I’m tired and grumpy. And somehow also both drunk and hungover simultaneously. That doesn’t seem fair, just sayin’.
And I hate teh Clots. This could get interesting.
OK, maybe not “interesting” so much as “awkward”.
Just kidding. I do hate the Clots, but I’m too tired to spew venom. Or anything else, for that matter. When they’re 1-3 later tonight, that’ll be good enough.
(but fuck the Irsays)
–
It’s been a long day of football. A long weekend for those of us who also drug ourselves into catatonia with the college games on Saturdays.
But thank Christ we’re almost home. Just one more game tonight and then we get a reprieve until next week.
(Hey Dumbass, there’s still MNF tomorrow!!!!)
Dammit.
/begins drinking moar heavily
//rolls a blunt
–
Indianapolis @ Seattle
8:30pmEDT – NBC
Tonight, the pride of the AFC faces off against the pride of the NFC in a contest which will be pivotal for…
Sorry, I can’t even finish that sentence with a straight face.
Tonight’s featured matchup pits two teams currently sitting at 1-2. And deservedly so (just barely).
The Clots suck on both sides of the ball. Or they have so far at least. They barely managed to beat #thePauls last week at home.
The Hoxx haven’t really wowed anyone either yet, their lone win coming against the 69ers (you see where I’m going here, right?). But their losses are at least slightly more respectable, and they even showed signs of finding some semblance of an offense last week at Tennessee. They’ll find it at least a little more tonight, more than likely. Problem for them is that their run D ain’t so stellar, so if the Clots can manage to get a run game going, they could chew up some clock and keep it close. Then when things open up, Jacoby Brissett can pick his spots here and there in the air.
Either way, it’ll probably be a fairly ugly game. Big shock, I know.
Vegas has this game Hoxx -12.5, o/u 42.
Pretty big line considering, and there is a reason for that.
But as much as I hate to say it, take the Clots and the points on this one (also probably take the under).
But I do still think the Hoxx win outright. But even if they do it won’t be by much. Is that OK with you, Pete?
If you missed earlier sessions today and need to catch up, here’s your Scoreboard.
Now get your degenerate butts into the clubhouse and say useless and offensive things we can all laugh at before our livers shut down later tonight.
Artist’s Conception….
(also nsfw)
CHEERS ASSDICKS!!!!!
–
Postscript….
You can all be very happy that unless Travis Kelce is able to tally up 28.09 pts for me tomorrow night, our good friend Don_T, who has undergone quite a bit of tribulations in the past few weeks thanks to weather….
Will have kicked my ass this week in FF without any utilities or electricity.
I can live with that.
–
Here’s that long FG for tWBS
Yeah, bcuz I’m that lucky.
Looks like you spoke too soon
See, Black HODOR! can even do Laserface’s “I want the snap NOW!!!” stamp
Playing quartered back at NC State is a great place to learn how to pass with 3 dudes hanging off ya.
“What about three guys hanging off ya?”
— Aaron R., WI
check that eligibility, we’d love to have ya when Finley graduates!
Which orifices? – Aaron Rodgers
In that GE commercial Molly just got a bunch of people fired because she automated-away their jobs.
The “high snap.” Just because they’re in Seat-
Oh, wait. That was high.
It’s basically KHunt v. SeaTruther D/ST in my match v. Dok. Since my starting Smokin’ Jay canceled out her travelling and leaving Snead in her lineup.
And, lo, the game did end 3-0. And the DFO did, in its entirety, drink heavily of ales and meads, until they died.
For never was there a tale of more woe than this Kommentariat and the game that blowed.
Mead? Dilly dilly!
“Seattle Snowflakes vs. The Indianapolis Cucks in the SJW Bowl. Winner destroys western civilization with Bernie Sanders Marxism.”
– Some dumb asshole
No, no. Many dumb assholes!
Sad but true
Inspired by all our jokes on Jacoby Brisset, trump has decided to cut off his arm to check his “smoke ring” to determine whether he’s black enough to deserve scorn.
/Trying to come up with trumpnarios which are outrageous enough to be unlikely; will keep trying.
AW YEAH. IBUSHI ON THE FIELD.
The sex doll filed charges and he was convicted. She also received damages in civil court.
So you’re saying it’s not the NFL guy
Correct sir.
“Let’s see…. how can we make this more serious..?”
Can’t stop laughing at this.
But I was going to hell anyway, so no worries.
So, lawsuits abound, right?
Holy shit. That guy’s dead.
Well, if he wasn’t, he is now.
Well, sorry sir; that was a pre-existing condition and therefore not covered.
In their defense, it did technically exist before he got in the door.
THAT WAS THE JOKE.
I KNOW I WAS TRYING TO EXPAND UPON IT.
What I really wish tho is that the doors had closed. That would have been awesome.
