Your “It Looks Good… A Little Too Good” Monday Night Football Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • Word broke over the weekend that Jerry Jones is leading a group of 17 owners “reviewing” Roger Goodell’s possible contract extension.
    • Which, of course, has nothing to do whatsoever, no sir, not one bit, with the upcoming Ezekiel Elliott suspension appeal appeal.
  • JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST!
    • Zach Miller almost lost his leg as a result of his dislocated knee in the endzone, implying he tore or otherwise damaged the femoral artery during the injury.
      • They had to get a graft from his other leg to stabilize it.
    • To quote cbssports.com, “to make matters worse: Miller’s touchdown didn’t count. After an official review, the touchdown was overturned, which seems absurd considering there definitely didn’t appear to be irrefutable evidence.”
    • There is no goddamned way I am linking a gif or video of that here. It was gruesome.
  • The World Series outdrew Sunday Night Football in the TV ratings.
    • Well, duh – they had as much scoring, and more exciting plays.
      • Sunday Night Football had Al Michaels making Jerome Bettis references, and Cris Collinsworth shilling his interest in Pro Football Focus without admitting his connection on the broadcast.

Game Preview: Broncos at Chiefs

This game seems part of a plot by Andy Reid to ensure no one wins the AFC West. The quality of opponent the Chiefs have faced during their losing streak is an escalating pile of shit. The Steelers that beat the Chiefs two weeks ago are a much better team today, although only beating the Lions by 5 points could be a troubling sign. The Raiders appeared cromulent in beating the Chiefs during the two-hour final seconds last Thursday, but then turned in a turd against the Bills. Tonight’s opponent has had only two good quarterbacks in the last 10 years, Peyton Manning V.2 & Tim Tebow J.3:16. Future saviour Paxton Lynch is inactive tonight, in favour of Brock Osweiler. The Broncos only average 18 points per game, the 18th best scoring offence in the NFL.

By design, this game should be an easy walk for the Chiefs.

AND YET!

Tonight marks the return of Jamaal Charles to KC, albeit in a Broncos uniform, so his season-ending injury may not occur until after halftime. But before that happens, look for the Broncos to try & get him going and take advantage of his desire to exact some measure of revenge. Denver defence seems designed exactly to mess with Alex Smith’s mind, and Von Miller has sacked Smith 8 times since 2014.  So if the deep routes fail early look for him to revert to his previous title of the Checkdown King. Finally, Andy Reid is their head coach, so expect some quality timeout or time management fuckups issues at least once during the game.

It could either be a Chiefs 30-point blowout or a Broncos 2-point win. At least the NFL doesn’t have to worry about competing against baseball tonight.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NFL:
    • Denver Broncos at Kansas City Chiefs – 8:15PM | ESPN / TSN
      • en espanol en ESPN2
  • MLS: Playoffs
    • New York Red Bulls vs. Toronto FC (Leg 1) – 7:00PM | FS1 / TSN3
    • Houston Dynamo vs. Portland Timbers (Leg 1) – 9:30PM | FS1 / TSN3
  • NHL:
    • Bruins at Blue Jackets – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Spurs at Celtics – 7:30PM | Sportsnet1
  • WWE:
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
      • Let’s see who’s returned from the mumps!

I don’t know who bought MLB’s soul, but the based ball people have managed to put together two consecutive seasons of quality World Series’, and five not-bad ones total since 2012. (The Giants thumping the Tigers in 2012 was just awful; Verlander hasn’t forgotten.) Tonight’s NFL contest may make you long for another Astros-Dodgers game. HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?!

 

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Please Login to comment
244 Comment threads
670 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
35 Comment authors
BrockytheeWeeBabySeamusBrettFavresColonoscopySharkbaitUnsurprised Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
Notify of
hippofant
hippofant

That… clearly looked like WRs blocking before a forward pass.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Okay, I’d better hit the road. Catch you all on the Papadapoulos* side, dudes.

*flip

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok, pants are off, NOW I’m officially DFO present

litre_cola

Aren’t you at a bar in LA?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What’s your point?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

(And no, none of the locals were around so I went right to the hotel. Currently trying to decide if I’m going to cross town for a cheap ass poker night)

deviantBastard
deviantBastard

Where in LA you be at?

King Hippo

if it’s a “transitional” area, be a dear and get Hippo some black tar

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Right meow? West side.

King Hippo

can one of you shitasses at least defenestrate Kelce?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I mean, he DID drop his head…

deviantBastard
deviantBastard

And the ball.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

comment image

LemonJello
LemonJello

I hope he was beaten with bars of soap wrapped in towels after the game for this fuckery.

