Your “It’s The End of October Already?” Sunday Afternoon Football Open Thread

We’re nearing the half-way mark of the regular season. Let that sink in for a moment. Are you done? Good. I feel like time is speeding by myself. I book-learned somewhere that as one ages this feeling occurs because there are no longer any ‘firsts’ to mark the passage of time so it seems like a blur. The first time you got laid, got married, killed a hobo, witnessed childbirth, ate an extra large pizza by yourself, were the focus of an intervention, received a handjob from your uncle, saw your son graduate, laundered money for the church-all these events serve to demarcate different phases of one’s life. As they recede in time, time itself gains momentum. The lesson here is that one shouldn’t read books. TO THE GAMES!

SF/Phi: The Eagles have but one mark against their record but are down Jason Peters and lb Jordan Hicks (maybe). Both qb’s have four intercepts but while Wentz has 17 TD’s to accompany that, Hoyer has but 4. Look for Ertz on the score sheet-he’s grabbed 5 six-pointers already.

Chi/NO: When your passing game/receiving corps is as lousy as the Bears is, it doesn’t matter if you’ve got the Truth (Biscuit) on your side. They did pull off the win last week due to a couple of defensive scores but have a gander at this. Chicago’s reception leader is Zach Miller with 20. My fingers tell me that’s less than three per game! On t’udder side wr Thomas leads the Saints with 35.

LAC/NE: The spread is only 7? Oh yeah, the Pats D sucks numerous dicks. The question then becomes: Can you score enough to keep up with Brady & Co.? My guess is that the LawnClippers will not be able to do such a thing.

Ind/Cin: Neither of these two-win squadoos look very good but if one of them is going to get their shit together and put it in a bag, my money is on Cincy. They’ve got too much firepower on the offensive side of the ball for them to be sporting this kind of record.

Atl/NYJ: This is the Falcons fourth straight tilt against the AFC East (schedule-makers fell asleep at the algorithm?) and all they have to show for it is three losses. Whether it was a win or a loss the Jets last four games have been decided by one score so this should be a closer game than a cursory glance would suggest.

Car/TB: The Panthers have dropped their last two and Tampa has lost three straight. Carolina needs this one so that they can stay within a game of the Saints.

Oak/Buf: This game is being sold as “One-time Bills starter EJ Manuel returns home!” Silliness. Despite the fact that the Buffalo D is only giving up 16 a game, if I was a fantasy baller with Amari Cooper on my team, I would start him. Zingo!

Bring the funny.

 

 

 

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King Hippo

you see what a badass Steven Hauschka is? He doesn’t just tackle, he goes for the strip, too.

Doktor Zymm

Christ, this game is getting bloodbathy

...

The Bears are not only bad but boring.

Doktor Zymm

I prefer Koala bears to football Bears

King Hippo

“I prefer game, giving Bears. That call the next day when they say they will.” – Aaron R., Green Bay, WI

Brocky

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Redshirt

Mixon really give this offense the punch in the arm it really needs.

(see I can make these jokes too)

Brocky

I’ve always wondered about the phrase “shot in the arm”

It’s like it blatantly suggests steroid use

Doktor Zymm

Or amphetamines!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ve always wondered about the phrase “shot in the arm”

No Way!!!!! Me too!!!!!!
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King Hippo

BARTH!

Fronkenshteen

Traded away Juju for Tarik Cohen this week. Early returns are not good.

King Hippo

He touched your perfect body with his mind, at least?

Brocky

Blah blah blah Robbie gould

Gratliff

Wow. Nevermind. THe Niners are fucking terrible.

Doktor Zymm

Also looks like they lost another O-lineman. Do you think it’s like WW1 where they’re trying to get injured so they don’t have to play for this team anymore?

Gratliff

The world needs people willing to be the first in line to take that machine gun fire

Spur

Hope Staley is ok

Petronel

Hell, hope that Iggles guy on the sideline is OK.

Petronel

Ok, now I want to see the Too Gear guys review the TB12 Aston Martin. Just because.

Senor Weaselo

By that you mean the Grand Tour guys?

Gratliff

McCown…does a good?

King Hippo

not FOAR Hippo. My opponent was actually starting Robby goddamned Anderson

Redshirt

First Mixon and now they get Green involved in the game? The Bengals are getting desperate with this extremely odd gameplan.

Spur

Might want to cover that Ertz guy.

Gratliff

Insurmountable penalty

King Hippo

Mixon really packs a punch, eh?

Redshirt

Give Mixon the ball? That’s so crazy, it just might work!

Doktor Zymm

I can get tickets to Cardinals@49rs next week for $21. That’s probably what I’ll be stuck watching anyway, so maybe I’ll go for it

theeWeeBabySeamus

Shit. We’ve lost Dok. She’s already one of THEM now.

Doktor Zymm

People who buy cheap tickets to shitty games? What do you think I’ve been doing in Chicago the past few years?

Petronel

Dok, we really should trade my Redacteds feed for your Niners feed. I”ll throw in the radio guys too because they’re awesome.

Doktor Zymm

I would totally be up for that. Now that I’m thinking about it, I probably could have just tried to spoof my location so I would get local DC stations

Brocky

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Same.

