For your Sexy Friday shenanigans this week,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlEuHhtXhOs

you get a dose of the tWBS and Balls Komedy Hour! What has made you so lucky as to receive this great honor? Well,  today is the Aussie rules Grand Final and all things Aussie are taking over.

We will be giving you a full preview of tonight’s game,  a potpourri of fine Australian ladies to gaze at, and there will be punch and pie! Let’s get started.

Welcome to Balls of Steel’s/tWBS’ AFL Sexy Friday!

TWBS: Um,  so what exactly are we doing?

Balls: Dude,  I just spelled it out!

TWBS: Yeah,  but where the hell are we getting punch and pie?

Balls: Don’t worry about it.

TWBS: You know I hate it when you do that,  right?

Balls: Ok,  here’s your pie:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpF6fiZBMKY

TWBS: That’s… not what I was expecting.

Balls: Wanna see your punch?

TWBS: No,  thanks. Hey,  are you ok? Do you need a Midol?

Balls: I’m sorry. Our team getting eliminated by 61 points was not the best way to start last weekend.

TWBS:  Yeah, agreed.  ‘Twas ugly.  So then why are we doing this again?  Do we really care that Adelaide is gonna roll Richmond as if Jefferson Davis was still around?

Balls:  What?

TWBS:  Sorry, I was just watching a Civil War documentary.  But seriously, how is this sexy?

Balls:

TWBS:  Oooooohh, she kinda pertty.  Who ‘dat?

Balls:  This is Megan Gale.

TWBS:  Again…Who ‘dat?

Balls:  Australian model.  She’s shacked up with Shaun Hampson.

TWBS:  Again…who ‘dat?

Balls:  Oh FFS, dude.  He plays for Richmond.  Are you drunk already?

TWBS:  No comment.  Also….yes.  But not drunk enough that I’ve forgotten who Miranda Kerr is.  Just lookit those dimples…

Balls:  Which ones?

TWBS:  Oh stop.  But again….also yes.  Plus she surfs…

Balls:  First…we did surfing a coupla weeks ago.  Second… she’s a Collingwood fan.

TWBS:  Look at her…

…Now ask me if I care if she’s a Collingwood fan.  Keep it up and I’ll have to hold you down and let her give you a pounding.  And not the good kind.  Don’t let that sweet face fool you.  She will kick your ass…

Balls:  Fair enough, I guess. You can hardly see the missing teeth.

TWBS: Now that’s not nice.

Balls: Maybe not,  but this is:

TWBS: I still can’t get over the ears.  He kinda looks like a Volkswagen rolling down the road with the doors open.  Do you think he is wearing the autism undies?

Balls: Dunno,  but I’m pretty sure she’s not.

TWBS: Where is that pic from?

Balls: The Brownlow medal ceremony,  essentially the league MVP award, which was held on Monday in Melbourne but Adelaide held its own ceremony at Adelaide Oval since they’re getting ready for the Grand Final.  Richmond’s Dustin Martin won,  of course.

TWBS: Of course! I knew that!

Balls (looking at TWBS sideways): riiight. This one gets my vote for outfit of the night:

TWBS: Looks like a normal tux to me.

Balls: Ass.

TWBS: If we rotate the picture,  we’ll probably be able to see hers. Do ya think she’s wearing underwear?

Balls: I wouldn’t.

TWBS: Dude.

Balls: What?

TWBS:  Moving on, WHEN ARE WE GETTING TO THE SEXY??? This is Sexy Friday,  after all!!

Balls:  Hey, remember the last time we did a Sexy Friday together?

TWBS:  Phrasing.

Balls:  Wanna do something like that but with Australian girls?

TWBS:  Yeah, I’ve been meaning to kick your ass again, anyway.

Balls:  As if!!

TWBS:  Mexican please!

Balls:  Ok, before I kick you in the nuts, let me do a quick season recap and Grand Final preview.

TWBS:  Do we have to?

Balls:  Yes.

TWBS:  Fiiiiiine.  Is it OK if I start looking for the Sexy while you run your mouth then?

Balls:  Sure, whatever.  My feeling is that the Cats…

TWBS:  This is Amanda Bisk.  Australian Pole Vaulter.  Heheheh, get it….pole vaulter…?

