Some of our brethren are enjoying the sweaty, seedy favours of the fine town of Las Vegas this weekend. Say a prayer for them, will you? Here’s hoping none of them are flying back home wearing nothing but a barrel held up by suspenders. I wonder what they’ll be doing this afternoon… TO THE GAMES!
SF/CHI: The Niners are going ahead with their plan to be led by a 40-ish female comedian into the future. Somehow the Bears have fooled 3 separate teams into losing to them. Three! How they did that, I’ve no ideer. Probably involves mirrors or some such.
DEN/MIA: These two squadoos have chalked up 12 consecutive losses between them. Woot! Somebody will waddle out of this fixture with a W. A W that means nothing to no one.
TB/GB: Qb Winston is back from a shoulder ouchie and he faces a generous secondary that hands out an average of 304 yards thru the air over the last 5 games. His counterpart Hundley gets to wrestle with the league’s very worst 3rd down D. Plenty to not watch here.
KC/NYJ: Coachella Reid has magically transformed a 5-0 start into a 6-5 miasma. But lo, Revis Island will halt the skid, won’t he. Nope. The Jets are the Jets that we’ve all come to point and laugh at.
IND/JAX: The Jags have themselves a comfy three game homestand at just the right time as they tussle with the Titans for the leadership of the AFC South.
DET/BAL: Both teams are 6-5-the Ravens own the last playoff spot in the AFC and the Lions are just one game behind the Falcons for the coveted “last tean in” designation.
NE/BUF: You can do this, Bills! (they will not)
HOU/TEN: Qb Savage’s practice of charging the opposing team 100 smackers for every turnover he commits has netted him a sweet $1200 over his last 6 games. I’m guessing he’s taking the Titans and the points today so that he can increase his wallet bulge.
MIN/ATL: After crafting a 7 game win spree despite a 2-2 start the Vikes are just one game behind Philly for home field advantage throughout the post-season. Them Falcons are holding onto the last spot with a tenuous grip.
Makea da noise down below.
Button does not work.
Facking Gronk just taking the ball away from the defender.
so long as only pass completions are to Gronk, tis a’ight
#FantasyTightrope
That’s what I hate about FF; it makes you root for fucking terrible evil shit.
Janine Garraffalo playing pretty well, all things considered.
Taint catch at Soldier Field
I heard Zombo Combo! WHERE YOU AT? WHERE YOU AT?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pD_imYhNoQ4
Clinton, W.J.: 1
Clinton, H.R.: 0
Woops, that joke makes more sense if you remember that James Carville changed his name to James Scoville…
Have not tried Last Dab, will have to keep a lookout. Have Ultra Death which is beyond Mega, tried and got my friend a bottle of Dirty Dick’s. Might have had a hotter alternative of Da Bomb, but it’s a famous one.
Last Dab appears to be weaponized. They will be killing civilians from drones with it soon.
Yeah, twice as hot as the Reaper? They may have a different pepper-eating contest next year. (Note to self: Go back to Chelsea Market. And then if unsuccessful, talk to Ed at the Expo in April.)
pls let NE run to not Dion Lewis rest of game and win 16 or 19-3
Tom Savage should have to wear a scarlet letter. A scarlet for “Shitty”.
HUZZAH finally RedZone showing my sad little game
That was PI on Landry
yup
Wow, just saw the Jameis Winston highlight. It looks like he’s caught in a time loop. FSU co-eds best be on their toes.
Dion Lewis: The Pats love him for it and his ex-girlfriend hates him for it.
/any guesses?
He refuses to go down?
Winner in one. Come to northern Ontario and collect your prize.
is it moose jerky?
Close. Moose jizm. I can afford to give away a few mason jars of the stuff.
He hits the hole hard?
Stupid Jets getting my hopes up. Stupid me for letting them.
ok, need NOT Dion Lewis here
Atlanta perpetually setting itself up for failure. Tonight feels like a Seattle win and I don’t need shitheel Minny taking that top spot
#OddWeekJaguras everybody!
