Your Sunday Night NFL Open Thread

Did you know that Jerome Bettis is still from Detroit and still played for the Steelers? He retired 12 years ago and somehow this always gets mentioned. It’s like he played basketball at Harvard for god’s sake. Now that’s something worth talking about! Let’s do a little rundown of a game between two teams that represent cities that the Manufacturing Sector Fairy (I call her ‘Stinkerbell’ because I’m mature like that) forgot about a long time ago. TO THE GAME!

Pit/Det: The Lions are coming off a bye but it’ll take a lot longer than two weeks to forget about the 52 points that the Saints hung on their sorry carcasses the last time they took the field. They started out 3-1 and the smell of burning tires had started to dissipate. And then, BANG! That sumbitch ‘History’ reared her goldarn head and just like that they’re sitting ugly at 3-3. Contrary to what you might think when you read these game intros, I try to do a wee bit of homework on each team. Who’da thunk that? Anyway, the stat that has floored me is that the Steelers haven’t allowed an opposing wide receiver more than 61 yards so far this season. That’s…impressive. The only wideout more upset with the Steelers and the way they play is their very own Martavis “The Cranky Bear” Bryant. This circumstance has resulted in the promotion of Justin “Time” Hunter. But we all know that Antonio “What Can” Brown “Do For You”* will once again be the feature of the passing game.

Get after it.

 

*The Berman is strong today

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Man, I haven’t seen a strike zone so big since the woman from Child Services told Adrian Petersen’s kids to “show me where.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey you Yinzer fucks!! The only way I lose this week is if you hand it to Detroit’s defense.
So thanks for that.

montythisseemsstrangetome

I’m sure glad Verizon has introduced a new annoying spokesdouche to rival smug Chevy guy.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Never thought I’d miss the “Can you hear me now?” guy.

LemonJello

He’s doing commercials for Sprint, now.

Romonobyl

And every bit as irritating.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Guess he went over in free agency.

herodotus450

Typical, all the carriers are afraid of using Offer Sheets; collusion!

WCS

Let’s not say things we can’t take back.

clint greasewood

Crazy article from politico about John Boehner

Boehner never accepted an earmark in Congress—and he enjoyed railing against those who did. His heckling once provoked Don Young, an Alaskan himself, to pin Boehner against a wall inside the House chamber and hold a 10-inch knife to his throat. Boehner says he stared Young in the eyes and said, “F–k you.” (Young says this account is “mostly true,” but notes that the two became good friends, with Boehner later serving as his best man.)

theeWeeBabySeamus

In Young’s defense, given Boehner’s skin tone, he probably thought he was a dying seal and was only trying to help.

Frigging Alaska.

herodotus450

Too bad he, like every other republican, accidentally sent their most damaging private secrets to Grover Norquist for his extortion operation.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I wonder what the Security Forces kids checking IDs at the Lackland Gate think of those Air Force ads showing people doing all kinds of cool shit with supersonic fighters etc.

LemonJello

They’e just glad they aren’t the ones mopping floors and scrubbing shitters wishing they were checking IDs.

Viva La Tabula Raza

It’s a different military these days than when I was in. All that dreary shit goes away once they leave boot camp and is contracted out to companies employing high school dropouts.

LemonJello

Not for Marines, unless there’s a General in the building.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Yeah, I should have been more specific; I’ve worked for the AF for the last 20 years and it’s been over 30 since I got out of the Navy, so I don’t really know anymore how things work in the other branches.

Brick Meathook

Or Navy Seals thinking they get to go kill terrorists but end up on the EOD dive team that scrubs the marine growth off of ships hulls before they go to sea, while the ship’s crew helpfully point out where they missed a spot or playfully drop bolts on their heads.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So with the indictments coming out tomorrow it kind of feels like Christmas eve.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Agreed. That Santa bastard has gotten away with breaking and entering long enough, dammit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Romonobyl

Always a favorite gif of mine. Been my career for a few decades now.

King Hippo
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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montythisseemsstrangetome

Does your family open your indictments tonight or in the morning?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Trump kids are looking forward to their annual Nazi swap.

herodotus450

In the morning, during business hours so we don’t have to pay extra for the lawyer to be present.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Will Robert Mueller be your Secret Santa?

King Hippo

This Forsythe seems to have Keuchel timed purty good.

