We’re nearing the half-way mark of the regular season. Let that sink in for a moment. Are you done? Good. I feel like time is speeding by myself. I book-learned somewhere that as one ages this feeling occurs because there are no longer any ‘firsts’ to mark the passage of time so it seems like a blur. The first time you got laid, got married, killed a hobo, witnessed childbirth, ate an extra large pizza by yourself, were the focus of an intervention, received a handjob from your uncle, saw your son graduate, laundered money for the church-all these events serve to demarcate different phases of one’s life. As they recede in time, time itself gains momentum. The lesson here is that one shouldn’t read books. TO THE GAMES!
SF/Phi: The Eagles have but one mark against their record but are down Jason Peters and lb Jordan Hicks (maybe). Both qb’s have four intercepts but while Wentz has 17 TD’s to accompany that, Hoyer has but 4. Look for Ertz on the score sheet-he’s grabbed 5 six-pointers already.
Chi/NO: When your passing game/receiving corps is as lousy as the Bears is, it doesn’t matter if you’ve got the Truth (Biscuit) on your side. They did pull off the win last week due to a couple of defensive scores but have a gander at this. Chicago’s reception leader is Zach Miller with 20. My fingers tell me that’s less than three per game! On t’udder side wr Thomas leads the Saints with 35.
LAC/NE: The spread is only 7? Oh yeah, the Pats D sucks numerous dicks. The question then becomes: Can you score enough to keep up with Brady & Co.? My guess is that the LawnClippers will not be able to do such a thing.
Ind/Cin: Neither of these two-win squadoos look very good but if one of them is going to get their shit together and put it in a bag, my money is on Cincy. They’ve got too much firepower on the offensive side of the ball for them to be sporting this kind of record.
Atl/NYJ: This is the Falcons fourth straight tilt against the AFC East (schedule-makers fell asleep at the algorithm?) and all they have to show for it is three losses. Whether it was a win or a loss the Jets last four games have been decided by one score so this should be a closer game than a cursory glance would suggest.
Car/TB: The Panthers have dropped their last two and Tampa has lost three straight. Carolina needs this one so that they can stay within a game of the Saints.
Oak/Buf: This game is being sold as “One-time Bills starter EJ Manuel returns home!” Silliness. Despite the fact that the Buffalo D is only giving up 16 a game, if I was a fantasy baller with Amari Cooper on my team, I would start him. Zingo!
Bring the funny.
Live by the block and die by the block.
Meth: not even once.
Have sat Austin Hooper this week, I suddenly I feel like Quint in Jaws…
Hooper!!! Hooper???
Objectively saying, a first and goal outside the 5 yard line kinda puts you in a somewhat shirty situation
Wentz’s moustache is not attractive
Is Wentz himself not just dopey as fuck?
yay, not-CamDOWN!!!
So Oakland is officially bad again, right?
That does appear to be the case
Why do they have a stock photo of Wentz spitting?
Love watching pencil-heads squad give up huge plays.
I would be fine with a career ending injury for brees here.
Purdue people need to find something else to justify there last 50 years of ineptitude.
all things are shite
Melvin Gordon is a beast!
Yeah he is. Too bad he’s stuck on the Shitty Clippers
There is no way to enjoy Bud Lite, responsibly or no
There’s one way:
Hey Patriots coach who always has the pencil stuck in his hat: You never use it. It’s an affectation and that pointy end sticking out is a hazard. You are basically wearing a dangerous hat pin, ma’am.
It’s his artistic interpretation of a shiv, and he’s named it “Lil’Aaron” if you must know…
I have some long hatpins. I should wear them more often, as good as a stiletto for stabbin’
Isn’t the patriots entire schtick doing stuff that would get criticized anywhere else?
Mixon has crazy legs.
Did he get tackled there, or did he slip?
He fell down the stairs again.
My whole weekend has felt like it was spent in the Upside Down – Lady LemonJello and TangerineJello came up to FOB LemonJello so we could find a house up here in NoVA since we finalize the sale of the OBX house in mid-November. They just got back on the road, so I have the whole day to watch fitbawl without making the drive I normally do on Sunday nights. It feels…odd.
How the fuck we doing boys and girls?
Alright…I watched my Browns do something the Browns claim is football.
Good luck with finding a home up in NoVA. Here on the other side of the state…its like we are living in different countries when it comes to housing prices.
I am constantly asked by my mother when I am moving back to Baltimore and between the cost of living, the traffic, and just the general pace…its ain’t for me brother.
I think Baltimore has a pretty good chance of getting the new Amazon HQ. That’ll get property values past DC prices I bet.
The shear amount of abandoned property in Baltimore leads me to believe that won’t be the case.
Also, I doubt Baltimore is going to give all the insane free shit that Amazon demands considering that the Under Armor asshole has been a nightmare to deal with over the last couple of years.
Compared to inflated “beach” prices, it’s not that much of a shock – plus, we’re going to rent for a couple years until the last Jello-spawn is out of high school, then we’ll look for a more permanent home.
The 49rs secondary needs to be fined for loitering
Trump getting taken down on Twitter by Michael Moore is awesome.
Which superhero movie are you going to see this week?
Have they made a movie about Angle Grinder Man yet? I would watch that
My choice: Thor: Ragnarok
Lady LemonJello’s choice: Justice League (Wonder Woman)
So, it looks like I’ll be seeing Justice League.
As in … in a movie theater?
Edit: … are you daft,lads!? Why the bloody christ would anyone want to go watch a superhero movie in a theater with all the mouthbreathers that can’t open a bag of goddamn crisps or the morons that talk/text through the whole goddamn movie?!
