Your “Happy, Snappy and Fappy” Thursday Night Football Open Thread

Hey, mirth-makers! So good to see you again. I’m hoping that the vast majority of you are enjoying this short work week like I am. That Monday off is always great. And then starting the week on the Tuesday, half-assing it on Wednesday (I work from home that day-it took me a while to figure out how to do it but it was highly recommended by the likes of some of you folks so I had to), putting in quality time today and finishing up tomorrow makes for a delightful way to bring home the artisan bacon. And then what?-watching football all day Saturday and Sunday. Some may care to do other things like be an integral part of their family, volunteer their time, what have you. Whatever. It takes all kinds, amirite? Listen, obligations come in all kinds of shapes, sizes and flavours-we all know this. As for tonight, the Thursday Football Gods have conjured up a lou-lou. Or maybe just a loo? Shall we break it down a wee bit? Sure. Let’s go…. TO THE GAME!

 

EAGLES/PANTHERS: Look at you, you gorgeous 4-1 squadoos! Very impressive I must say-separating yourself from the dregs of the NFC and everything! We should/might see what the Eagles are really made of tonight. There’s talk among the cynics (primarily godawful Eagles fans) that their record was built on a mound of cupcakes. Looking at their last three wins (over the Cards, Lawnclippers and Giants) there may be some merit to this. My take is that they’re doing something right because they sit third in the league in total offense. They know how to move the ball. Plus they must be motivated to gain even more ground on the 2-2 ‘Dacteds and the [snorts derisively]* 2-3 Cowsquirrels.  The Cam is rounding into his previous NFL MVP shape if one were to look at his last two games-he’s tossed for 300+ yards in each and seems to be over the shoulder trouble that contributed to 5 INT’s to this point. His play has to be spectacular because despite young McCaffrey busting his TD cherry last week the ground game was responsible for a whole 28 yards on 28 carries. I don’t math well but that doesn’t seem very good.

Bust that comment section a new a-hole, buckaroos!

*It’s all that I have left. Just give me this!

 

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Romonobyl
Member

Evening all. Well, looks like Zeke’s out, so much for due process. I liked the NFL better when the biggest controversies were Joe Namath’s fur coat and Jim McMahon’s headband.

King Hippo
Member

My waiver claim for Alfred Morris was great success, though!

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

No comment.

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

As was my claim for McFadden

Gratliff
Member

Oh goddamn

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Worst Halloween candy to hand out?

Real candy…I mean…not like apples with razor blades in it.

I got to think its a three way tie with box of raisins, those fucking wax lips candy, and stale circus peanuts.

Game Time Decision
Member
Game Time Decision

Those Halloween kisses. Hands down.

Romonobyl
Member

I remember this one old lady handing out pencils when I was a kid. I doubt she was ever able to get all that toilet paper off her townhouse the next morning.
i don’t fuck around when it comes to Halloween candy, all high end shit like fun-sized Snickers, M&Ms and Reese’s.
Hawt Taek! I often refer to my penis as fun-sized. This is not necessarily a good thing.

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

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Spanky Datass
Member
Spanky Datass

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hippofant
Member
hippofant

Geez. That is why Brady and Manning et al. just lie down when the blitzer is incoming.

Gratliff
Member

Nothing short of a crossface chickenwing will suffice for MY quarterback

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

Paging Ricky Steamboat

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

Oh shit, is this gonna be one of those low scoring NFL games? Which then leads to more complaints about low viewership numbers that our president moron is gonna tweet about?

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

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herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

I’m only here watching so I don’t get fined.

litre_cola
Member

I am standing for the whole game.

King Hippo
Member

Dusty Baker remains stupid.

Gratliff
Member

This is not quite the fireworks factory I was promised

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

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“Proud father gives out celebratory cigars at work…”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Oh, I missed kickoff, did players kneel, or raise fists, or do anything other than stare unblinkingly at the flag?

hippofant
Member
hippofant

They’re not showing it on TV at all any more, I think.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Oh good that should put an end the scourge of police brutalizing minorities once and for all.

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

The ol’ “If we can’t see it, it’s not happening” defense.

King Hippo
Member

hey, it worked FOAR teh 1950s ,, smh

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

So is there a reason why two of the best teams are playing on a Thursday when the two best announcing people?

Call me crazy…but methinks it would make sense to have this going down on say…Sunday…

King Hippo
Member

everybody gets they turn in the barrel

King Hippo
Member

Panty-head really isn’t the game-changer every sportscaster jizzed about, huh?

litre_cola
Member

He is a grit guy.
Real gym rat.

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

SWAT? And here I was just thinking that we needed more militarized-police TV shows!

King Hippo
Member

you will accept creeping authoritarianism and you will LIEK it!!

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Idea: All points are worth double on thursday night games.

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

Fuck it. Thursday night games are just live action NFL Blitz games.

Redshirt
Member

Idea: Have circles show up on the field where a pass or a field goal scored from here is worth more points (RE: NBA Jam)

litre_cola
Member

Fuck Nantz, we get it they are good on 3rd downs. Maybe fellate Tony for a bit, bit not too rough we do not want him broken.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

I think the thing I love the most about Cam is the hot teaks on ESPN radio from talking piles of shit like Cowherd which are usually just racist dog whistling.

