RAMS/49ERS:
That recently-displaced St. Louis football squad finally gets to leave the aloof and disinterested confines of whatever that stadium is that they now play in. The Empty Seat Convention (“this place is so roomy!”) that occurred the two previous Sundays wasn’t embarrassing for the league higher-ups at all, mostly because that is not an emotional response that they’re capable of. The Rams blew out the Colts and came within 7 of the ‘Dacteds so it would seem that the guy that looks like Gronk’s off-season wingman-HC Sean McVay(“I was born in ’86. Feel old yet?”)-has them pointed in a direction that isn’t rock bottom. This is a team that can be 7-9 this year and actually feel good about it. To his further credit he’s given up on Tavon Austin (16 snaps in two games) and rolled the dice on Sammy Watkins. The latter hasn’t done anything yet but as I said about Chris Hogan, it takes a bit of time to bleed the Buffalo from one’s system. Qb Goff sports the league’s highest passer rating (146.8) on throws over 20 yards so he can throw the deep ball with precision. That’s a start.
The 0-2 Niners have yet to score a TD this year. Their game last week vs. Seattle was like Burning Man for somnambulists. Rb Hyde is doing his part by running at a 7 yard per carry clip and I figure he’s the one that finally crosses the goal line for San Fran this week. The RAMMIT D gave up 5.9 yards per run last week but Aaron Donald is rounding into shape so we’ll see how things develop. ‘Pedestrian’ describes qb Hoyer’s play and what he might look like in Donte Stallworth’s headlights.
Let’s make the best of this. If you’d like to weigh in on politics, comedy, Hot Ones, your 70’s porn star figurine collection or anything else afore the game you should give ‘er below.
you can tell it’s a Tubby Wade defense, those fuckers SMELL BLOOD. 4 guys raking at the ball.
If you have to preface your comment with “Well, that’s not a bad throw…”, its a bad throw.
SF’s new gameplan: Run on every play.
INEFFECTIVE HOLDING #1
And apparently the most trusted name in picking the wrong place to pick up a burrito for lunch.
Why don’t they just snap the ball to the running back? They can use the extra man as a blocker?
Wildcats for some, miniature American flags for others!
Rammit!!!!
THAT’S TEH SPIRIT
I doubt they throw on this 3-and-out
Alright, if we get a 2nd pick here…
Colin Kaepernick just turned his TV off and is getting ready to take a walk around the neighborhood to clear his mind.
Pictured: Colin Kaepernick
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxBXke6KvPA
I wonder if Kaepernick’s neighbors can hear him laughing right now.
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!!!!
All night, all day, you just can’t stop!
LAR RULES!
SO…that tackle cost me 0.7 points. Better. 😀
This is the prelim for a razor commercial, right?
loooooooooooool
It’s over.
BRYAN HOYER: STARTING NFL QUARTERBACK
at least he LOVES HIS COUNTRY
…and we’re hitting the ground running!
FUCK!!!! That tackle cost me 10 points.
of course I am starting Goff and Gurley, so…
Welp we’re not wasting any fuckin’ time tonight, are we Hoyer?
BLACK POWER FIST ANTHEM!! Edgy!!!
He’ll get shot in a random traffic stop now.
Kyle’s pink jacket is fucking with my TV’s contrast settings
Guys, I need talked down from the ledge.
I’ve accepted that the Bengals suck and Green Bay’s gonna win. So, I’d be an idiot not to pick Green Bay in the Eliminator Pick.
However, the following thoughts keep festering in my dark and twisted mind:
– The Bengals are going to play their damnedest best to prove they were right to can the OC.
– The new OC has said that rather than over complicate things, they are going to simplify things so the players just have to play to their talents.
– Offense may have sucked, but the Defense has been pretty decent.
– The Head Coach has outright said that if they don’t perform, the next to go will be the players.
– Word from the locker room (re: sportwriters), say they’re going to return to the strategy that worked in 2015: Make Dalton comfortable and confident and throw the damned ball to AJ Green.
– The Bengals exist purely to screw me over, so of course they would win if I pick against them.