King Hippo

oh goodie, 5 FG Lions and the sub-5 YPA Packers next Monday. Yinz get to see a starting QB worse than Siemian!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

King Hippo

I assume they had to make it a puppet show of some varietal?

Petronel

Where is “Spitting Image” when ya need ’em?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Trump’s lawyers (artist’s conception):
comment image

herodotus450
herodotus450

It’s almost like he has no legal or political experience at all… Why didn’t someone mention this one eight sixteen twenty-five years ago!

King Hippo

PLAYOFFS? YOU WANNA TALK PLAYOFFS?????

scotchnaut

“We’ll pass.”

-The Giants

King Hippo

“Can we not?”

– Trevor Monkey Boy

LemonJello
LemonJello

Teh whut?

-Factory of Sadness (All Shifts)

theeWeeBabySeamus

Get back to us in a coupla weeks.
– Ratbirds

Gratliff

Vice’s daily news thing had a fun one on Wolfenstein II. Turns out the black chick in the game is the one from Mad TV, and her and the marketing dude’s general “FUCK A NAZI” approach to life is correct and good.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wow, don’t see the Chiefs catching breaks like that very often…

King Hippo

HAI, fellow bitter AFC West buddy

WCS

Well, that’s probably ungood if you’re a Donks fan.

King Hippo

it is, but at least I left in the Chefs defense in fantasy

litre_cola

Once a Chef always a Chef.

King Hippo

tough, but fair

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Did they run that Applebee’s “Hungry Eyes” on the stadium video feed too? Cause I feel like it’s kind of unfair to try to distract Andy Reid like that.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

comment image

WCS

Thanks, I didn’t want to sleep for a week, anyway.

LemonJello
LemonJello

They won’t run the Chili’s “I want my baby-back ribs!” jingle anymore, for just that reason.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Hot Teak….if the punt receiver does a fair catch and then tries to run it like that, it should be a 15 yard penalty.

WCS

In college it is. Well, it’s a ten-yard penalty.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It should be nothing – defensive players getting to tee off on him is reward enough.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Given the size of the players, I think the risk of injury is unnecessary.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Weak ass fair catch signals make me so mad. I think it should be reversed and fair catches should be the default. Then if the tackler misses the signal no one gets killed, and if the ref misses the signal, there’s a penalty.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

So…is Tim Tebow available?

LemonJello
LemonJello

He’s in a monogamous relationship with the lord, I believe.

litre_cola

Side hugs only

theeWeeBabySeamus

KHunt wasn’t big enough to pull that one in.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

After that return, net 7 yard difference on that punt. I’ve seen Andy Reid swallow animals longer than that.

hippofant
hippofant

That was one weak holding penalty.

WCS

Three days of chili for dinner is finally catching up to my gastrointestinal tract. These smells could be weaponized and sold on the dark web.

litre_cola

Good thing your wife is out of town!

WCS

…or threatening to make me sleep in the living room.

scotchnaut

“Sometimes you’ve got to take a loss so that the greater good prevails.”

-Sponsored by “Husbands Everywhere” and “Stalin”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Forty seconds in and we’ve got our first punt.

King Hippo

welcome to the Denver game. Keep your hands inside the car at all times.

King Hippo

hey, 3 and out, haven’t seen that since ALL THE GODDAMNED TIME

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Pacific time doesn’t fit. I am not ready for the foosball yet.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Are all my rowdy (internet) friends here for Monday night?

King Hippo

can one be rowdy, yet still an imaginary recluse?

If so, aye

scotchnaut

[shrugs shoulders while laying on a couch in his pj’s]

“Sure. Why not?”

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I got maced…

litre_cola

Oxypug is ready! I am fairly passive, not rowdy.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Present!
comment image

scotchnaut

In a perfect world, I’d prefer not to drink hard on a Monday night, yet here we are.

litre_cola

Garpopoppalo got traded to the Fightin Tomsulas?

deviantBastard
deviantBastard

if it’s on the internet, it must be true.

Petronel

Oh Lawd…please let it be true…

deviantBastard
deviantBastard

I got a notification on my phone from ESPN saying he’s been traded. So I guess it is.

litre_cola

I follow shefter on teh twitter and he broke it. He usually isnt wrong.

Petronel

Pats-fan spouse (he’s self-aware, so he’s OK) points out that the Pats are now in need of a backup QB, as all they have is Dreamboat. Now, where would you find an experienced Superb Owl QB these days? Hmm…

Petronel

As pointed out by others above, as well.

