Your “Holy Crap! It’s Week Twelve Already?” Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Where did the time go? [looks inside the folds of the sofa] Nope, it’s not there. [eats week-old Cheeto] The Wild Card spots are sorta, kinda, maybe taking a bit of shape. But maybe that dead-in-the-water 4-6 team will win out and sneak in with the help of three different statistically improbable improbabilities! The Raiders could very well beat Real Madrid in week 17 during a midnight game under a full moon in Wichita! I’ve seen it happen before. TO THE GAMES!

TB/Atl: The magic number here is 20. If the Bucs D holds a team under that total they tend to win. For the Falcons the same number scored virtually guarantees a victory. Start rb Coleman again because Freeman is still out.

Cle/Cin: Well looky here, it’s “The Bourble of Ohio”! Celebrate by starting a fire in a steel drum-the hobos will come right out of the woodwork. After that? The canned beans must flow…

Ten/Ind: The Titans haven’t won in Indy since I was in my early 40’s. (I’m almost 75 now) Rb Gore needs just 89 yards to pass Bettis for 6th all-time in rushing. No, he’s not human.

Buf/KC: Shout out to the Bills coaching brain trust! After giving up 34 and 47 points in back-to-back games they came to the conclusion that, “that damn Tyrod Taylor isn’t putting enough points on the board to support our D!”. Good luvin’. Lo and behold, a 5th round rook qb is thrown into the fire and the Chargers feast on the kid. If you’ve got an issue at the wr spot you could do worse than Zay Jones for the Bills. His fellow wr Benjamin is out and wr Matthews and te Clay are both hobbled. Go ahead, roll them dice.

Mia/NE: Another week, another Pats blowout. NFL Excitement, y’all!

Car/NYJ: Te Olsen’s broken foot is finally back from the infirmary which is lovely news given that the Jets can’t cover that position. They’ve given up 6 TD’s there. The Panthers have to be looking over their shoulders as the Falcons seem to have put things back together recently. Carolina will roll.

Chi/Phi: Chicago is about to go through the meat grinder. Speaking of which, have you ever tried bear sausage? I have and it’s not as bad as you’d think. [waits for Seamus to pounce on this]

[ties bow around game intro post] There! We’re all set. Heave-ho, commenters!

 

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Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

Me: When a problem comes along, YOU MUST RAMMIT! When your franchise turns around, YOU MUST RAMMIT!

Cashier: Sir, please take your underwear and leave now before the police arrive.

Senor Weaselo
Member

Oh hey, Sonic 2 is free on the Apple App Store! Yoink!
/Now has Sonic 1, 2, and CD

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Suh seems like he’d be fun to party with.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

You know it was a good decision when you’re picked off by two guys.

Redshirt
Member

Contented Interception? Watch that be reviewed and have it go to Miami because contested catches go to the offense.

King Hippo
Member

Jets are in PUSH position!

Gratliff
Member

ELECTRIC SLIDE PART TWO PHILLY IS A HORRIBLE TEAM I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

King Hippo
Member

Foxy must really hate Truth Biscuit to put him through that again instead of taking a knee.

Cromarties Innumerous Basterds
Member
Cromarties Innumerous Basterds

PART TWO : IGGLEBOOGALOO

King Hippo
Member

SEE, I knew the Tomsulas had a shot! They turning this ship around!!

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Did they forget to pack fuel again?
(get it? turning the ship around? never mind)

Petronel
Member
Petronel

When you’re circling the drain, things are always turning around…

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

The Chiefs are so fucking irritating. YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BEAT THE EAGLES IN THE SUPER BOWL. KNOW YOUR GODDAMNED ROLE.

King Hippo
Member

Without any question, Dan Fouts would suck Dreamboat’s cock dry. With more enthusiasm than Collinsworth, even.

Redshirt
Member

I’m proud to say I got a C- in Gym Class in 9th Grade because I refused do the Electric Slide.

King Hippo
Member

I mean, this is not Brick stealing a flag from the Washington Monument, but I’m pretty fucking proud too. Order of Lenin FOAR Comrade Redshirtovich!

(edited to correct name of Most Glorious Honors)

Spur
Member
Spur

Can we RAMMIT now?

Gratliff
Member

Getting reaaaaaaaaaaal close to peak Baseketball in Philly now.
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Dick E. Phuck
Member
Dick E. Phuck

How can Jet fuel melt steel beams if they can’t even beat the panthers?

Spur
Member
Spur

Ok, that Electric Slide was good.

King Hippo
Member

Holy God, how do the Bearistocrats! not have the pride to kick somebody’s ass over that? The Electric Slide??

Gratliff
Member

HOLY SHIT ELECTRIC SLIDE IN PHILLY

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

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It was wayyyy better than this

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

How the fuck did this Bears team beat the Steelers?

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Well….

Dick E. Phuck
Member
Dick E. Phuck

“I’m Bill Curtis, and this is cold case files.”

