Your “Holy Crap! It’s Week Twelve Already?” Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Where did the time go? [looks inside the folds of the sofa] Nope, it’s not there. [eats week-old Cheeto] The Wild Card spots are sorta, kinda, maybe taking a bit of shape. But maybe that dead-in-the-water 4-6 team will win out and sneak in with the help of three different statistically improbable improbabilities! The Raiders could very well beat Real Madrid in week 17 during a midnight game under a full moon in Wichita! I’ve seen it happen before. TO THE GAMES!

TB/Atl: The magic number here is 20. If the Bucs D holds a team under that total they tend to win. For the Falcons the same number scored virtually guarantees a victory. Start rb Coleman again because Freeman is still out.

Cle/Cin: Well looky here, it’s “The Bourble of Ohio”! Celebrate by starting a fire in a steel drum-the hobos will come right out of the woodwork. After that? The canned beans must flow…

Ten/Ind: The Titans haven’t won in Indy since I was in my early 40’s. (I’m almost 75 now) Rb Gore needs just 89 yards to pass Bettis for 6th all-time in rushing. No, he’s not human.

Buf/KC: Shout out to the Bills coaching brain trust! After giving up 34 and 47 points in back-to-back games they came to the conclusion that, “that damn Tyrod Taylor isn’t putting enough points on the board to support our D!”. Good luvin’. Lo and behold, a 5th round rook qb is thrown into the fire and the Chargers feast on the kid. If you’ve got an issue at the wr spot you could do worse than Zay Jones for the Bills. His fellow wr Benjamin is out and wr Matthews and te Clay are both hobbled. Go ahead, roll them dice.

Mia/NE: Another week, another Pats blowout. NFL Excitement, y’all!

Car/NYJ: Te Olsen’s broken foot is finally back from the infirmary which is lovely news given that the Jets can’t cover that position. They’ve given up 6 TD’s there. The Panthers have to be looking over their shoulders as the Falcons seem to have put things back together recently. Carolina will roll.

Chi/Phi: Chicago is about to go through the meat grinder. Speaking of which, have you ever tried bear sausage? I have and it’s not as bad as you’d think. [waits for Seamus to pounce on this]

[ties bow around game intro post] There! We’re all set. Heave-ho, commenters!

 

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Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Me: When a problem comes along, YOU MUST RAMMIT! When your franchise turns around, YOU MUST RAMMIT!

Cashier: Sir, please take your underwear and leave now before the police arrive.

Senor Weaselo

Oh hey, Sonic 2 is free on the Apple App Store! Yoink!
/Now has Sonic 1, 2, and CD

theeWeeBabySeamus

Suh seems like he’d be fun to party with.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You know it was a good decision when you’re picked off by two guys.

Redshirt

Contented Interception? Watch that be reviewed and have it go to Miami because contested catches go to the offense.

King Hippo

Jets are in PUSH position!

Gratliff

ELECTRIC SLIDE PART TWO PHILLY IS A HORRIBLE TEAM I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

Cromarties Innumerous Basterds
Cromarties Innumerous Basterds

PART TWO : IGGLEBOOGALOO

King Hippo

Foxy must really hate Truth Biscuit to put him through that again instead of taking a knee.

King Hippo

SEE, I knew the Tomsulas had a shot! They turning this ship around!!

Petronel
Petronel

When you’re circling the drain, things are always turning around…

theeWeeBabySeamus

Did they forget to pack fuel again?
(get it? turning the ship around? never mind)

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

The Chiefs are so fucking irritating. YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BEAT THE EAGLES IN THE SUPER BOWL. KNOW YOUR GODDAMNED ROLE.

King Hippo

Without any question, Dan Fouts would suck Dreamboat’s cock dry. With more enthusiasm than Collinsworth, even.

Redshirt

I’m proud to say I got a C- in Gym Class in 9th Grade because I refused do the Electric Slide.

King Hippo

I mean, this is not Brick stealing a flag from the Washington Monument, but I’m pretty fucking proud too. Order of Lenin FOAR Comrade Redshirtovich!

(edited to correct name of Most Glorious Honors)

Spur
Spur

Can we RAMMIT now?

Gratliff

Getting reaaaaaaaaaaal close to peak Baseketball in Philly now.
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Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

How can Jet fuel melt steel beams if they can’t even beat the panthers?

Spur
Spur

Ok, that Electric Slide was good.

King Hippo

Holy God, how do the Bearistocrats! not have the pride to kick somebody’s ass over that? The Electric Slide??

Gratliff

HOLY SHIT ELECTRIC SLIDE IN PHILLY

rockingdog
rockingdog

comment image

It was wayyyy better than this

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

How the fuck did this Bears team beat the Steelers?

Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

“I’m Bill Curtis, and this is cold case files.”

ballsofsteelandfury

Well….

King Hippo

Momma call him Clay, I’mma call him Clay.

Gratliff

So Jets

rockingdog
rockingdog

Jets gonna Jet to a loss.

rockingdog
rockingdog

comment image

Chiefs can go suck a nut.

King Hippo

Your first place Kansas City Chefs, folks

Petronel
Petronel

I’ve usually forgotten that the Chefs exist by this point in the season. Huh.

King Hippo

as have they, new Mrs. Lady Nel. As have they.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So have they, apparently.

Spur
Spur

comment image

Redshirt

I was so hoping that Bill would’ve fumbled the INT return trying to run up the score.

litre_cola

The Tits with the backdoor cover!

King Hippo

DonT nods, lights cigarette with candle

King Hippo

Bengals WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Redshirt

– Ric Flair, drunk out of his mind

King Hippo

To be the man, WOO!!!! ya gotta bet on Cincinnati!!!

Gratliff

So, Ric Flair

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wooooooo!!!!!!!

Gratliff

Zack Ertz becomes first Eagle with 100 yards in a game this season, apparently.

Senor Weaselo

Skroopd it up? What the hell, closed captioning?
/Also these Jests I call them Plankton because they’re shifting into maximum overdrive

theeWeeBabySeamus

Jets fans turned quickly.
Yikes.

ballsofsteelandfury

To be fair, that was an extremely stupid play

theeWeeBabySeamus

You’d think they’d be used to it by now, though.
😀

Spur
Spur

Sumerlin OUT

ballsofsteelandfury

Oh Jets

Cromarties Innumerous Basterds
Cromarties Innumerous Basterds

Shitty, overrated Airpods and shitty music – Apple nails it again.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Nick Foles is in? Comeback time!

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Seeing Schiano pop back in your consciousness reminds me of my KSK Gruden-style “I CALL THIS GUY” comment in which I successfully demonstrated Greg Schiano and one Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin are one in the same.

It was so mindblowing that Otto Man replied in shock ultimately left the site.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

“dilly dilly” is not cool or smart to say.

Its akin to saying “you want fries with that?” to random people.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Whazzup…?

Dunstan
Dunstan

Where’s the beef?

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Why, yes I am!

Shogun Marcus

I’m up for whatever.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Alright Chiefs. Here is your shot to have a game winning drive. Get it to Kelce!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Football sucks.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Cheer up buddy.
I bet these late games are gonna better!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I expect Kamara to blow out a knee on his first touch.
Lose FF, lose money.

I’m planning ahead and drinking heavily already.

Fronkenshteen

RAMMY!

theeWeeBabySeamus

That will be icing on the cake of shit.

King Hippo

absent a quick garbage time TD, I shall have successfully bet on the Bengals two weeks running.

Senor Weaselo

Now why would you say that?

Redshirt

Only against Broncos and Browns. You want to impress us? Bet on them next week!

King Hippo

depending on the maths, my Brony imaginary chum!

Cromarties Innumerous Basterds
Cromarties Innumerous Basterds

“It’s Morse Code for overrated”

Shogun Marcus

Hey FOX, y u no haz score runner like cbs? Do better, fix yo shit.

Gratliff

Does Trubinsky realize he’s allowed to throw past the first down marker?

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Cleveland sports radio this week…

“ONCE AGAIN THE NFL CONSPIRED AGAINST THE BROWNS!”

I tremble at the brain that thinks there is a massive conspiracy for a regular season game between two teams that are a combined 4 and 16.

Shogun Marcus

Yes, but if anyone could/would do one, it’d be goodell.

King Hippo

Now play actual defense, you assdicks.

Dunstan
Dunstan

Greg Schiano’s motivational speeches have really improved during his time off!

Redshirt

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Gratliff

Alex Smith’s pumpkin carriage has been totalled, folks.

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s a nice form tackle by Kay Jewelry girl.

King Hippo

MAXIMUM J-E-S-T

Fronkenshteen

WOuld you believe I benched Kyle Rudolph for ASJ? I think the universe is telling me to hang up fantasy cleats.

King Hippo

the guy with the paedo-stache and Hornets hat was a nice touch

Redshirt

TD Bengals!

Fronkenshteen

Was it Mixon (he asked, expecting the answer “No”)?

Redshirt

Yes, it was. Mixon has 115 yards and one or two TDs.

Fronkenshteen

Is Cincy going to destroy Mixon like Fisher-led St. Louis crippled Gurley, in your opinion?

Redshirt

No. I think once they get an O-line that can block, he’ll be okay. He’s making his first move in his backfield.

King Hippo

even better!!! GAMBLOR smiles

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