REMEMBER! You heard it first @ DFO. NOWHERE ELSE.
Well, it is the Clots…
But last week it was JUST THE FLOW. And they lost. IT’S A THING.
Jetskis are up on KC. [looks around] Everything seems so real!
Bring in Mahomes
Bills benefiting from penalty flags against the Pats. [looks around] What is this place?
Letting the days go by…
Gonna go get some drinks.
BRB.
If Matt Ryan’s receivers were mere humans, he would be in Gabbert territory
Truth.
https://twitter.com/mike96bennett/status/937399940137054209
Ohio State is starting to reach the Last Stage of Grief: Acceptance. I’m currently stuck in Stage 2.
Kelce has been stuck on 3 receptions for a while now.
#proudofmyjets
TD JETS!!!!
Tell me it’s Powell again and I’ll scream.
Dont worry guy. its Matt Forte.
Breakfast bloody Mary engaged. We have a really stupid 6 team parlay that we came up with while drinking last night and the 4 early games are all leading.
Put $20 on heads if you find a heads or tails casino table.
CBS Sports has Ohio State playing TCU. Poor bastards.
Savage is ded. he ded
At least he died doing what he loved-being godawful.
Is it bad that part of me wants Robbie Gould to outscore the Bears today?
https://twitter.com/CGriff100/status/937383404991066114/photo/1
Truth
Redshirt salty
I hate Alabama worse than the Steelers. The Steelers are as arrogant as Alabama but at least they play quality opponents (and the Bengals) and back it up on the field.
If osu made it to the playoff, it would be the perfect time to unveil their newest recruit, Blemekial Blelliot. But he’s only available for the next 6 games.
Just swap him with Barrett and have him turn in his jersey. They might not notice.
What the absolute fuck was that, Jets?
J-E-S-T JETS JETS JETS
You know what’s fun? Booze.
What’s this ‘booze’ like?
Does your newsletter come with liquid samples?
It’s more like one of those “Of The Month” thingies and by that I mean I show up at your house completely loaded every 30 days.
/it’s a living
I shudder to think of the scotchnaut Advent calendar
Kap’s lawyers just need to show the game tape of Savage starting for the Texans. Case closed.
Maybe someone will notice that Hopkins OPIs all the time, like on that last pass.
/sack is also cool
THROW TO GRONK DICKASS
Bills have got to him a few times. Brady, that is.
3rd and 18 from midfield is perfect arm punt territory in my opinion. Cowardly move by the Jets.
Blake Bortles is feeling it!!!!
Those glasses aren’t prescription! Is that dog nuts or what?
Fat guy TD FAT guy TD!!!!!!
Kelvin Benjamin?
GB Packers lineman
Andy Reid called his own number?
♫ Fat guy in the End Zone / Fat guy in the End Zone ♫
/ End Zone rips.
Tarik Cohen gets points!!!!! Punt return for TD!!!!
Tarik Cohen is a man!
The Bears love when the men from San Francisco stop by.
W vs. Mercer > Ws vs. #6, #9, #16
TD Ravens!!!!
TD Titans!!!!!
Good job Bills Kicker.
Spur! You should come join us at the MGM.
I’ve been sick all week. I’m in no shape to leave the house.
I’ve been told alcohol solves all of your symptoms. Trust me, I’m drinking with a Doktor.
Was Wee down there?
Yup, as well as yeah right, Dok and myself.
Remember when Donks weren’t a national embarrassment?
SUPERB OWL 50 BITCHES!!!
/sobs profusely
I legit cackled in front of a group of angry white men at that play
TD PACKERSS!!!!! Points for me running back Williams!!!!
Same here! Hooooray
That seems like a great way to give yourself a spinal cord injury.
Trevor Siemian – still NAWT good.
That was awful.
to think, he still has a (small but vocal) cult in Donks land
So does our President.
Vikes-Derpy Birds are a combined 16-6. How is this game so bad?
DA-VANTE. ASSHOLE.
Joe Webb sighting!
Now THROW TO DAVANTE ASSHOLE
The Lions are very derpy…