King Hippo
Member

Momma call him Clay, I’mma call him Clay.

Gratliff
Member

So Jets

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

Jets gonna Jet to a loss.

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

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Chiefs can go suck a nut.

King Hippo
Member

Your first place Kansas City Chefs, folks

Spur
Member
Spur

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Petronel
Member
Petronel

I’ve usually forgotten that the Chefs exist by this point in the season. Huh.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

So have they, apparently.

King Hippo
Member

as have they, new Mrs. Lady Nel. As have they.

Redshirt
Member

I was so hoping that Bill would’ve fumbled the INT return trying to run up the score.

litre_cola
Member

The Tits with the backdoor cover!

King Hippo
Member

DonT nods, lights cigarette with candle

King Hippo
Member

Bengals WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Redshirt
Member

– Ric Flair, drunk out of his mind

Gratliff
Member

So, Ric Flair

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Wooooooo!!!!!!!

King Hippo
Member

To be the man, WOO!!!! ya gotta bet on Cincinnati!!!

Gratliff
Member

Zack Ertz becomes first Eagle with 100 yards in a game this season, apparently.

Senor Weaselo
Member

Skroopd it up? What the hell, closed captioning?
/Also these Jests I call them Plankton because they’re shifting into maximum overdrive

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Jets fans turned quickly.
Yikes.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

To be fair, that was an extremely stupid play

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

You’d think they’d be used to it by now, though.
😀

Spur
Member
Spur

Sumerlin OUT

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Oh Jets

Cromarties Innumerous Basterds
Member
Cromarties Innumerous Basterds

Shitty, overrated Airpods and shitty music – Apple nails it again.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Nick Foles is in? Comeback time!

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

Seeing Schiano pop back in your consciousness reminds me of my KSK Gruden-style “I CALL THIS GUY” comment in which I successfully demonstrated Greg Schiano and one Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin are one in the same.

It was so mindblowing that Otto Man replied in shock ultimately left the site.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

“dilly dilly” is not cool or smart to say.

Its akin to saying “you want fries with that?” to random people.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Whazzup…?

Shogun Marcus
Member

I’m up for whatever.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Member
Viva La Tabula Raza

Why, yes I am!

Dunstan
Member
Dunstan

Where’s the beef?

Spanky Datass
Member
Spanky Datass

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rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

Alright Chiefs. Here is your shot to have a game winning drive. Get it to Kelce!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Football sucks.

Fronkenshteen
Member

RAMMY!

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

That will be icing on the cake of shit.

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

Cheer up buddy.
I bet these late games are gonna better!

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I expect Kamara to blow out a knee on his first touch.
Lose FF, lose money.

I’m planning ahead and drinking heavily already.

King Hippo
Member

absent a quick garbage time TD, I shall have successfully bet on the Bengals two weeks running.

Redshirt
Member

Only against Broncos and Browns. You want to impress us? Bet on them next week!

King Hippo
Member

depending on the maths, my Brony imaginary chum!

Senor Weaselo
Member

Now why would you say that?

Cromarties Innumerous Basterds
Member
Cromarties Innumerous Basterds

“It’s Morse Code for overrated”

Shogun Marcus
Member

Hey FOX, y u no haz score runner like cbs? Do better, fix yo shit.

Gratliff
Member

Does Trubinsky realize he’s allowed to throw past the first down marker?

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Cleveland sports radio this week…

“ONCE AGAIN THE NFL CONSPIRED AGAINST THE BROWNS!”

I tremble at the brain that thinks there is a massive conspiracy for a regular season game between two teams that are a combined 4 and 16.

Shogun Marcus
Member

Yes, but if anyone could/would do one, it’d be goodell.

King Hippo
Member

Now play actual defense, you assdicks.

Redshirt
Member

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Dunstan
Member
Dunstan

Greg Schiano’s motivational speeches have really improved during his time off!

Gratliff
Member

Alex Smith’s pumpkin carriage has been totalled, folks.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

That’s a nice form tackle by Kay Jewelry girl.

King Hippo
Member

MAXIMUM J-E-S-T

King Hippo
Member

the guy with the paedo-stache and Hornets hat was a nice touch

Fronkenshteen
Member

WOuld you believe I benched Kyle Rudolph for ASJ? I think the universe is telling me to hang up fantasy cleats.

Redshirt
Member

TD Bengals!

King Hippo
Member

even better!!! GAMBLOR smiles

Fronkenshteen
Member

Was it Mixon (he asked, expecting the answer “No”)?

Redshirt
Member

Yes, it was. Mixon has 115 yards and one or two TDs.

Fronkenshteen
Member

Is Cincy going to destroy Mixon like Fisher-led St. Louis crippled Gurley, in your opinion?

Redshirt
Member

No. I think once they get an O-line that can block, he’ll be okay. He’s making his first move in his backfield.

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