Your “Happy, Snappy and Fappy” Thursday Night Football Open Thread

Hey, mirth-makers! So good to see you again. I’m hoping that the vast majority of you are enjoying this short work week like I am. That Monday off is always great. And then starting the week on the Tuesday, half-assing it on Wednesday (I work from home that day-it took me a while to figure out how to do it but it was highly recommended by the likes of some of you folks so I had to), putting in quality time today and finishing up tomorrow makes for a delightful way to bring home the artisan bacon. And then what?-watching football all day Saturday and Sunday. Some may care to do other things like be an integral part of their family, volunteer their time, what have you. Whatever. It takes all kinds, amirite? Listen, obligations come in all kinds of shapes, sizes and flavours-we all know this. As for tonight, the Thursday Football Gods have conjured up a lou-lou. Or maybe just a loo? Shall we break it down a wee bit? Sure. Let’s go…. TO THE GAME!

 

EAGLES/PANTHERS: Look at you, you gorgeous 4-1 squadoos! Very impressive I must say-separating yourself from the dregs of the NFC and everything! We should/might see what the Eagles are really made of tonight. There’s talk among the cynics (primarily godawful Eagles fans) that their record was built on a mound of cupcakes. Looking at their last three wins (over the Cards, Lawnclippers and Giants) there may be some merit to this. My take is that they’re doing something right because they sit third in the league in total offense. They know how to move the ball. Plus they must be motivated to gain even more ground on the 2-2 ‘Dacteds and the [snorts derisively]* 2-3 Cowsquirrels.  The Cam is rounding into his previous NFL MVP shape if one were to look at his last two games-he’s tossed for 300+ yards in each and seems to be over the shoulder trouble that contributed to 5 INT’s to this point. His play has to be spectacular because despite young McCaffrey busting his TD cherry last week the ground game was responsible for a whole 28 yards on 28 carries. I don’t math well but that doesn’t seem very good.

Bust that comment section a new a-hole, buckaroos!

*It’s all that I have left. Just give me this!

 

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Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

A few people on Twitter are bitching about “pace of play.”

This game has had 16 runs and a shit ton of baserunners. That isn’t happening in under three hours no matter how much you may want it to.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

That isn’t happening in under three hours no matter how much you may want it to.

Andy Reid, explaining the situation to an apprehensive Golden Corral manager

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Three! Ha!

Brocky
Member

Damn, that’s good

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

An entire prime time football game was played within the span of 7 innings of this game.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I don’t know which game that’s more damning of.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Hmm, lemme float a 78 mph pitch across the plate for Harper. What could go wrong?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Baseball time!

litre_cola
Member

Yep, a basehit here would make it reaaalll interesting

King Hippo
Member

No, the Small Bears are gonna win, I refuse to even check the score. Y’all enjoy.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

Uhhhh…

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I finished making gifs out of blax’s selections from this week’s Quotables.

Some of you are going to Hell.

Gratliff
Member

Eagles over Cams and it’s not nearly this close with a real officiating crew

litre_cola
Member

Well this is a fantastic result. 5-1 with 4 of 6 on the road. Yessir I will take it.

King Hippo
Member

Limp noodle ending. Well done, Iggles!

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

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Gratliff
Member

Cam just daring someone to catch a pick

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I wonder what the limit is in terms of using information from sports broadcasting to recreate events via animation. In effect, would it be legal to “watch” a baseball game on a Playstation if the players from a game re-enacted the events?

Viva La Tabula Raza
Member
Viva La Tabula Raza

Spitballing here, but conspiracy theory chick at the bookstore might just be wild in the rack. The crazy ones usually are.

WCS
Member

Problem is, you wake up like this:

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Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Crazy will just drag you to her level. Just keep that in mind.

King Hippo
Member

Like any of us ain’t already there or worse!

nomonkeyfun
Member

She does seem like she’s be into BDSM.

Senor Weaselo
Member

Yeah, but I’m not so into torture porn.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

So I’ve been working a good bit this evening; did I miss all the Kelvin Benjamin fat jokes or were there just not any?

Brocky
Member

so….who gets more shit tomorrow, dusty or cam?

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

Cam.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Open bar and I didn’t even get drunk enough to overcome the Mexican food I ate.

Brocky
Member

mexican food cannot be overcome, it is unconquerable, that’s what makes it so great, the sooner you come to terms with that, the happier you’ll be.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Yeah. That’s why Taco Bell stays in business. It’s also why Mexicans invented Tequila and Mezcal, because the food sops up everything but the most high-grade, industrial-strength shit.

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

So now we’ll learn wether or not Cam know how to run a two minute drill…..

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Romo really is pretty sharp.

King Hippo
Member

See, you can compensate for the medium-high doses of opiates just fine!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I have no problem with his announcing either, plus he’s not a screamer, which annoys the neighbors.