King Hippo

30 Helens Agree: Nobody is neutral about Radiohead.

Spur

I think the liquor is working. When’s DFO Con again? And who’s coming?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Five weeks from now. Not sure anymore who’s confirmed other than Yeah Right, Low Commander, Dok Zymm and meself.

King Hippo

Yinzers so determined to show up Martavis Bryant, they don’t throw to Antonio Bryant until halfway through Q2

Viva La Tabula Raza

Why is that old lady wearing sunglasses? Is she trying to hide something?

Spur

Show some respect! That lady, just happens to be Ivanka Trump.

She’s hiding from the US Marshals. Please be cool and don’t say anything. Ok?

King Hippo

how many tacos will she buy us?

Doktor Zymm

She’ll get Mexico to buy you a whole wall made out of tacos

Senor Weaselo

I could support that wall but there’d be a giant hole in it in, say, twenty minutes?

Spur

Ethnic food? Would you like some baked chicken?

Spanky Datass

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montythisseemsstrangetome

The Steelers are tied with the Dodgers.

King Hippo

Who else is surprised the story didn’t involve Ebron dropping said baby?

montythisseemsstrangetome

DID THOSE BABIES STAND FOR THE NATIONAL ANTHEM??

Spur

Well at least there’s only five real work weeks left in the year.

litre_cola

Honestly am not paying attention, day drunk, listening to Radiohead, that’s about all I got. Missed you commetnists today while I damaged Guinness property.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Which Radiohead? I haven’t gotten good and fall-down drunk and listened to them in far too long.

montythisseemsstrangetome

There’s more than one Radiohead?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Can’t speak for Litre, but I’ve got No Surprises playing as we speak.

litre_cola

I feel like we would have a good time hanging out. Other than the beer/wine difference

theeWeeBabySeamus

Red gives me a headache. For you, I can do white.
Nawt Raycess.

litre_cola

In Rainbows. I think it is one of their best efforts. OK Computer is God, but this is unheralded.

Spur

Top five songs GO!
mine:

Karma Police
Everything in it’s right place
electioneering
there there
True Love Waits (any version)

montythisseemsstrangetome

Everything in its right place
4 other songs

litre_cola

Wow, never thought about it.
Fake plastic Trees
Everything in its right place
Hail to the thief
2+2 =5
Paranoid Android (changed my life and the way I listen to music)

montythisseemsstrangetome

Forgot about House of Cards and I Might Be Wrong

Senor Weaselo

I am too tired to make leftover chicken. This is unfortunate.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You do get what it means that it’s leftover, right?
Your “make” efforts just got minimized. Get your lazy ass to the microwave pronto.

Senor Weaselo

After dealing with kids for a three-hour concert plus a two-hour soundcheck, anything is too much effort.

Spur

is this “steal a base, steal a taco” a regular promotion? What do i got to say to get said free taco?

King Hippo

“I takin’ this muthafuckin’ taco!”

Senor Weaselo

I think it’s just for the World Series and All-Star Game. November 1st, 2-6, free Locos Taco.

montythisseemsstrangetome

For a guy in SA, if you go to Taco Bell for your tacos you’re dead to me.

Spur

I live in Vegas. And the only fast food taco i would prefer to get is from Taco Cabana.

Romonobyl

Taco Cabana is passable, especially at 0230 AM in the morning.

King Hippo

but don’t falllll in love…..

Viva La Tabula Raza

When the first TC opened in SA back in the late 70s, it was a revelation; the line for the drive-thru at 2 AM was literally a quarter mile long. Previous late night options had only been Jack in the Box or Jim’s (full of cops).

Romonobyl

This guy gets it! I live a couple hours south of SA and I still don’t know why we have several Taco Bells.
Fucking white people man…

Viva La Tabula Raza

Exactly. Taco Bell is Mexican food for white people. Sour cream, my ass.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Really. Don Pedro’s is right up 35 from you on SW Military. Great tacos etc, plus awesome margaritas, which no Taco Bell can do.

herodotus450

Pretty unfair that mlb suspended Kike’ Hernandez for his offensive first name; I mean, why now?
/May only read headlines of pearl-clutching news stories

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Kershaw not looking very dominant.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nope. ‘Stros might unfuck themselves after all.

