Your “Winter Can Bite Me” MNF Open Thread

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it’s a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles.When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.
theeWeeBabySeamus

Yes, winter can bite my fat white ass.

In my neck o’ the woods, we had snow and ice this weekend, and most of it is still on the ground.  That’s because it’s still cold as shit.  I live in the south, dammit.  This isn’t supposed to happen.  Or at least not until January at the earliest!!!

Then today, I spent many hours outside in said cold, putting the outdoor Christmas lights up finally.

Sadly, I didn’t get finished yet.  Plus I don’t get to bang Beverly D’Angelo later tonight (as far as she knows).

I can’t feel my hands anymore.  That’s probably not good.  Also, I think my penis has retreated into my abdomen.  That’s probably ok, all things considered.

But winter arriving early does have its advantages.

ICYMI….

Best Game In EVAR!!!!!!!!!

Newsworthy..Sort Of

  • Giancarlo Stanton apparently had a list of teams he was unwilling to play for.  The Marlins apparently were on that list.  I get it.  The rich get richer.
  • Jimbo Fisher should feel right at home in College Station.
  • Dook lost and Arizona State is…well…good.  Maybe VERY good.  Bobby Hurley oughta be getting some offers soon, but he’ll hang on long enough in Tempe and hope to move on to Durham, presuming he’s good enough for long enough to prove his worth to the bluebloods there.  Krzyzewski can’t live forever…I hope.  And if/when Hurley rolls back into town here, I can actually accelerate my Dook hatred.  He’s a little fucking weasel, btw.  Very punchable.  Trust me, I’ve met the little shithead.
  • Seattle wants Hockey.
  • Baker Mayfield “shockingly” won the Heisman.  Hopefully he’s already looking into real estate in the Cleveland area, poor bastard.
  • The NCAAFB All-America Teams were announced…

(Shameless NC State plug to follow)

…With Bradley Chubb making first team at defensive end, and Jaylen Samuels making third team at…tight end, for some reason.

 

Non-Football Stuff To Watch 2Nite

NHL

Nothing national, so check your local listings.

Full Schedule

 

NBA

  • New Orleans @ Houston – 8:00pmEST – TV: NBATV
  • Toronto @ LA Clippers – 10:30pmEST – TV: NBATV

Full Schedule

 

NCAA Basketball

Top 25

  • Drake @ (14)Minnesota – 8:00pmEST – TV: B1GN

Full Schedule

New England @ Miami  – 8:30pmEST – TV: ESPN (+11.0, o/u 48.0)

You see that line, right?  New England an 11 pt road fav.  That’s a big line for any road team in the NFL, I don’t care who they are or who/where they’re playing.  One would have to be insane to bet that line.  Right?

We’ll see.

The ‘Phins don’t have much to celebrate this year, but at least they aren’t Cleveland.  Or even in  Cleveland.  Trust me, you’ll never see this in Cleveland on your off days…

Nonetheless, just like the rest of Week 14, this game is likely going to be laughable.

No, not like that.

I agree, Pal.

Even after a five game losing streak (which they managed to break last week when the ’17 Donks showed up) Miami is actually still in the playoff hunt.  Probably not after tonight though.

Since I wrote about their non-existent bye week nearly two months ago, the ‘Phins have gotten no better on offense, and worse on defense.  That’s a bad combination when Bill and Tawmmy come to town.

Also, Jay Cutler has never beaten the P*ts anywhere he’s played, arguably with much better teams around him.  I mean, not even close

Cutler, while playing for the Denver Broncos (once) and Chicago Bears (twice), has lost by 34, 29 and 28 points in his three tries against the Patriots.

But some folks are believing…

“We’re coming together as a team,” Dolphins defensive tackle Jordan Phillips told the Miami Herald after Miami broke a five-game losing streak with a dominating performance. “We can only go up from here.”

You’re half right there, Jordan.  But “going up” probably won’t happen this week, son.

Brady, still at the top of his game at age 40, has thrown for 26 touchdowns and 3,632 yards with just four interceptions. The Patriots are averaging 29 points per game, which ranks first in the AFC and fourth in the NFL.

Miami, on the other hand, is 26th in the league, averaging 17.4 points, which is an improvement from its last-place standing just a couple of weeks ago.

The Dolphins have not played well in prime-time games recently. For example, they are 1-7 in their past eight games on Monday Night Football.

The P*ts, love ’em or hate ’em, all they do is win, win, win.  Even if grudgingly*, one has to respect that.

*By “grudgingly”, of course I mean they need to be cleansed from teh planet.

Currently on an eight game win streak, New England can (will) clinch their 9th straight AFC East Division title with the win tonight (15th in the past 17 years, btw).  Additionally, after the Yinzers snatched victory from the jaws of defeat last night against Baltimore, the P*ts need to get this win tonight to keep pace for home field in the playoffs.  They will.  And it won’t be pretty for Miami, even at home.

Speaking of not pretty…

And probably anything else too, from the looks of you Dude.  But maybe that’s me being too judgemental again.  You are a “dude”, right?

Anywhoooo….

It’s probably gon’ be an ugly affair tonight in South Beach unless you’re a P*ts fan (like they need this), but it is mandatory viewing for all and we still have to talk about it, of course.

‘Phins haven’t covered for 8 straight weeks, and they won’t start tonight, even at home.  I even considered moneylining them for a coupla bills at +475, but nope.  Not a chance.

Besides, where else can you make fun of me for betting $500 on a road team to beat an 11 pt spread?  Yes, you heard me correctly.

I have to try to salvage something out of this shitteh Week 14.  And I’m apparently not alone.  Since I dropped my coin on this one last night, the line has moved to +11.5, and the moneyline for Miami has stretched to +550 (And I’m still not taking that bet).

