Is there anything better than drinking, joking and laughing with like-minded folks? Perhaps someone will mention the “c” word-you know ‘cintercourse’. But I feel that at the very least it’s better than the opposite-being dehydrated, seriousing and thousand-yard staring with people. American Thanksgiving in The Canada is a fantastic time if you have the wherewithal/foresight to grab that day off. Look at me over here-I’m actually aching for a turkey sammich slathered in mayo and topped with fresh cracked black pepper and best of all… NO FAMILY OBLIGATIONS ATTACHED TO SAID SNACK. I’m living the dream up here, baby. TO THE GAME!
REDACTEDS/GIANTS: How to write a game intro without doing any homework whatsoever. Here goes… That New York team surprised the crapola out of everyone last week by stealing a game from the faltering Chiefs last week in a game sponsored by an heroin overdose. I was on the edge of my ottoman because my self-worth is tied up in the Giants fortunes…still. No, I don’t know why. Apparently the D had a players-only meeting where everyone stepped up and blamed each other for the lousy performance the week previous and that made things all better. The O is still beyond atrocious, I mean somebody by the name of Roger Lewis was the go-to wr! After tossing another four players on the Injured Reserve pile this week the Dacteds now have a total of 15 guys residing there. I kinda feel sorry for Chris Thompson. He’s a guy that really stepped up and made plays when other play-makers got hurt or dropped the ball (stares at Terrelle Pryor) and paid the price for being way over-used and is now done. Hey Samjae Perine, you’re the next guy up!
Let’s do the thing that we do down below.
Dok’s original hypothesis still stands….
this series makes me think of a long ago comedy sketch idea – what if Hitler had a Truman Capote (ie, exaggerated, effeminate Southern homosexual drawl) accent?
Sieg hayyyyyelll, y’aaaawwwwullll
Thanks Hippo. Wasn’t sure how to get this one in nonchalantly.
Serendipity!!!!!!!
“Intrigued, newsletter, etc.” -The creators of “Heil Honey I’m Home”
Vernon Davis has excellent teeth
Fun Fact, the DC longsnapper, Nick Sundberg, has a totally epic back tattoo.
It is pretty nice:
No hon, that’s YOUR back tattoo. It’s cute that you think you’re an NFL long snapper though, unusual fantasty and we love you for it.
I could never have that kind of ink. Nothing to do with fandom, just a total pansy as far as pain tolerance goes.
Back tats barely hurt, you’re more likely to get bored than wince
Shogun’s food baby has more potential than this game.
They certainly can drive better.
brother DJ Taj has a new fantasy football team name. Guy Fieri’s Fluffers.
It has legs.
Someone should use “Lesser of Two Eagles” but only once the Eagles shit the bed.
Glenn Fry is rolling over.
Not very quickly, I bet.
Legs and herpes.
The Skins are down to a few starters and whoever could be recruited from local high schools. Still better than the Browns. How is it possible for The Pauls to be so bad? just…damn.
#CultureOfShititude
Commitment to excrement
I feel your pain.
Dak finished with 5.16 fantasy points, so he more than doubled last week!
JohnnyRebDOWN WOO!!!!
Had to drive 10 hours to get to Michigan, but here we are! Been drinking beer all day, feasted heartily, & my little brother even chopped me out an honest to God line of coke. Been awhile! The Redacteds’ field is a fucking disgrace. I’d pull my team off it.
party on Wayne!
and you had to be all like, where was this magic line 10 hours ago ,, amirite??
If the Redacteds pay Cousins $34mil to franchise him another year, I might reconsider my fandom. Probably not, since that shit ain’t rational, but at the very least I will curse freely and creatively
You don’t already curse creatively? You’re missing out.
Like I said before…..
Well, he did like camps.
Hey-ohhhhh!!
Hang on while I modify the exhaust…
oh God, I cackled like a crazy old cat lady
ich bin midnight toker?
I’ve done the football all day long. I’ve done 4 slices of pizza, more beers, scotch and wine that I’m going to admit to. It’s time to go to bed with 2 large bottles of Fiji water. See ya basturds tommora.
