Your “How The Hell Did That Happen?” Monday Night Football Preview & Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

Hippo’s got you covered for all the weirdness of the weekend, but I’d just like to take a minute to ask the pertinent question – How the hell did that happen? – to things like:

  • Blair Walsh missed three field goals, all wide-left. If only they’d had some indication he couldn’t kick in the cold.

  • The Eagles scored so often & much that they ran out of fireworks.
    • A game the Broncos are describing as “Rock Bottom”.
      • I don’t know about that, because:
        • the Patriots might hang 60 on them at Gillette this weekend.
        • they’ve got a home game against the Bengals that’s a pick-em.
        • they’ve got a road game against the Colts which could make Jacoby Brissett look like Peyton Manning.
      • So, there’s plenty more bottoms to come.
Until the parade.
  • Josh Gordon is expected to report to the Browns Tuesday.
    • He’s sat out more games than Zeke ever will. Why don’t the Cowboys just give the Browns a couple of draft picks – not like they’ll help – and everyone call it even?
  • Jalen Ramsey tried to go at A.J. Green under the stands. He also verbally confronted other Bengals as they left the field for halftime.
    • He had to be restrained by security & escorted back to his locker room.
    • Green has apologized this morning. “I apologize to my teammates, Mr. Brown, and everybody, because that is not who I am. It just got the best of me today.”
      • Unspoken: “Fuck you, Jalen Ramsey.”
    • What have you to add, Pacman?
      • “Some s— you need to keep on the field, and some s— you don’t bring on the field regardless of what it is,” Jones said. “I’m not going to get into verbatim what he said to A.J. and how everything happened, but he’ll get what he asked for,” Jones said. “It all comes around. It always comes around. … Just watch you say and be respectful to people. You never know what happens. You never know who you’re going to play with. You never know who you’re going to see again. I’m going to leave that at that.”
    • But, for clarification, here’s what Green’s not apologizing to Ramsey for:

  • Other picked fights:

Finally, to end on a little good news, it looks like Teddy Bridgewater is going to be activated this week off the PUP list, and will serve as a backup to Case Keenum. Good for him; hated to see a kid cut down at age 24.

Unless it’s warranted.
  • This means the Vikings will have four QBs on the roster, meaning Kyle Sloter (great metal-band name) or Sam Bradford may have to go.
    • Bradford’s missed six games, so he could be placed on the PUP list, preventing him from being picked up by someone else & adding Minnesota to Kaepernick’s collusion case.

Game Preview: Lions at Packers

Brocky covered most of the reasons why tonight will be a painful watch. But I’d like to add one more.

This fucking guy.

Dom Capers has had 10 years to craft a competent defence. In 2009 & 2010, his defences were top-10 in scoring & points allowed. In 2010 specifically, they finished No. 2 in scoring defense, No. 5 in total defense, No. 2 in interceptions and No. 2 in sacks. Since 2010, his defences haven’t ranked above 21st, a point people don’t dwell on complainingly enough when Aaron Rodgers is able to pull his team’s fat out of the fire on numerous, repeated occasions.

All Packers fans see.

Shogun Marcus craftily epitomized the feeling of the locals in his preview, noting how complacent people have become winning the division & turning into the 1990s Atlanta Braves.

On the other side of the ball, you’ve got the highest paid quarterback in the NFL, Matt Stafford,

looking to drive other quality receivers into early retirement via poor zone reads and ten-yard overthrows. The Lions have no running game, a kicker whose continued employment in the league is completely reliant on AA references, and a defence that makes Dom Capers look cromulent, because he can beat the division.

Most years, I would tune in once or twice during RAW commercials to see if tuning in after RAW finishes would be worth my time. But I don’t want to miss Alexa Bliss,

  

so I might just get there around the fourth quarter. By then it should be 13-10 for…someone.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NFL:
    • Detroit Lions at Green Bay Packers – 8:15PM | ESPN / TSN
  • NBA:
    • Celtics at Hawks – 7:30PM | TSN2
    • Heat at Warriors – 10:30 | TSN2
  •  WWE:
    • Monday Night Raw: 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

In case the game gets boring, here’s a Monday type of song for the Commentists:

SO 80’s!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Should be a good day at work tomorrow.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

Here’s how to go the 65 miles from Los Angeles to San Bernardino in 2.5 hours along the “scenic landscapes of the BNSF San Bernardino Subdivision.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy
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Attention people of Austin: you do not understand how airport pickup works. Move along.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

If you’re just listening to the TV and not watching it, Randy Moss sounds like a redneck.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
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He is a redneck, so that works

WCS
Member

Native of Rand, West By-God-Virginia.

Fun fact: Rand no longer exists!

Senor Weaselo
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How’d that happen?

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Inbreeding?

WCS
Member

Like dozens, if not a few hundred other West Virginia towns, everyone eventually moved away. Literal ghost town.

Doktor Zymm
Member

As Clay Matthews ages, he looks more and more like Charlie Manson

WCS
Member

That’s his current career trajectory, too.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Rough decade or so for the Schiavo family

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I’m glad you said it.
It was killing me not to. (no pun intended)

theeWeeBabySeamus
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theeWeeBabySeamus
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You have to give ’em credit. They’re very creative in HOW they fail in the red zone.

Doktor Zymm
Member

What in the everloving shit? There is a bar in SF that is a Redacteds/Pats bar?!

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Burn it to the ground

WCS
Member

Justifiable action.

Doktor Zymm
Member

Because of the end of daylight savings, I got to walk to the shuttle in daylight this morning! It was awesome!

Viva La Tabula Raza
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Viva La Tabula Raza

Guess Aaron won’t be throwing the football to his doggie for a while. Poor pooch.

litre_cola
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My fake football evening has been fantastic with this result! Back to real life tomorrow, but new job started so no employees or customers!

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Hey, even you can probably avoid pissing anyone off in that situation.
No wait, that’s me.

litre_cola
Member

A whole lot of training online this week for stuff I already know. Perfect.

Doktor Zymm
Member

Does D/ST get anything, in any fantasy scoring variation, for succeeding in an onside kick?

WCS
Member

So. Much. Poop.

And talking about between the two offspring, not the Lions red zone offense.

Doktor Zymm
Member

You can be talking about two things

Viva La Tabula Raza
Member
Viva La Tabula Raza

“Alright, defense, get out there and rest on your laurels!”
—Jim Caldwell at the end of the third quarter

Doktor Zymm
Member

Are laurels even a comfy thing to rest on?

Viva La Tabula Raza
Member
Viva La Tabula Raza

Are there any botanists on this board? I’m a geologist and don’t know shit about plants.

Doktor Zymm
Member

EXTINCTION EVENT

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Shit. I totally should have started Davante

Doktor Zymm
Member

Viagra. When you’re having problems in “the red zone”

Shogun Marcus
Member

Is that the Dad Band’s name?

Shogun Marcus
Member

Ruh-roh!
“#Packers security is requesting a canine over by the visiting team buses.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

If Abdullah gets the ball again PLEASE let him fumble again

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm
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“interfered with” used to be a euphemism for rape

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

“Used to be?”

– B. Roethlisburger

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Hehehe….I giggled.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm
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They’re confused because it should be pronounced BEL-WAH

Doktor Zymm
Member

Claude Chloe?

deviantBastard
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deviantBastard

Bless you.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Can we get Abdullah a few more fumbles, please?

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Random observation: There are seemingly more Joneses in this game than in most games.

Shogun Marcus
Member

What’s new puddy-tat?

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