. Because everyone loves a nice fountain.
FOAR THE KIDS!!!
May as well give ’em a smile on your way out. Probably didn’t give ’em many while you were here.
PacMan Jones just farted on a Vietnam POW.
CHUH CHUH HERE’S SOME AGENT ORANGE FOR YOU CHUH CHUH
Heya
Dookie on drums (hey this needs to go into Request Line!!!)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWgvGjAhvIw
1st ff draft tonight. bottle of wine deep, few j’s, 10 team 2 qb, I know, i know but it is friends so whatever. Trying to block out that I have to go to work tomorrow.
Draft. The. Giraffe.
You reckon?
2 QB league? No doubt. Value + garbage time yards.
Naturally, have a 3rd.
You know what, football is starting to remind of days with my great uncle Bill: lots of dementia on Sundays and complaining about minorities celebrating too much.
This is unreal Buddy. Bravo.
Evening, Gents.
HAI M…Twbs
No worries. You could have finished.
– Mrs Litre
😉
Deci says I did.
Ha!!
So he thinks. 😉
I am so fucking ready for this finale
They thought they could prevent Jon from reproducing by sending him to the Wall (and killing him) but, uh, life finds a way.
Teddy can at least stand whilst holding the clipboard this season!
Hoyer. Country. You just livin’ in it, Vikes.
Wow that Goodwin guy has some amazing speed.
and that is likely the last any of us will ever hear from him, because PRE-SEASON FOOTBAW WOO!
How far David St. Hubbins has fallen…
Chuck McGill just before entering law school?
Good Lord is this ESPN baseball crew boring as fuck. Jessica Mendoza; because women can be ex-jock humorless automatons too!
/still would
Totally. *weathers 45 minutes of sports cliches for it*
Mendoza!
if that there Harvey fucks with HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBAW season down TX way, all of a sudden we shall have climate change true believers.
There was that vice episode where they were basically dying from drought and a shit ton of Texans met up in front empty reservoirs to pray for rain, so yeah.
“Be MOAR specific with yer prayin’ next time, assdicks! YEEEHAWWW!!!” – God, a little crunk
Suicide is also an option!! No, who am I kidding. Off the table this close to September.