Unless you’re in a lesser league that actually has a championship in week 17 when playoff-bound teams are resting their stars or getting them off the field as quickly as possible, your fantasy dream of winning a non-existent-in-real-life trophy begins for serious today. I’m not under much pressure in one money league, having finished 9th and all but in t’udder one I’m up against the #2 seed who takes this stuff far too seriously. I’ve pondered it for a bit now and I’m going to do it-I’M STARTING WORLD ACCORDING TO GARPOLLO OVER CAM! I figure that either way I’ll have a tale to tell to whatever disinterested sap I corner at the next family get-together. Kidding! Why would I talk about that crap IRL? TO THE GAMES!
Ind/Buf: The Bills rushing O is ranked 8th and rb McCoy should have no problem getting going against a Colts team that gave up the ghost well before Halloween. Qb Peterman is back to distribute the ball equally between both teams.
Chi/Cin: This one looks like a keeper. This tilt is between the two worst offenses yards per game-wise in the whole of the league. Maybe TruthBiscuit will pass more than 12 times!
GB/Cle: The Pack can say they’re in the playoff hunt at 6-6 with the Cowboys and the Lions despite the fact that Seattle and Carolina are 8-4 and Atlanta sits at 7-5. I guess YA GOTTA BRIE-LIEF! The Brownskis are running out of chances to insert a 1 into the W column.
Oak/KC: Flag-heaving cb Peters is out for this battle of the .500’s. Wr Cooper is still out as well but Crabtree is back and should be matched against not-quite-in-game-shape-just-yet cb Revis. Can qb Carr get his first win at Arrowhead?
Dal/NYG: Eli is back in the saddle again-can he be the next Rocking Horse Winner? D.H. Lawrence says the odds are slim. But who knows, maybe the Giants players have a little “Fuck You, McAdoo!” tucked away in their arsenal.
Det/TB: The Leos have frittered away a comfy 6-4 record by losing their last two. Qb Stafford’s hand was not able to dodge a Ravens’ cleat last week but Fatty has been avoiding questions about his damaged appendage all week long. Apparently he practiced on Friday so the Jake Rudock Era will just have to wait for at least another 7 days.
Min/Car: The Keenum/Thielin combo has been quite the revelation this year and rb Murray is starting to reap the benefits-he’s tallied over 75 yards rushing over his last 3 outings. The Panthers have won 4 of 5 but the sked (Saints last week, Minny today) is doing them no favours whatsoever.
SF/Hou: 2-10 vs. 4-8? No thank you! (Go Jimmy, Go!)
Tap away Gents/Ladies.
Jesus Fucking Christ the Raiders are beyond pathetic today.
So….you’re saying tickets for next week may be dropping in price as we speak?
Oh Cowboys
JEEEEEEEEBUS, Bailey
Dammit Buffalo!!!!
Fumbaroo!
“I’ll take, ‘What is the worst music festival in Japan for $600, Alex”
Tackling, Giants. Do that.
I think the entire bar just screamed that
Despite the fact that I am apparently too intoxicated to remember today’s date, I am so far winning most of my fantasy matchups. So there’s that… Not to mention all this food here…
Typical Sunday
Actress that plays goth chick on NCIS is 48 years old. You’d think she’d have grown out of that phase by now.
She’s been super nice to a friend of mine who works in TV so I am actually a fan of hers.
My “friend who works in TV” I DIDN’T KNOW YOU DID PORN!
Maybe she’s just being thrifty and working her way through a 40 year supply of eyeliner
“You’re on your own now.”
-Out of touch Parents
She’s fine, you leave her alone.
Fits in with the believability of the whole show.
I have such a unique hatred for that character, possibly more than the cast of Big Bang Theory
Actually, she’s got a well-paying gig.
She’d have to be pretty stupid to outgrow it.
#ThePauls StriveFOAR1
Holy shit, Pack. You’re done.
I don’t think Savage is going to get his starting job back. Yates having one of his rare flashes of competence.
Someone take these 49ers to Hopkins for emergency surgery, because they are getting carved up by Savage.
Actually it’s Yates doing the carving.
Tomato Tomahto.
That fact ruins teh joke. No time for facts.
