Man, I had a great time on this very site yesterday while pretending to be a shut-in. All that was missing was a van to pick me up to get the weekly groceries. I’ll just assume that the higher-ups are working on that. TO THE GAMES!
Chi/TB: Will qb Winston be able to cut back on his-hold your breath, Bucs fans-28(!) turnovers committed last year? He has no choice. Perhaps the Bears should give the ball back to basher Jordan Howard. That’ll just make everyone’s favourite fantasy pickup, Tarik Cohen’s job that much easier. Howard is expected to play but he was listed as questionable.
Buf/Car: Both Tyrod and Cam are coming off so-so performances that ultimately resulted in W’s so what do you want? Bills HC McDermott cut his teeth in the NFL as a DC at Carolina so he’ll have a bit of insight as to how to attack the D. McCaffrey’s nickname this week is Run-CMC.
Cle/Bal: Despite grabbing the L last week vs. Pittsburgh the Browns played quite well. Qb Kizer threw at a 66% clip and came out even with respect to TD’s and interceptions. Maybe, kinda, sorta, perhaps they’re headed in the right direction? Easy now, it was one game.
Ari/Ind: Both teams suffered through some abysmal qb play last week. Indy decided to get on the horn/kick Tolzien to the curb and go in another direction. The Cards response was a resigned shoulder shrug and a, “hey, it can’t get any worse next week, right?” Let’s see how these disparate approaches play out.
Phi/KC: Here are two teams that impressed (supposedly) neutral observers with how easily they took care of business last week. The Chiefs should get the home win and the number one AFC seed (it’s never too early!) but it’s not out of the realm of possibility that Philly surprises.
NE/NO: At long last Brandin Cooks comes home. I gotta think that Grumblelord gets the Pats on track again via a hellacious beatdown of the Saints.
Ten/Jax: You know why the Jags are now so committed to the run/play tough D way of doing things? It may have something to do with qb Bortles being 1-11 in games that he’s thrown for over 300 yards. Welcome to your new ‘game manager’ status, Blake-Alex Smith will be by later on with your lapel pin.
Min/Pit: This is my pick for best game of the early slate. Rb Bell will have his hands full with the Vikes front four and wr Brown gets a matchup with top 5 cb Xavier Rhodes. I can see the Stillers winning but they won’t do it in a walk.
It’s another gorgeous day out there where I am. Just perfect for sitting in the basement and watching ball. Let’s get to it, shall we?
Browns make me feel bad…
To the poor asshole that has to watch Jax/Ten: Is Mariota awful or is Jax’s defense good?
Jax may very well have a capable defense this year.
Jet Jaguar is tough
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cxV8Bf8ND4
Romo just called another play before it happened
@NFL, 45 minutes ago: “Perfect pass from Alex Smith.”
What the fuck?
Man, that’s A LOT of defensive holding penalties
Brees is the new Land Baron.
It’s only really worth watching when the Bears have the ball. It’s so suspenseful to wait for the fuckups!
Eagles are dropping like flies today. Can we check if the Chiefs are spraying DDT?
How far from Trubistkytown are we, Bears fans?
Sounds like we might get the historic, record-breaking 4 NC State alumnus NFL starters in one day for one week only.
(Giraffe, Black HODOR!, King Laserface, Charmslinger)
An NFL division but with only NC State QBs starting every game.
RedZone is a perfect counter to Reid Bowl
it’s the 2nd best thing in life, after opiates
Golden Corral trialled a Reid Bowl – it was a 55 gallon drum with everything from the buffet dumped into it.
Having been to GC as recently as 2012. Accurate.
I have a lot to regret in life.
You can’t spell “Glennon” without NO
More like Glennoff, imo.
PEAK BEARS HAS GOTTEN PEAKIER
When do the Elite? jokes stop being funny?
When Trump answered it two years ago.
when he’s inducted into the Delaware sports HoF
Just gonna be him, Rich Gannon, and Mark Eaton
I got to imagine a lot of insurance agents and white collar criminals in that stoic hall…
Not mad. Actually laughing.
Not mad. Actually laughing.
Not mad. Actually laughing.
http://nerdist.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/1488539-joker2.png
WOOOO MOAR PATRIOTS GOODNESS AND ALSO FANTASY POINTSING
So far not affecting me terribly on our faceoff.
