That’s one game under our respective onion belts. Let’s have more of this shall we? TO THE GAMES!
DEN/BUF: If the Broncs can shut down the Zeke-ster they shouldn’t have a problem with the Real McCoy should they? Fans of Denver worry about this being a ‘trap game’ but I don’t see it. Sure it was ugly but the Bills held the Panthers to only 9 points last week. Look for the league’s 2nd leading tackler, lb Ramon Humber (who?) to stick his nose in C.J. Anderson’s face.
N.O./CAR: As our own King Hippo has pointed out, qb Cam’s shoulder is nowhere near healed and this week he’s listed as questionable. If he can throw it more than ten yards he should get the win because the Saints secondary has been hot garbage ever since that Super Bowl win oh so many years ago.
PIT/CHI: Forecast: A steady rain of “WE WANT TRUTH BISCUIT!” will fall from the stands as the Bears get slowly eviscerated by the Steelers.
ATL/DET: Here’s my pick for the highest-scoring game of the one o’clock spot. Lions qb Tubby McFatterson does just enough to lose (late 4th quater pick perhaps?) a close one at home is the prediction here.
CLE/IND: WARNING: Watching this tilt puts you at an elevated risk of contracting eye-AIDS. The loser of this game is relegated to the CFL.
TB/MIN: The Bucs are still waiting on Doug Martin to return but seem to be doing okay with the trio of Sims, Barber and Rodgers splitting the work. Vikes star cb Rhodes gets a healthy helping of the near unstoppable Mike Evans this week.
HOU/NE: How about another home loss for the Pats? A guy can dream, can’t he? Stupid New England will get the usual mismatches in the passing game that they always do and will keep the Texans D off-balance. Ho hum.
MIA/NYJ: The Jets latest “longest year ever” continues. All is not extraordinarily bleak however. Wr Kearse, the afterthought that was thrown into the ‘get rid of Richardson’ deal, has caught 11 of his 15 targets and has 2 TD’s so far. Along with next year’s high draft pick the Jetskis also have a ton of cap space with which to trick/lure free agents into coming on board.
NYG/PHI: Goddamn it, I wish the Giants had a qb along the lines of Carson Wentz! HC McAdoo will continue to call all the offensive plays that the dreadful O-line won’t be able to execute. The End.
Get at it, lovelies.
Minute left in a tied game, let’s see how the Bears derp this up.
They will lose by three.
She is just fantastic.
And who might be this be?
For research purposes only. Nothing sacrilegious, of course.
I second this request
Epic series bears…wow.
Bearistocratic!
This game is going to OT
But is it because the stillers weren’t on the field foar murica?
Fell asleep and iggles up 14. Now down 3. Fuck.
Never thought I’d be so proud Bobby Massie
*extreme Cyril Figgis voice*
Hello.
You have to start with hello.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3s6TfiA8c8
DA FUQ JUST HAPPENED???? I HAD A GOOD 18-20 PT LEAD ON HIPPO ALL FUCKING DAY, NOW HE’S UP BY FIVE. I REPEAT, DA FUQ JUST HAPPENED?????
Does he have OBJ?
DeVante Parker.
Goddammit.
just enough so I lose b/c benched Duke Johnson
Holding a player to keep him from getting off the field. Gints coming up with new ways to fuck up.
… I’m pretty sure there were only 11 Eagles on the field anyways. He was still offside, mind you, but I only counted 10 other players.
BLEERGH with a smart flag? Today is a weird day in the NFL.
Bodies still dropping in Philly
That’s interesting, but how is the game going?
Buttchinski is a weiner.
Beckham is a drama king.
OK, Buttchinski. Have the balls to go for it?
First and 20? Why not try a fucking draw play.
An Anderson TD would be really nice right now.
BLEERGH says “fuck Chicago”
or as poker vets know “Chi****”
Last one with the ball in NYG/Philly wins?
What happened to Cam Newton?
ded (shoulder)
/imagine just a matter of accepting existing injury and scoreline combo
//really should shut him down for the season
Offseason shoulder surgery, I think?
Thank you, bullshit DPI call
who the hell is this Clement fucker?
so…out in Survivor, lose in both Leagues, weekend-long migraine. Need to get around to learning how to use a gun.
1. Safety off.
2. Turn self-loathing up to FULL (sometimes labeled MAX).
3. ???
4. PROFIT!!! (?)
2 is NEVAR a problem
don’t sit back now, we might have a game in cle/ind
She ain’t heavy, she’s my lover.
Same with NY/PHI.
Why would you show up to a bears bar in Colorado as a Packers fan?
That’s not the type of bears bar he was looking for?
because every packers fan I know likes to piss off every single bears fan they come into contact with?
I’ve been to 3 bears games at soldier field, none against green bay, and there were people wearing packers jerseys there
When I’m bored sitting in my chair watching tv, I like to knock softly on the wall next to me.
My little dog parks like crazy and runs to the door because he things someone’s there.
He’s a dumbass
Also Sterling “This is my favorite TD on the citadel” Shepard
Giants actually took a lead this season…WHAT MADNESS IS THIS!?!?!
Eli might get his post-game chocolate Yoo-Hoo after all.
Welp.
oh and guess who is somehow against STERLING FUCKING SHEPARD IN THEIR MONEY LEAGUE??
…Brocky?
find out tuesday!
The Sterling is my Shepherd. I shall not want. WOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Von Miller got a personal foul for JOKING with Tyrod Taylor?? THE HOLY TITTY FUCK???? Taylor was laughing and giving finger guns, for fuck’s sake.
“THE HOLY TITTY FUCK???? “
Don’t worry, James Harrison will get the fine from the NFL offices for that penalty.
I want some food. Is anyone eating food? I *did* do your laundry yesterday, after all.
I has a Donks sad. I knew this was coming, but they fought real hard today. BUF just took it from ’em.
Porn Star House would be a great TV show.
I would watch. Lots of touching.
So i saw IT again last night. Noticed a lot more stuff this time around. Still really liked it.
I don’t want to live in a world where Josh McCown is a reasonable option
why do you have porch fixtures in your basement? I have questions
All sports are bad
So the Dolphins just don’t have an offense, huh.
jay cutler is reliably unreliable
Matty Ice, SLAYED
Howard: “Oh boy, here i go dying again!” *John Fox smiles looking on*
I’m appreciating the dude at the bar screaming “No means no, Ben” every time there’s a Pittsburgh incompletion.
That’s good hustle.
block it again
fuck. that one’s your fault too cooper
kdkddkkddkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkdddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
Coach Kubes nods knowingly. “I hear ya, kid!”
I really could go for a Brown TD right now.
You’re gross.
DON’T JUDGE ME
I meant it in a positive way?
Giraffeception. There’s more bears shitting themselves than one of Buddy’s German Scheiße movies.
Fuck Mike Glennon.
HUSH YO’ MOUTH!!!
Where is YOUR GOD NOW, Wentz??
oh, #13 I guess
How did the… Tex—ans? not get penalized 8000 times in the last 3 minutes?
New england bias?