With that attitude you can be Trump’s press secretary.
AAirport has the game on like a five minute delay
I need Hopkins to catch about 20 passes.
Typical Packers getting stuffed in Browns territory, smh.
And then Aaron Rodgers woke up
https://youtu.be/hn1VxaMEjRU
Hmmmm, guess I should have trusted Funchess.
Fuck you Mike Evans.
Holy shit, that backwards dodge from Cam was amazing
J. Peterman ded? WE CAN HAZ JOE WEBB??
Utttt ohhhhhhhh J peterman hurt
No catalogue this year.
It disturbs me how strangely erotic I find that
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0178149/
Browns doing a good!
will BlueBunny kick here?
No added sugar.
I wanna take a nap before the Pats game but Lady Maestro is currently making some chocolate & salted caramel pretzel bark while I sit and watch the games. My life is such a hardship, people!
You can watch the Pats today? What time zone do you live in?
Wait is the game tomorrow? Fuck, I gotta lay off the beers.
’bout to say that nap qualifies as “coma”
Pats play tomorrow. MNF!
That was my understanding. I thought maybe Maestro lived in another dimension or the future or some shit.
“UP TOP, BUDDY!”
-Brazilian Orphan, sifting through garbage at the landfill
Not funny; I laughed anyway.
true happiness comes from teh SOUL
“Lazy kid needs to pull himself up by his bootstraps.”
*Does not have shoes.
Hee hee, Brissett needs snowshoes.
Not sure why the Chiefs bothered dressing a punter.
Naked punters are against mid-west values.
How is Jonathan Stewart only 30? I feel like he’s been there since the expansion
I should have gone to the local sports pub for the snow action, think it’s still got a hefty (pun quasi-intended) Bills contingent
I think Kelce should get an energy drink. he looks tired….
Maybe a jager bomb?
Much like sexual harrassment, catches are about control
Miss Jackson if u nasty ,, ppl forget that
“Hear, Hear! Wait a sec… Goddamnit!”
-Marlee Maitlin
*gawldamit.
I just found out my 24 year old brother in law has never done a jager bomb. I foresee bad decisions in the 4th quarter of the giants-boys game
A jager bomb is already a bad decision, so…yes!
Brother-in-law or brother in law?
Could be both.
Eli getting all sneaky.
LOL last time 49ers had back to back wins was in 2009
So how is IND-BUF?
gridlocked?
“It’s like The Brown Bunny without the blowjob.”
-The Ghost of Roger Ebert
Hilarious.
When the running back gets tackled, about half his body disappears into the snow.
punters earning they wedge
Bill Musgrave canceled his Playboy subscription and has replaced them with Raider offense box scores.
“He reads Raider offense box scores for the articles.”
@Hippo…you realize at this point we both deserve the loss, right?
Yikes.
Qua???? You mean the is it a catch rule isn’t enforced consistently? YOU DON’T SAY
So much alcohol-fueled hypothermia in that Bills crowd. I wonder if anyone’s gonna die.
nah, they’re pretty good about hospital sleeping bags
Doesn’t the booze act as a sort of an antifreeze? They are drinking to live!
They’re from Buffalo. They’ve been dead on the inside since they were toddlers.
Reporter: “What exactly is a catch?”
NFL Ref: “I can’t define it but I know it when I see it.”
Damn it! AJ Green almost had an Interception!
Hail Mary attempted by Bears. Penalty on Bengals for Roughing the QB.
Woof! Keenum is Thielin it again.
Fuck you Thielen.
Maybe not?
If he was my player, I’d be pissed right now.
Since he’s Hippo’s, it’s all good.
😛
I think in the 2nd half they are just going to put skis on LeSean McCoy and have Nate Peterman push him.
As the Raiders head into the half without having scored a single point, remember that the New York Jets – the fucking JETS – put up 38 points on these Chiefs last week.
hahahaha FU cam newton. U only have 2 pts in FF so far……
Case Keenum has more rushing yrds than u…
I have never seen a team that was worse at third and short than the Raiders have been this year.
fortunately, Denver is so bad at literally everything that one can’t really single anything out like that
Garp is leading Cam 3.68 to 2.88. I was right all this time! Suck it, doubters!