So please, will someone convince me to click Green Bay name and get it over with?!?!?!
GB is playing the shitty as fuck Bears. I rest my case.
Wait, that’s next week, isn’t it? I know nothing.
The Fuck Bears; different league.
Verry different style of porn as well.
Is it worth it to fuck yourself over to pick Cincy so your favourite team wins?
Cause with both tackles missing for GB, it won’t take that much for it to happen. I’m picking the Massholes.
I too am taking TAHMMY FROM FACKIN QUINZEEEE
Alright you sold me. Only because I think the Texans will be too confident and Patriots are still in F-U mode from Week 1.
Click Green Bay. Bears are a dumpster fire.
I’ll tell you something-
I put up these game posts as early as I can so that we can yak back and forth and no one has to watch any part of the pre-game shows.
It is very much appreciate
As a non-land owner, I can’t/won’t afford nfl network, so I won’t be watching the game either!
And we thank you for that since the pre shows SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UCK.
With Baby Buster, 4 of my 9 starters are Waiver Wire, in Week 3. That seems emblematic of the poor choices I make in my life.
Meh, you seem to be a smarty pants when it comes to fantasy. Moving on from the draft is how anyone wins a league. Injuries, emerging players, offenses that begin to gel-picking up players along the way is how you win any league.
Can we haz MOAR shots of the 9ers cheerleaders?
These are the outfits:
So they have an Emma Peel thing going on.
Imma peel that off her…..
/sorry
I first thought Black Widow/Natasha Romanov, but Emma Peel is more better.
Mariucci doesn’t wanna RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!!
TOO BAD
Temple/USF JV is as dire as one might expect.
Is south florida Thursday Night U now or somepin?
They lucky not to be assigned Tuesday MAC-tion
Evening internetters. Shall we do this?
[girds his loins]
We shall.
What choice have we? It is our appetizer. We must make room for the 4-course meal Sunday brings forth.
Fuck and Yes.
I guess?
Once more unto the breach, dear Internet Friends, once more!
alright Commentists? I got Goff off waivers, should I start Baby Buster, or at least flip a coin about it?
Who do the Clots play this week?
Factory
OAK will score, which is why I initially put shitass cocksucking Cousins back in. WAS may be forced to throw. But he just sucks so bad.
Coin said Baby Buster.
As good a basis for a decision as any.
/hypnotizing voice
You will lose to tWBS this weekend. You will put your whole team on waivers and run out nekkid at halftime.
Also, if I lose to you it’s because my fookin’ waiver claims ain’t coming in and I accidentally waived Kearse while very very high and drunk.
Allegedly.
Hee hee. Annoyed re my TE sitch.
You don’t need a TE. You got a tight KHunt coming out of the backfield vs nawt SD.
Yeah, that KHunt has been an answered prayer. Of course, I didn’t get him in the league that pays me moneys.
Oof.
Another fine workday.
For you, Moose.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=559eWB93jW4
BUT 2-0!!! They can NEVAR take that from us.
/Trip to Orchard Park is the mother of all trap games, though. I’d bet the farm on Buffalo. Just a turrrible matchup.
They’ll be fine. You are one of the most negative “fans” I know, especially since the situation is at worst neutral. They just womped a pretty good team. A really good team offensively they dominated; the Bills are a similar offense, but not nearly as good, they do have a better defense.
Unsourced factoid from Bobby’s wiki page:
I finally understand his abject failure as a professional.
MAKES SENSE tOSU would have that.
/sorry Redshirt
Can’t find any other reference to such a thing anywhere. Maybe it’s meant to be fans of the “Chapter of Creed”, a really good chapter in some book.
No need. We deserve you teasing for that.
LBJ angry about lack of progress in Vietnam. He wants “to nail some coonskins to the wall” – he didn’t even say no ofence ,, smh Lyndon.
