Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 14, 2017

King Hippo

King Hippo

Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan.Also a proud fookin’ Evertonian.Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child.[Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
King Hippo

Week 14 had snow angels.  Huzzah.

Without question, Humps at Bills was the Match of the Day, just for the optics.  It was beautiful anarchy.  Jacoby Brissett led a late, 50-play scoring drive and looked to have won the game 8-7, but OPI forced them to try an NFL first for me – a desperation extra point kick.  Somehow, Vinateri made it (a wobbler).  Joe Webb – filling in for the ded J. Peterman – then threw a pickerception that gave Vinateri a chance to win it in regulation from the same spot…but alas, he missed.  Shady won it it with a TD run late in added time, depriving us of a deserved draw.

It was a rough day for terrible QBs, as Savage Garden also got Trent Green’d.  TJ Yates found DeAndre Hopkins in the end zone twice (thank you, Jesus), but the imaginary side still lost at home to those spunky Fightin’ Tomsulas, 26-16.  San Fran has found a legit QB (albeit maybe a wee bit cynical) in Janene Garafalo.

Oh, #ThePauls.  14-point lead, at home, to Brett Fucking Hundley.  Insurmountable?  Hold mah beer.

How would Cincy react to the emotional, savage, home loss to Yinzburgh?  By shitting themselves at home to Bearistocrats!  7-33, have a word.  Even Mike Brown has to see the Marv writing on the wall here, they made Truth Biscuit look competent.

It was Minnesota’s week to be in the NFC catbird’s seat, and Minnesota’s turn to cock it up.  Cam still couldn’t pass effectively, and despite multiple screwups – the Vikes got a 2-pointer to pull within 3 and promptly recovered a Panther fumble inside the 25.  But Minny settled for a wet fart field goal, then gave up a huge running play to set up the decisive TD.

Elisha came back to a standing ovation and the Giants still sucked.  Pokes 30-10.

Fat Stafford entered today’s contest with essentially one hand (not his usual throwing one), and he still threw for nigh 400 yards.  Because Tampa.  Still coughed up a 21-7 lead, needing a Fat Kicker FG in the last 30 seconds to win it.  Nothing else about this was memorable, except Rapey Jameis continuing to play like the overgrown toddler he is.

The Raiders were just fucking awful today and the 26-15 scoreline undersells it.  The AFC West is a shitshow, and the Chefs now shakily go back up top.  Meh.

Joining them?  The Shitty Clippers, who beat the fuck out of the Redacteds, 30-13.  I have nothing else to say about that.

How shitty are my Donks?  So bad they can’t even tank correctly, blitzing the J-E-S-T 23-zip.  Typical Jets-ing.

Tennessee finally ran out of ugly win magick and lost at Birdcano, 12-7.  It was brutal viewing, and Mariota is way out of synch (maybe also hurt).

Even Week Jaguras broke the laws of time and space and played like it was an odd week, spanking the SeaTruthers (aside from two random Q4 plays where they basically just let Paul Richardson run free for TDs) 30-24.  Look out, P*ts, here is your true AFC challenger.

As we await confirmation on just how fucked the Iggles are with Carson Wentz’ knee injury (betting super fucked, but hope not), don’t undersell the fact that Nick Foles beat RRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! on the road, 43-35 (or essentially, 6-0 once he came in – the last 6 of 43 came from a defensive TD on the last second lateral play).  They won’t be Brett Hundley-fucked, at least.  The NFC West, and likely 4 seed, will be on the line in Seattle next week.  Gurley had a great game, but Baby Buster failed to step up in Q4.  Disappointing.

Sunday Night Football force-feeds us MOAR YINZERS, hosting the Ratbirds this time out.  Was waaaaayyyyy more offense-y than usual (in terms of points on scoreboard), though even when the Ratbirds battled back you just knew PIT would win in the end.

King Hippo
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]

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Buddy Cole's Alcoholics Eponymous
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Buddy Cole's Alcoholics Eponymous

I had fallen asleep before the late games yesterday, and when I woke up I saw the Jets did likewise.

Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

Due to SoCal wildfires I have no internet at home and no internet at work.

How did I post this? POSITIVE VIBES, MAN

Game Time Decision
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Game Time Decision

fax?