You are prepared, bestest of nights.
For the love of Mrs. Scotchy, I hope you have your own designated toilet.
Probably always true.
First trick to reduce hangovers? Hydrate till you can’t stand it anymore. Helps to throw a sports drink in there sometimes.
land sharks WOO!!!!
my timing on “Baby Buster or Captain Dingleberry” is very bad the past few weeks.
How does one qualify to become a NFL ref? I could totally rock it.
Harrumph. The Giants suck, so they got a FG instead of a TD, but they still leading. DO BETTER REDACTEDS.
I think my food baby is twins.
PUSH!
BREATH!
who knew we did lamaze, eh?
“His ass is dilated to 4 centimeters, should be any minute now.”
GO FOR IT!
Thanks for the encouragement. You’ve talked me into it.
I’m going to become a cosmonaut.
Oh no wait, I meant cosmetologist.
Wanna do my toes?
Are we still talking cosmetology or orrrrr…
Ah who am I kidding? Yes and yes.
Zak Brown down? He should stick to derivative country music.
Recluse Thanksgiving was still more fun, even if the FOOTBAW was all disappoint.
I’ve only been alone for Thanksgiving once but I’d like to do it again. Either that or Christmas.
I’ve done that too, it’s a delight. Better if one leaves town.
Once my parents leave the Chicago area it’ll be easier for me to do.
Decided to fly solo myself this year. I might make it a holiday tradition.
once you break the ice of societal judgment, it’s like FUCK, I should have always done this!
/works only if you really don’t like ppl and don’t care if ppl talk shit about you (check and SUPER check)
I’ve found you can just lie to people and be fine. Make up a story about meeting family with a few details and no one will question it. Then you can just do whatever.
I called my folks on Tuesday and told them I’d see them at Xmas. I don’t really care that much for turkey or any of the other traditional sides, so spending 30 bucks on gas and four hours in the car just ain’t worth it to me. Rest of the family is halfway across the country, and I ain’t flying on this holiday.
I’m digging it. Getting out of stuff like this is the introvert Holy Grail.
that was the magic that I unlocked post-divorce – the vast majority of stuff one “has to do” is really like “nope”
I miss the post divorce yet family still 2000miles away days.
I miss those days sooooo hard.
*sigh*
For Xmas, my daughters and I will host my mom for turkey breast on like 22 Dec. That suffices for me, and allows me to avoid the bullshit. The folk who enjoy the bullshit aspects can experience them later. Everybody wins.
Tonight’s racism was mitigated by Sixpoint Brewing
I approve of your beer choice.
Ah, Orleans Darkwa, Ray Nagin’s BDSM name.
The Giants O will do everything they can to end up in third and long.
Holy shit a first down!
VW : The car/van of nazis, hippies, and serial killers!
It’s amazing what you can find on teh interwebs by typing in random search terms.
Quaaaaaa?
SEEMS LEGIT.
Maaaaaaaan Kampf
His strategy in North Africa finally makes sense!
I’m very thankful no members of my immediate family like Trump at all and that political conversations with the aren’t enraging.
Good lord
Is that Ruffino? I’ve done that
Don’t know her name, but I’m pretty sure I haven’t done her.
There’s one more piece of pumpkin cheesecake left?
THERE’S ONE MORE PIECE OF PUMPKIN CHEESECAKE LEFT!!!!
Mail to to my office?
I could mail it tomorrow, but it will probably look like shit.
Literally.
Al and Cris always dress in the “Stonewall” collection from LL Bean
Oh I MEMBAH!
I like Kerrigan enough to forgive him his dumb bicep flex celebration move. Yes honey, I’m sure you’re strong, but unless you’re moving my wardrobe I don’t really care how it looks.
Buddy said you were a cynical academic lush who tells too much about your drinking habits and that you reminded me of my ex wife.
I disagree. My wife only had a GED.
I should have dropped out of high school at 15 and gotten a GED, would have been more efficient, but probably less fun
I would like him better if his sack dance were yelling WHHHHHYYYYYYYY into the QBs face
Why ask why? Try Bud Dry.