But anywhoooo….

Get to it!!!!!!  Talk!!!!!

(shut up, it’s a good song)

theeWeeBabySeamus
theeWeeBabySeamus
An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it's a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles. When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is this where we celebrating that Satan’s cumguzzlers lost to Catler?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Brick, I’m in Huntington Beach for the night. I need to be up early, but if you’re close by and up for it, I’m down to grab some drinks and experience your reality first hand. What say you?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Hey! I didn’t see this until 24 hours later!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Only psychopaths eat a sub from the side.
5/10 would bang

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Better make it an 8 or 9

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JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Dios mío, solo quiero un cigarrillo

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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This game may keep me happy until tomorrow’s early meeting.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude
JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Sammy Lovers…

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Goddammit seamus. You need to give us at least a 24 hour warming on your bets.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

This just means the GREATRIOTS will blow past the Stillers, 47-21.

I’m going to watch Yvonne Furneuax in the Champagne Murders, and then The Mummy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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nomonkeyfun

I sure as shit hope tWBS has bet on the P*ts to win the Superb Owl.

Help us tWBS, you’re our only hope.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Holy shit; that was the best thing I’ve seen in a while.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Way behind because of booze.

Jay Cutler and the Dolphins winning is nice. Actually is there a team you wouldn’t cheer for against the Pats?

I mean besides the Khmer Rouge Red Terror Football Club and of course Nazis from the 3rd Indiana Jones franchise.

Senor Weaselo

IT DIDN’T HAPPEN!

Dunstan
Dunstan

Hey, Coach Carroll, nice to see you

Brocky
Brocky

Okay, so I’m driving home, listening to the game on the radio, kurt Warner and kevin harlan, and this exchange happens:

Harlan: jay cutler and the miami dolphins have broken the patriots winning streak, still in the afc race, Pittsburgh faces new England next week, kurt is trying to fend off a drunk woman from stealing his microphone hahaha

Doktor Zymm

Aw man, they never show the good stuff on TV!

Brocky

It was hilarious how high pitched kevins voice got

Old School Zero

The Kevin Harlan idiot on the field call is still my favorite football memory of the last few years.

ballsofsteelandfury

Kevin Harlan is the best!

Doktor Zymm

Happy MNF y’all!
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Dunstan
Dunstan

I take back 10% of the nasty things I’ve said about Jay Cutler

Doktor Zymm

Aha! We’ve found their weakness! Onside kicking!

Old School Zero

Catler beating P*ts? brb gotta masturbate into a pack of Benson & Hedges High Tar

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So you have to take one cigarette out?

Doktor Zymm

Okay, if the onside doesn’t succeed I’ll feel like it’s okay to go to bed without waking up to any nasty surprises. Or football related nasty surprises anyway.

ballsofsteelandfury

WTF was that?

rockingdog
rockingdog

tis over im out

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

New England fans (self included):comment image
Rest of America:comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Dunstan
Dunstan

Why no ten second runoff?

ballsofsteelandfury

Patriots

deviantBastard
deviantBastard

Isn’t that only for an offensive penalty?

ballsofsteelandfury

Thats what it was

deviantBastard
deviantBastard

dammit, sorry. I’m time delayed. I thought you meant on Amendola’s catch.

Dunstan
Dunstan

I did

Dunstan
Dunstan

Pretty sure I’ve seen it applied for official reviews whenever there was no stoppage.

Doktor Zymm

Weaksauce

Dunstan
Dunstan

Gee. A cheap penalty. Who would have thought/.

ballsofsteelandfury

Touching the passer. 15 yards!

Spur
Spur

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JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Forgot to mention. Went in on my vacation day to talk to HR and management about our resident shithead drinking during work hours on the company dime.

This somehow turned into HR bitching at me for coming in during my vacation to set up a meeting with them (they have to pay me extra hours for this). On a positive, I don;t have to worry about saying anything to the shit head because I am not allowed to interact with him because its a “sensitive situation”.

Me: “what exactly are you worried about? If we fire him right now, he has no way getting back to the office to shoot up the place” and I laugh.

HR people apparently are not allowed to have a sense of humor.

Senor Weaselo

IT’S STILL HAPPENING…

Horatio Cornblower

What’s all this about a new Star Wars movie?

Brocky

Han solo stand alone film is coming out next year

Horatio Cornblower

HERE COMES MY COMEBACK!!!!

ballsofsteelandfury

It always happens in garbage time…

Spur
Spur

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The Maestro

I don’t know if many of you know this, but sports are actually dumb and bad.

Horatio Cornblower

You should call in to EEI with that hawt taek tomorrow.

Spur
Spur

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Spur
Spur

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Spur
Spur

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WCS

That’s some Moose-level shit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I may have posted it before…… or from the same clip.

Old School Zero

HAUSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Brady’s washed up. Fire McDaniels. Fire Belichick.
—Boston area fans tomorrow.

Doktor Zymm

I love sports call-in radio

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Looks like no miracles tonight.

rockingdog
rockingdog

truth

Dunstan
Dunstan

Don’t get cocky. We’ve made that mistake before.

Spur
Spur

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ballsofsteelandfury

How the fuck did the ball end up on the 22?

deviantBastard
deviantBastard

Illegal touching (which is legal in Alabama). The ball hit a Dolphins player.

Horatio Cornblower

If there’s an illegal touching in Alabama they set the ball at the 14, not the 22.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well fucking done.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Illegal touch, ball hit Dolphin on head at 22.

Doktor Zymm

Illegal dolphin ball touching

Doktor Zymm

That was a couple of sillynesses!

Doktor Zymm

Belichick probably looked exactly the same in 3rd grade, just shorter and a bit less gray.