Latest posts by King Hippo (see all)
- Russia 2018–World Cup Day 5: Navigating Monday – June 18, 2018
- World Cup 2018 Team Preview – Belgium – June 6, 2018
- World Cup 2018 Costa Rica Preview: Mangoes FOAR All! – May 30, 2018
This week was indeed a Thing that Happened.
First off, let’s congratulate Buffalo Bills first-year coach Sean McDermott, who benched Tyrod Taylor (perfectly decent QB of a 5-4 side) for J. Peterman. You know, the catalog guy from Seinfeld’s later years. I guess he wanted to see what he had, and boy howdy, did he get a definitive answer. Five first half pickerceptions v. the Shitty Clippers. The dozens of home L.A. supporters were delighted, as their footy squadron held on for a 54-24 victory. Tyrod finished off half #2, mercifully.
The Mexico game was no better, as the altitude acclimated (having played in Denver last week) P*ts ass-blasted pre-Vegas 33-8. Gostkowski kicked an air-aided 62-yard FG that brought Jeeeeem to orgasm. Yeah, that kind of late window.
In other late news, Denver still sucks, and lost to the Striped Pylons at home by 3. Marvin Lewis’ last play of the first half kicker icing proved the difference. Yeah, that kind of Donks season.
Who is the best team in FOOTBAW? Some peoples needlessly ask. Well, maybe it’s the Vikings after all. They soundly defeated visiting RRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!, holding the NFL’s best offensing unit to 7 measly points in the process. Consider yourself on notice, NFC. The road to the Superb Owl goes through Bird Murder Dome, even if Case Keenum stays in at QB.
Breesus needed to come back to life in order to turn back the visiting Redacteds, and resurrect he did. 15 points in the last 5 minutes to force OT, then driving for the game winning FG after the stunned ‘dacteds punted in added time. Dingleberry Cousins was really good, and Chris Thompson borked his leg. It was gross.
It looked as if the Giants would hilariously suffer the same fate as their division chums, choking away their upset late in regulation. But Kansas City continued to sputter offensively in OT, and a circus catch by Roger Lewis set up a chip shot game winner, 12-9. What an epic shitshow this one was. Tint Hands has to start taking a fucking chance, or this will be the usual wet fart playoff exit for this boring white bread footballing squadron.
Detroit is still pretty bad outdoors in the cold, but the Bearistocrats! still employ Connor Barth as their kicker, and this hath made all the difference.
Team MRSA beat Miami, despite Matt Moore’s fine comeback after Catler’s terribad day was mercifully cut short by a head owie (not that one wishes him hurt, just that he was stinking up the field already, and I couldn’t think of a nice way to phrase it). Neither of these teams is worth a shit.
Speaking of not worth a shit…Green Bay without Aaron Rodgers. Zero points at home to goddamned Baltimore. Res ipsa loquitor.
Savage Garden defeated The Flow in a game that surprisingly featured 52 offensive points. Proof positive that betting on professional football is folly, yet we continue to do it.
#The Pauls hosted Odd Week Jaguras in pretty decent strength sleet and yeah, it was about what you would expect. The score was very close (and low) until late, when the Odd Week powers became too much to overcome, and JAX scored defensively to cover, 19-7.
Leaving us with Dakota v. DAK! on Sunday Night Footy. It was a weird match, with the Iggle kicker getting Trent Greened early, and pass interference got the night off. Dallas’ defense fell apart during Q3, then I got bored/mad (given my gaming interests).