Your “It’s 4 O’Clock Somewhere” NFL Football Open Thread

I don’t get hung over very much anymore but when you go thru the stress of an Eggpocalypse, the usual college footballing and a Cuse/Kansas game, sometimes the excessive imbibing catches up to you. No matter, today is a new day and somebody has to get back on that horse and it might as well be yours truly. TO THE GAMES!

CLE/LAC: The Chargers O is on fire right now but Josh Gordon is back. Finally! I wonder what took him so long. Oh, right. Wr Allen is averaging a stunning 165 yards over his last two and I can’t see him being stopped by them Browns. The LawnClippers are actually the only team that Cleveland has beaten in the last two years but lightning won’t be striking twice today.

NYG/OAK: Try to hold down your dinner if you’re watching this travesty. Both Crabtree and Cooper are out again and the Giants haven’t been able to cover the tight end spot for a few years now. What does this mean to you? Well, if you’re waffling about inserting Jared Cook into your fantasy lineup just go ahead and move on to something else. Will the Geno Smith Era last all of the rest of the season? The smart money is pushing people out of the way in order to get to the betting window and put all its money on the under. Btw, sources tell ESPN that McAdoo is gone within 24 hours of this upcoming loss.

CAR/NO: Two 8-3 teams have at it for the NFC South lead. Congrats to you if you drafted Kamara Chameleon back in the fall. He comes and goes up and down the field. He comes and goes. You may want to strain your shoulder giving yourself a pat on the back for that one. You see, you’re old-you can’t be doing that sort of thing at your age.

LAR/ARI: Third string qb Gabby Gabbert gets another start for the Cards who have been devastated by the ouchie bug. He’ll be throwing to the likes of Ricky Seals-Jones, Chad Williams and Carlton Agudosi. Who? After halting the Saints 8 gamewin streak, the Rams just might be onto something. Qb Goff is gulping some rarified air these days. Over his last 4 games his TD/INT numbers are 9-1. Notbad for a feller that was written off last year.

Get at ‘er!

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JustStopDude

I fucking hate this goddamn game…

Spur

Bosa = Kill

Spur

Who’s the bottom Aaron or Clay?

King Hippo

oh, that’s just mean

litre_cola

MOAR INGRAM PLEASE.

King Hippo

#ThePauls QB at least gives a fuck. That’s a start.

JustStopDude

The frustrating thing about the Browns this year is that they have been playing pretty damn tough to their opponents. Aside from a couple of complete blowouts this year, they have been competitive.

Its just…well when it falls apart, its like a massive implosion in the last five minutes or so in the game.

King Hippo

This is more than we usually see of them on RZ, but sure seems they deserved a better fate today. Must be tough to watch that with a stake every week.

JustStopDude

I’m not kidding…pretty much every fucking game it feels like its played out this way.

The Browns play tough. The Defense keeps it close. Kizer is completely serviceable. There aren’t any glaring “What the fuck is he thinking?” coaching moments.

This team is so damn insanely snake bit its unreal.

King Hippo

Los Gigantes could still win 14-13!!

#Bargaining

King Hippo

fuck off Gigantes

rockingdog

As long as you yell “DODGEBALL” you’re allowed to throw anything at anyone at anytime.

King Hippo

If #ThePauls cover before Los Gigantes lose, it will take my rush to 6-6 (including 2 moneylines), which is still pretty fucking good, especially for NFL betting.

rockingdog

wife: Get your hand out of your pants
toddler: Sorry
son: Sorry
me: Sorry

King Hippo

The Flow throws a fine murder ball!

Gratliff

What time zone are they playing that Giants-Raiders game? 2001?

King Hippo

I was thinking 1922, but then Geno seems to be free

Spur

it’s like the coaching staff in Tennessee did not know how to use the talent.

Spur

Can i get a RAMMIT turnover?

King Hippo

followed by a long TD pass to Gurley Man pls

Spur

Carolina really needs to fire Shula.

rockingdog

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Gratliff

I had a crazy ass aunt who lived in upstate New York who legitimately got mad if you flushed the toilet if all you did was piss. Suffice it to say, that was a one-time visit.

jjfozz

I spent two years working for a food service company on the campus of Johns Hopkins. I was the marketing director. I had to deal with whiny, bitchy, spoiled fucks who were “vegan.” They were complete assholes.

Long story short, I once dipped the “vegan only” tongs into au jus sauce before we opened for dinner.