Gratliff
Member

Goddammit, iggles

King Hippo
Member

Back footed the toss.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I was that drunk a few times.

hippofant
Member
hippofant

Christ, Ertz.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Pretty sure it’s Zach.

WCS
Member

Moose has entered the MST3K short-film-era .gifs.

..yeah, go ahead and post another Egyptian pic… I DARES YA.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS
Member

Not going to lie… something about Elizabeth Taylor I never quite got. Possibly her 48 ex’s.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hey pal; it was only 47.

This was more for the Egyptian thing, the lesbian slave thing, the lesbian harem thing…..

maybe I’m going a bit off script…..

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

/screaming internally

litre_cola
Member

Fucking prevent offense

King Hippo
Member

Panthers lucky in that more than 2:50 remains, so 1 timeout gets you the ball back with 1:50 or so if you get the 3-and-out.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Wait…was the guy in that tire commercial Fred Durst?

Gratliff
Member

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WCS
Member

No. No. Noooooooooooo.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

“I DID IT ALL FOR THE COOKIES…THE COOKIES…”

– Kelvin Benjamin

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

I envy Cam, that looks like it must have been such a rush.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

That looks like Fred Mertz crashing into Ricky Ricardo.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff
Member

IGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGLES

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS
Member

Now put the barrel under your chin, and squeeze, kid.

King Hippo
Member

This is solid life advice!

litre_cola
Member

THAT WAS FUCKING FANTASTIC

hippofant
Member
hippofant

How many not-picks has Cam thrown so far? 4?

hippofant
Member
hippofant

Plus 3 actual picks!

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

Well, there’s a NOT not-pick

King Hippo
Member

#5 was a bridge too far, it would seem

WCS
Member

West Virginia University in action!

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King Hippo
Member

Jesus, that timeout…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Or not.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff
Member

GOT YO ASS

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo
Member

BLEERGH thinks my hometown’s skyline be purty, too

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The chili?

King Hippo
Member

wrong Queen City ,, smh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hey, I don’t know how drunk/ stoned you are.

King Hippo
Member

MEDIUM

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

SEE! You could be there.

King Hippo
Member

Glad my (full PPR) money league foe sat Benjamin.

Unlike Sharkbait.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Croooow
Member
Croooow

My FFL opponent started Newton, McCaffrey and Ertz. I am… not pleased.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Helen Mirren a million years ago?

Senor Weaselo
Member

And now for “What the hell venue is Senor at today?” the last act I just listened to could be described as industrial queer emo techno. I am here primarily to hang out with a (yes, lady) friend of mine singing in the next set. Well, at least I’ve gotten out of the house and drinking today.

King Hippo
Member

Are you now “Questioning” Senor? This is a safe space imo godbless.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Yessir, we do not single out any group for ridicule, for lo, they are all worthy of it in their own way.

Senor Weaselo
Member

Well, I didn’t feel like I could relate to the song about going out and not feeling like I could wear anything so I’m gonna wear that blue skirt even if it kills me. Personally I don’t think I have the legs.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Living in the PNW has really made pale chicks appealing. Tits helps a lot.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Did someone say Industrial Queers?

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

I’m into the malort.

I repeat, I’m in the malort.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo
Member

Don’t worry, you’ll be able to open your eyes without lightning bolts again by Game Three.

And back on your bullshit.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

MY BULLSHIT. I’M BACK ON IT!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS
Member

Carolina has one penalty for one yard?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS
Member

See? Yvonne Furneaux is just unfair.

Gratliff
Member

Current mood
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King Hippo
Member

yes, on the extra point, Philly then decided to go fer two and made it.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

I have this strange feeling tonight will be the night I finally break from reality and literally explode.

Maybe I should just watch football.

WCS
Member

We’re going to kill you next week, so can you just wait a bit?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo
Member

SEE? One of us! One of us!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

If only the pylon had a camera going straight up.

litre_cola
Member

That’s crazy, are you living in 2057?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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That wouldn’t do any good, they are not making movies any more.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, PYLON…..

Gratliff
Member

Ohhhhhhhhhh shit

Gratliff
Member

….how do those penalties offset? Or not offset, but what they did with it

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

THIS GUY CAM NEWTON I CALL HIM JOHN HOLMES AT THE END OF HIS CAREER CAUSE THERE WAS AN AWFUL LOT OF FLOPPING GOING ON THERE.

Gratliff
Member

Also AIDS?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

and AIDS?

Shogun Marcus
Member

He does need help smh.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A better OL…….

Oh, and a driver.

King Hippo
Member

+1 fluffer

King Hippo
Member

hey u try getting blood 2 that much cock with that much blow in ur system ,, smh

/also, put Rikki on the banner Friday am

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

This is all going to go to shit.

Gratliff
Member

Goddammit people

Col. Duke LaCross
Member

Jesus!

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