Game Time Decision
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Game Time Decision

carrier pigeon

Game Time Decision
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Game Time Decision

semaphore

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I know what that is but if I didn’t I’d think it was something that had been discovered in the Tampa Bay locker room.

Game Time Decision
Member
Game Time Decision

if it could comminute, that would make it smarter than anyone in that locker room.

Game Time Decision
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Game Time Decision

telephone game

monty this seems strange to me
Member

Brick’s current connection:
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Don T
Member

Mariota has looked bad, but he’s still The Guy. For me, anyway; he’s too young, talented, hardworking, and accountable for prisoner of the moment taeks.. Tits fans right now are, like, 15% let’s draft a franchise QB, 30% it’s Mularkey’s fault, and 75% tar and feather OC Terry Robiskie. I just want Derrick Henry TO HAVE AT LEAST DOUBLE DIGIT CARRIES EVERY FUCKING GAME WHY IS IT OTHERWISE. Fuck!

Yeah, the offense is broken now, but TEN can thread more fugly wins for a postseason run. Maybe even win the South and become the Leicester City Titans.

monty this seems strange to me
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litre_cola
Member

Foles will just be fine it had been foretold in the DFO chronicles

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Hey, local Chicago papers tell me this was proof Trubisky is the long term answer, and they’re never wrong.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
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monty this seems strange to me
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@chicagotribune is #FakeNews. Sad!

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Footballs sucks. Yes, I do have a bah humbug up my ass, why do you ask?

Now I have to go put the outdoor Xmas lights up.
Bah Humbug the shit outta that, too.

Viva La Tabula Raza
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Viva La Tabula Raza

This time of year makes it easy for me to give folks directions to my house. “Just come on down till you see the only house on the street with no decorations.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I know how you feel. With the injury to Carson Wentz dashing the Eagles’ hopes and what looks to be the collapse of Pittsburgh’s defense, it’s feeling like New England is going to coast to *another* fucking Super Bowl win. All I have left is to root for Cleveland to go winless and even that feels dubious with them facing the Bearistocrats! soon.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

I turned off the footballing in despair that my FF season had ended with Bitchin’ Kamara’s head owie and my opponent having the wisdom to start Lesean McCoy, who is apparently a yeti.

Logged on this morning to see that Bell got me 35 points and I am now VERY interested in how Cooks and Gostkowski do tonight against Miami. God help me, but GO PATS!!!

Game Time Decision
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Game Time Decision

i need Cooks and Gostkowski to do well tonight as well. If i win, i think i’ll make playoffs.
/Go Pats!?!
// confused boner

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

The answer is never Go Pats.

This comnent is not influenced at all by the fact I’m the one you’re playing against in this particular matchup.

laserguru
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My team scored 166 points. While on a bye.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

The Raiders offense is so shitty they were only able to score garbage time points against a Kansas City defense that was so shitty they gave up 38 points to a shitty Jets offense that went scoreless this week.

blaxabbath
Member

It seems that the AFC West, which was the preseason ‘It’ has actually turned out to be some regular season….shit.

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THANKYOU!

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Once again, RAMMIT were in a close game with a good team and couldn’t come up with a big play let alone a first down. They are just not ready.

Also, the crowd was listed at 67K and the stadium looked significantly fuller than games where the crowd was announced at 61K. Which means those earlier attendances were closer to 45-50K.

blaxabbath
Member

Jags, Rams, Chargers…

Yeah, ANYONE is gonna want to watch this post season.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Only the Jaguras will make it to the postseason.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Member

My liver requires this statement to be true.

scotchnaut
Member

/Giants Fans

Start of Game: “Yay!”

After First Series: “Light Grumbling.”

After Eli Misses His 2nd Wide-Open Receiver: “Ya Bum! Wadda Ya Doing Out There?”

blaxabbath
Member

As I thumbed through highlights, i also got the impression that, even with Eli was in target, NYG equipment staff appear to have replaced those Nike Stick-Um gloves that show the team logo across the palms if you make a Diamond Dallas Page sign with novelty HULK SMASH costume fists covered with JPP wrap but so realistically painted that they look like a normal functioning human appendage.

(Because they can’t catch, you see)