It’s basically an OJ scene from Naked Gun at that point
That seems a tad short of FG range.
Not a good start.
Unless you get more points for a longer FG. In which case, kick the 90-yarder!
FGs should have a distance multiplier.
Let’s check in with a completely rational and calm Browns fan and his response to the game…
https://youtu.be/dfSwVSpgGzI
HARVARD ATHLETE!!! Was he an architect?
He’s definitely a hard-worker, respects the game, and brings his lunchpail.
offensive lineman or punter?
Not good.
GOD, that was so fun
This will never not be hilarious.
Ook Polka.
Ook.
OOK.
“He’s AMAZING!”
Sickly-looking field claims its first victim.
Wow that anthem rendition was awful. Just sing the fucking song already.
I wonder what you get for 25 cents.
Herpes
And his tag team partner!:
I really hate Al Michaels.
“I really hate Al Michaels.”
— Al Michaels’ liver
Nice.
The veterans group was protesting racial justice outreach?
That’s where we’re at now.
The great part about Trump being president is that it’s made us all into one giant human centipede forced to digest every one of his shits until it breaks our brains.
I mean, there was an article in The Weekly Standard about how “you have to at least recognize there is a point in how .shitty it must feel to be a black person and targeted by overzealous policing, no matter if it’s a minority of law enforcement.” FOR FUCK’s SAKE.
Is The Weekly Standard just a bunch of liberal, candy-ass snowflakes now too?
That Seahawk locker room must be interesting…
Is Andrew Luck hungry? Is that why he’s patting his stomach?
Chargers-Giants next week to determine which fanbase gets to quit for the year first.
Brian James only eats the fried fish.
Michael Bennett to Trump: Fuck you.
I support Michael Bennett
Could’ve made several flags out of that jersey
Is this guy retarded fat, or just fat? I want to know if I should feel bad for snickering.
They got a real neckbeard to do the national anthem. Good job, Seahawks.
The Fat Humps are going to ask for more Brisket after Hodor returns.
That girl in the Verizon commercials is quite attractive and I would like to service her.
I care nothing about this game, but would like to see momentary-Patriot Jacoby Brissett do well.
Black HODOR! shall make us proud
Only between the 20s please. tWBS needs Indy FGs out the wazzu.
I’ll accept that. Good luck!
“Mmmmmm… brisket…”
-Andy R, MO
As usual, I’m reminded that Carrie Underwood ain’t no Faith Hill.
THIS. She gets the mute button treatment. And no sexual fantasies.
We’re all counting on you Fat Humps.
4 of us out of the eliminator so far. Fat Humps are going to wipe the floor with us
I took the Seahawks this week. I may well regret that.
I think a good 5 or 6 of us did
Yeah, this has the makings of one of those games that really clears out an Eliminator.
A scream from upstairs followed by running feet, more screaming, “I hate you!!! I hate you!!! I have to put this on Instagram!!! I hate you!!”
A very Millennial response.
“git off my lawn!”
– WCS
“GIF off my lawn.”
-Anon.
It’s a good thing you’re a lawyer. You’ll have to defend yourself from child abuse charges someday.
Best part was she sort of called it. She got home and said she expected to see a red balloon on the mailbox, in which case she would have just kept driving.
On no dear daughter; your parents are much, much worse than that.
Lemmy Kilmeister did not die so that a bunch of gerbils could blow out of town in a Kia.
Or did he.
*Cue X-Files theme
It’s a fun car, and can hold Lemmy-sized quantities of alcohol. I’ll allow it.
My daughter just got home. The red balloon is in her room. I am so excited, and such a terrible father.
You’ll tell us what happens, right?
Jameis Winston fucked up the Giants like they were a drunk, vulnerable college girl at a block party.
This offense is so bad, it’s the most cancerous thing ever in Chuck Pagano’s life.
We’re 4 weeks in and you know what that means. Time for endlessly checking in on Sports Club Stats so I can find an even more nerdy way to monitor the Eagles’ unavoidable demise!
Actually, it appears to have not been updated since last season. Booooo.
“Catatonia? That’s the place with the political demolitions because they want to succeed from Spain, right?” -Emmitt Smiff
At first I thought it was fully correct. It was actually funnier that way.
This is some excellent Laserface:
He was losing his shit the whole game
It was delicious
This needs to be on quotables
What variety of drugs did the person that scheduled this matchup for national television have access to? I would like to try some.
Update update: Lil’er WCS will be making her debut on Earth in about 90 minutes.
Congrats.
/Lil WCS is born, sees SNF game
/Lil WCS tries crawling back in
She’s gonna be a Ravens fan just to spite you. Congrats.
I support this opinion.
“Okay, let let this clock run down, a failed draw play to Tyreek, and we’re all set to deliver!”