Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 14, 2017

Week 14 had snow angels.  Huzzah.

Without question, Humps at Bills was the Match of the Day, just for the optics.  It was beautiful anarchy.  Jacoby Brissett led a late, 50-play scoring drive and looked to have won the game 8-7, but OPI forced them to try an NFL first for me – a desperation extra point kick.  Somehow, Vinateri made it (a wobbler).  Joe Webb – filling in for the ded J. Peterman – then threw a pickerception that gave Vinateri a chance to win it in regulation from the same spot…but alas, he missed.  Shady won it it with a TD run late in added time, depriving us of a deserved draw.

It was a rough day for terrible QBs, as Savage Garden also got Trent Green’d.  TJ Yates found DeAndre Hopkins in the end zone twice (thank you, Jesus), but the imaginary side still lost at home to those spunky Fightin’ Tomsulas, 26-16.  San Fran has found a legit QB (albeit maybe a wee bit cynical) in Janene Garafalo.

Oh, #ThePauls.  14-point lead, at home, to Brett Fucking Hundley.  Insurmountable?  Hold mah beer.

How would Cincy react to the emotional, savage, home loss to Yinzburgh?  By shitting themselves at home to Bearistocrats!  7-33, have a word.  Even Mike Brown has to see the Marv writing on the wall here, they made Truth Biscuit look competent.

It was Minnesota’s week to be in the NFC catbird’s seat, and Minnesota’s turn to cock it up.  Cam still couldn’t pass effectively, and despite multiple screwups – the Vikes got a 2-pointer to pull within 3 and promptly recovered a Panther fumble inside the 25.  But Minny settled for a wet fart field goal, then gave up a huge running play to set up the decisive TD.

Elisha came back to a standing ovation and the Giants still sucked.  Pokes 30-10.

Fat Stafford entered today’s contest with essentially one hand (not his usual throwing one), and he still threw for nigh 400 yards.  Because Tampa.  Still coughed up a 21-7 lead, needing a Fat Kicker FG in the last 30 seconds to win it.  Nothing else about this was memorable, except Rapey Jameis continuing to play like the overgrown toddler he is.

The Raiders were just fucking awful today and the 26-15 scoreline undersells it.  The AFC West is a shitshow, and the Chefs now shakily go back up top.  Meh.

Joining them?  The Shitty Clippers, who beat the fuck out of the Redacteds, 30-13.  I have nothing else to say about that.

How shitty are my Donks?  So bad they can’t even tank correctly, blitzing the J-E-S-T 23-zip.  Typical Jets-ing.

Tennessee finally ran out of ugly win magick and lost at Birdcano, 12-7.  It was brutal viewing, and Mariota is way out of synch (maybe also hurt).

Even Week Jaguras broke the laws of time and space and played like it was an odd week, spanking the SeaTruthers (aside from two random Q4 plays where they basically just let Paul Richardson run free for TDs) 30-24.  Look out, P*ts, here is your true AFC challenger.

As we await confirmation on just how fucked the Iggles are with Carson Wentz’ knee injury (betting super fucked, but hope not), don’t undersell the fact that Nick Foles beat RRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! on the road, 43-35 (or essentially, 6-0 once he came in – the last 6 of 43 came from a defensive TD on the last second lateral play).  They won’t be Brett Hundley-fucked, at least.  The NFC West, and likely 4 seed, will be on the line in Seattle next week.  Gurley had a great game, but Baby Buster failed to step up in Q4.  Disappointing.

Sunday Night Football force-feeds us MOAR YINZERS, hosting the Ratbirds this time out.  Was waaaaayyyyy more offense-y than usual (in terms of points on scoreboard), though even when the Ratbirds battled back you just knew PIT would win in the end.