We’re nearing the half-way mark of the regular season. Let that sink in for a moment. Are you done? Good. I feel like time is speeding by myself. I book-learned somewhere that as one ages this feeling occurs because there are no longer any ‘firsts’ to mark the passage of time so it seems like a blur. The first time you got laid, got married, killed a hobo, witnessed childbirth, ate an extra large pizza by yourself, were the focus of an intervention, received a handjob from your uncle, saw your son graduate, laundered money for the church-all these events serve to demarcate different phases of one’s life. As they recede in time, time itself gains momentum. The lesson here is that one shouldn’t read books. TO THE GAMES!
SF/Phi: The Eagles have but one mark against their record but are down Jason Peters and lb Jordan Hicks (maybe). Both qb’s have four intercepts but while Wentz has 17 TD’s to accompany that, Hoyer has but 4. Look for Ertz on the score sheet-he’s grabbed 5 six-pointers already.
Chi/NO: When your passing game/receiving corps is as lousy as the Bears is, it doesn’t matter if you’ve got the Truth (Biscuit) on your side. They did pull off the win last week due to a couple of defensive scores but have a gander at this. Chicago’s reception leader is Zach Miller with 20. My fingers tell me that’s less than three per game! On t’udder side wr Thomas leads the Saints with 35.
LAC/NE: The spread is only 7? Oh yeah, the Pats D sucks numerous dicks. The question then becomes: Can you score enough to keep up with Brady & Co.? My guess is that the LawnClippers will not be able to do such a thing.
Ind/Cin: Neither of these two-win squadoos look very good but if one of them is going to get their shit together and put it in a bag, my money is on Cincy. They’ve got too much firepower on the offensive side of the ball for them to be sporting this kind of record.
Atl/NYJ: This is the Falcons fourth straight tilt against the AFC East (schedule-makers fell asleep at the algorithm?) and all they have to show for it is three losses. Whether it was a win or a loss the Jets last four games have been decided by one score so this should be a closer game than a cursory glance would suggest.
Car/TB: The Panthers have dropped their last two and Tampa has lost three straight. Carolina needs this one so that they can stay within a game of the Saints.
Oak/Buf: This game is being sold as “One-time Bills starter EJ Manuel returns home!” Silliness. Despite the fact that the Buffalo D is only giving up 16 a game, if I was a fantasy baller with Amari Cooper on my team, I would start him. Zingo!
Bring the funny.
you see what a badass Steven Hauschka is? He doesn’t just tackle, he goes for the strip, too.
Christ, this game is getting bloodbathy
The Bears are not only bad but boring.
I prefer Koala bears to football Bears
“I prefer game, giving Bears. That call the next day when they say they will.” – Aaron R., Green Bay, WI
Mixon really give this offense the punch in the arm it really needs.
(see I can make these jokes too)
I’ve always wondered about the phrase “shot in the arm”
It’s like it blatantly suggests steroid use
Or amphetamines!
Lou Reed will tell you it’s all about the heroin.
No Way!!!!! Me too!!!!!!
BARTH!
Traded away Juju for Tarik Cohen this week. Early returns are not good.
He touched your perfect body with his mind, at least?
Blah blah blah Robbie gould
Wow. Nevermind. THe Niners are fucking terrible.
Also looks like they lost another O-lineman. Do you think it’s like WW1 where they’re trying to get injured so they don’t have to play for this team anymore?
The world needs people willing to be the first in line to take that machine gun fire
Hope Staley is ok
Hell, hope that Iggles guy on the sideline is OK.
Ok, now I want to see the Too Gear guys review the TB12 Aston Martin. Just because.
By that you mean the Grand Tour guys?
McCown…does a good?
not FOAR Hippo. My opponent was actually starting Robby goddamned Anderson
First Mixon and now they get Green involved in the game? The Bengals are getting desperate with this extremely odd gameplan.
Might want to cover that Ertz guy.
Insurmountable penalty
Mixon really packs a punch, eh?
Give Mixon the ball? That’s so crazy, it just might work!
I can get tickets to Cardinals@49rs next week for $21. That’s probably what I’ll be stuck watching anyway, so maybe I’ll go for it
Shit. We’ve lost Dok. She’s already one of THEM now.
People who buy cheap tickets to shitty games? What do you think I’ve been doing in Chicago the past few years?
Drinking yourself into a drunken stupor?
/just spitballin’ over here
Dok, we really should trade my Redacteds feed for your Niners feed. I”ll throw in the radio guys too because they’re awesome.
