Your “Where’s My Inhaler?” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • Suspension updates:
    • George Iloka’s has been reduced to a fine.
      • The appeal was based on Brown landing crooked & turning his head prior to the hit, making helmet-to-helmet contact almost unavoidable.
    • The Chiefs have suspended Marcus Peters for Sunday’s game.
      • because he left the field of play while the game was on.
      • Andy Reid must be hoping Darrelle Revis finally has his wind back.
    • Big Ben doesn’t think JuJu Smith-Schuster should’ve been suspended.
      • He compared it to Gronk’s suspension, which – if nothing else – creates dreaded “bulletin board material” ahead of their Week-15 matchup.
        • What Mr. Informed Consent seems to be forgetting is that if he’d made the hit & walked away then probably. But posing & celebrating turned it into a targetting penalty.
      • Of course, he also publicly said he respects the Ravens more than the Bengals.

Finally, because the Seahawks asked, Neil deGrasse Tyson gave a scientific explanation of how the Russell Wilson lateral was a legal play, according to the laws of physics and the rules of the NFL.

As least it wasn’t worse, like Pete Carroll asking about the melting temperature of steel beams. I don’t feel like explaining it, but a “Galilean Transformation” is the same type of fancy explanation one could’ve used to describe the “Music City Miracle”. If you require a better explanation than that (but why would you?), si.com has you covered.

Of course, there’s always some asshole that has to go and create further controversy:


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Flames at Leafs – 7:30PM | Sportsnet
    • Blackhawks at Capitals – 8:00PM | NBCSN
    • Flyers at Oilers – 9:30PM | Sportsnet1
  • NBA:
    • Warriors at Hornets – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
    • Timberwolves at Clippers – 10:30PM | ESPN / TSN2
  • NCAA:
    • Men’s basketball: games of note
      • Kent State at Xavier – 7:00PM | FS1
      • Siena at Louisville – 7:00PM | ESPN2
      • Wisconsin at Temple – 7:00PM | ESPNU
      • Washington vs. Kansas – 9:00PM | ESPN2

The AFFL, or American Flag Football League, announced this week that it will host a US Open of Football with more than $2 million in game prizes. The league is preparing “for a 1,024-team tournament that will ultimately pit “America’s Champion,” or the best of registered amateur squads, against one of four professional clubs.” Leading three of these professional clubs?

  • Michael Vick
  • Chad Johnson
  • Marshall Faulk

With $99 per-player registration now open on the league’s website, the AFFL “will oversee seven-on-seven, single-elimination play all the way through next summer, when four different regions made up of 256 different teams will be whittled down to an unofficial Elite Eight — four amateur finalists and four professional teams, the best of whom will square off for a $1 million grand prize on July 19.” You know what this means?

TEAM DFO, BAY-BAY!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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nomonkeyfun
Member

Bill Parcells will not be getting Chinese food tonight, no offence to the Orientals.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I’ve been taking this CBD oil for a few days now, increasing it to the standard dose. I haven’t really felt different, but I have this sense that I’ve been less depressed. My sleep is all fucked up and so it’s kind of hard to say how that is interacting with it.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

In a just world, data leaks would be punishable with prison time and huge punitive seizures.

http://www.zdnet.com/article/popular-virtual-keyboard-leaks-31-million-user-data/

Wakezilla
Member

It’s a damn shame that laws haven’t caught up with this bullshit.

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

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Wakezilla
Member

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Spalding Gray was a porn star!?!

BTW, this is maybe the most depressing webpage I’ve ever read: The IAFD’s dead stars index. http://www.rame.net/faq/deadporn/index.html

Wakezilla
Member

“She only wore a lap belt, as a shoulder belt was uncomfortable across her giant breasts”

That’s kinda funny.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Holy balls, other people’s conversations are fucking stupid

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

This would be a great life if it weren’t for all the people.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

https://gfycat.com/ObedientCraftyFrogmouth
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Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I don’t recall December being fucking fire season except in Australia.

Wakezilla
Member

Ok, this is driving me nuts. What’s the name of the coach who had all the fun things taken away during the preseason? I’ve come up with nothing from Google. But I know some dick head coach did this. I’m guessing it was either Rammit or Buffalo’s coach

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Coughlin, when he came in to advise … Shit. Whatshisface. Jaguras.

yeah right
Member

Buffalo.

