Unless you’re in a lesser league that actually has a championship in week 17 when playoff-bound teams are resting their stars or getting them off the field as quickly as possible, your fantasy dream of winning a non-existent-in-real-life trophy begins for serious today. I’m not under much pressure in one money league, having finished 9th and all but in t’udder one I’m up against the #2 seed who takes this stuff far too seriously. I’ve pondered it for a bit now and I’m going to do it-I’M STARTING WORLD ACCORDING TO GARPOLLO OVER CAM! I figure that either way I’ll have a tale to tell to whatever disinterested sap I corner at the next family get-together. Kidding! Why would I talk about that crap IRL? TO THE GAMES!
Ind/Buf: The Bills rushing O is ranked 8th and rb McCoy should have no problem getting going against a Colts team that gave up the ghost well before Halloween. Qb Peterman is back to distribute the ball equally between both teams.
Chi/Cin: This one looks like a keeper. This tilt is between the two worst offenses yards per game-wise in the whole of the league. Maybe TruthBiscuit will pass more than 12 times!
GB/Cle: The Pack can say they’re in the playoff hunt at 6-6 with the Cowboys and the Lions despite the fact that Seattle and Carolina are 8-4 and Atlanta sits at 7-5. I guess YA GOTTA BRIE-LIEF! The Brownskis are running out of chances to insert a 1 into the W column.
Oak/KC: Flag-heaving cb Peters is out for this battle of the .500’s. Wr Cooper is still out as well but Crabtree is back and should be matched against not-quite-in-game-shape-just-yet cb Revis. Can qb Carr get his first win at Arrowhead?
Dal/NYG: Eli is back in the saddle again-can he be the next Rocking Horse Winner? D.H. Lawrence says the odds are slim. But who knows, maybe the Giants players have a little “Fuck You, McAdoo!” tucked away in their arsenal.
Det/TB: The Leos have frittered away a comfy 6-4 record by losing their last two. Qb Stafford’s hand was not able to dodge a Ravens’ cleat last week but Fatty has been avoiding questions about his damaged appendage all week long. Apparently he practiced on Friday so the Jake Rudock Era will just have to wait for at least another 7 days.
Min/Car: The Keenum/Thielin combo has been quite the revelation this year and rb Murray is starting to reap the benefits-he’s tallied over 75 yards rushing over his last 3 outings. The Panthers have won 4 of 5 but the sked (Saints last week, Minny today) is doing them no favours whatsoever.
SF/Hou: 2-10 vs. 4-8? No thank you! (Go Jimmy, Go!)
Tap away Gents/Ladies.
Other than twbs, no one really cares about the meaningless Haha interception.
That’s because no one else was stupid enough to go out of their way to RE-acquire the GB defense.
smgdh
There’s a group of 4 Dallas fans at the Giants bar. I fully expect a fight
Left the bar and watching thr game at my gate with some overpriced popcorn and a broken outlet
pretty much. This is some awful popcorn
You;re still in the doghouse Dez,
Reminder that the Gints are a walking abortion, Eli or no
About damned time Dez, I was getting ready to go wake your mom up.
So according to Rich Gannon somebody named Alex Mack made a great play in the Raiders game.
X!
X
So apparently the Marcus Peters suspension had nothing to do with discipline, the Chiefs just realized they wouldn’t need him.
I think they mistimed the P.T. Barnum biopic, considering the circus just folded.
Lolz. Guy in the Buffalo crowd waving around a US title belt because secondary championships are the best they can hope for.
J. Peterman throwed a snowDOWN
That helps. Fuck yo’ Indy D.
This IND at BUF game…
is heating up…..
YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!
Shit and now a Indy player is down.
Bury him in the snow…it will keep the injury iced up nicely.
Oh god…I thought people in Buffalo smelled bad on the outside…
Steve Smith agrees.
Theres 1 TD yallllll!
miss u shady
Football and fantasy football is stupid!
Hey did you know that my birthday is tomorrow? Apparently the Raiders do, and my present from them this year is a nice big bowl of “fuck you, Rikki.”
“I think they may have lost your number.”
-Steely Dan
It’s the right size and everything!
Happy Birthday RTD!
/sends engraved Raiders switchblade in the mail
//gets arrested
Death by flag foar the ‘Boys.
Second verse, same as the first…
Nice thing is I can close both fantasy windows and just watch the footy now
Raise your hand if you laugh at the word “ball-hawking”!
