Some of our brethren are enjoying the sweaty, seedy favours of the fine town of Las Vegas this weekend. Say a prayer for them, will you? Here’s hoping none of them are flying back home wearing nothing but a barrel held up by suspenders. I wonder what they’ll be doing this afternoon… TO THE GAMES!
SF/CHI: The Niners are going ahead with their plan to be led by a 40-ish female comedian into the future. Somehow the Bears have fooled 3 separate teams into losing to them. Three! How they did that, I’ve no ideer. Probably involves mirrors or some such.
DEN/MIA: These two squadoos have chalked up 12 consecutive losses between them. Woot! Somebody will waddle out of this fixture with a W. A W that means nothing to no one.
TB/GB: Qb Winston is back from a shoulder ouchie and he faces a generous secondary that hands out an average of 304 yards thru the air over the last 5 games. His counterpart Hundley gets to wrestle with the league’s very worst 3rd down D. Plenty to not watch here.
KC/NYJ: Coachella Reid has magically transformed a 5-0 start into a 6-5 miasma. But lo, Revis Island will halt the skid, won’t he. Nope. The Jets are the Jets that we’ve all come to point and laugh at.
IND/JAX: The Jags have themselves a comfy three game homestand at just the right time as they tussle with the Titans for the leadership of the AFC South.
DET/BAL: Both teams are 6-5-the Ravens own the last playoff spot in the AFC and the Lions are just one game behind the Falcons for the coveted “last tean in” designation.
NE/BUF: You can do this, Bills! (they will not)
HOU/TEN: Qb Savage’s practice of charging the opposing team 100 smackers for every turnover he commits has netted him a sweet $1200 over his last 6 games. I’m guessing he’s taking the Titans and the points today so that he can increase his wallet bulge.
MIN/ATL: After crafting a 7 game win spree despite a 2-2 start the Vikes are just one game behind Philly for home field advantage throughout the post-season. Them Falcons are holding onto the last spot with a tenuous grip.
Makea da noise down below.
YES. We CAN still fuck this up, but it would take a lot of work.
Gould trash-talking the Bears sideline.
Mwah!
Well earned
THAT’S GOULD, BABY!
Well looks like I’m a witch
Mr. Lemur is tired of your shit.
Mr Lemur vs Mr. Raccoon Who ya got?
Mr. Raccoon will eat human trash; ADVANTAGE; Mr. Raccoon!
Personal Foul: Intercepting a Tom Brady pass.
and
Personal Foul: Getting your upper back in the path of Gronk’s falling elbow.
Foul against the official for suggesting the perhaps they’re not calling a fair game because Gronk is still in the game despite stabbing three of your teammates.
Nice! Best of 60 Minutes special episode!!! Everybody who gonna watch that say YEAAAAAA!!!!
BFC got what he asked for!
Nothing less than what the Bears deserve
Missed the fucking barn door again.
Gronk Gon Sit For A Bit.
ON A BOAT YO!
Oh, my God. I’m surprised the Ref could speak clearly with his mouth full of the Patriots’ soon-to-be deflated balls.
PLEASE GOD don;t let me lose due to Tyreek. He’s been killing my soul for weeks.
Gronk should’ve been tossed out of the game.
Agreed.
Also, I bet he did something bad this time.
Not lookin good for the Gronk
Yup.
Some muted Chiefs fans’ happiness on this flight out of Denver
I think a couple of Gronk’s next game checks are getting donated to Goodell’s favorite charity.
So Mrs. Goodell.
WOO!!!! I needed that Dreamboat pick too
Get the ball to Kelce to make up for Davante and Jordan Howard sucking today
You shut your whore mouth.
Tiny Hands (non Cheeto edition) shut it for me
Gronk just speared a player.
Untreated syphilis is a hell of a disease.
True. Or so I’ve heard.
Minny can take a knee. Nicely done.
Gronk just went mad.
But he’s such a lovable frat boy!
How is Thielin(?) so wide open all the time?
#Dyanetics!!
“I got a feelin’……”
Robbie Gould protocol in effect
Niners looking….competent? Temporarily?
That’s what happens when it’s NOT Davante, ASSHOLES
Oh, now I see why Jameis is a moe-ron. Wow.
Now?!
I started watching a new show on Amazon, but it was too energetic and happy for me to bear.
Guy Should I stay with Cam Newton vs The saints or switch it to Carson Wentz vs. Seattle Seahawks?
I like Cam, but go with Wentz
Thanks. Gonna do it. If eagles win they clinch.
On the bright side, Petersen didn’t throw it to the wrong team. Progress?
Hold ’em P*ts!!
