4:00 EST UPDATE – By Special Commentist Party Demand….
Bearistocrats! at Fuck Lions (4:30, NFLN)
Technically, this one does count as a varsity contest. The line is down to Fuck Lions -5 (ML +195 FOAR Chi****), so it seems maybe the sharps think it’s somewhat likely Fat Stafford’s hand blows up, and/or the Truth Biscuit will be up fer kissing some homeless tittays? I dunno, expecting the John Fox Bearistocrats! to come good two weeks running – especially after a 33-7 demolition job over the Striped Pylons – seems a little much to this Degenerate gambler. But I didn’t bet this at all, plus I have the Fuck Lion D/ST in my money league fantasy playoffs (waivers locked), so jinx factors are a heavy consideration.
Anyhoo, enjoy the precious gift of SATURDAY FOOTBAW.
——————————————————————————————
Yes, the time when one tries to discern for ALMIGHTY GAMBLOR purposes – just which team truly wants this match the least?
N’Awlins Bowl – Troy v. North Texas (1:00, ESPN)
The line (Troy -6.5) may say the opposite, but gimme the points and the vastly superior nickname. Mean Green!! PRO TIP: Am not actually recommending an actual wager on this game, but if ether binging…
Cure Bowl – Western Kentucky v. Georgia State (2:30, CBSSN)
Cure for what? Pre-Saturday NFL nap insomnia? These sides be a combined 12-11, FWIW. Hilltoppers or Sex Panthers (-6.5)? It really depends on your mood at the moment.
Vegas, Baby! Bowl – Boise State v. Oregon (3:30, ABC)
Finally, a fixture between two sides you may have actually seen play already! I have lost several bets against the Quack Attack earlier in the season, but that was before they first year coach left them high and dry for the rapier pastures of Tallahassee. Gimme the not-very-good Smurfs and the points (6.5 again, Hippo smells a conspiracy afoot).
New Mexico Bowl – Colorado State v. Marshall (4:30, ESPN)
Not sure how this particular bowl will survive without Bob Davie and his surrogate ManningFACE. The Rams are a pseudo-real team and only favoured by 3.5 (plus travelling less) so probably would take them here. Marshall ain’t worth a fuck.
Camellia Bowl – Middle Tennessee v. Arkansas State (8:00, ESPN)
Alabama deserves a much better thank you for Senator-elect Doug Muthafuckin’ Jones! than this wet fart of a game. Would blindly guess Arkie State -3.0, though. And y’all owe Hippo an apology for saying I was crazy for steadfastly predicting there were enough good Southern folk of conscience – even in Bama – to make sure that Senator Paedo was a bridge too far.
50-30 is such an unusual final score, even fer JV
ah wud naked her cage!
/with consent obvs
Yeah, she prolly has a bird.
Nicolas will do anything for a paycheck, smgdh
If that’s a catch I’m John Holmes
Nice cock.
Aaaannnd, now we’re back to chickens.
LET’S TALK ABOUT SHARK TANK!!
OH GODDAMMIT HOW DID I NOT NOTICE THAT BEASTIE HAS PRATER?????
(fuck)
“BEASTIE HAS PRATER”
Has been said in a different context……
Ok, we’re gonna need about 25 points out of Jordan Howard today…
WOOOOO THE BEARS AREN’T LOSING THIS SUNDAY! HELL YEAH
*DISCLAIMER: Not a forward looking statement
Lions season is on the line. I feel confident in a Bears victory.
Goody, a side by side of two old biddies that need to die asap.
Combo bet on Boise? Lookin prettay…prettay…good!
Yeah, hating I was a pussy on that one.
If I had any cojones, all $500 would have gone on ML, rather than spreading my risk.
“SPREADING YOUR RISK” MAKES INSERTION LESS PAINFUL.
Thank you. I needed the assist.
There’s a joke there, but I need to hit the vodka first.
um huummmmm.
Just tuned in. Who forgot to texture the Lions?
Shit. I accidentally started Golden Tate in my less important FF league.
Almost as bad as starting Golden Tate in the National Football League
That is some horrific high school garbage on the Lions today
Not even a Colour Rush Thursday, so…is it a Chanukah thang?
Did I hear a presnap Omaha!?
grrrrrrrr I don’t need dem city slickers telling me how to live…. ‘merica!
LOL thats sure is a lot of sugar. why doesn’t he just drink more water?
I can barely make it through one can of diet anything. A dozen can would be like swapping my blood for formaldehyde.
that shit is fucking toxic. Gives me a migraine from hell, as I am uber-sensitive to phony food shite
I’m the exact opposite. So used to diet now, regular drinks with all teh sugar turn my stomach.
You know what’s a bad idea? The Bears giving away yards on dumb penalties.
you coulda put a period after “Bears”
Hehehehehe
Bears can smell periods.
WELL DONE!!!!
And true, too. Ask me how I know.
HR said no ,, smh
Ask me dammit!!!!!!
/pulls pants back up
Great, add them to the #metoo list
Women’s volleyball is very undercovered by the media. It is just fantastic on so many levels.
Cam Talbot not Big OR Tall enough to stop that shot/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4FEn-ZKdDg
super insightful NFL preview added to top of entry. I live to serve needs of the proletariat.
Thanks. Now I get to watch my Bears get humiliated while reading dick jokes.
If it’s any consolation, I’ve got dough riding on them and will be rooting for Lions to die horribly.
Except foar Riddick. I need about 10 FF pts from that loser.
hey, I’m a Donks fan. RESPEK
Q: How do you know you live in the sticks and need to move ASAP?