King Hippo

/you’re still approved, even with P*ts by association!

//tell spousal unit we sez HAI

hippofant
hippofant

More like the Nappin Tomsulas.

herodotus450
herodotus450

(Breaks out into cold sweat)
Does this set up the Pats signing Kap, then “rehabilitating” him using the Patriots Way?

Gratliff

I for one am looking forward to New & Improved Flag-Loving Patriot Colin

comment image

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Fuck that movie is so fucking awesome on so many levels. Amazing cast and writing.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Colin, you’ve made a Great Leap Forward today, but it will take a Cultural Revolution before you can play in the nfl again.

litre_cola

That would be the ultimate fuck you

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Evening folks. So I started a new group of people getting training. One of the people is internally one of our sales guys. So he took us all out for diner. While I appreciate a free meal as much as anyone, we are all grunts. No one in the group of customers handle sales. Its all electricians so it doesn’t make any sense to wine and dine these guys.

On top of this, I got like 8 hours of standing there and talking in the morning. I don’t want a full meal. Well of course, sales guy takes us out for steaks and drinks. He gives me shit because I am only drinking water. I hate drinking with people I don’t know, especially customers. Then even worse, our US and our Japanese CEO shows up with customers…so they join us as well. So a dinner of 7, turns into a diner of 12.

I ended up sort of sneaking out with the actually truthful argument that I needed to get home for some sleep and prep for the next day of training. Come tomorrow, the customers are going to show up late, hung over as fuck, and then I have to basically go slow as shit for the rest of the training while they nurse their hangovers.

I fucking hate dealing with sales people.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Same here, the mindset it takes to be a salesperson, I find so alien and basically disgusting. At a previous job we referred to them as “cheese weasels”, not sure where that came from, but I still find it amusing.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I really don’t get his logic of trying to get everyone shit faced drunk on the first day of class. The last day…okay. But if you are going to do that, make sure everyone has a ride home and shit.

If these guys get into accidents or whatever, they are fucked. And granted, they are adults, but its like ….what the fuck man?

Some of the sales people, I think they think we were on the set of Mad Men.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Sales work is the natural end game for those extremely social folks in high school and college who lack any other discernible skills.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

What is dead may never die.

“I got mine, so you can go fuck yourself” – ancient baby boomer proverb

— Frasier Krang (@FrasierTKrang) October 30, 2017

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

scotchnaut

You guys are about the most level-headed group that I have access to on the intraweb. What is your rational take on these indictments?

King Hippo

Mueller is a level-headed professional taking a solid opening flurry.

herodotus450
herodotus450

I thought hte Popadopolous plea had some possible hints where it mentions three or four people by titles like Senior Campaing Officer, High Level Campaign Official, etc. Seems like whoever they are will be the ultimate targets, I’m not optimistic enough to think it will ever reach trump.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

You can only be pardoned post-conviction/plea.

Dunstan
Dunstan

Not true. For example, Nixon had not even been charged with any crime (he was an unindicted co-conspirator) when Ford pardoned him.

Gratliff

If I may encroach on Redshirt’s turf,
comment image

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

That they probably are not the silver bullet people that takes down Trump that people want them to be.

I mean, Trump and everyone in his orbit are horrible, dirty people who have undoubtedly committed crimes, but I don’t think any of them are anything more than petty grifters as opposed to members of a vast international conspiracy.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

They don’t matter, won’t change anything.

King Hippo

Shane Ray is from “The Murder Factory” – no wonder he good.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I keep thinking I should try CBD oil, but I have no clue where to begin.

litre_cola

Well are you in a state where it is legal?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Hell yeah, Oregon.

litre_cola

Then definitely do it if you are in any pain. I vape with cbd weed when my back pain acts up. I keep some thc stuff around because I like to get stoned too but CBD oil would be perfect if you are in pain.

King Hippo

everybody ready FOAR a group “MANGO!!!” then “NAVY!!!!!” chant?? Where are Moose and snow?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Getting high, I assume.

King Hippo

yeah, I will hit the pills once I am certain I ain’t gonna puke my giant bowl of #ShameIcedCream

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

ANTIFA FURBY, BABY!

comment image

Gratliff

Soylent green can’t come soon enough

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Or Logan’s Run.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Furby is so old that I figured it’s the only thing Fox News’s dementia-ridden viewers do remember.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

This was up when the Manafort indictment was front page everywhere else.