/don’t need Dreamboat throwing
Same
Insurmountable.
Wow that Applebees commercial made me hungry!
That’s the talent of professional food photographers, who can even make boiled slop look good,
fuck. now I want me some boiled slop!!
TD anyway. Now throw to Davante, ASSHOLES
Oooohhhhhh. Unwatchable football. My favorite kind!
“Jameis is a moe-ron” Exhibit Q
GODDAMMIT!!!
Also; who is playing in the Taco Bowl??
“Those are some tasty waves on that forehead.”
-Kelly Slater
Takin’ our bowl jerbs!!
What about the San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl Sponsored By the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim?
That’s a good bowl; attended by tens of people.
Boy, now it’s like they never needed to bench Taylor for Peterman anyways.
Tyrod ded? J Peterman??
Wow. Just saw him for the first time in a while. Daniel Tosh looks like an adult finally.
he at Donks/Fish?
Commercial.
We can never know for sure, but the idea of Tosh never being accussed of Louis C.k.-like behavior is so… something. Some literary device… Synechdoche? Trochaic?
Where the hell is that girl with the thing?
Synechdoche? I sat through that whole movie and i still don’t know what that word means. Where’s Spike Jonze when you need him?
His shtick finally mature too?
Denver’s defense is so good, and their offense is just awful
What Ryan needs to do is give it to Tevin out in the flat. That works for me.
Jimmy Carter is in the building! Repeat, Jimmy Carter is in the building!
Is he near Fran Tarkenton? Does he know Fran Tarkenton is there?
We’ll look into that! WE WILL LOOK INTO THAT! BACK TO YOU!
Holy shit!!
Thanks to Trump, he is no longer the modern-day worst President ever!
[paints a picture of a cat beside a shed]
“Who said what now?”
-George Bush
I stand by my comment.
Are you fully erect?
/#feelingdirty
Scotch, I’m sorry, but I’m not in the mood to fool around!
[fights back tears]
It’s okay. It’s fine. I was busy anyway.
Well you’re wrong but entitled to your opinion
Its a close race, but Carter is slightly worse than Bush.
Not even close, but entirely makes sense you hold this opinion.
That figures.
Catlerception FOAR SIX!!
Hanson with the “Shankoppotumus” reference.
Oh, now I get it. The Committee choose the Bowls. Now it makes sense.
They matched up with SC. It’s clearly the best game.
Not pissed about the matchup (Pac-10+2 vs Big 10 all day, everyday). But Dec. 29 does seem weird. Normally Ohio State plays on Dec. 29 if they lost to Michigan and didn’t win the conference.
That part is weird, blame it on contracts and teevee
Case in point: Michigan lost to Ohio State and they’re going to Outback Bowl. Normally the Outback Bowl has the OSU/MICH loser penciled in.
Why the fuck do I always think Tampa is going to be good??????
Brain tumor?
Tyreek? On my bench. FUUUUUCCCCCKKKK
Not Litre! Did start Jameis tho in my 2 money leagues.
On the field for me boy!
I get it. You two ain’t STOOPID liek me.
Ohio State got a Dec. 29 Bowl. UCF got an Jan. 1 Bowl.
The American Athletic Champion got picked over the Big Ten Champion.
Seriously?? How do they not get the “New Year’s Six” bid??
Technically it is a New Year’s Six. So I must have missed the memo where Dec. 29 became New Year’s Eve Eve Eve.
yeah, it’s the de facto Rose Bowl since the Rose is a playoff match
Rose, Orange, Sugar, Cotton (osu v. usc), Peach, and Fiesta are the 6 I think. And, most importantly, they all have the same $$$$ payout.
Big Ten Champion got smoked by Iowa. IOWA!!
Moral of the story: Do not challenge yourself with quality opponents. Feast on the cupcakes.
If you look closer at opponent by opponent the strength of schedule is close. Iowa is not a quality opponent. THEE Ohio State is not as good as Alabama (not that that I support either team; in fact I just have ill will for both). The only other thing I root for is after selection fan bases and sports media get butt-hurt.
Well then you’re a very, happy Moose. I just hate Alabama, and I don’t like the fact that they lost and got in with a bye week.
I blame the corn subsidies.
UCF gets a New Year’s Six automatically due to highest ranked non-power team.
Keenum to Thielen PLS
Canyanero? YA!!!
Well Buffalo, you tried. I think.
For a full half, even.
The Robbie Gould outscoring the Bears outcome is looking more and more likely…
Fran Tarkenton is in the building! Repeat, Fran Tarkenton is in the building!
THAT’S INCREDIBLE
[catches bullet in teeth while balanced on a unicycle]