JV NFL Afternoon – BEHOLD Exhibition Season! (and BONUS Varsity Early Game Coverage)

4:00 EST UPDATE – By Special Commentist Party Demand….

Bearistocrats! at Fuck Lions (4:30, NFLN)

Technically, this one does count as a varsity contest.  The line is down to Fuck Lions -5 (ML +195 FOAR Chi****), so it seems maybe the sharps think it’s somewhat likely Fat Stafford’s hand blows up, and/or the Truth Biscuit will be up fer kissing some homeless tittays?  I dunno, expecting the John Fox Bearistocrats! to come good two weeks running – especially after a 33-7 demolition job over the Striped Pylons – seems a little much to this Degenerate gambler.  But I didn’t bet this at all, plus I have the Fuck Lion D/ST in my money league fantasy playoffs (waivers locked), so jinx factors are a heavy consideration.

Anyhoo, enjoy the precious gift of SATURDAY FOOTBAW.

——————————————————————————————

Yes, the time when one tries to discern for ALMIGHTY GAMBLOR purposes – just which team truly wants this match the least?

N’Awlins Bowl – Troy v. North Texas (1:00, ESPN)

The line (Troy -6.5) may say the opposite, but gimme the points and the vastly superior nickname.  Mean Green!!  PRO TIP: Am not actually recommending an actual wager on this game, but if ether binging…

Cure Bowl – Western Kentucky v. Georgia State (2:30, CBSSN)

Cure for what?  Pre-Saturday NFL nap insomnia?  These sides be a combined 12-11, FWIW.  Hilltoppers or Sex Panthers (-6.5)?  It really depends on your mood at the moment.

Vegas, Baby! Bowl – Boise State v. Oregon (3:30, ABC)

Finally, a fixture between two sides you may have actually seen play already!  I have lost several bets against the Quack Attack earlier in the season, but that was before they first year coach left them high and dry for the rapier pastures of Tallahassee.  Gimme the not-very-good Smurfs and the points (6.5 again, Hippo smells a conspiracy afoot).

New Mexico Bowl – Colorado State v. Marshall (4:30, ESPN)

Not sure how this particular bowl will survive without Bob Davie and his surrogate ManningFACE.  The Rams are a pseudo-real team and only favoured by 3.5 (plus travelling less) so probably would take them here.  Marshall ain’t worth a fuck.

Camellia Bowl – Middle Tennessee v. Arkansas State (8:00, ESPN)

Alabama deserves a much better thank you for Senator-elect Doug Muthafuckin’ Jones! than this wet fart of a game.  Would blindly guess Arkie State -3.0, though.  And y’all owe Hippo an apology for saying I was crazy for steadfastly predicting there were enough good Southern folk of conscience – even in Bama – to make sure that Senator Paedo was a bridge too far.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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rockingdog
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m going to lose a playoff FF game thanks to Ebron outscoring Jordan Howard

And my own stupidity

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog

LOL….. it is peeing

theeWeeBabySeamus

Maybe they’re into it?
– R. Kelley

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

More importantly, it is peeing upstream

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

BING, BING!

rockingdog

So this seems kind of weird……
http://www.inbflat.net/

or cool?

herodotus450

Does this game suck, or does it REALLY suck? I’m not going to do anything so drastic as actually watch it, but I’m just assuming it sucks.

rockingdog

Its ok so far….. TE Ebron just made a nice grab for a TD for Lions.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Moderate suckage

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Shogun Marcus

Of course Marvin decides to show up this week.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Shogun Marcus

Dats da fuck. Got his modulator and everything.

Unsurprised

Just waiting for the Earth-shattering kaboom.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Good job, not Barth!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Bears losing me money.
Theo Riddick costing me pts.

I think it’s time to go eat and then start drankin’.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Francine was extremely 90’s Wrestling Valet

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow. He’s got nice tits.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m sure it sucks to had your ass kicked by a girl, but you have to let it go.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Actually, it’s kinda fun.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Ah fuck.
Please tell me he was down.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nope. I repeat…ah fuck.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog
theeWeeBabySeamus

Hippo…if I ever….and I do mean EVAR…place a bet again in which I must rely on a Carolina grad to win it?
You have permission to kick me in teh nutz.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

This game needs some spicing up

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

First down? Time to run the ball again until it’s third down.

-John Fox

BrettFavresColonoscopy

BLEEERGH doesn’t want us to have any fun

Gratliff

The weekly realization that the Bears are fucking garbage

Shogun Marcus

Sunrise, sunset.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Kinda looking like I might be loading moar $$$ tonight for tomorrow’s bets, huh?
LOL.

At least no Prater FG this time. LMFAO.

Petronel

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Spur

Hola Ladies and Gents.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shit…how did he catch that horrid pass?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

In honor of Cuntler:

Fuck you, Pernell McPhee, you fat pussy

Unsurprised

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Nice throw you fat fuck.
Riddick out of the backfield (wide ass open, btw) for the first down was definitely the wrong choice.

Dick.

Unsurprised

Gfycat says this has 605,600 views.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

And I’ve accounted for only about 500K..honest.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

They didn’t “let” the young guy get in. Glennon played like an autistic paraplegic

Brick Meathook

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Gratliff

As someone who has been stuck unloading trucks alone, that is the correct amount of anger and fuck-giving.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So that’s why shipping from China takes so fucking long.

Gratliff

Lions with the inadvisable strategy of trading field goals for imminent doom.

Shogun Marcus

They HAVE one? Huh.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Kinda mean for the NFL to label this game “Special” just because of the Bears and Lions’ abilities

Brocky

Well fucking retarded would probably be in bad taste

Unsurprised

“You have no idea.”
— Melania Trump

Unsurprised

Hey

BrettFavresColonoscopy

GET THE BALL TO TATE OR THROW A PICK YOU FAT FUCK

theeWeeBabySeamus

Gronk Jr gon’ show ye how it’s done.
/remembers Alex Smith can’t see the number 87

Never mind.

Brocky

Doubt anyone else is watching the Notre dame iu basketball game, but i just wanna remind every one the refs still cheat for the Irish

theeWeeBabySeamus

I think Brey could take him. DON’T DO IT ARCH!!!!!!!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why aren’t you watching our Bears lose?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Another betting regret today.
smgdh

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Every time they mention that streak of Lions games without a 100 yard rusher, even I get a sad for this guy

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Gratliff

It says a lot when guys like Dawkins consider their top pro moment to be tackling you once.

litre_cola

Really looking forward to bartending a rich company’s xmas party tonight. I will update the ridiculousness throughout the night

litre_cola

When I worked at resort hotels, yes, yes I would.

Unsurprised

Oh, man.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Right?

Unsurprised

I just want to get laid.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s overrated.
Trust me.

There’s definitely something to be said for rubbing one out and then realizing you don’t now have to deal with someone else’s bullshit.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Don’t forget to check the coatroom for bad illicit sex!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Two words…

Steal. Booze.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’d really like it if one of those CGI Ford Pintos blew up.
I’m weird that way.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, Titbiscuit doesn’t want me to have money. Obvs.
Carolina shithead.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Maybe Trutitsky is humble because he hasn’t accomplished anything yet.

theeWeeBabySeamus

No AFAM degree?