Yo. Also, Haha Clinton-Dix
Clinton-Dix and his two ball hawks?
Lady LemonJello once mis-heard “ball-hawking” as “ball-hogging” so that is what is is known as now at House LemonJello.
In some places it means a terrible accident involving tanning nude and a bird of prey.
Gotta be talonted to pull it off.
*feeds small penis to baby raptors.
Did anyone else hear Cooper screaming at the end of that play? Not good.
Eli was 9/11 and then Engram was wide open. Makes you think, doesn’t it?
If I were to do a Wiki search for “meh”, I’d probably get a link to a stream for the DAL/NYG game.
https://twitter.com/LacesOutShow/status/939921936712454144
So romantic!!!!
Should be a Jared commercial
Now she has to toss him, right?
Do the Lions not practice at all? It’s like they legit don’t know how to play football until the end of the first half.
oh, fuck off MRSA Men
Josh Gordon has 69 yard receiving.
Someone please tell me that this was at the 4:20 mark of the first half.
Olsen boo boo foot is back.
Savage hurt!!!!!! Oh no!!!
TJ yates takes over
Duke!!!!!
(now I feel dirty)
Trubisky has 10 passing attempts already? What kind of sorcery is this?
Double digit passing attempts, Browns leading…dogs and cats, living together!
Right, as I escaped the wife’s clutches (giftwrapping stuff for others is annoying!) which game would y’all recommend? Or should I “stumble upon” a questionable way to watch the Redzone ?
RedzonE!!!!!
Here ya go….
http://www.strikeout.mobi/football/247075/4/nfl-redzone-live—never-miss-a-touchdown
Eh, might as well go with https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIOcTRwFo7Y so I can stream it on the big screen 🙂
Still, thanks for the suggestion 🙂
Dilly Dilly!
Its almost half time and the Browns are leading by 7.
I’m in some weird territory here. Its like finding the passage to Narnia like under my kitchen sink.
yep, this was the crappy game i was worried about from Dallas.
u can’t stop the #ThePauls u can only hope 2 contain them imo godbless
Lions D/ST touched down wud be awful neat
Huge offensive linemen in white uniform pants; SEXY AS FUCK!
Wait just a second, where the leopard thongs at?
Jaguras game?
Fading Kelce landmines, but one-handed Fat Stafford is gonna kill me throwing for 400 yards
“Drop by Cooper” that sounds familiar
“You’re telling me.”
– D.B., explaining why none of that money ever turned up again.
Scoreless OT draw is possible in BUF
I’m fairly certain the White Walkers are going to show up late and take that one.
We’re all rooting for the Factory today right?
Ive got GB RB Williams sooooo…..it would be nice if it was high scoring
sure.
Not exactly.
Few things terrify me like Aaron Rodgers sneaking into the playoffs against complacent frontrunners
That would be a legit fear, if it were to happen.
/Paul’s just scored
//IF it were to happen
Not me.
I dunno…an 0-16 parade sounds mighty entertaining
Um…why are they playing a perfume ad during a football game?
Gift ideas. Although most of us are probably already too drunk to remember that’s what our partners would want.
Something you can drink if the booze runs out?
You can also use it to prime the carburetor on your old timey plane or car
“Buy this for your wife”
No ofence to JSD, but I could really use a pick six from ThePauls before the day is out. Two would be better.
And Duke Johnson carries for negative.
Holy shit…I give up.
Unless it’s a tip to a lineman or maybe an LB…not likely. Secondary is ded.
“Oh yeah, he misses easy throws on a regular basis. Forgot that.”
-Giants fans that had given Eli a standing O earlier
Oh hey, I just noticed the tvs behind me have cowgits! Probably not worth turning around
You’re going to hurt Eli’s feelings
I already did that when I didn’t eat the gluten free cupcakes his mom brought into school for his birthday
One can see why Truth Biscuit is generally asked to throw less than 15 forward passes a game.
Kelce with the butterfingers…… shit
alternatively, THANK YOU JESUS
/Jesus looks up from NYT crossword
“What did I miss?”
With all the whining for flags Kelce is doing you’d think he played for the Patriots.
He’s got the right amount of melanin.
This game needs some Calvin Johnson Memorial Wide Receiver Sledding
Looks like a party at Michael Irvin’s place.