Gratliff

Of course NE’s rocking the Triple H music

Spur

What was that? Winston is dumb as shit.

Doktor Zymm

The Niners should just get rid of their QB and receivers, replace them with additional O-lineman and just hand off to Hyde every play. There’s gotta be some way to make a legal formation outta that.

Redshirt

Just use extra TE or S as the extra blocker. You’re good.

Sharkbait

Surprisingly not a zombie after working until 6am. HOW THE FUCK YA DOIN?

Gratliff

Puntkakke fully underway now

Spur

I just can’t put together a joke about San Francisco having a nice D and Aaron Rodgers

theeWeeBabySeamus

What joke? I can appreciate a good D.
– A. Rodgers

King Hippo

my Dion Lewis start? Doesn’t look prudent at this juncture!

Doktor Zymm

What’s going on in the Bengals game? Did they realize that they really don’t have to exert that much effort to be the best team in Ohio?

Redshirt

Bengals OL still sucks. Defense thinks they’re still playing against Peytonbot v 1.0

theeWeeBabySeamus

Football should have a penalty box and players should be “allowed” to fight.

Redshirt

NFLxUFC. OTP

Brocky

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The Maestro

*cue mad scramble of GMs attempting to acquire Cortland Finnegan and Richie Incognito*

Redshirt

My God, King! That Burfict’s music!

LemonJello

James Harrison is intrigued by your theories and wishes to subscribe to your newsletter.

Redshirt

…and that’s a dislocated shoulder. Yikes!

Gratliff

A THING HAPPENED IN PHILLY

Doktor Zymm

That was probably the most exciting thing we’ll see all game

LemonJello

How big was the battery thrown this time?

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Philly getting classy with fancy foreign batteries.

Doktor Zymm

Fullback appearance! Everyone drink!

Redshirt

Bengals OT Joe Walter is being honored at halftime for being in the Top 50 list of Bengals Legends. Even though he retired in ’97 and is 54 years old, I wonder if he can play the 2nd half. He can’t be any worse than what they have.

Brocky

….. whatever happened to Willie anderson

Redshirt

Left Bengals in ’07. Played last season for Ravens. I think he owns a burger chain.

Brocky

Good for him.

Spur

Changers had the worst kick return I’ve seen in a looooong time. Pathetic.

King Hippo

punt return safety, don’t see that every day

The Maestro

Travis Benjamin is not the brightest lightbulb in the chandelier.

Redshirt

That’s worth a Safety Interpretive Dance.

Gratliff

Oh goddamn this Eagles-Niners game is terrible

Doktor Zymm

They aren’t playing on grass are they? A lot of mud would probably help

Gratliff

The Eagles play on a unique material called “The Tears of Philadelphia”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh Chargers. You do entertain.

Fronkenshteen

Jets aren’t very good, but SO much better than I thought they could be.

herodotus450

-Lockheed Engineer working on the F-80 Starfighter

Spur

Bosa!

Doktor Zymm

The Niners D is surprisingly not horrible

Fronkenshteen

I’m interested to se if Jaquiski Tart can have a good game vs Ertz.

Redshirt

I had a thought, why do Offensive Tackles line up on the outside of the line but Defensive Tackles line up on the inside of the line?

herodotus450

Interesting. Maybe because offensive lines originally (almost) always had two tight ends, which would coincide with defensive ends?

Brocky

All I want is a decent name for a 3 technique. Nose tackle lines up on the center, what do we call the other guy?

Redshirt

DG. Defensive Guard?

Doktor Zymm

I guess it doesn’t matter that much that the Niners O-line is all getting injured since they don’t have a QB to protect. Might make things even harder for Hyde though

The Maestro

Afternoon, folks. Pissy, rainy grey day here. Considering these circumstances, with Red Zone on, I’m never, ever getting out bed.

Gratliff

San Francisco is just about out of OT’s

laserguru

That was a jolly good footy victory what?
Jolly good.

Brocky

??????????? refs

Redshirt

Oh, Bengals.
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Fronkenshteen

Cmon Austin Seferian-Barnidge!

Doktor Zymm

I have no idea who this guy attempting to play QB for the Niners is

Brocky

It’s not Hoyer anymore?

herodotus450

It’s someone named Bolin Daperkick?

Spur

Yeah, I don’t think Beathard is the future QB for the 49ers

Doktor Zymm

At least he’s appropriately named. He gets beat, hard.

King Hippo

just dump it off to the TE, asshole!

Spur

The Stranger Things Season 2 Soundtrack is a good mix
https://open.spotify.com/user/huggoyfm2/playlist/3kwJF1b7YGlGdftvpdzufF

Gratliff

They went kind of overkill on the pop music. It may be the worst part of the season, which says a lot for how fucking good it was.

Mother Puncher

I hated the child actors 1st season. Did they improve or are they still acting like melodramatic theatre kids.

Gratliff

They’re better for sure, but still as melodramatic as you expect 12 year olds to be.

Brocky

It’s a sad day.

At my local watering hole, older guy who seems to be here every time I come in on a Sunday, and he’s always wearing a battered chiefs hat.

Guy didn’t die, but apparently the hat did, he’s been wearing that thing since before I began drinking here, so more than a decade