Spur

These games are boring. The liquor isn’t helping.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Romonobyl

So…am I the only one that has already dipped into the Halloween candy reserves?

WCS

If by “dipped into” you mean “finished two bags last week” then, yes.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I live on a street where everyone has a two acre lot, so people out here that have kids that age usually drive into town and have them trick-or-treat in the subdivisions where the houses are right on top of each other.
Nevertheless, I bought a bag of Mellowcreme pumpkins at HEB today. I know a lot of people think they’re gross.

Romonobyl

We used to get very little activity on our street, classic suburbia but not very well lit. The last few years we broke the trend and went all out on the yard decorations. Like moths to a flame, build it and they will come. We never had any candy remaining afterwords.

Brick Meathook

I have a bowl of Brach’s hard candies for the trick-or-treaters so each can pick one. If they don’t want a piece of hard candy I’ll give them a penny.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Brick Meathook became my Grandma so gradually….

Romonobyl

Fuck, I thought I was old!

Viva La Tabula Raza

I guess that’s better than giving them a toothbrush, or a Hall’s Mentholyptus.

Doktor Zymm

I’ve had a pinched nerve in my shoulder for the last 3 weeks. It mostly doesn’t hurt anymore, but I still have a fingertip on my left hand that feels all pins and needly and half asleep and it’s annoying the hell out of me

Romonobyl

You’re just getting warmed up, getting old sucks.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Right???????

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, I’m starting to get that impression. Medical science should have focused on fixing aging instead of just keeping old people alive longer to suffer through being old.

Romonobyl

The money is in the treatment, not the cure. Ppl forget that.

King Hippo

oh, that sounds like a cervical disc issue to me. Those were my first symptoms, I thought I had shoulder tendinitis from tennis.

Doktor Zymm

From my extensive medical knowledge garnered from reading the internet, I think it’s a bone spur. If it doesn’t get 100% better within the next week I’ll go to the on-campus doctor at my new job

King Hippo

convenient!

Doktor Zymm

Right? And my health insurance starts on my first day, which is tomorrow. There’s a dentist too!

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Doktor Zymm

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Romonobyl

WE HAVE A NEW SPURS FAN!!!!
Don’t deny your destiny young Padawan.

King Hippo

Looks good for Los Dodgeros, but I favour Mr. Kate Upton in Game 6, so methinks we going 7!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Every game I gave a shit about today, with one exception, ended the way I did not want. Probably going to continue that trend tonight. Rum, get in here!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I only cared about one game today, and the result crushed the little that was left of my spirit.

King Hippo

point being – NEVAR hope

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You’d think I’d have learned that after all these years as a Raiders fan.

Doktor Zymm

It was cruel of them to be half good for a while, just to go back to being the Raiders. Though maybe they’re just throwing the season to aid the move to Vegas!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I actually believe that the league will do everything in their power to serve them up a championship shortly after the move to show other cities what happens when you cough up obscene amounts of public money to the NFL.

Doktor Zymm

That makes sense of the surprisingly good record of RAMMIT

King Hippo

I think we’ve all just developed brain damage as some form of defense mechanism. allowing us to get out of bed in the morning.

Viva La Tabula Raza

That Bills-Raiders game was one of them for me.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s hilarious to me that a second baseman of even average height would have been able to make that play.

herodotus450

Wait what? The basedball box score says some Dodgeroo singled, and three guys scored?

theeWeeBabySeamus

More or less…with some creative ways to fuck up defensively by the ‘Stros.

King Hippo

after said play, Keuchel had dude picked off first, but errant throw to 2B allowed him to be safe and the run to score from 3B

herodotus450

Oh ok, box score has updated with information relevatn to my interests.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So how many times we gotta watch him be safe???

Doktor Zymm

I know we have a lot of Steelers fans here, but baby lions are way cuter than baby steel workers
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Romonobyl

The Dame heartily approves of this pic. Baby lions and tigers are faves of hers.

Spur

Astro’s bad?

theeWeeBabySeamus

At least one Dallas is getting lit up today.
Sorry Houston, tried to tell ya’s last night not to fuck last night up.

Spur

Anna Kendrick can be my girlfriend,

Romonobyl

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Beat me to it. Jerk.

Romonobyl

Pretty much obligatory.