Balls:  Wow.  But stop that.  As I was trying to say….the Cats ended up…

TWBS:  Phoebe Tonkin.  Vampire Diaries?

Balls:  *sigh*  I’ve never watched it.

TWBS:  Yeah, me neither.  I might now tho.  I’d let her bite me.  And I’d sure as shit bite her.

Balls:  Can I finish now, please?

TWBS:  That’s What She Said.

Balls:  Goddammit!!!!!

TWBS:  Fine, no promises, but sure….give it a shot.

Balls:  Geelong had a few critical issues as a team which caused them to get bitten in the end, and…

TWBS:  Speaking of getting bitten in the end…I give you Jessica Gomes…

Balls:  DUDE!!!!!

TWBS:  Oh please.  Like you wouldn’t sink your teeth into that….those….well, her.

Balls:  OK, fine.  Also, hold that thought.  We’ll come back to that, LOL.  But can you at least gimme two minutes?  Then we’ll get to the Sexy?

TWBS (looks at watch):  GO!!!!!

Balls:  Mine and tWBS’ Geelong Cats finished about where they deserved to.  They were among the best teams,  but they had crucial weaknesses that made them vulnerable and bit them in the end.

To me,  the pleasant surprise of the year was GWS while the Richmond Tigers reaching the Grand Final was something no one could have predicted. Sydney was a weird case.  They couldn’t win shit then then they couldn’t lose and then the Cats rolled over them.  I have no idea what to make of their season. St. Kilda was as St. Kilda as always and the Demons collapse in the final week was some sweet sweet schadenfreude.

TWBS:  Fifteen seconds….

Balls:  You’re an ass.

TWBS:  Duh.

Balls:  As for the Grand Final,  I think Adelaide is the best team and should win.  The only intangible is how the huge pro-Tigers crowd will influence the game and/or officials.  I’m still pissed the AFL made Geelong play the Qualifying Final at the MCG and essentially made it a Richmond home final.

TWBS:  Meh, home field didn’t do much for Jefferson Davis.

Balls:  What?

TWBS:  Never mind.  So, what now?  I guess we gotta do some sports and current event type stuff, then post a buttload of Sexy.  You in?

Balls:  That’s What She Said.

TWBS:  There it is!!!!  Finally!!!!  Now it’s time for you to get caught up in looking for Sexy while I do the sports.  Use your google, it’s your friend.  This is an Aussie model named Brooklyn Kelly, btw.

Balls:  Wow.  She’s cute.

TWBS:  No shit.  Here, listen to more Aussie Music while I half-ass this week’s sports section.

Balls:  Oooooh, she’s cute too.  Always liked her.

TWBS:  No shit.

–

Sports Nobody In Australia Cares About

NFL

The Packers were a touchdown fav last night over the Cubs….errrr Bears.  They didn’t have too much trouble covering, in spite of lightning delays and a near death experience…

Fortunately, Davante Adams is apparently going to be OK.  Hopefully they even gave him some good drugs (don’t even think about it King Hippo).

And FWIW, I don’t see this as having been malicious by Trevathan.  Ill-advised given the climate of the NFL these days?  Thus maybe deserving of a fine and/or suspension?  Maybe.  Even if for no other reason than to continue to raise awareness among players about these sorts of dangers.

But I’ve watched this multiple times and I see no malicious intent.  I’m not willing to make that judgement about the man’s intent.

For those of you who have never played the game of football, especially as a defensive player?  I have, and lemme tell ya folks, there are a lot of moving parts in this play, and every other play in football.  As a defensive player you’re taught to play hard until the whistle.  And because of that, unfortunate things do happen sometimes.  Like last night.  Fine him?  Suspend him?  As I said, it might be necessary just due to the climate currently.

But if you want to try to put yourself into his head and determine he did this maliciously?  All these writers and commentators, with their platitudes of trying to appear smrt?  Well smrt guys, maybe ask yourselves who is really to blame here?  Watch that video again….listen to when the whistle came.

“I was just trying to make a play,” Trevathan asserted. “It wasn’t intentional. I was just trying to hustle to the ball and do my job. Unfortunately, he wound up hurt. I’m sorry about that. And I’m going to reach out to him and try to send him a message. We play a physical game. But you never wish that on anybody.”

