2017 Quotables – Week 3 (Submissions)

blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

Latest posts by blaxabbath (see all)

Lotta “showing unity” gifs this week but, really, how much can we make fun of that? But if you got one in the chamber for such displays of patriotism/terorrism (YRMV), I’m sure you can shoehorn it in.

But before we get to Quotables, here are your Power Rankings update:

Last week (Week 3):
Top 5: PIT, KC, NE, ATL, OAK
Bottom 5: IND, SF, CLE, CHI, CIN

This week (Week 4):
Top 5: KC, NE, ATL, DET, TEN
Bottom 5: SF, CLE, CIN, LAC, MIA

Mind you, the Jets aren’t even in these rankings because they are actively tanking — and, in true JEST fashion, even fucking that up with a win over Miami — so the Meadowlands houses two of the worst teams in the league while Los Angeles has a team in the Rams who are…..interesting. Still, you know, parity.

So, enough about overpaid millionaires who couldn’t possibly know anything about oppression (though I can imagine that’s the first thing they experience when they see how much in taxes comes out of paychecks that large), onto Quotables!


Denver Broncos coach Vance Joseph discusses a call with a line judge in a game against the Buffalo Bills.

Detroit Lions wide receiver TJ Jones is tackled in a game against the Atlanta Falcons.

 

A Jacksonville Jaguars fan reacts during a game in London against the Baltimore Ravens.


A Chicago Bears player fumbles a blocked punt return against the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Tennessee Titans fans honor America during the National Anthem before a game between the Titans and the Seattle Seahawks.

Mindy Kizer, mother of Cleveland Browns quarterback DeShone Kizer, is featured during a CBS broadcast between the Browns and the Indianapolis Colts.

The Houston Texans complete a pass against the New England P*triots.

Oakland Raiders running back Marshawn Lynch is tackled in a game against the Washington Redskins.
blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.

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[…] 2017 Quotables – Week 3 (Submissions) – September 26, 2017 […]

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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I haven’t seen a Texan evade a series of Patriots so successfully since the Newton Gang stayed one step ahead of federal marshals in the 1920’s.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

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“Aw, look at that adorable little fellow running on the grass…he looks so happy! Oh look, a falcon is dropping by to say hello!”

– Shanna Moakler

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Apologies for my late entries, would you believe people expected me to work on the day Quotables comes out? Savages.

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THIS MARSHAWN LYNCH I CALL FIREWATER BECAUSE HE’S ATTRACTED THE ATTENTION OF A LOT OF R*DSK*NS!!!

LemonJello
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LemonJello

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“Athletic” quarterback play on display.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

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“Who let Manziel into the players family section?”

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

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Good to see the Children of the Corn made it to today’s game.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

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“Hey, Cooper, what’s the capital of Thailand? BANGKOK!”

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

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“I do a little meth, fall asleep in the belly of a plane at JAX and I wake up where?”

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

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Leave it to Fat Stafford to get his receiver killed on a play called “Z-go Purple Monkey Dishwasher”

Obligatory: Roger Goodell fines James Harrison $50,000 for this hit.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

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Ref: “No, really, I’ve got, like, lots of black friends.”

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

45,000+ views. It seems that I need to add a Tom Brady tag to all of my gifs because some saps are eating that shit up.

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Redshirt
Member

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♫ I’m gonna score a touchdown
I’m gonna – ♫
Wait, I read online the end zone is lava. Is that—AH!

Game Time Decision
Member
Game Time Decision

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Ref- ” and since Tebow won’t take a knee, you need to sign him.”
Coach – “oh I am, I am”

King Hippo
Member

Perfect

And I was killing myself for not being able to come up with some “crazy cracker motherfucker” dick joke for this. It NEVAR would have been this good.

Game Time Decision
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Game Time Decision

wow, thanks man

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
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“Hey Mindy, I’m gonna give it to this beer can just like the Colts are giving it to your boy!”

BrettFavresColonoscopy
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That’s so Raven!

BrettFavresColonoscopy
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THIS IS TRUE PATRIOTISM! BLINDLY FIDDLING WITH YOUR HAT DURING COMPULSORY CEREMONIES AT IRRELEVANT SPORTING EVENTS! NO ONE DENIES THIS!

BrettFavresColonoscopy
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How many offensive terms can we put in one gif? “Lynch”, “[REDACTEDS]”, “NFL”, “balls”…

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
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You can tell he’s not from Jacksonville because he has all of his teeth, and you can tell he’s not British because of the quality of his teeth. So, just, who IS this man?

theeWeeBabySeamus
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly.

He lied. He’s really in London.

theeWeeBabySeamus
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I caught it….I really caught it!!!! Ouch.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That was a hell of a play.

theeWeeBabySeamus
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tWBS is gonna put me on waivers if I fuck this up.
/fucks it up intentionally

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
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Wait, don’t the Titans play in Puerto Rico or something? Why are they even playing our national anthem there?

ArmedandHammered
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ArmedandHammered

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And now is the time on Sprockets when we play air guitar.

ArmedandHammered
Member
ArmedandHammered

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Gotta fake looking happy while this ref’s whitesplain’ everything to me.

King Hippo
Member

#UncleRemusFootballHandbook

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

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Eli looks different

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

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“Something tells me kneeling is more comfortable on my jet”

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

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Pictured: Bear thinking the 1 yard line is the woods

nomonkeyfun
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“Now I can go get me some of that chocolate poontang. Yee-haw, I’m crazy.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

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“199 more of these and I can retire early!”

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

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Get this man a Jag Rag!

Brocky
Member

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It was at that moment Marcus Cooper suddenly remembered that he had told his bookie to take the over on Pittsburgh

Brocky
Member

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Appropriate this is supposedly in england, because I’m detecting a bit of wibbly wobbly, timey wimey

If anyone else picks up on this, shoot me a dm, lol

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Marshawn:

SKITTLES SKITTLES SKITTLES SKITTLES SKITTLES SKITTLES SKITTLES SKITTLES D’OH WHERE’D MY SKITTLES GO?

nomonkeyfun
Member

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Why yes, England also has meth.

nomonkeyfun
Member

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“Thank God for CTE. At least my boy won’t have to remember Cleveland.”

SonOfSpam
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The only way to get through a Browns game is to pretend it’s a sweet-ass Foghat concert.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Fun fact: “foghat” is how Trent Green refers to his old helmet because of what it is and what it does.

Brocky
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Brocky
Member

Dazed and confused indeed

SonOfSpam
Member

Also, kudos to Blax for finding this GIF. It brings me all the joy.

Enrico Pallazzo
Member

I haven’t seen a Bear stripped that disappointingly since John Popper at The Plugged Nickel.

SonOfSpam
Member

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“How can ya have any pudding if ya don’t eat yer meat???”

Enrico Pallazzo
Member

Referee: HEY! You’re the Sergio Dipp guy!

nomonkeyfun
Member

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“How do you like the rockets red glare now Baltimore.”

SonOfSpam
Member

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“Ok, listen coach…what I’m saying is, MY son didn’t get into Texas Tech because some of YOUR people got in with worse grades, so how can Kaepernick POSSIBLY justify kneeling like some terrorist?”

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