Unsurprised

Shocking. The one time J.J. Watt can’t seem to find a camera or reporter to show off in front of and it’s now.

King Hippo

“No days off!” – JJ’s ego

Unsurprised

Unless it’s to stick up for his black teammates.

Romonobyl

Hey, at least he ain’t Clay Matthews. That dude creeps me the fuck out.

Doktor Zymm

True dat

Doktor Zymm

Let me guess, there is another Watt sibling called DJ?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Whatever that fist art thing is….it’s got Parkinsons.

Unsurprised

I believe it’s honoring Joe Lewis.

King Hippo

this really has been a damned fine World Series. I want to mostly watch it, so I can avoid the Jerome Bettis jokes (if nothing else)

hippofant

I can’t endorse the weird spoken word rap shit at the start, but screw Carrie Underwood:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOf_v5o_CeE

King Hippo

<3 Faith

she’s even a Demmycrat!!

hippofant

But she supports the military! MAKE NO SENSE BEN HURT BRAIN

Romonobyl

I want those boots next to me in my casket.

blaxabbath

I have two players left and yahoo fantasy is giving me a 0% chance to win.

Guess I shouldn’t have named my team “The San Francisco 49ers”

Shogun Marcus

I’m at 62 with two liouns to play for me. Brocky has Bell. Ugh.

Doktor Zymm

That’s funny, cause I have 0 players left and yahoo is giving me a 1% chance. Can kickers even get negative points, much less like -30?

King Hippo

Now THAT is a Stiller fan picture, Scotchy!

Doktor Zymm

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I thought Glennon was taller than that.

Unsurprised

“Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown”

Brick Meathook

Call me sentimental, but that baseball park will always be Enron Field to me.

Romonobyl

Same here, lawsuits be damned.

Unsurprised

Also, it’s a shameful reminder of the corruption inherent in the construction of every stadium.

blaxabbath

The craziest thing I remember from the Enron book (besides the BS accounting games they were allowed to play but, hey, those rules were passed by the same US government who has legislated right in the opioid epidemic) was how they’d have a big event and use it to praise the accounting firms who gave them the highest ratings. Like, so fucking far from inappropriate yet, somehow, even further away from being illegal.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I remember being terribly confused as to why Anderson Consulting changed its name to Accenture, and then a year later when Anderson Accounting went tits up suddenly it all making sense.

Doktor Zymm

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Wooo foar house full o’ kitten.

Doktor Zymm

They are frickin adorable

Fronkenshteen

Going against a DET DB named Tavon Wilson. Should I be nervous?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Look at his name. Of COURSE you should be nervous.”

– Bob McNair

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s nice to have a new name to use for the face of NFL’s virulent racism. I was getting tired of Jerry Richardson and Riley Cooper.

blaxabbath

Bob “Heir” McNair

Spur

So what’s going to be funnier to watch the Steelers cheat their way to win or baseball?

LemonJello

I’m going with a little from column A, a little from column B…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m watching baseball.

Mother Puncher

Somebody on the Colts subreddit posts one of these every week.

https://i.imgur.com/y3DIPF4_d.webp?maxwidth=640&shape=thumb&fidelity=medium

Doktor Zymm

Are mashed potato selfies a thing now?

Romonobyl

Backstory please.

Romonobyl

Oops, missed the banner image.
Nothing to see here, please move on.

Unsurprised

So, football.

Romonobyl

I wonder who said “It’s our only hope!” more often…Jason Garrett or C3PO.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Romonobyl

Crazy cat lady in training.

Unsurprised

I’m the cat who flies right into the chair.

Romonobyl

Pussy…

hippofant

You even had a height advantage jumping from the back of the sofa!

Unsurprised

Fat + Gravity > Acceleration + Hieght

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

NFL doctors have cleared her to go back into the game.

Romonobyl

Nope, will miss three weeks for mandatory augmentation surgery.

Unsurprised

At least Pittsburgh made the transition so that U Pitt Medical Center is currently the city’s largest employer. Meanwhile, Detroit can’t even gentrify downtown because of shitheads like Dan Gilbert who is trying to extort a city with no money into giving him a basketball arena no one wants.

WCS

Is that non-fat ice milk?

LemonJello

Unflavored, or WIntergreen?

Unsurprised

Definitely not choco

Spanky Datass

HARF BARF!

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