And I’m not even really a Bears fan….it’s just an existential reminder of the futility of life
JuJuDOWN!!
Of course Gronk wears neon colored underware and of course it shows out from under his uniform all the time because THAT’S SO GRONK, BRO!
At least it doesn’t have Gronk-type sayings printed on it that also show through the pants!
I’m surprised Gronk wears any underwear. Small miracles and all that, I guess..
c’mon, GronkDOWN.
/fuck it, somebody’s gonna score, might as well help my fantasy chances
He got one already. Greedy sumbitch!
negated by fucking Hogan now. I hate life so much
CBS, the only way you will get me to watch Lil Bazinga is when you have him visit Uncle Touchy’s Naked Puzzle Basement.
Uncle Touchy’s: You won’t wear a shirt and you’ll cry.
So how long until we add Kizer to this?
Kizer has a bit of Couch in him…in that his supporting cast does him no favors, he takes all the blame, and idiot fans will cheer when he goes down with a serious injury late in the season.
Trying and failing at a “buried in the Couch” joke.
Peak Browns
#ThePauls on the march!
The nfl commercials with the incoherent babbling over techno…I thought they wanted to DENY the existence of CTE?
Good to see that fuck up resulted in an immediate touchdown that probably wasn’t a touchdown but whatever I’m not mad I’m actually laughing.
PEAK BEARS
How many days do I have to wait before I’m allowed to be angry at my fiancee for having a cough.
why, she won’t share her Tussionex?
Saving it to make some Drank later on…
When did you first hear it? That was the moment
Ladies and Gentlemen, we have hit PEAK BEARS
So soon?
&w=1024&h=768&zc=1
Back in business, Black HODOR! Finish it yourself, damn it.
Who?
Jacoby Brissett. Beloved NC State alum and new Humps QB
With a name like that, he’d be delic…I mean, welcomed in KC *Drools*
-A. Reid
Alex Smith…..overthrow?
Does Not Compute
JESUS SHIT FUCK
“Don’t touch the ball. Don’t touch the ball. Don’t touch the ball. Don’t touch the ball. ”
Tarik Cohen touches the ball.
WOW SO MUCH BEARSING
Saints don’t even deserve a You Tried after that drive.
yay, the guy in my $$ league started Chris Hogan ahead of Martavis Bryant
I really wasn’t expecting this Bears team to show sustain spurts of competence before fucking it away with a turnover and it’s definitely way more irritating that just being constantly shitty.
Aw, did you allow yourself to feel hope for a moment? That’s how they get ya!
Happiness is for fools and suckers.
DERPDERPDERPGLENNONDERP
So what kind of high end steroids is Suggs on because he looks better than his prime right now…
#ThePauls
Reid-Pederson is everything we expected it to be
Why is there this assumption that every time the Pats lose a game, they are “playing angry” the next game, and this makes them better? Other teams lose all the time and it doesn’t give them special magical angry powers
But other teams aren’t THE GREATRIOTS
#DoYourJob
No shit. The Bears should be the football equivalent of the Incredible Hulk by now.
The Pauls would have reached critical mass and opened a singularity at the Factory of Sadness if this theory held true.
BECAUSE ANGRY FACE
*pop*squawk*crackle* Power-down sequence initiated *hum slowly dies down*
White people always seem to get serious and angry when things don’t go their way. See every single work place shooting in US history.
Torrey Smith is still alive??
Well, he’s not a Bears WR, so it’s certainly possible
BLEERGH starting to take over in KC
THat Cardinals Run D, though
JoHo went NoNowhere
You can’t run a screen against Reid. It is his sustenance.
Ribs, donuts, cake, pizza, steaks, pie, 6-foot subs, lard shooters, the hostess and little Debbie familes would all like a word.
That guys putting my kids through college! -every golden corral and old country buffet
GODDAMNIT BLACK HODOR!
So soon?
I require IMMEDIATE RED ZONE GRATIFICATION
When the Chargers moved they should have gone for it and changed the team name to the Super Mutants
Ah and now the TSN feed from Montreal died so we’re back in studio. Great job, guys. Really showing the CFL can compete for viewership on Sundays.
Claude Goodell the culprit?
PRAISE SHAN’KLOR!
WOOOOO GRITDOWN FOAR BURKHEAD
Of course I cut him…