So, first thing first, the quick stats. Going into the bye, the Chiefs were 6-3. This makes them the only team in the cheeto vomit division otherwise known as the AFC West to be over .500 and consequently the GLORIOUS DIVISION LEADER. They’ve played exactly half of their division games, beating the Dead Horses and the Shitty Clippers, dropping to the Al Davis Zombies. In a wild coincidence that no one but me will find amusing, their overall win % = their conference win % = their division win %. WEIRDY WEIRD WEIRD!
The Chiefs have a horse that a cheerleader and equine therapist (horses are part of a lot of therapy for various disabilities, both physical and mental) rides around the stadium when they score touchdowns and at various other team events. They had a horse years ago, started the current incarnation in 2009 as an anniversary thing, and it proved so popular that they kept bringing horse to home games. This is the horse that forced Eric Berry to confront his equine phobia, btw. I like to think that the improvement of the team since then is because they like seeing the awesome horsey ride around the field. This is probably not true, but whatevs, my version of the world is way more fun, so there!
Some stuff that probably ACTUALLY matters for their relative success this year, drafting and starting Kareem Hunt, who observent Commentists (and probably all his middle school classmates) noticed is abbreviated KHunt. Funny story, at an old job of mine there was a product rep that worked with a coworker of mine who was named Mike Hunt. Super awkward when another coworker burst out laughing when he was introduced at a meeting.
Also, the larger role Tyreek Hill is player in the offense this year vs last year has introduced the concept of ‘going deep’ to Alex Smith. He seems to be enjoying it, and Tyreek seems to be doing well at the whole ‘not strangling your pregnant girlfriend’ thing that is such a challege for some NFL players. In fact, Football Outsiders ranks KC third in offensive DVOA, after New England and New Orleans (maybe they should change the name to New Kansas City? hrmmmm) so that qualifies it as a pretty DYNO-MITE offense (as opposed to DINO-MITE which is a parasite that extinct reptiles get).
They are…less good on Defense, with a Football Outsiders ranking of 26th on Defensive DVOA, and ranking dead last on rushing D. You could even say the defense has a bad case of the runs (insert rimshot here)! They’ve been making changes to address that (visible in the Dallas game) but it remains to be seen if they can get the run D up to the lofty standard of ‘slightly below average.’
The rest of their schedule isn’t bad, with Buffalo and Oakland being the only remaining teams they have to face with any sort of real potential to make the playoffs. Even if they drop a couple more games they’ll end 11-5 which will easily win the division. Hell, 10-6 would also easily win the division. So yeah, they’re gonna make the playoffs. Right now they’re in a 3-way tie for third in the conference, so I’m gonna go ahead and say they won’t get a first round bye. My ideal scenario would be a Chiefs/Eagles Superb Owl, with the new Andy Reids beating the old Andy Reids, because SO MANY HAWT TAKES ALSO EAGLES FANS ALL EXPLODES!!! This is highly unlikely, but a gal can hope….
The Chefs have a good QB, diverse offense and some play-makers on defense. The division in its current state is theirs. One, two if they are lucky, and done in the playoffs. In the playoff game they lose they will be thoroughly dominated.
“Everyone knows that Mr. Litoris doesn’t exist.”
“The worst part about our Week 1 game getting rescheduled is that I won’t get to go out and catch some of that bye week tail.”
– Jay Cutler
The guy on the left reminds me of Syndrome from The Incredibles. “When all quarterbacks are special, then no one is!” he yells to justify Alex Fucking Smith.
“Why would you have to justify Fucking Alex Sm-, oh, Alex Fucking Smith.”
/tiptoes out of the room
-Rodgers
Your co-worker who laughed at Mike Hunt is the one person I want working on my team.
I had a roommate in college named Micheal Hunter. His name often got shortened quite a bit.
I went to high school with a kid named Mike Hunt. He eventually changed it to John.
Laughs uncomfortably, still doesn’t get it.
-Aaron Rodgers
Neither do I, but you don’t let people see me letting people know outside of this crew.
The rest of us were briefed ahead of time, so we knew what to expect and had already spent a good hour giggling about it
Zymm I understand your Eagle hatred yet they are not making the Superb Owl. They will lose on a bullshit play where coach visorbforgets knowing how the clock works. He was trained by the kool aid man so we are coming full circle here sheeple.
Oh, I’m sure you’re right, and I don’t really hate the Eagles. Eagles fans just make it so enjoyable to needle them. I’m super glad they’re a division rival actually, instead of some boring team.
On second thought let’s not go to Kansas City.
It is a silly place.
If someone started using ‘NI’ as an audible I would be their fan for life
God I hate the Chiefs so much. The next time Alex Smith does his bullshit sideline tiptoe act I hope someone, with blatant disregard for the ensuing penalty, lines him up and…
…ah, I mean, well, I guess he’s a decent enough human being, and football is just a game.
But I still think the Chiefs are going to be like Alex Smith on his wedding night and will go one-and-done yet again.
I will applaud alongside you. I mean, already going 2 hell ,, amirite??
I really hate it when someone I hate does something not hateworthy.
Also, I don’t remember Trent Green playing for the Raiders, but I guess neither does he.
While I hate the division opponents a great deal, and even all the division this year……. that hate has been rendered infinitesimal by my P*triots hate, a mere pimple on the ass of The Hate [granted; it is a swollen painful pimple].
The guy in the cat suit gives new meaning to the phrase “baby bump”!
LOVE the username!!
GO NOT-PATRIOTS!
-That’s what she said.
LMFAO. Holy shit, I almost choked on my muffin.
(and now I realize that sounds funny too)
The Chiefs are morphing nicely into the Andy Reid Eagles. Always in contention, but never winning the whole thing. Gotta go get me a Chiefs phone case…