WCS

It’s important to report the REEL NEWS.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I <3 Andy Reid

comment image

Gratliff

I’m here for the antifa supersoldiers and egregious Andy Reid timeouts

Gratliff

Also disappointed at the lack of Rick & Forty ‘shops going around.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Or for the high-flying, aerial acrobatics.

comment image

(I still wish I omitted the “my,” but I’ll be damned if I go through the effort to remake this.)

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I’m here to hope one of these teams is actually coached by a hybrid of Krang and Craig T. Nelson’s character from Coach.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

That guy has a Hell of a Twitter feed.

Gratliff

had

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

What the shit?

Gratliff

He got reported for the blatant joke until he was permabanned. #FreeKrang

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I’m about to make your day:

https://twitter.com/FrasierTKrang

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

In retrospect, all account as good as that one is are doomed for suspension.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Good evening, imaginary friends.
#fakepeople

deviantBastard
deviantBastard

“I’m not fake, you’re the fake.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hmmmm….I never thought about it like that before.
comment image

hippofant
hippofant

MATT NO-HASSLE-BECK

scotchnaut
Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Any other country … Jesus Fucking Christ.

scotchnaut

“PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON’T BE AS STUPID AS YOU’VE BEEN IN THE PAST. WE CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH!”

-Fox News

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

They’ll find new ways to suck.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Unfortunately unable to ignore his tweets today while reading the indictment stories, I saw one that was basically, “Hey, those crimes Manafort committed were before he joined my campaign, so why don’t we just let him go.”
Also unfortunate that most of the russian spam bots who support him are incapable of detecting the irony/logical fallacy therein.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Hey, it’s that tweet I was talking about, right there in that there story.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I just realized the name of the teen actor Kevin Spacey molested sounded familiar because he was the blonde guy with glasses in Dazed and Confused.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Reading on PFT how the World Series outdrew Sunday Night football reminded me of every smug post Florio would make about the obvious superiority of football to baseball as evidenced by Nielsen ratings.

Also, PFT comments remain, as they’ve always been, a total fucking toilet with turds as oily as Florio’s hair.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Maybe this is why I stopped finding PFT Commenter funny. Too many people believe this and even dumber shit, and thinking about it is just sad.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

/extreme 30-for-30 promo narrator voice

What if I told you pee was stored in the balls?

litre_cola

Balls from LA?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

To quote cbssports.com, “to make matters worse: Miller’s touchdown didn’t count. After an official review, the touchdown was overturned, which seems absurd considering there definitely didn’t appear to be irrefutable evidence.”

Fuck the NFL.

Every time I watched this match-up, the Chefs somehow won. So a preemptive “Congrats” to Andy Reid, who totally deserves all the bison ribs he can eat for tonight’s victory even though his QB is Alex Smith and he’s Andy Fucking Reid.

I should be going to the Timbers game or something. I’m a loser.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Gubmint going after Papadopoulos? What did Big Bird’s friend ever do to them?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I hate to break the news, but he molested Webster.

litre_cola

Evening, escaped a hangover today after being day wasted yesterday. Huzzah!

LemonJello
LemonJello

Huzzah, indeed.
comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Check this out – Mueller asked for (and got) the court to grant a waiver of Manafort’s attorney-client privilege:

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DNai1B7VoAAB0vV?format=jpg

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Dude, they fucking pierced privilege. Mueller is NOT fucking around.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Oh, shit. It’s all fun and games until the lawyers get indicted; then it’s just fun.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Big news with the indictments of Manafort and Papadopolu-, Pappapoda-; just Manafort.

WCS

comment image

herodotus450
herodotus450

comment image

WCS

comment image

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I got a coworker in the office named Nagarash. I used to use this line all the time with him.

One day we got drunk and crashed at my place. I played the movie and he started laughing.

Then “Wait…do you know if i am fired?!?!”

WCS

Tonight’s NFL contest may make you long for another Astros-Dodgers game. HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?!

Simple: Roger Goodell is a national disgrace.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Ppl forget that,,,

King Hippo

WAIT?? I thought nobody would watch el beisbol if the SAWX, Yankees, and/or Small Bears weren’t playing?? Compelling fixtures between the two best (and generally likable) sides makes for good teevee regardless of narrative?? WOW, colour me shocked.

And I typed my Hippo Thoughts bit about the Jerome Bettis jokes before the broadcast even began. Yes, Cris and Al, you are that goddamned predictable and lame.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I still can’t ever hear Bettis’ name without thinking of the local tv commercials he did (in PA, I lived there for part of his career in Yinzburgh) for public transportation.

“Everybody is getting on the bus”.

I’m not making this up.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

He’s a power bottom?

1 2 3 5