Thor
I’m honestly done at this point with superhero movies.
The one where the women wear unrealistically skimpy armor
So, both?
It would be super historical if the 49rs had someone named “Gold” on their team who was also good at rushing
Or maybe someone who was named “Slurp” and wasn’t very good at 69-ing.
(“It’s okay, scotch. Take a break, have a sip of something. They can’t all be winners”)
BLOCK’KOR!
All your fault
Not sure if I should start drinking now or wait until later.
Who the fuck are you and how’d you get in? Where’s spur? Do you haz pillz? Answer the last question first.
I have a bottle of naproxen 500s we could share. I think I might be drinking too much.
I quit the drink about four years ago. The naproxen is delightful though.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03m1dbIdVqU
Yay! Sassy Ref!
What a great time for the 49ers to get their first win of the season.
I’m surprised no one made a joke that Leah Remini escaped a place where they silence someone or get them killed if they are in their way and her first acting gig as lead female role is where they silenced and killed the previous lead female role.
Not for lack of trying. It’s just that Jokes and Paul Blart are like matter-antimatter.
Did Dan Fouts fuck an executive’s daughter in the ass or something? Why is he always announcing the Shitty Clippers games?
For some inexplicable reason I watched three minutes of the Fox pregame show. Yikes.
You know, I’ve never seen the movie. What exactly was Sophie’s Choice?
Coke or pepsi
Hot dog=sammich?
pepsi or coke. Wait, you serious?
Which of her kids dies
Support Goodell or trump by watching or not watching nfl.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lIqNjC1RKU
Fuck, the NASCAR race doesn’t start for another 2 hours! LA is stuck with Pats-Shitty Clippers and Bears-Saints. Watching porn ain’t killing two hours…
Nap time
Post-porn nap time
Take an antidepressant next time and two hours of trying to enjoy porn will fly by.
GODDAMNIT! DEFCON 5 GOOD, DEFCON 1 BAD! NAWT DIFFICULT.
/sorry, but that one always angers.
YES! Thank you!
Come on Cam. I need a big day from you.
Traditionally, you wait for a big payday before you come on cam.
You’re fucked.
You know, I suspect my fantasy team will do poorly today
Not enough drug use in that patriots song
Fuckin Ice, always increasing in entropy. GET A JOB YOU LAZY FUCK!
So, I legitimately thought Terry Bradshaw was having a heart attack for a second there
would be nice
Eh, for what it’s worth, I’ve got a weird fondness for him. And he’d be replaced by someone just as bad
between NC State, Everton, and you know, LIFE, suicide is looking better and better by the moment.
/remembers Donks @ KC on Monday night, orders “Final Exit” off Amazon
I would literally be the worst Suicide Prevention Hotline person ever because my initial response whenever I read stuff like this is, “DAE IT YA PUSSY!”
I could see myself half adding it.
If I can get through the 2012 CIN-SF NL Divisional Series, 2016 Clemson Bowl and all Bengals Wild Card games include TWO losses to the Steelers, without eating my gun or going swimming in a dams outflow rip current, you can get through this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6k7kk1lUnis
Boom. Sling TV 7 day free trial, this will keep me in football watching until my furniture shows up without having to go to Applebees! Hooray solutions!
No dive bar?
Maybe later. I need a break from booze for a bit. Plus they don’t serve food.
Cincinnati sports radio is calling the Colts game a “confidence booster”. Probably because broadcast rules and censors won’t allow them to call it a “slump buster” or a “cheap prostitute when your desperate”.
Cincinnati chili-level desperation
/nephew says he’s going to kill me in a trivia game
Nephew: “Three straight games! How do you know all that stuff?”
Me: “I read a lot of books. All kinds.”
Nephew: “Huh.”
/end scene
my 16-y/o twins are very intelligent, university bound. I don’t think they’ve read a book of their own volition since they were 7.
That’s what Wikipedia for. You get bored, you go on Wikipedia and it tricks you into learning.
I hope they’re going to Brown (heh, Brown) or else I will have to retract this vid
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzYnQoyIFPY
“Brain implant.”
Even though Forbath made that, the only way CLE could come back would be to block a long FG and run it back. Really dumb decision.
Oops, accidentally posted this in the old thread, while it is actually relevant to this one :
Brady is a MAGA chud who 100% belongs alongside Nazis and Forrest Gump.
I think he’s about as dumb as Trump is.
Giselle is the smart one.
She’s likely the smarter of the two but I wouldn’t consider her more than average intellectually.
Edit: Read her comments about sunscreen, natural birth, and breast feeding and am downgrading her to idiot status.
“Do i have to fucking do everything!” – Giselle
The German Brazilian. Jesus Christ, even his wife is a fucking Nazi.
Brady got all pissy when asked about his MAGA hat. Fuck him and every NFL “reporter” who let him brush it aside.
His reaction basically shows he’s never been forced to explain, defend, or even ponder any of his decisions. What a way to go through life.
Fuck Amari Cooper!
I did and frankly he’s not that great; just lies there moaning.
I can’t tell if that chinstrap is unnecessary or if it needs to be be tripled up.
Go Red Zone!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5oQ1n9DX0rQ
Love me some RZ and RtJ
Synesthesia is real?
This Diggs fail has me seething with hate and my fucking in-laws are here busting my balls.
Remind them that you are fucking their daughter.
FIRST!
Just like Scotchy at the booze store!
[looks at watch]
I’ve waited 27 minutes-time to go!
/Also, BASTARD!