Your “It’s The End of October Already?” Sunday Afternoon Football Open Thread

We’re nearing the half-way mark of the regular season. Let that sink in for a moment. Are you done? Good. I feel like time is speeding by myself. I book-learned somewhere that as one ages this feeling occurs because there are no longer any ‘firsts’ to mark the passage of time so it seems like a blur. The first time you got laid, got married, killed a hobo, witnessed childbirth, ate an extra large pizza by yourself, were the focus of an intervention, received a handjob from your uncle, saw your son graduate, laundered money for the church-all these events serve to demarcate different phases of one’s life. As they recede in time, time itself gains momentum. The lesson here is that one shouldn’t read books. TO THE GAMES!

SF/Phi: The Eagles have but one mark against their record but are down Jason Peters and lb Jordan Hicks (maybe). Both qb’s have four intercepts but while Wentz has 17 TD’s to accompany that, Hoyer has but 4. Look for Ertz on the score sheet-he’s grabbed 5 six-pointers already.

Chi/NO: When your passing game/receiving corps is as lousy as the Bears is, it doesn’t matter if you’ve got the Truth (Biscuit) on your side. They did pull off the win last week due to a couple of defensive scores but have a gander at this. Chicago’s reception leader is Zach Miller with 20. My fingers tell me that’s less than three per game! On t’udder side wr Thomas leads the Saints with 35.

LAC/NE: The spread is only 7? Oh yeah, the Pats D sucks numerous dicks. The question then becomes: Can you score enough to keep up with Brady & Co.? My guess is that the LawnClippers will not be able to do such a thing.

Ind/Cin: Neither of these two-win squadoos look very good but if one of them is going to get their shit together and put it in a bag, my money is on Cincy. They’ve got too much firepower on the offensive side of the ball for them to be sporting this kind of record.

Atl/NYJ: This is the Falcons fourth straight tilt against the AFC East (schedule-makers fell asleep at the algorithm?) and all they have to show for it is three losses. Whether it was a win or a loss the Jets last four games have been decided by one score so this should be a closer game than a cursory glance would suggest.

Car/TB: The Panthers have dropped their last two and Tampa has lost three straight. Carolina needs this one so that they can stay within a game of the Saints.

Oak/Buf: This game is being sold as “One-time Bills starter EJ Manuel returns home!” Silliness. Despite the fact that the Buffalo D is only giving up 16 a game, if I was a fantasy baller with Amari Cooper on my team, I would start him. Zingo!

Bring the funny.

 

 

 

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Doktor Zymm

The worst start in 49rs history, I suspect it will be followed up by the worst continuation in franchise history

clint greasewood

Are you saying getting rid of Harbaugh was the worse decision made in Bay Area sports history. Even beating out drafting Jamarcus Russell.

King Hippo

Jets just need Hail Mary, spike, Hail Mary

theeWeeBabySeamus

To Kearse, please.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The Kearse of the Mummy?

theeWeeBabySeamus

More or less, yes.

I’m considering putting him and Funchess up as a package deal for a trade before the deadline.

But nobody wants either, let alone both. *sigh*

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

I legitimately struggle to remember last time I saw such a poorly officiated game that didn’t involve new England, Pittsburgh, or green bay

King Hippo

Laserface can’t get the Hail Mary to the end zone from the 23

Spur

Cowboy time folks.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Shitty Clippers’ fans (both of them): So you’re saying there’s a chance?

clint greasewood

They’re still in 1st place, give it by the all-star break and a 4 game win streak from the Lakers and the fickle “sports fans” of LA to jump ship to the Kings.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Shitty Clippers = Chargers

Also, Clippers not in first place.

Doktor Zymm

Foles is in

Redshirt

Alright, The Bengals have to play with the lead.

OH SHIT! THE BENGALS HAVE TO PLAY WITH THE LEAD?!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

http://files.sexyandfunny.com/photos/img_disp/img4e5f12e9f0135.gif

why you let stunt people do the dangerous work.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

time for some quality Laserface

theeWeeBabySeamus

He drew that neutral zone infraction by sheer force of will.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Based on the URL, I’m not gonna click that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It’s a silly animation; DFOSFH.

Fronkenshteen

[grumbles about FF team]

*”get-ready-for-work” alarm goes off*

[turns off alarm]

[cracks beer]

[smiles]

Gratliff

As much as I hate Chip Kelly for DeSean Jackson, the intensity is 1000x more every time I see Shady being Shady

Doktor Zymm

Geez, imagine his reaction to the anthem protests if he were still in the league

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Up the tempo of the anthem, downside is the honor guard has to stay on the field longer?

Redshirt

Alright. Just four more drives like that last one, and we’ll have this one in the bag.

Brocky

………. . …….

…..