“He doesn’t take the game serious”….”he never had to work hard”…”he is literally the first person to ever say something stupid in a press conference”.

Like I loved it when the Panthers fell apart in the Superbowl and talking shitheads were giving Cam shit for being down in the post game bukkaki. Imagine if he wasn’t down in the dumps “Oh look at Cam…doesn’t care he lost” instead of “Look at Cam…the lack of maturity”.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

He’s a good quarterback, but he’s an obnoxious jackass when he wins and a sulky child when he doesn’t. That’s really all that needs to be said.

I wouldn’t say he’s immature, though, I know plenty of adults who are like that.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

I would describe him as remarkably restrained and subtle because I would be fucking a million times worse if I was in his shoes.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Everything’s relative, I suppose.

I just wish there weren’t so many dumb taeks on him. If you’re going to dislike someone, do it for the right reasons.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

That’s why he’s being sent to the Dak Prescott School of Maturity! Chapter 2 on its way soon.

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

This is the network that thought adding Rush Limbaugh to their Sunday morning football show was a good idea.

Gratliff
Member

Took like 30 seconds for the hottest “BLACK GUY YOU SAY IS GOOD IS ACTUALLY V BAD” taek

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

I’m waiting for the “Behind the Lines” special into why its not fair that since some black people use the N-word, white people can’t.

litre_cola
Member

Last guy in, first guy out.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo
Member

NATS WOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

GNATS BOO!!!!!!!!

– Minnesota residents, during the summer

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

“Eye Discipline”

What is Sam Bradford’s morning workout?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

“I DISCIPLINE!”

– Adrian Peterson, self-narrating.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well done.

Gratliff
Member

Goddamn, Bradham

Gratliff
Member

EYE DISCIPLINE IS BACK

WCS
Member

Eye discipline!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo
Member

Word salad! Yummy yummy!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt
Member

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litre_cola
Member

I was thinking of giving here more of a war hammer.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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chocolate?

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Where’d the milk come from?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Soylent Chocolate.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt
Member

Like every other person before him, Jake Elliott’s life got a hell of lot better once he left Cincinnati.

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

Props to the director for going with Philadelphia Freedom as the bump music

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OOOOOOooooooo……

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

k

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

Wait…that is not Horatio…

Gratliff
Member

Hello, GTA cover art Tony Romo

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I feel like “Tony’s Take” would be a good mafia storyline.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

What the heck is Blount doing avoiding contact? He’s not supposed to be that type of instrument.

King Hippo
Member

the CBS animated Romo is nightmare fuel

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spanky Datass
Member
Spanky Datass

Blade Runner 2049 is great … that is all.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Barry Sanders makes a whole lot more sense now.

Gratliff
Member

Holy shit did they ever bite on that fake

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Some women are just great actresses.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, you meant……

Gratliff
Member

“Everything looks like it hurts.” – Tony Romo

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

-Tony Romo, looking into a mirror

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

It defies belief, but there are STILL Raiders fans who insist that Hue Jackson is a good coach and the Raiders would be better off if they had kept him. The man has gone 1-20 since he arrived in Cleveland. And before you say, yeah, but Cleveland, keep in mind that no CLEVELAND coach has ever even been that bad. Even during their expansion season in 1999 they went 2-14.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

I honestly think the Browns can go 0-16 and right now their team is the most talented it has been in years.

I think this is more though an indictment on just how fucking terrible the Browns have been.

I personally feel though that no coach could ever be successful in Cleveland until the ownership is overhauled.

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

But…Cleveland

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

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WCS
Member

“So, how’d you end up with that tongue made of silver?”

litre_cola
Member

There is the Aglohor I loathe

WCS
Member

There’s the Nelson we know!

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

*Checks fantasy matchup*

Battle of aquatic monsters:

Shark vs. Hippo. WHO YA GOT?

Brocky
Member

the one with the most grit

Redshirt
Member

Proposed Defense Strategy: Have a DB go beyond the intended receiver. If/When the ball is deflected, catch the deflection and get easy INT.

Gratliff
Member

What’s with the technicolor nightmare captain C on Cam?

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

Instead of just breast cancer awareness month, its all cancer awareness. Cancer must have hired a better PR agent.

Redshirt
Member

NFL is either supporting Cancer Research or supporting Cancer. Its one or the other.

Redshirt
Member

#99: “Yes! I’m going to score a touchdown! I’m going to run as fast as I can and I’m going to score a…”
(tackled)
#99: “How far did I go?”
Team: “Six yards.”

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

That is an impressive sack fumble…between his age and the blatant hold by the right tackle…

litre_cola
Member

Fumbre

Gratliff
Member

WELP

King Hippo
Member

good old “empty hand”

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

DLHSWOEDGHSP”DIHJGF”SLDKG”LKDGHSL”:KEG”LKDHG”LK!!!!!

Ops sorry…I turned on the TV and saw the Panthers Color Rush jerseys and seizured out for a second.

Redshirt
Member

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Could be worse.

WCS
Member

Who replaced Nelson Anghlor with a pod person who can actually catch?

King Hippo
Member

and Peppers with one who actually gives a tin shit?

Gratliff
Member

Agholor gonna make me believe before ripping my heart out with a late season-ending drop

Gratliff
Member

Eagles color Rush is their road alternates from the last 20 years?

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