2017 Quotables – Week 14 (Submissions)

blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

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Welcome to your Week 14 Quotables submissions. Here in Cardinals Country, we’re hanging on the final threads of, “If Atlanta and Seattle lose out, then we’ve only gotta have 14 other scenarios play out and we’re getting a wild card!” So, naturally, most fan energy is focused on the Roy Moore GOTV campaign today.

/stares down while holding earpiece intently

IT WASN’T A POLITICAL JOKE! IT WAS AN ARIZONA IS ABOUT AS WHITE TRASH AS ALABAMA JOKE, DTZM!….No…No, not me. I, too, have a lawyer who is a Jew….Yeah, my accountant recommended him. Oh! So I actually know two of ’em!…I see…I see…Fine. Give him Friday. THIS IS ALL FAKE ANYWAYS!

/removes finger supporting earpiece

Ahem. Well then, so it seems that I will not be publishing the results piece this week. Apparently the DFO Deep State has some preordained results author who will take care of things on Friday. Which is fine. It really is. I didn’t want to do results anyways. I mean, what fun is reading through the contributions and having the POWER to select winners. It’s nothing to me. Absolutely fine.

So, yeah, here are your stupid week 14 stupid Quotables stupid submissions.


I like Atlanta’s Color Rush uniforms. They remind me of Jolly Ranchers.

Probably the snow somewhat less but I bet Sammy Watkins really misses looking up at home games and seeing so many fans.

Narrator: Cleveland would not win with a TD that play.

Did Minnesota trade for Blake Bortles when I wasn’t looking?

Some might say it’s a bit gauche to include this submission but it’s not like [DFO] sent the guy back into the game.

Kyle Shanahan does not see the need for this kind of language during competition.

The Chiefs fan base is a big stew of cultural appropriation.

THIS BRANDON LINDER I CALL HIM MATT LAUER BECAUSE HE GOT TAKEN DOWN BY A PERSON OF THE YEAR AND NO ONE ON HIS TEAM DID MUCH ABOUT IT!

You can see here how the owners were able to save 45 cents per helmet by not providing head protection. They are great businessmen.
blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.

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[…] previously advertised, Blax will not be the final judge and arbiter of this week’s Quotables […]

JerBear50
JerBear50

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Awww, this is the sad part where Robin Williams’ drug trials start wearing off.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wow! Glad I checked back in; this is really magnificent.

King Hippo

YES!!!! This is as good as it gets, ppl!!!!

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Shaky Tom Savage: “This is my impression of Rush Limbaugh doing his impression of Michael J. Fox.”

Wakezilla

I haven’t seen black guys go so aggressively towards something that white since Jami Cantor.

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Wakezilla

I had no idea that December was Parkinson’s Disease awareness month

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m struggling to find this “awareness” that you are speaking of.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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no comment needed

Wakezilla

Here’s where Chris Foerster hid his stash

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nomonkeyfun

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/cums

-JFF

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Between all the twitching and the way he’s holding his hands it’s obvious that Tom Savage spends too much time playing video games.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Alternate: Let me be the first to congratulate Tom Savage on his recent endorsement deal with the video game streaming platform Twitch.

SonOfSpam

Dumbass thinks he’s getting an extra life, but this ain’t Contra.

SonOfSpam

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That’s just a disgusting-looking garish display of red.

The uniform’s ugly too.

SonOfSpam

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He’s fired up about getting the new deluxe edition Boss Baby DVD.

SonOfSpam

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The best part was when Jameis Winston ran on the field and tried to steal him.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This is fucking good.

LemonJello
LemonJello

The Tallahassee PD doesn’t get your joke.

monty this seems strange to me

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Zoom in slowly, slowly, zoom, zoom – OH SHIT HE SAW US LOOK AWAY LOOK AWAY

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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It seems very fitting that a “HOME OF THE CLEVELAND BROWNS” banner comes into frame in the middle of that throw.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s basically a Cleveland version of this:

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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It’s never an easy day for the cleanup crew after one of Jim Irsay’s Saturday night shindigs.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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And another one slips by the NFL’s “Concussion Protocol”

Game Time Decision
Game Time Decision

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turns helmet over
“and here’s where we put the CTE”

Game Time Decision
Game Time Decision

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when the thought of 28-3 keeps you up at night

LemonJello
LemonJello

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Jim Irsay tries to calculate the street value of Ralph Wilson Stadium at that moment.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“Here at the Factory of Sadness Research & Development Division, we’re always looking for new and more heart-breaking ways to lose.”

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

You can see here how the owners were able to save 45 cents per helmet by not providing head protection. They are great businessmen.

Jesus. That’s just depressing.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL!!! I HAVE THE POWERRRRRRRrrrrrrrr!”

LemonJello
LemonJello

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One of the tens of “fans” in the stands: “You think this show will get picked up for a full season?”
Another “fan,” while disinterestedly checking their phone: “As long as I can add it to my IMDB page, who cares?”

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

#FakeNews Crisis Actors.

Game Time Decision
Game Time Decision

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Trent Green drools in solidarity

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Of course Mexicans in Missouri are Raiders fans.

(I’m joking, but it now occurs to me that there could be a ton of Raiders fans in Chicago who are smart enough not to bother going to Soldier Field).

Game Time Decision
Game Time Decision

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Storm troops look really different in the new Star wars movie. Good to see they go back to Hoth.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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[Sound of bowling pins falling]

nomonkeyfun

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Michael Bennett doing his best Halle Berry impersonation, going down on a white man in Florida.

(Fuck, Monsters Ball was set in Louisiana.)

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Cindy Crawford impression?

nomonkeyfun

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Case Keenum demonstrates typical white Minnesotan behavior. Kill the black man in a polite manner.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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Once again, NFL officials underestimate the power of their BLEERGH idols to break up an on-field fight.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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“Perfect pass”
–Mike Glennon

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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“Here’s where we hide the MMR vaccine”

LemonJello
LemonJello

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/under his breath, thinking the mic is off
“Man, I’d love to just beat Steve Young’s head in with this. Always with the jokes about my career…oh, hey Steve, wanna know what two turtles fuckin’ sounds like? WHAMMO! Yeah, that’s what I’d really like to do.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Weird crowd on Jovan Belcher night at the stadium

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nice.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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But when Marcus Peters throws a flag like that it’s out of line smdh

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“Look! They’re getting the stage out for halftime.”
“No, that’s just the first course of the post game buffet for Coach Reid!”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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monty this seems strange to me

I want to give this one ALL the Likes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Agreed.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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SHOOTER!!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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FUCK Mark Henderson and all his ilk

monty this seems strange to me

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See, right in there. That’s where the remnants of Trent Green’s brain remained.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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/moves to Buffalo

–Lawrence Taylor

nomonkeyfun

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Enrico Pallazzo

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I never knew that Hutch actually made safer equipment.

Enrico Pallazzo

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It was at this moment when Tom Savage realized that his side business as a mohel was over.

nomonkeyfun

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Did someone say stew?

-Andy Reid

nomonkeyfun

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The DTs always start when you least expect them.

monty this seems strange to me

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This is what Chris Foerster sees in his dreams.