Fuck you universe

Brocky

The one with a more self worth than he deserves

Redshirt

Donald Trump?

Gratliff

Oh Jets

Gratliff

Oh Derpy Birds

Brocky

Oh bears

...

I think I’m better off just forcing myself to nap.

Redshirt

Briskecption!

Mother Puncher

Bengals get a good thing that they totally deserve!

Doktor Zymm

Looking at the scores, am I correct in thinking that every single other game is better than the one I’m watching?

Doktor Zymm

THESE 49RS I CALL THEM FISH BECAUSE THEY ARE BEING EATEN ALIVE BY EAGLES

Gratliff

*stock footage of eagles throwing fish in Seattle*

King Hippo

Leonard Cohen woulda caught that

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Caught cancer with one hand.

Dunstan

I don’t know about that. Jeff Buckley covered him pretty well.

Redshirt

If AJ Green attacks Andy Dalton on the field during this game, will a jury convict him?

Brocky

Yes, because he didn’t do it sooner

King Hippo

THAT’S SO JETS

Gratliff

Niners should rest their starters for the rest of the season if they have any

Doktor Zymm

I really kind of wish the Browns were playing the 49rs this year, just to see what would happen. Thursday game for choice

Brocky

……… someone at the bar just called Mitchell white lightning

hippofant

Did I just hear that the Falcon’s illegal grounding penalty was “half the distance to the goal”? Why isn’t it just a spot foul where Ryan was, if he was closer to the end zone than his own line of scrimmage?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Because that is the way the rule book reads. Penalty from the LoS.

theeWeeBabySeamus

When I picked up McKown as my backup, it was to cover Brady’s bye week next week with the best possible replacement. It never occurred to me I might want to start him over Brady today. Jeebus.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

McKown; tWBS’s wingman.

King Hippo

Shitty Clippers have a surprisingly effective pass defense.

Fronkenshteen

Whitefish Energy is charging Puerto Rico $286/hr.for a mechanic. How much of that do you think the mechanic sees?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

[COMPLEX EQUATION] $13.28.

...

woof

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theeWeeBabySeamus

That Jenny Craig is working for ya, ‘Dog.

Gratliff

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Dunstan

Is there a patron deity of blocked field goals, or does that also fall within SHANK’LOR’s portfolio?

Doktor Zymm

Maybe there’s a cherub or something?

Brocky

It’s cuz I had to fly him in to appear in my column

Gratliff

WELP

Doktor Zymm

YUP

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

ERP

theeWeeBabySeamus

BURP

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

There’s no reason other than tradition that you have to give your kid the family name. You would think someone would have gotten creative and named their kid something like Catches A. Football

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

But then no one could determine if he/she is a kid or not.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

But what if you do that and they end up becoming something like….I dunno….a CPA?

Dunstan

Then they marry someone whose last name is Deduction?

...

Dee Duction

theeWeeBabySeamus

This is hilarious.
Thank you for this hearty giggle I’ve just enjoyed thoroughly.

Doktor Zymm

They could change it themselves, or just use it as a funny story at those swinging CPA parties

Dunstan

As I learned from Ghostbusters, if you invite mostly clients and business contacts to your orgy, it’s all tax-deductible!

Redshirt

Code Blue: 2017 Bengals Season
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Doktor Zymm

And Niners 1st down. The Eagles must be sitting their starters on D

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

THIS IS JUST THE THING I NEED

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

FOR MY PENIS

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Come on, Derek. Invoke the spirit of Blake Bortles and get your garbage time on.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Jesus, the Raiders look terrible today…” Rikki said for the fifth time this season.

Dunstan

Well, that’s a relief. I was wondering whether it was possible that the Bills are actually good.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

So young and innocent, poor thing hasn’t seen the 49ers play

...

This is hypnotic.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nice.

Gratliff

Nice last gasp there, Niners

Doktor Zymm

49rs score? Huh, I should go buy a lotto ticket

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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hippofant

That’s more like Geostorm.

...

If you have a Twitter account and ever get bored, just tweet something about dead dogs at Mike Huckabee and you can say you’re blocked by a former governor and presidential candidate.

blaxabbath

His daughter is a living dog.

King Hippo

TDs are bad, Bills. JUST SAY NO.

Doktor Zymm

The ball Wentz to the 49rs

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That is fucking terrible; so yeah, I liked it.

Redshirt

49ers and Browns don’t play each other. We could get an 0-16 team that doesn’t get the 1st overall pick.

King Hippo

That’s so #ThePauls.

Doktor Zymm

Strength of schedule would be the tiebreaker…who’s ahead on that so far?

...

Niners would end up picking ahead of the Browns (.522 to .518)

King Hippo

keep kicking FGs, BUF, you are my bestest fantasy option