– Danny Trevathan

You smrt guys wanna not have this happen anymore, then disband football.  Completely, once and for all.  Because that is the ONLY way things like this will not happen anymore.  Oh sorry, my bad….THEN you wouldn’t have jobs anymore.  Hypocrites.

Anyway, Packers down the Bears by 21.  Let’s move on.

Sunday/Monday

MLB

The regular season ends this weekend.  Playoffs start next week.  Who cares?

Your World Series is going to be Washington over Cleveland in six games, btw.  Just a gut feeling.  And technically, that bracket up there is not yet finalized.  Milwaukee could technically still slip in past Colorado as the 2nd wild card (the No.5 seed) in the NL.

But they ain’t gonna.

Tonight:

• LAD at Colorado – 8:00pmEDT – TV: MLBN (regional split)
• Milwaukee at St. Louis – 8:00pmEDT – TV: MLBN (regional split)

Schedule

Standings

NCAA Football

A not terrible Friday slate, ribbed for her pleasure….

• (14)Miami, FL @ Duke – 7:00pmEDT – TV: ESPN
• Tejas @ Iowa State – 8:00pmEDT – TV: (hell if I know…it says ESPN, but that seems wrong considering the Miami/Duke tilt)
• BYU @ Utah State – 8:00pmEDT – TV: CBSSN (cue King Hippo making Mormon jokes)
• Nebraska @ Illinois – 8:00pmEDT – TV: FS1
• (5)USC @ (16)Wazzou – 10:30pmEDT – TV: ESPN (at there will be something decent-ish until the Grand Final)

Your Full Saturday O’ Fun

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Balls (returning from Google): Dude!

TWBS:  WHAT? I was in the middle of sports!

Balls:  Fuck that shit.  The only sport that matters tonight is Australian Rules.  Ok, so… can you honestly choose between any of these three girls?

TWBS:  Yes.  The one in the middle.  When in doubt, always choose the one in the middle.  You know, unless she’s all ugly n junk.  Also…ummmm… I’ll be right back…

Balls:  Ok, I’ve got 39 seconds, so I’ll make this quick!  See, there was this Australian girl a long time ago that I …

TWBS:  What are you talking about and why are you talking to them without me?

Balls:  Huh?  What?  Nothing.

TWBS: You said something about an Australian girl.

Balls: No, I… hey, that was super quick, wasn’t it?

TWBS:  What can I say?  Didn’t even need the full 39 seconds.  FWIW, it’s a TWBS sandwich.  I ain’t choosing shit!

Balls:  I hear that!  Hey, check this out:  Margot Robbie is on Instagram!

TWBS:  She’s yummy.  I still sometimes dress up as Harley and masturb….  Ummm never mind.

Balls:  Wait, whut?

Balls: Are you OK?

TWBS:  Yeah, gimme a sec….

Balls:  Dude!?!?!?!?!?!  Again?

TWBS:  Sorry.  But you’re the one who brought her up.  Giggity.  Plus I’d like to tend her lady garden!

Balls:  Sorry, bud. I’m the Mexican here.  If there is anyone for that job, it’s me.

TWBS:  Ok, fine.  Wait, weren’t we talking about something?

Balls (points to bong): Yeah, that!

TWBS:  Cool, I needed a towel anyway.

Balls:  Gross.  But anyhoo, while he’s busy, I’ll tell you that the most beautiful woman I ever went on a date with was Australian and the reason I was able to get her to talk to me let alone go out with me was because of my love for Australian Rules.

TWBS:  I heard that!

Balls:  Dammit!  Dude, you’re really high-functioning!

TWBS:  Damn right, baby!  So, why didn’t you want to tell me?

Balls:  Well, you’d ask for details and then we’d have to tell them and…

TWBS:  Anal?

Balls:  Sadly, no.  I’ll tell you later.

TWBS:  So, you’ll tell me all the juicy stuff, right?  Fuck those guys!

Balls:  No, it’s not like that.  It’s… actually an embarrasing story.

TWBS:  Premature ejac…

Balls:  NOOOOOOOOOO!!!  No, no, never, never.

TWBS: Sooorry!  What was it, then?

Balls: Let’s just leave it to say I was a dumbass and I didn’t take advantage of an opportunity and that is one of my few regrets in life.

TWBS:  So, why did you bring it up?

