I hope you enjoyed last week’s hefty smorgasbord, but the pickings are way the fuck thinner this weekend, at least the Saturday portion.  Onwards we go, nonetheless!

Palace and Soton open things up (7:30, NBCSN), with the former sporting a new manager after collecting ZERO points from the first four fixtures.  Saints have 5, good for 13th position, so nobody will blame you for sleeping in.

Back to only one televised match in the 10:00 window (NBCSN), surprising 4th position Watford hosting Man City (in 2nd based on goal differential to United).  The Moose Hornets have stepped into a vacuum of sorts left by stumblers the likes of Arsenal and fucking Everton.  City should represent a tall order, but I’d expect a real fight in this one.  If you’ve paid for NBC Sports Gold like a sucker (see Hippo, King) then Huddersfield Town v. Leicester is a decent second match to stream in the background.

Spurs and Swans are the big NBC game (12:30), but my affiliate is showing NC State/Furman JV NFL instead.  Swans are garbage, so I can hardly blame them.

Sunday Funday is where all the prime action resides, with the nameless (but fierce) Derby between Arsenal and Chelsea (8:30, CNBC) followed by Wayne Rooney’s return with Everton to Old Trafford to face Romelu Lukaku’s United (10:55, NBCSN).  Chelsea are in 3rd and look to cement their status as a contender to repeat as champions, whilst 11th position Arsenal need to fight off wolves at the doorstep.  My Toffees…are just a hot fucking mess and their table position (combined with United being first) are proof positive of just how many problems a monster like Big Rom papers over.

I still miss and love the big guy, and watching this match will hurt like hell on many fucking levels.

Oklahoma State at Pitt (Noon, ESPN)

It’s a testament to just how bad this window is that this game is being highlighted.  BDSM State should win by 4-5 TDs.  I will watch my shitty wolves play, and likely struggle against, their 1-AA foe.

UCLA at Memphis (Noon, ABC)

Come for the Chosen Rosen, stay for the…Chosen Rosen.

SMU at TCU (3:30, ESPNU)

It seems like a bunch of ponies would freak the fuck out over a bunch of eye-blood shootin’ horny toads, does it not?  But shit, I want to see it happen.  Entropy, WOO!!

Tennessee at Florida (3:30, CBS)

Both of these sides are (barely) ranked.  Do not expect that to last very much longer.  But maybe we get some entertainment for old times’ sake.

LSU at Mississippi State (7:00, ESPN)

Here’s a fixture with a recent history of being all cray-cray.  Dunno if Dan Mullen has the Cowbells re-stocked enough to compete yet, or if having DAK! was a once in a lifetime window for him/them.  If so, hey, they always have the Starkville prison to brag on.

Kentucky at South Carolina (7:30, SECN)

Why didn’t they show this in the noon window, FFS?  Interesting early season SEC East matchup, two teams who are pretty much an open book.  KY in particular has nothing to lose, and could be dangerous as a result.  The Chickens oft bumble these games.

Clemson at Louisville (8:00, ABC)

Once again, I will root heartily for the upfront, “no bones about it” evil of Bobby Petrino against the faux “humble Christian” shtick of DABO! any day of the week.  Clemson is the dirtiest program in the ACC not named U*NC, and yes, that includes Rapey Jameis’ alma mater.  Not easy to do.

Texas at Southern Cal (8:30, Fox)

This game won’t be much account, but there will be Song Girls, and tis always fun to laugh at Texas.  Plus I guess some chance of a post-Stanford hangover effect.

Stanford at San Diego State (10:30, CBSSN)

Fun game, everyone gets to find a new channel whilst crunk!  The Aztecs, fresh off they Coed Bowl win, host the downtrodden Trees.  Momentum in JV NFL tends to mean jack shit, though.  Bettors beware…

Ole Miss at Cal (10:30, ESPN)

Interesting tweaker alternate game, in that it should at least be a shootout.  Not sure Johnny Reb will travel that well, but also think Cal isn’t very good.