A: When you’re driving home and you yell “Get out of the road you fucking chickens”…and you’re referring to actual chickens.
Yes, me, 15 minutes ago.
why ain’t you run ’em over, give some lazy fucker free dinner?
Guy that owns them is a Durham City Cop who thinks he shit don’t stink. I’ve had run ins with him before (shocking, I know) and it just seemed easier to not murder his chickens.
There’s a sentence I never thought I’d say.
Someone used to say to quit fucking that one.
Stupid sexy chicken.
Bock Bock??
Haven’t been here for a while, so thought I’d come back and see all the bad things people think about Mitchell the titty-kisser. No more love for the NFL on this site?
sorry, BONUS varsity snippet is being added now
it’s in Revelations ppl!!!
Shabbat Football confuses us. But I’m going to put on my Bears jersey and yell into the void through this medium.
only FOAR like a quarter and a half. THEN ALL BETS ARE OFF, yo
Who has two thumbs and just got carded foar vodka?
….. oooof, that last burrito.
Batgirl makes me want to be a criminal.
I want to lick those abs.
And by lick, I totally mean bite.
I didn’t know you were Marv Albert.
Always get permission first.
That’s the key.
YES!!!!!
(shut up Marv)
There we go, people!
It is good that you can choose how you die.
Bride of Fronkenshteen said “Put on something Christmas-y.” I punted and put on the Charlie Brown Christmas album. Any other suggestions that don’t completely suck?
A green, red, and white banana hammock.
You buncha palookas…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ovi1SKwfyxU
Tool
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrC_o3eXNt4
South Park’s Christmas album
Xmas porn?
Hallmark Channel.
I’m sorry.
I am playing Trollsoharduniversity in a consolation game in one of the DFO ff leagues his starting lineup is a master piece.
D. Orlovsky
Stevie Johnson
Lucky Whitehead
C.J Spiller
James Starks
L Green
John Kuhn
Roberto Aguayo and the Cleveland D.
Ask him if he’s coming back to the site. The world needs more Jets fans who aren’t neanderthals.
What the fuck do you have against Neanderthals?!?!?
Good article. https://www.thedailybeast.com/how-doug-jones-destroyed-roy-moores-whole-shtick-with-one-well-chosen-verb
I especially like the phrase ““Prancing around on a stage in cowboy suit.”
hahaha Elmo knew. Why didn’t we listen to him!!!!
LOL!
No. One. Listened.
Elmo has his own sex scandal,,,ppl forget that
Your point being?
He has got us nailed.
Here Here!
“Are you going to take “ambitious” lying down?”
“Well, yes; I am quite comfortable here watching TV.”
If I was running a brothel I would not have time for you lot.
That is a……. fucking tough job.
Looks like Christian Pulisic did a good….
https://screengrabber.deadspin.com/americas-wonderteen-delivers-89th-minute-match-winner-f-1821355820
https://deadspin.com/vince-mcmahon-may-be-reviving-the-failed-xfl-1821354064
Margo is tired of my posts.
LMFAO.
Today is my last bullshit-free day till after New Year’s. I’m cooking a chicken.
These euphemisms are getting harder and harder to understand
My first read thru, I thought you said you were cooking children.
Frighteningly, I was gonna +1 that.
Snow White and the Seven Roy Moores?
Snow White was ~18+, so I don’t think so. I guess it could be a typical day in the Uber corporate office tho.
So City is just going to obliterate everyone from here on out, no?
Don’t let Dok brainwash you on what to call the Warriors
“Puts da eggnog on de skins!”
thats some robot chicken shit…. very good.
City has got this wrapped up.
League title secured before Xmas. Impressive.
Technically, he’d be buying an ‘I’.
2-nil City
DeBruyner with the sick goal. Nice left.
Pennywise isn’t as tough as he used to be.
/drops mic
//head to the dump
My laptop is running hotter than a supernova. I’m sure that’s fine.
Time to go to the dump and buy vodka.
To be clear, those are two separate errands. Also maybe not in that order.
Well, if you were just being efficient; going to the dump first is prolly the way to go.
It is closer. But I really want some vodka.
Shut up, it’s medicinal.
I’m sick.
Mmmm. Hibernol.
Let’s hope so.
Huh. Not only has Drew brought back Rex Ryan: Greatest Coach Ever™, but RR:GCE™ has a better record than the real Rex has had since 2010.
Made a comment on a Cuse board-“Caitlyn Jenner really likes Cuse’s transition game.”
Deleted in a heartbeat by the mod.
Dutch fucks. (I just realized Orange Men is basically the Dutch national team nickname.)
That type of stuff will fly on the Graceland University boards, but not Syracuse.
LOL what would happen if Trump removed Climate Change as a threat to national security?
The DOD is already ignoring that mandate. I don’t get how their flag-fucking bootlicking soldier worship hasn’t overridden their hatred of science, but here we are.
I’m trying to find the words to agree with a collaboration document comment without turning it into a manifesto.
1-0 still in the man city match
Mason Fine. I guess he had no choice but to be a QB.
I remember when bowl games weren’t allowed to occur before Christmas.
thank fuck that long national nightmare is over
Hoyas up on Cuse 17-12 with 5:46 left in the first.
/damn right it’s ugly
I know who I am rooting for to win the Cure Bowl:
I keep waiting for UNCC to make this one so can make a good “Charlotte Sometimes” pick.
40th anniversary documentary coming up soon!
I want a Robert Smith/Morrissey cage match slap fight to the death.
I’d watch that.
I am interested in going to Hyde Park to see them this summer, they are with Interpol, the Editors and others.
DO YOU LIKE GLOOM??