Where did the time go? [looks inside the folds of the sofa] Nope, it’s not there. [eats week-old Cheeto] The Wild Card spots are sorta, kinda, maybe taking a bit of shape. But maybe that dead-in-the-water 4-6 team will win out and sneak in with the help of three different statistically improbable improbabilities! The Raiders could very well beat Real Madrid in week 17 during a midnight game under a full moon in Wichita! I’ve seen it happen before. TO THE GAMES!
TB/Atl: The magic number here is 20. If the Bucs D holds a team under that total they tend to win. For the Falcons the same number scored virtually guarantees a victory. Start rb Coleman again because Freeman is still out.
Cle/Cin: Well looky here, it’s “The Bourble of Ohio”! Celebrate by starting a fire in a steel drum-the hobos will come right out of the woodwork. After that? The canned beans must flow…
Ten/Ind: The Titans haven’t won in Indy since I was in my early 40’s. (I’m almost 75 now) Rb Gore needs just 89 yards to pass Bettis for 6th all-time in rushing. No, he’s not human.
Buf/KC: Shout out to the Bills coaching brain trust! After giving up 34 and 47 points in back-to-back games they came to the conclusion that, “that damn Tyrod Taylor isn’t putting enough points on the board to support our D!”. Good luvin’. Lo and behold, a 5th round rook qb is thrown into the fire and the Chargers feast on the kid. If you’ve got an issue at the wr spot you could do worse than Zay Jones for the Bills. His fellow wr Benjamin is out and wr Matthews and te Clay are both hobbled. Go ahead, roll them dice.
Mia/NE: Another week, another Pats blowout. NFL Excitement, y’all!
Car/NYJ: Te Olsen’s broken foot is finally back from the infirmary which is lovely news given that the Jets can’t cover that position. They’ve given up 6 TD’s there. The Panthers have to be looking over their shoulders as the Falcons seem to have put things back together recently. Carolina will roll.
Chi/Phi: Chicago is about to go through the meat grinder. Speaking of which, have you ever tried bear sausage? I have and it’s not as bad as you’d think. [waits for Seamus to pounce on this]
[ties bow around game intro post] There! We’re all set. Heave-ho, commenters!
Me: When a problem comes along, YOU MUST RAMMIT! When your franchise turns around, YOU MUST RAMMIT!
Cashier: Sir, please take your underwear and leave now before the police arrive.
Oh hey, Sonic 2 is free on the Apple App Store! Yoink!
/Now has Sonic 1, 2, and CD
Suh seems like he’d be fun to party with.
You know it was a good decision when you’re picked off by two guys.
Contented Interception? Watch that be reviewed and have it go to Miami because contested catches go to the offense.
Jets are in PUSH position!
ELECTRIC SLIDE PART TWO PHILLY IS A HORRIBLE TEAM I LOVE THEM SO MUCH
Foxy must really hate Truth Biscuit to put him through that again instead of taking a knee.
PART TWO : IGGLEBOOGALOO
SEE, I knew the Tomsulas had a shot! They turning this ship around!!
Did they forget to pack fuel again?
(get it? turning the ship around? never mind)
When you’re circling the drain, things are always turning around…
The Chiefs are so fucking irritating. YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BEAT THE EAGLES IN THE SUPER BOWL. KNOW YOUR GODDAMNED ROLE.
Without any question, Dan Fouts would suck Dreamboat’s cock dry. With more enthusiasm than Collinsworth, even.
I’m proud to say I got a C- in Gym Class in 9th Grade because I refused do the Electric Slide.
I mean, this is not Brick stealing a flag from the Washington Monument, but I’m pretty fucking proud too. Order of Lenin FOAR Comrade Redshirtovich!
(edited to correct name of Most Glorious Honors)
Can we RAMMIT now?
Getting reaaaaaaaaaaal close to peak Baseketball in Philly now.
How can Jet fuel melt steel beams if they can’t even beat the panthers?
