Your “The NFL Presents: The Unwatchables!” Football Open Thread

Some of our brethren are enjoying the sweaty, seedy favours of the fine town of Las Vegas this weekend. Say a prayer for them, will you? Here’s hoping none of them are flying back home wearing nothing but a barrel held up by suspenders. I wonder what they’ll be doing this afternoon… TO THE GAMES!

SF/CHI: The Niners are going ahead with their plan to be led by a 40-ish female comedian into the future. Somehow the Bears have fooled 3 separate teams into losing to them. Three! How they did that, I’ve no ideer. Probably involves mirrors or some such.

DEN/MIA: These two squadoos have chalked up 12 consecutive losses between them. Woot! Somebody will waddle out of this fixture with a W. A W that means nothing to no one.

TB/GB: Qb Winston is back from a shoulder ouchie and he faces a generous secondary that hands out an average of 304 yards thru the air over the last 5 games. His counterpart Hundley gets to wrestle with the league’s very worst 3rd down D. Plenty to not watch here.

KC/NYJ: Coachella Reid has magically transformed a 5-0 start into a 6-5 miasma. But lo, Revis Island will halt the skid, won’t he. Nope. The Jets are the Jets that we’ve all come to point and laugh at.

IND/JAX: The Jags have themselves a comfy three game homestand at just the right time as they tussle with the Titans for the leadership of the AFC South.

DET/BAL: Both teams are 6-5-the Ravens own the last playoff spot in the AFC and the Lions are just one game behind the Falcons for the coveted “last tean in” designation.

NE/BUF: You can do this, Bills! (they will not)

HOU/TEN: Qb Savage’s practice of charging the opposing team 100 smackers for every turnover he commits has netted him a sweet $1200 over his last 6 games. I’m guessing he’s taking the Titans and the points today so that he can increase his wallet bulge.

MIN/ATL: After crafting a 7 game win spree despite a 2-2 start the Vikes are just one game behind Philly for home field advantage throughout the post-season. Them Falcons are holding onto the last spot with a tenuous grip.

Makea da noise down below.

 

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Dick E. Phuck
Member
Dick E. Phuck

Savage rekt.

Redshirt
Member

You stupid, K.Hunt!

Redshirt
Member

Oh, Jets.

King Hippo
Member

then on 4th and 19, they GET it

King Hippo
Member

THREE in a row!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

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Dick E. Phuck
Member
Dick E. Phuck

I haven’t seen Jews so happy to have something thrown at them.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

[sic]?

Redshirt
Member

Jets are ahead?! Is this real life?

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Is this a fantasy?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Marcus Peters just gave the Jews a huge present.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

[sic]

Spur
Member
Spur

KC seems to have a temper issue

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

New Thread anyone?

Petronel
Member
Petronel

HAHAHA CHEFS

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

Hahahaha JETS get another shot at the 2 pt conversion

Petronel
Member
Petronel

Loving this madness

litre_cola
Member

NC State v ASU the Sun Bowl, catch the heat!

Horatio Cornblower
Member

THIS CHIEFS TEAM I CALL IT ANDY REID’S BUFFET TABLE, BECAUSE IT HAS COLLAPSED!!!

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

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Gratliff
Member

Jesus fuck Chiefs

King Hippo
Member

EIGHT plays inside the 5 for the J-E-T-S, still no TD

Petronel
Member
Petronel

Fix’d

Horatio Cornblower
Member

9th one’s the charm.

Shogun Marcus
Member

The Green Bays over the Tampas.

King Hippo
Member

at 33-9, MIA onsides kicked it.

Then got a 2nd safety following a punt. JEEBUS

hippofant
Member
hippofant

Can’t give Trevor Siemian the ball in that situation.

… wait, is Siemian still in? Has he been pulled yet?

King Hippo
Member

his punishment is to finish

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Throwing Siemian

Horatio Cornblower
Member

Hoyer time!

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

Feelin good. Pats get the win.
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King Hippo
Member

It was not a good day to have the DET defensing unit score -4, but I got an amazing low score from my foe’s Brady/Cooks/Dion Lewis combo

Gratliff
Member

Literally not one fucking team I want to win is going to

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola
Member

Why do people like to dine while they watch naked people. I have never understood it chuh chuh.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m OK with it as long as it is just breakfast. I mean what uncouth barbarian would eat lunch like that?

Gratliff
Member

I like my pancakes with a side of chlamydia

King Hippo
Member

unexplained fires are a matter FOAR the (Joisey) courts!

litre_cola
Member

As a person who has both Crab stealer and the Willams rb, I welcome this OT.

Shogun Marcus
Member

Nope.

litre_cola
Member

Vultured.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

15 passing attempts for Trutitsky. Wtf

King Hippo
Member

Foxy really took the chains off, huh?

Shogun Marcus
Member

Bonus derp in Bay.

King Hippo
Member

Hippo Bets? Looking 5-for-5

SF? Check
Minny moneyline? Check
NE? Check
Mia moneyline? CHECK
Jax? Looking really good

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

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Gratliff
Member

Welp, Atlanta was fucking useless. How the fuck do you let Keenum go 25/30?

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

“It glows nicely in firelight.”
— Gen. Wm. T. Sherman

Shogun Marcus
Member

Did Ryan die?

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Motherfuck the P*ts

Horatio Cornblower
Member

Is Gronk in right now? Because it would be a crying shame if he were chopped at the knees in the last three minutes of this game. Just a goshdarn shame.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

That would be just, and God knows there isn’t any semblance of justice in the NFL.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I don’t care to see stuff like that happen to Gronk. Brady, yes. But not Gronk.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

I’d be OK with it. Given the past history of Patriots TEs you really need to nip this stuff in the bud or the next thing you know three people are dead and another guy’s been shot in the face.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He has shot several women in the face.

Petronel
Member
Petronel

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

King Hippo
Member

I bet on youse guys again!!!

Petronel
Member
Petronel

It’s that old Garofalo majik!

King Hippo
Member

Janine really struck a blow against the phallocracy!

Petronel
Member
Petronel

Shows great potential to fuck up our draft position!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Jets getting all set to hit their tailspin…

King Hippo
Member

Canyonero winner forthcoming

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