Fuck those fucking cunts.

King Hippo

I have one vegan kid. She is, in fact, an asshole.

Gratliff

Vegan sister. Can confirm.

King Hippo

why are they making Gurley a decoy? Moe-rons

Spur

Throw it to Kupp please

rockingdog

Dilly Dilly

Spur

Odd i don’t remember Tennessee being a powerhouse with Kamara,

rockingdog

Snack attack
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Senor Weaselo

And now, takes from the bus.
Two kids, maybe 7 or 8: “It smells like someone farted real bad in here. Yeah.”
3yo girl: “My mommy just farted! My mommy just farted!”

Doesn’t actually smell like farts, but that section of bus chuckles.

King Hippo

tOSU opens SEVEN poin favourites over Troi Boiz, put one bill on SC. Also one on Da U (+6.5) v. Wiscy.

Did ANYONE see anything last night that screamed juggernaut to anyone?

herodotus450

Only if you value Wisconsin. Osu had a better running game, and their qb had knee surgery a week earlier. And he’s arguably their best runner.
Their secondary seems exploitable (cough Oklahoma game cough) but usc doesn’t have a good passing game, do they? A qb who’s been fellated for years? Oh well.

King Hippo

I mean, I think tOSU could beat SC, sure. Toss-up, pretty much. Two good, if flawed, teams. But a 7-point spread is like one is a beast, one is a pretender. Which…no.

litre_cola

All of Miami’s offensive weapons are hurt. Will they be back?

rockingdog

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King Hippo

I’d say that’s one Bitchin’ Kamara!

rockingdog

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Petronel

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King Hippo

Jawja actually opens as 1-point favourite, got in 7 bills on Boomer Sooner.

King Hippo

this is just in cover range, better get a Josh Gordon TD

Viva La Tabula Raza

The Herald is the NY Post of Boston, it’s circulation consists entirely of Massachusetts Trump voters.

rockingdog

2nd Half RAMS lets goooo!
Goff throw to Cupp and get me dem points!!!!!

King Hippo

so many Baby Buster and/or Gurley Man points needed

King Hippo

make Gordon and Hunter Henry ded pls

Unsurprised

Never fucking change, New England dickheads.

King Hippo

victimized?

Unsurprised

Self-righteous chucklefuck losers

JustStopDude

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Hey now…there are two sides to every dirty play…

Unsurprised

The right side and the P*ts’ side.

rockingdog

Gotta hear both sides

King Hippo

making coffee in my “I Made a Huge Mistake” mug whilst I eat a pear for breakfast. 3-game losing streak thanks to Tyreek on the bench. COVER, you dipshit #ThePauls

Gratliff

Only 2.5 hours until football I care about and all I have to entertain me is the teams I’m rooting for losing, and the FBI being lionized as a heroic American establishment.

jjfozz

Long talk with my buddy today, next year I’m keeping only 3 home tix for ravens games and going on the road for an away game. So, where’s the best place for an aging Fozz to visit? And no, I’m not going to Pittsburgh because I’m too old to get into a drunken brawl with people who are as stupid as I am.

Gratliff

Philly, where they’ll be much stupider.

King Hippo

you can take a train to CLT if’n you gets the Panthers – which NFC division you play?

Brick Meathook

Foxboro in full purple camo

rockingdog

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JustStopDude

Nothing says love…like conflict diamonds…

rockingdog

Keenan Allen with the CLEAN TD catch!
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King Hippo

GO FOR THE TD, assdicks!!!

/God, I needed that score

King Hippo

goddamnit RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!

litre_cola

Greg the leg time?

King Hippo

ALL THINGS ARE MERDE

rockingdog

I made a pizza. Gotta let it cool.
Also great strip sack by Mack for DaRaiders!!!!
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King Hippo

SEE? Throw to Gurley Man, and good shit happens.

Unsurprised

I’m thinking spaghetti for dinner.

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King Hippo

I’d get dangerous with Darkwa again

King Hippo

or just let Khalil Mack steal the ball obvs

King Hippo

Let’s go G-E-N-O!!

jjfozz

I successfully avoided having to attend mass this weekend.

rockingdog

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King Hippo

God IS everywhere

Unsurprised

Indeed.

King Hippo

well, being sick has SOME benefits?

King Hippo

I love football so much, guys and this is the last full weekend until wild card and divisional weekends and those are really just 4 games and FUCK this FUCKING SUCKS