Wakezilla
Member

TWBS, you should do an August Ames tribute for sexy Friday. I’m sure there has been a few of us that have gone on our knees, thought about her until our salvation left our bodies.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

With all due respect to the late Ms. Grabowski (and I really do mean that sincerely, fwiw), I have enough problems already without going down the porn star roads.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I listened to a review of Runaways and apparently the Atlas Foundation was mentioned at one point. This is great because Agents of Atlas was a great comic and would make for a great movie or series.

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Wakezilla
Member

I don’t know what this is, but I’m intrigued

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

It was originally a Timely two-fisted sci-fi comic in the fifties before it became Marvel. Somehow, the characters didn’t really catch on when Stan and Jack created the modern Marvel heroes in the early 60s. A decade ago, the characters were brought back in a couple of new series but it never really found an audience, but those of us who did read it enjoyed the Hell out of it.

http://comicsalliance.com/jeff-parker-atlas/

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

An Atlantean, a generic superhuman, a siren, a kung fu emperor, a killer robot, a gorilla-man (OOK OOK! MOTHERFUCKERS!), and a man from Uranus.

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

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yeah right
Member

So this is some unnerving shit, my phone is going crazy with alerts about epic winds and fire danger including my area all the way down to Long Beach. We’re fine but it’s windy and my car was covered with ash leaving work tonight.

The fire near UCLA on the West side is about 14 miles away. The moon just came up and it’s blood red because of the smoke in the air.

I’ve mentioned this before but if you live in LA, live as close to the ocean as possible and be surrounded with as much concrete as you can.

Fucking Santa Anas man.

WCS
Member

Fucking Santa Anas man.

I think Randy Newman wrote a song about that.

Anyway, stay safe, pal.

yeah right
Member

Thanks. There’s so much smoke in the air that it smells like Memphis in May.

WCS
Member

Or, my brother’s place two months ago!

(Brother lives in San Francisco)

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

So it was flaming two ways.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

My brother did a shoot in Malibu this morning. I bet those are going to be some interesting photos.

EDIT (quoting “Ansel”):

I was hoping for a sexy mad max apocalypse look but by the grace of god the wind is blowing the fire east so literally dark brown clouds 50 yards behind us but we had blue skies

yeah right
Member

No doubt. They were surrounded by the Ventura fire and the fire in Bel Air.

yeah right
Member

One of the hard parts was just getting home from Vegas and my skin is lizard skin, the sinuses are screaming for humidity and the wind advisory goes through Saturday night.

Guess it’s time to start drinking in self defense.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Capital idea!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
rockingdog
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rockingdog

rockingdog
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rockingdog

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

Warriors win. Yea!
Gonna go smoke then have a movie night with a friendly new girl.

Cheers!

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

Reading that August Ames is dead, I kept getting stuck on the fact she was only 23. Jesus.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

But that’s like 51 in porn years. I mean, who’s that?

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

googol says her “full name” is Mercedes Grabowski. Not sure which one is real and which is fake.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

Yeah, I had no idea what he real name was and genuinely wondered if that was a joke.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Having just turned 51 two days ago….fuck you. LOL.
Also, I’m happy to be 23 in non-porn years if I can make such a deal.

Satan, where are you when I really need you?

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

How did she die?

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised
theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Suicide more than likely.
No, I’m not trying to be funny.

Wakezilla
Member

I hope not. I was praying for her and her step-daughter the other day.

Wakezilla
Member

Wait what? She’s dead? How? Drugs or plastic surgery? Also, HOW THE SHIT WAS SHE ONLY 23?

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

She started doing porn when she really was 18.

She repeatedly fucked up her face with surgery, but at least she died with those perfect breasts unaltered.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

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WCS
Member

WOOOOO GOLF SEASON STARTS IN FOUR MONTHS!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

If Marvel made this into a movie and used this as the poster I would totally go see it.
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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Not me.

Put some iron in that girl’s hands and let her fight!!! She can squeeze manboob later.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Maybe she’s reaching behind his back for another gun?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Tex was ravaged by untreated syphilis.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He got it off a recently used Mr. Purdify’s Goat-fucking Bondage Machine.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

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herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

But it wasn’t a very happy birthday for Race Bannon. He’s hardly touched his birthday kaboom.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo
Member

It has said about 44 minutes remaining for an hour. Except for when it says 43 minutes remaining. Senor is slightly irked.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

The only thing Team DFO is competing in (and most likely winning) is Beerfest.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

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JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

So my job doing the training, I interact with a crazy number of people, all over the world. I can say this with full honesty and no malice, the worst people I run into are my fellow fucking vets, specifically the guys that do like 20 or 30 years for their pension.