I would totally be up for that. Now that I’m thinking about it, I probably could have just tried to spoof my location so I would get local DC stations
Same.
Of course NE’s rocking the Triple H music
What was that? Winston is dumb as shit.
The Niners should just get rid of their QB and receivers, replace them with additional O-lineman and just hand off to Hyde every play. There’s gotta be some way to make a legal formation outta that.
Just use extra TE or S as the extra blocker. You’re good.
Surprisingly not a zombie after working until 6am. HOW THE FUCK YA DOIN?
Puntkakke fully underway now
I just can’t put together a joke about San Francisco having a nice D and Aaron Rodgers
What joke? I can appreciate a good D.
– A. Rodgers
my Dion Lewis start? Doesn’t look prudent at this juncture!
What’s going on in the Bengals game? Did they realize that they really don’t have to exert that much effort to be the best team in Ohio?
Bengals OL still sucks. Defense thinks they’re still playing against Peytonbot v 1.0
Football should have a penalty box and players should be “allowed” to fight.
NFLxUFC. OTP
*cue mad scramble of GMs attempting to acquire Cortland Finnegan and Richie Incognito*
My God, King! That Burfict’s music!
James Harrison is intrigued by your theories and wishes to subscribe to your newsletter.
…and that’s a dislocated shoulder. Yikes!
A THING HAPPENED IN PHILLY
That was probably the most exciting thing we’ll see all game
How big was the battery thrown this time?
Philly getting classy with fancy foreign batteries.
Fullback appearance! Everyone drink!
Bengals OT Joe Walter is being honored at halftime for being in the Top 50 list of Bengals Legends. Even though he retired in ’97 and is 54 years old, I wonder if he can play the 2nd half. He can’t be any worse than what they have.
….. whatever happened to Willie anderson
Left Bengals in ’07. Played last season for Ravens. I think he owns a burger chain.
Good for him.
Changers had the worst kick return I’ve seen in a looooong time. Pathetic.
punt return safety, don’t see that every day
Travis Benjamin is not the brightest lightbulb in the chandelier.
That’s worth a Safety Interpretive Dance.
World Sandwich Day?
Oh goddamn this Eagles-Niners game is terrible
They aren’t playing on grass are they? A lot of mud would probably help
The Eagles play on a unique material called “The Tears of Philadelphia”
Oh Chargers. You do entertain.
Jets aren’t very good, but SO much better than I thought they could be.
-Lockheed Engineer working on the F-80 Starfighter
Bosa!
The Niners D is surprisingly not horrible
I’m interested to se if Jaquiski Tart can have a good game vs Ertz.
I had a thought, why do Offensive Tackles line up on the outside of the line but Defensive Tackles line up on the inside of the line?
Interesting. Maybe because offensive lines originally (almost) always had two tight ends, which would coincide with defensive ends?
All I want is a decent name for a 3 technique. Nose tackle lines up on the center, what do we call the other guy?
DG. Defensive Guard?
I guess it doesn’t matter that much that the Niners O-line is all getting injured since they don’t have a QB to protect. Might make things even harder for Hyde though
Afternoon, folks. Pissy, rainy grey day here. Considering these circumstances, with Red Zone on, I’m never, ever getting out bed.
San Francisco is just about out of OT’s
That was a jolly good footy victory what?
Jolly good.
??????????? refs
Oh, Bengals.
Cmon Austin Seferian-Barnidge!
I have no idea who this guy attempting to play QB for the Niners is
It’s not Hoyer anymore?
It’s someone named Bolin Daperkick?
Yeah, I don’t think Beathard is the future QB for the 49ers
At least he’s appropriately named. He gets beat, hard.
just dump it off to the TE, asshole!
The Stranger Things Season 2 Soundtrack is a good mix
https://open.spotify.com/user/huggoyfm2/playlist/3kwJF1b7YGlGdftvpdzufF
They went kind of overkill on the pop music. It may be the worst part of the season, which says a lot for how fucking good it was.
I hated the child actors 1st season. Did they improve or are they still acting like melodramatic theatre kids.
They’re better for sure, but still as melodramatic as you expect 12 year olds to be.
It’s a sad day.
At my local watering hole, older guy who seems to be here every time I come in on a Sunday, and he’s always wearing a battered chiefs hat.
Guy didn’t die, but apparently the hat did, he’s been wearing that thing since before I began drinking here, so more than a decade