Where did the time go? [looks inside the folds of the sofa] Nope, it’s not there. [eats week-old Cheeto] The Wild Card spots are sorta, kinda, maybe taking a bit of shape. But maybe that dead-in-the-water 4-6 team will win out and sneak in with the help of three different statistically improbable improbabilities! The Raiders could very well beat Real Madrid in week 17 during a midnight game under a full moon in Wichita! I’ve seen it happen before. TO THE GAMES!
TB/Atl: The magic number here is 20. If the Bucs D holds a team under that total they tend to win. For the Falcons the same number scored virtually guarantees a victory. Start rb Coleman again because Freeman is still out.
Cle/Cin: Well looky here, it’s “The Bourble of Ohio”! Celebrate by starting a fire in a steel drum-the hobos will come right out of the woodwork. After that? The canned beans must flow…
Ten/Ind: The Titans haven’t won in Indy since I was in my early 40’s. (I’m almost 75 now) Rb Gore needs just 89 yards to pass Bettis for 6th all-time in rushing. No, he’s not human.
Buf/KC: Shout out to the Bills coaching brain trust! After giving up 34 and 47 points in back-to-back games they came to the conclusion that, “that damn Tyrod Taylor isn’t putting enough points on the board to support our D!”. Good luvin’. Lo and behold, a 5th round rook qb is thrown into the fire and the Chargers feast on the kid. If you’ve got an issue at the wr spot you could do worse than Zay Jones for the Bills. His fellow wr Benjamin is out and wr Matthews and te Clay are both hobbled. Go ahead, roll them dice.
Mia/NE: Another week, another Pats blowout. NFL Excitement, y’all!
Car/NYJ: Te Olsen’s broken foot is finally back from the infirmary which is lovely news given that the Jets can’t cover that position. They’ve given up 6 TD’s there. The Panthers have to be looking over their shoulders as the Falcons seem to have put things back together recently. Carolina will roll.
Chi/Phi: Chicago is about to go through the meat grinder. Speaking of which, have you ever tried bear sausage? I have and it’s not as bad as you’d think. [waits for Seamus to pounce on this]
[ties bow around game intro post] There! We’re all set. Heave-ho, commenters!
Bengals in FG range yet? PLEASE??
Better.
I like sarcastic Thom Brenneman
Fucking announcers.
Clear head shot by the Browns defender on the receiver. Leads with the head, clear shot to the face mask.
“I don’t agree with that call”…
Still not a catch.
C’mon Miami. You can get lucky just once, right?
BLEERGH may have bailed out Hippo. Unknown WR Josh Malone died for his gambling sins.
Is there a better play-maker in the league than Tyreek?
imagine if he played anywhere else
Sit McCown they said.
It’ll be fine, they said.
Is this the worst Bears game so far? Even the Niners looked better than this.
I’d say this is maximal on both ends of the spectrum.`
“Can you fit in there?” TWSS
– tWBS
My gigantic penis likes this +1
/wakes up
Spray Tan Down!
Her bum-bum is superb.
Homefield is worth 3.5 points. That means that Vegas thinks the Bengals are 4 points better than an 0-10 team.
In Wichita?
In defense of Vegas, who the fuck watches Browns games?
I mean besides me…
If money’s involved, Vegas will watch anything.
If they could, they’d put O/U lines of people’s Wedding Nights.
Damn. That’s a shitty play-call by the Bills on 3rd down.
Said Everyone Evar
HOT TAEK: The NFL rulebook needs to be simplified just like the tax code!
We should get the Republicans to do it!!!
“After reviewing the play, the pass is complete and the Affordable Care Act is Unconstitutional. Touchdown, Seahawks!”
So only the P*ts and Boys could draft? And only 1 of 10 frags apply to them?
Isn’t that already the case?
We wouldn’t want any Browns to have any say.
Trickle-down football?
“If we favor the Patriots, some playoff wins will trickle down to the other teams.”
What happened to Mariota? He’s still hurt?
This is a $55 extra point for Hippo. And its good.
UGGGGGGGHHHHHH
Burpalo O getting it done.
Uh what’s the spread Hippo?
Eagle
7.5
Oh, Hippo. Why?
was small bet, at least
Nooooooooo, Bungles!!
just no more Wentz pointz pleaz
I hope that woman dies in a fiery crash in her new Lexus.
BLOOD FOAR THE BLOOD GODS
FUMBRE TD IN PHILLY
I genuinely believe the rules should not allow forward fumbles to count for scores.
I know that it counts sometimes. I’ve long since given up trying to remember the rule year to year.
Same guy who fumbre’s cannot recover it.
Currently, it doesn’t count on 4th down and that’s it.
I thought it was a no gainer always if same guy recovers.
I need a new rulebook.
New Proposed Rule: If a forward fumble isn’t recovered by the fumbling player, all yarded gained doesn’t count until the ball is lateraled or handed to fumbling player or until ball is retreated to point of fumble.
Kitty!
The takeback rule?
The Boo-BBQ’s are coming out in KC!
No one boos BBQ, no one denies this.
-A. Reid
Agreed.
-shogun
I think the Bears are laying low and are gonna come back
17 yards? I knew Cream Hunt was soft
“The Jets are looking like a team that wants to play in January.”
That’s not going to happen, Thom Brennaman. We all know that.
He meant golf
Wants/will. Both start with W. Good enough for tv announcing.
Receiver in the area = Receiver in the city limits.
Shit. Ive got Frank Gore on the bench…. grumbles grumbles
So they turned it at 24-3? Is there a magic number for that, because 21 doesn’t sound like enough.
It’s the Bears.
Throw it to Funchess!!!!
/knows Cam is gonna run it in…dick
Whelp, that’s one way to keep ol’ Fetushead off campus… MRSA’s a bitch
Line up those toes and call PK: The Schiano Men are assembling!
Is Cincy aware of the Battle FOAR Ohio’s strict “no returns” policy?
Jets hold them on 4th and 2… but an offsides penalty means 1st down. That is correct.
EAGLES SWITCH!
Still on in Michigan
Weird. They gave us Panthers Jets.
Whoever said it earlier, I concur. Pam Oliver is either running at 33 1/3 instead of her usual 45, or her secret postseason surgery meds have started.
of course, I cut The Drake and the carry splitter gets ded immediately.
Goddammit. I need the version of this with pictures.
http://uproxx.com/ksk/call-of-duty-the-ben-at-war/
I love a good muffed punt. Do we have a deity for muffs? Perhaps Sharon Stone?
THIS!!
All the Flowers jokes in Foxboro.
Seriously, did Pam Oliver suffer a stroke? Something is off with her.
Haven’t seen her today.
I thought you were joking before.
I’m guessing that Chris Myers has never cared for a human child
He only eats them.
Prepare your antibiotics because Schiano’s back, baby!
http://www.espn.com/college-football/story/_/id/21572440/tennessee-volunteers-finalizing-deal-make-greg-schiano-head-coach
One assumes that, by getting pants at home by Vandy and going 0-8 in the SEC, they lost a massive bet.
That’s still so funny,
So, has Young Sheldon started saying “BAZINGA!” yet, or are they saving that for sweeps?
My sunday football drinking buddy started saying that during sex with his GF. We had a laugh.
get it to 26-9, Pylons. GAMBLOR doesn’t like leaving the back door ajar…
(laughing) Like they know how to play with a lead.
only v. #ThePauls
McClown called his shot
Nice to know AJ Green is still good a football.
Oh My! What a catch.
Schiano to coach the Vols! Hide your balls men!
oh dear GOD, Vols…