I can see them coming from a mile away and every fucking time I know I am going to be having issues all week long.

Wakezilla
Member

Why is that?

Senor Weaselo
Member

Hmm, maybe updating my computer when I have things to do on my computer wasn’t such a brilliant idea.

Wakezilla
Member

My favorite is when it automatically updates for you, right when you’re logging off and need to go somewhere, yet the CPU threatens you that it’ll completely die if you unplug the power cord. It’s quite the hostage situation.

Wakezilla
Member

You really have to feel for Paul Ryan. He’s a normal, intelligent guy, who has to work with rapists and pedophiles in order to pursue his life long passion of killing poor people.

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I can’t believe we’re losing to these assholes.

Wakezilla
Member

Yeah, becoming smug, republican lite wasn’t exactly the greatest move. Also, not knowing how the electoral college works didn’t help either.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Fuck it. If people won’t save themselves, time to move on and bust into one of the tax brackets getting marginal rate cuts.

Wakezilla
Member

So, will you be hooking or drug dealing? I think I might go the hooking route (I received a horrendous car bill last week and my credit card is hoyt-ing ever since)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Nothing about social security though?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Give it a year.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

BTW, he’s been working with rapists and pedophiles in the Republican caucus through his entire career.

Wakezilla
Member

I know. I just had to go for the low hanging fruit.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

The one time I will admit my desire for some low-hanging fruit, myself only because I’d rather those closet cases kill themselves than everyone else.

scotchnaut
Member

Feeling as bloated as Magic Johnson introducing the Republican Income Tax Reform Bill…

/night, night

Wakezilla
Member

Our American DFOers should formulate a team for the flag football competition. It’d be amazing to get our ass handed to us by Chad Johnson. He’d also probably do an interview with us for a sub sandwich

Senor Weaselo
Member

The hard part will be where our regional games are. And getting there.

scotchnaut
Member

Hey there, Go-To Scoring Dude For Temple-that step-back airball 3 pointer is not going to get things done.

scotchnaut
Member

Crowd shots during the Wiscy/Temple basketball tilt consist solely of obese men in different colors clapping for something.

Spur
Member
Spur

Anyone seen The Discovery on Netflix? Worth my time?

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Oooh, Fat Mat Damon is in it? Oh wait, I forgot I hate that guy for stealing Kirsten Dunst away from me. I COULD’VE GOTTEN HER EVENTUALLY!

scotchnaut
Member

Of course. Vladimir and Estragon felt the very same way.

scotchnaut
Member

White Guys With Big Shoulders (Wisconsin) vs. John Chaney’s Children of the Corn (Temple) is as entertaining as you thought it would be.

Senor Weaselo
Member

Two handed set shots for everyone!

scotchnaut
Member

Pro contracts for no one!

Spur
Member
Spur

i can finally taste food again. Fuck being sick.

scotchnaut
Member

“I was just doing my job, Spur.”

-Sick

Spur
Member
Spur

So were the SS Guards.

scotchnaut
Member

“Now that was really fast!”

-Slippery Slope

Wakezilla
Member

I have lots of free time because my class is doing a test. That’s great. The internet is fucking shit. That’s bullshit.

How’re we doing tonight?

Spur
Member
Spur

Folks.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

Guy next to me at the bar is pitching investing in bitcoin to the bartender. Acts like he knew it would blow up and he’d be rich now. Guh.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Bartender: “Unless you got some drinkcoin I’m gonna have to go serve someone else.”

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Has anyone in the history of the universe done anything for any reason OTHER than getting laid?
/Asking foar a friend.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Mother’s Day gifts outside of Thebes?

scotchnaut
Member

/wife is under enormous stress trying to change the culture at a retirement home
//tells me this morning that she’s having sit-down with the CEO today
//comes home 2 hours after her usual quitting time with a sour look on her face

Me: “I didn’t realize it took that long to clean out your office.”

Her: “You are such a fucking asshole.” [smiles]

/turns out that some of the air has been cleared but there’s a long way to go
//my partner is the partner of all partners

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

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blaxabbath
Member

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Wakezilla
Member

Change the culture? Is she going to remove their foosball tables, bingo cards and other fun things to set a more professional tone like that one coach did earlier this year?

WCS
Member

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