2017 Quotables – Week 9 (Submissions)

blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

I’m over power rankings for this season. Are you? Yeah, me too. I think we all can agree that the only power that exists this season is that of The Shield (except for controlling players kneeling).  Now, before we get to this week’s candidates, I have to admit that I didn’t see any Week 9 Action so my contextual understanding of all this is limited. Which is probably good because now I know how Pac-12 officials feel every time they see a play.

Forcing in Pac-12 talk, you say? Well, since we’re on the topic…

Full disclosure, I’d hate Trier if he played for any other team. Now, I’m not such a homer that I’d root for someone like Grayson Allen if he were on my school’s roster, but I’ll own my biases. 

Okay, not really. I think it’s unreasonable to discuss JV roundball (also known as the Suns amirite?) when, somehow, San Francisco is still not yet eliminated from the postseason. Yes, I think SF is worse than #ThePauls but here’s a nice write up of their remaining schedules and how two 0-16 teams seems entirely plausible this year.

Continuing this rambling [checks gif loading status — 80%], I was in San Francisco last weekend and accidentally rode BART  (The BART?) to Oakland. I have nothing to say about the place, as I did not leave the station, but I think it’s neat how the train goes under water. Anyways, that’s all the space I was obligated to burn so below are your Week 9 Quotables and let’s take a crack at these things together.

Also, thanks for BFC for filling in last week.


Let this be a lesson to all NFL players — make sure your first shot at Jameis Winston is the one he deserves.

This is one creepy fucking bastard.

I don’t know players on either of these rosters. Bills Thomas and Jones, maybe? Against the New York Jets.

Uhhh….pass. I just know the Giants played the Rams.

In A.J. Green’s defense, why not?

I think the Dolphins won. Or they lost. They won or they lost this week.

Beerguyrob celebrates a Seattle Seahawks safety.

The Philadelphia Eagles did NOT bite on the play action on this Brock Osweiler pass.
blaxabbath
blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.

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King Hippo
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Back…and to the left. Back…and to the left.

Redshirt
Member

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It was this moment that Jalen Ramsey regretted teasing AJ Green with the thought that he is wasting the prime of his career with the Cincinnati Bengals.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

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Brock Osweiler throws the ball away like the Houston Texans throw money and draft picks away at terrible quarterbacks.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

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“More like Jailin’ Ramsey, amirite?” – Jacksonville cops, critiquing A.J. Green’s chokehold technique

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Also something something P.D. Blue.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

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“I haven’t seen someone interacting with Jameis Winson so unaware that they’re about to get hit from behind since…are you guys even gonna write this down?”

– Me, trying to report a crime to the Tallahassee Police Department

Senor Weaselo
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“I can do it too, Philip.”

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

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Looks like it’s time to call the glue factory to come get this string of Broncos.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

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“I had hoped my long-lasting deodorant would be dry by now.”

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

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“I pray to my spirit animal, Mr. Winkles, to protect me during this play. In his name SNARLCHOMPGNASHSNARL!”

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

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“FINISH HIM!”
/Mortal Combat Theme plays

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

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“Cross my heart and hope Peyton dies, mom brought enough orange slices and juice boxes for everybody at halftime.”

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

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I haven’t seen Jets involved in this kind of carnage since that stretch of Hwy 80 between Basra and Kuwait City in 1991.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

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“Soon as this dadgum camera is off me, load the hookers and blow on the G6 so we can add another notch in the ‘Mile High Club Belt’. YEEEEEEHHHAAAAAAAAWWWW I AM FUCKING CRAAAAAAZYYYYYY!!!1!”

Beerguyrob
Member

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In Jerry Jones’ world, much like in Sterling Archer’s, “The Walking Dead” means the girl has transformed from “Call girl” to “hooker”.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

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Winston was just playing the old “Pull my finger joke” on Lattimore.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
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It’s too bad Mike Nugent isn’t on the Bengals anymore, otherwise my Stranglehold joke would actually be relevant.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
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“Glasses, slippers, Legos and milk.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

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Did they have matching towels?

Game Time Decision
Member
Game Time Decision

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Seattle’s version of the “Turkey hole”?

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

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CATFIGHT!

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Alternate:

Ramsey: Great taste!
Green: Less filling!

Senor Weaselo
Member

Alternate alternate:

Ramsey: Pitt the Elder!
Green: LORD PALMERSTON!

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

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Cody Parker does a bang up Blair Walsh impression

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

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Lattimore reacted reasonably given that he thought Winston was giving him crabs

Game Time Decision
Member
Game Time Decision

more like the “Cheese Touch”

ArmedandHammered
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ArmedandHammered

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That is the type of leadership learned at FSU, distracting your opponent to set up the cheap shot.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

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This is how big of a vagina Russ Wilson is

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

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Popke from Necessary Roughness hasn’t changed much

ArmedandHammered
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ArmedandHammered

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I know I’m not Catholic, but we need all the help we can get!

SonOfSpam
Member

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BEHOLD!!! I AM A MOTHERFUCKING STEEPLE!!!

SonOfSpam
Member

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Damn, last time something flew that fast at a Saint it was Sebastian.

Game Time Decision
Member
Game Time Decision

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When “it’s my ball and I’m going home” ends badly.

Game Time Decision
Member
Game Time Decision

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Great takedown technique.
-Dana White

Game Time Decision
Member
Game Time Decision

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What the hell is the dude in the white shirt doing. I keep watching but am unable to come up with anything.
/no joke

ArmedandHammered
Member
ArmedandHammered

He’s there to make sure that the hookers stay down on their knees and can’t be seen on any camera. Or the poor bastard is Jerrah’s prostate stimulator.

Beerguyrob
Member

When Stalin gets up, you get up.

Game Time Decision
Member
Game Time Decision

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Eli signals for the bunt.

nomonkeyfun
Member

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Jameis almost learned his lesson about unwanted touching.

nomonkeyfun
Member

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James Harrison was fined $100,000 for that illegal hit.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

You’re welcome.

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