Ok, that Electric Slide was good.
Holy God, how do the Bearistocrats! not have the pride to kick somebody’s ass over that? The Electric Slide??
HOLY SHIT ELECTRIC SLIDE IN PHILLY
It was wayyyy better than this
How the fuck did this Bears team beat the Steelers?
Well….
“I’m Bill Curtis, and this is cold case files.”
Momma call him Clay, I’mma call him Clay.
So Jets
Jets gonna Jet to a loss.
Chiefs can go suck a nut.
Your first place Kansas City Chefs, folks
I’ve usually forgotten that the Chefs exist by this point in the season. Huh.
So have they, apparently.
as have they, new Mrs. Lady Nel. As have they.
“Blurfalo!”
I was so hoping that Bill would’ve fumbled the INT return trying to run up the score.
The Tits with the backdoor cover!
DonT nods, lights cigarette with candle
Bengals WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
– Ric Flair, drunk out of his mind
So, Ric Flair
Wooooooo!!!!!!!
To be the man, WOO!!!! ya gotta bet on Cincinnati!!!
Zack Ertz becomes first Eagle with 100 yards in a game this season, apparently.
Skroopd it up? What the hell, closed captioning?
/Also these Jests I call them Plankton because they’re shifting into maximum overdrive
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XaBXtTp9KU
Jets fans turned quickly.
Yikes.
To be fair, that was an extremely stupid play
You’d think they’d be used to it by now, though.
😀
Sumerlin OUT
Oh Jets
Shitty, overrated Airpods and shitty music – Apple nails it again.
Nick Foles is in? Comeback time!
Seeing Schiano pop back in your consciousness reminds me of my KSK Gruden-style “I CALL THIS GUY” comment in which I successfully demonstrated Greg Schiano and one Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin are one in the same.
It was so mindblowing that Otto Man replied in shock ultimately left the site.
“dilly dilly” is not cool or smart to say.
Its akin to saying “you want fries with that?” to random people.
Whazzup…?
I’m up for whatever.
Why, yes I am!
Where’s the beef?
Alright Chiefs. Here is your shot to have a game winning drive. Get it to Kelce!!!
Football sucks.
RAMMY!
That will be icing on the cake of shit.
Cheer up buddy.
I bet these late games are gonna better!
I expect Kamara to blow out a knee on his first touch.
Lose FF, lose money.
I’m planning ahead and drinking heavily already.
absent a quick garbage time TD, I shall have successfully bet on the Bengals two weeks running.
Only against Broncos and Browns. You want to impress us? Bet on them next week!
depending on the maths, my Brony imaginary chum!
Now why would you say that?
“It’s Morse Code for overrated”
Hey FOX, y u no haz score runner like cbs? Do better, fix yo shit.
Does Trubinsky realize he’s allowed to throw past the first down marker?
Cleveland sports radio this week…
“ONCE AGAIN THE NFL CONSPIRED AGAINST THE BROWNS!”
I tremble at the brain that thinks there is a massive conspiracy for a regular season game between two teams that are a combined 4 and 16.
Yes, but if anyone could/would do one, it’d be goodell.
Now play actual defense, you assdicks.
Greg Schiano’s motivational speeches have really improved during his time off!
Alex Smith’s pumpkin carriage has been totalled, folks.
That’s a nice form tackle by Kay Jewelry girl.
MAXIMUM J-E-S-T
the guy with the paedo-stache and Hornets hat was a nice touch
WOuld you believe I benched Kyle Rudolph for ASJ? I think the universe is telling me to hang up fantasy cleats.
TD Bengals!
even better!!! GAMBLOR smiles
Was it Mixon (he asked, expecting the answer “No”)?
Yes, it was. Mixon has 115 yards and one or two TDs.
Is Cincy going to destroy Mixon like Fisher-led St. Louis crippled Gurley, in your opinion?
No. I think once they get an O-line that can block, he’ll be okay. He’s making his first move in his backfield.