[Walks into living room]
Grandpa Commander: Catfish! The Blacks love catfish!
Maybe he was just talking about that one time the New Zealand Rugby team came here and played an exhibition match?
Or he’s writing some historical ASOIAF fan-fic and really getting into the food scenes to be authentic.
So…that fairly civil conversation you had last year….didn’t stick?
Politics didn’t come up once, so I’ll say that part stuck.
That gif is a clear representation of my father in law.
sheeeeeeiiiiit, that’s not even a 2 out of 10 on my dead grandpa’s racist grandpa meter
Right? I mean he did say “Blacks”. That’s pretty progressive in my misshapen family tree.
Yeah, well, there’s still time…
AND ALCOHOL!!
MOAR PUNTS
http://bestanimations.com/Food/Beverages/Alcohol/funny-drinking-alcohol-gif-8.gif
Totally adequate pizza has arrived!
https://youtu.be/uUro3Uwq6Mw
I don’t know what harder to find, a first down in this game or a minor Kevin Spacey won’t fuck.
oh come on, I mean, a good 50-51% of minors are icky girls
“I felt violated when they made me touch icky Mena Suvari in American Beauty.”
That’s a good goddamned point, I’mma go back and hate him a little extra for not enjoying the fuck out of that. Creepy-ass motherfucker.
/shit this should go below Uncle Ed’s post one under here
So…the cart drivers. They probably drive the cart around for all sorts of reasons beyond carting off injured players, right? Do you think they’re super chatty, when all you want is to chill with your disintigrated knee?
Hey…’member that time you broke your spine and got all paralyzed n junk.
That was great.
yeah, how many versions of “sucks for you” can there really be?
Might just be the best gif of all times.
At least we have this:
GET THIS THING OFF MY HEAD
THAT’S WHAT SHE…….. ERR THE PEOPLE IN ALIENS SAID!
Where’s my phone?
– B. Favre
Johnny Reb interim jug band leader just made bad bad clock management boo boo.
NAWT fair that Miss. has a Wunderlich on their team. Also, “Nick Fitzgerald” changed his name from JimBob Cooter-Johnson after reading The Great Gatsby, or so I’ve heard.
Relevant:
add GAMBLOR to teh list!!
Nancy?
When are we starting the DFO Bad Football Index?
So will Miami have to play their game that got cancelled or will they just get a freebie?
freebie since they have the Championship match, methinks
Oh Samjae, you came and you gave without taking. And I sent you away. Oh Samjae.”
Since the Cowbells’ QB had his foot fall off, the JV game kinda ground to a standstill.
I’ve put on quite a bit of weight in the past year, and I’m not getting any younger. How about I put on another 30-40 lbs, go to a MRA meeting, and ask why they aren’t considering me sexually, when I’m only a little below average?
Hon, my nephew might not go for chubby doctors but I do.
I sat on my balls though tonight, you’re an MD, right?
Nope. not that kind of doktor. PhD all the way. You’re probably okay though, unless there’s significant swelling.
Oh sorry I asked. Philosophy is for weird fucks.
I’m even weirder, statistics. Won’t lie, did try to fuck some Philosophy majors.
Hey let me show you my p-score Hon!
Do Valtrex subscriptions bother you? I can hide it if we meet.
“I almost always tell a lie. This is the truth. Discuss.”
-Dok, fucking Philosophy majors
Do you have any tattoos?
My mom has a TOTALLY different haircut
What about Uncle Ed’s mom?
Aunt Edna?
I didn’t want to say anything but I noticed that some of your comments contained a bit more gravitas than in years past.
I’ll take curves over corners any day. Skinny does nothing for me.
I mean I like a skinny broad, I used to steal the National Geographics with the African chicks.
I like….I know I crossed over into the “needs to pay in a direct fashion” zone about 7 years ago. At minimum. Didn’t feel great, but hey, ACCEPTANCE!!
This game blows. But I’m shit housed so who cares.
Punt?