/at least didn’t take “Jumbo” out
Have you done the whole Robert Caro cycle?
chuh chuh
/that old fuck better hurry up and finish before he die
//bought Master of the Senate for my Dad as a Father’s Day present, he loved it, inherited when he died, then read all the others in short order because NEEEEERRRRRRDDDDDD
Seriously folks, READ that Caro series on LBJ. It is PERFECT biography, neither a hit job, nor a slurpfest, just a thorough (dear FUCK is it thorough) recital of the life of a VERY complex man and several detours down paths of others he came into close contact with.
Caro has basically dedicated his entire adult life to understanding and writing about one fucking dude. And I am super grateful of that, as it has – in a way – helped me to understand my father and his times better.
I will say that, for all their good and bad points, LBJ, Nixon, and Teddy Roosevelt are the most fascinating, complex individuals I have read about (in the 20th century). Can’t read enough about all three. All had fatal flaws and immense gifts.
Fuck that nerd shit. Master of the Senate is by far the greatest piece of non-fiction I’ve ever read. I’ma need some time to think of second place.
Meh. I already know how it ends.
Hey! Hey!
LBJ!
How many kids
Did you kill today?
I already have the RRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! D/ST and Gurley, I could get Goff off waivers in 12 minutes. My other starting options are Brissett or fucking shit-ass cocksucking Cousins, so I could justifiably start 3 battlers FOAR LA! Out of 9 in a goddamned money league where I’m 2-0, even.
I’m 2-0 in one of my money leagues and I’ve no idea how it happened.
My Week 3 for has Doug Martin (suspended) and Randall Cobb (unlikely to play) in his lineup. Perhaps he has died and nobody has picked up on it yet. Oh well, 3-0 is 3-0!
ROSE ROYCE!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kfI7NHM-EE
Why do I want to keep calling him Bobby Hoyer? Was there a Bobby? Maybe Bobby Hoying?
there WAS a Bobby Hoying, tOSU methinks
And some time in the pros apparently
http://media.gettyimages.com/photos/nov-1997-bobby-hoying-of-the-philadelphia-eagles-in-action-during-a-picture-id300476
Didn’t have Eddie George to hand it to in philly though
Yep played for the Iggles for a bit.
Who here likes to….
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!!??
When the kick-off comes along, You must RAMMIT!
Jim Rome was playing RAMMIT today and I was angry he stole our bit.
Wasn’t there a niners-jags thursday night tilt a few years ago that was long dreaded but actually turn out good?
INDEED. One never knows with teh Thursday Poo Grab Bag. So go in FIST DEEP.
“Fist deep? Well, I know what I’m watching tonight. Raptly.”
-You Know Who, Green Bay, WI
Color rush? More like color FLUSH, AMIRITE?
RAMMIT sporting the baby-shit yellow unis tonight.
An apt metaphor.
This latest tweet from your President about allowing Dreamers to stay as long as they only have car-washing jobs-what do you think?
I mean they due seem 2 like that kinda thing yeh?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0eZoiYoFxU0
Peter King was on Yinzer sports yak earlier, and actually criticized the Giants’ offensive line, play-calling, and front office. SOMEONE’S GOING TO GET A CUP OF LUKEWARM LATTE NEXT TIME HE’S IN THE MEADOWLANDS.
Gramps Coughlin shit in the coffee urn again?
Or would that be a McAdoo-doo?
This game is the Thursday Night Football of Thursday Night Football.
“Hold my Guinness.”
-Sunday Morning Football in London
Hey tWBS:
Idea for tomorrow’s Sexy Friday:
Women with Maria as their first name. It’s very topical and you’d have a large abundance of Maria’s to choose from.
There are a lot of Maria’s now that you mention it.
Hmmmmmm…..
Maria Shriver. Yummy!
/I’m not doing this right am I?
There sure are, friend. There sure are.
https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQP_EsdIWK-GRyuz66BHrQIQc2bh54I68JTYwmuLvU64UXymjC_
Rolling with the RAMMMIT D tonight. This will be the week Hoyer goes off. You watch.
You’re good. Hoyer doesn’t “go off”. His skill set dictates that he ‘implodes’.
It’s really more of a failed implosion, a “fizzle” I believe is the correct term.
ME TOO
Holy shit, that might be the best banner image in EVAR.
Hehehehehehehe.