Balls:  So the DFOers can learn what I learned:  It’s what you don’t do that you regret, not what you do do.

TWBS:  Hee hee, you said doodoo!

Balls:  Let’s get back to the girls, shall we?

TWBS:  Yeah, yeah.  In a sec.  First I need to remind you about Nazi Aussie so that I can contradict your doodoo.

Balls:  What?

TWBS:  Sorry, I’m a little high now.  Hey, hand me the vodka, would ya?

Balls:  How is that gonna help?

TWBS:  Well it’s sure as hell not gonna hurt.  Anyway, I generally agree with you that our biggest regrets in life are the things we don’t do.  Having said that, one of my most not regrets is…

Balls:  Great grammar (fucking stoner).

TWBS:  Shut up.  One of the best things I ever didn’t do was her.

Balls:  But she was really hot, wasn’t she?

TWBS:  Big time hot.  But also big time cray cray.  With big time Nazi/racist attitudes, which didn’t surface until we’d already become “close”.  Honestly, I think if I ever had …  if I’d ever had “relations” with her, let’s say … my penis would have rightfully shriveled up and fallen off.

Balls:  Well it’s not like you use it anyway.

TWBS:  Hey, I use it almost every night.  Just because I’m usually alone doesn’t mean….

Balls:  OK!!!!!  Moving on.

TWBS: I’ll tell you one thing:  If I ever meet Elle McPherson in person, I will tell her how hot she looks today in her 50s.  That woman looks like she did decades ago!

Balls:  Yup, maybe we should start watching the Vampire Diaries.  Just sayin’.

TWBS: You think?

Balls: Yup.  Gotta be.  No way she’s mortal.

TWBS:  You may be right I guess, but she’s in the sunlight.  Why isn’t she bursting into flames?

Balls:  Didn’t you watch Twilight?  They don’t burst into flames anymore.  They just kinda sparkle semi-conspicuously nowadays.

TWBS:  Well, she is kinda sparkling there with the water…and…ummmm…I’ll be right back.

Balls:  Again?  Already?

TWBS:  I told you I used it almost every night.  Multiple times, some nights.

Balls:  Which gives a different, and way more creepy meaning to you being “High Functioning”.

TWBS:  Oh relax, it’s not like I’m asking you to help.  Where’d that towel go, btw?

–

I Wanna Hit The Land Down Under

Yeah, I know I already used that pun in the title.  So sue me.

Enjoy…

Balls:  Hey, isn’t that….

TWBS:  Yup… 

Balls:  Heyyyyyy….she’s REALLY cute.

TWBS:  Yup.  That’s Alycia Debnam-Carey.  Sydney native, but now spends most of her time making the big bucks by running from the undead in the zombie apocalypse alternate universe…

…but she cleans up very well…

Balls:  Indeed.  But we should probably stop now because this is already starting to get too long…

TWBS:  That’s What She Said.

Balls:  Sometimes I really hate you.

TWBS:  Get in line, Pal.

–

Aussie Rules Grand Final

Adelaide Crows vs Richmond Tigers

TWBS:  The 2017 AFL Grand Final will be played at the MCG at 2:30pm local time on Saturday September 30, which in ‘Murrica is….

/looks at watch

//begins counting on fingers

///takes off shoes, continues counting on toes

Balls:  Oh FFS dude!!!  It’s tonight at 12:30amEDT (technically Saturday) on the east coast, Friday 9:30pmPDT.  And this is how to watch….

USA:  Fox Soccer Plus

Canada: TSN 2

You can also see it via Watch AFL online (for a fee of $22).

And if all else fails, maybe this site can help you find it where you live.

–

TWBS:  So this was fun, huh?

Balls:  Our definitions of fun seem to differ a bit.

TWBS:  Oh stop, you know I just give you a hard time because I love ya.

Balls:  Grumble grumble.

TWBS:  I bet I know what would cheer you up….

Balls:  You know me so well.  See ya in a few hours for the match?

TWBS:  Sounds good.  Here, you want my towel?

Balls:  Ummmm…I’m gonna have to give you a “no” on that one.

Balls and TWBS have now both disappeared to “kill some time” before the match.

To different rooms.

Don’t be gross.

Also,  comment away!

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Do you have a “request” or an idea for a future TGISF theme?  Drop me a line…

[email protected]

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