4:00 EST UPDATE – By Special Commentist Party Demand….
Bearistocrats! at Fuck Lions (4:30, NFLN)
Technically, this one does count as a varsity contest. The line is down to Fuck Lions -5 (ML +195 FOAR Chi****), so it seems maybe the sharps think it’s somewhat likely Fat Stafford’s hand blows up, and/or the Truth Biscuit will be up fer kissing some homeless tittays? I dunno, expecting the John Fox Bearistocrats! to come good two weeks running – especially after a 33-7 demolition job over the Striped Pylons – seems a little much to this Degenerate gambler. But I didn’t bet this at all, plus I have the Fuck Lion D/ST in my money league fantasy playoffs (waivers locked), so jinx factors are a heavy consideration.
Anyhoo, enjoy the precious gift of SATURDAY FOOTBAW.
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Yes, the time when one tries to discern for ALMIGHTY GAMBLOR purposes – just which team truly wants this match the least?
N’Awlins Bowl – Troy v. North Texas (1:00, ESPN)
The line (Troy -6.5) may say the opposite, but gimme the points and the vastly superior nickname. Mean Green!! PRO TIP: Am not actually recommending an actual wager on this game, but if ether binging…
Cure Bowl – Western Kentucky v. Georgia State (2:30, CBSSN)
Cure for what? Pre-Saturday NFL nap insomnia? These sides be a combined 12-11, FWIW. Hilltoppers or Sex Panthers (-6.5)? It really depends on your mood at the moment.
Vegas, Baby! Bowl – Boise State v. Oregon (3:30, ABC)
Finally, a fixture between two sides you may have actually seen play already! I have lost several bets against the Quack Attack earlier in the season, but that was before they first year coach left them high and dry for the rapier pastures of Tallahassee. Gimme the not-very-good Smurfs and the points (6.5 again, Hippo smells a conspiracy afoot).
New Mexico Bowl – Colorado State v. Marshall (4:30, ESPN)
Not sure how this particular bowl will survive without Bob Davie and his surrogate ManningFACE. The Rams are a pseudo-real team and only favoured by 3.5 (plus travelling less) so probably would take them here. Marshall ain’t worth a fuck.
Camellia Bowl – Middle Tennessee v. Arkansas State (8:00, ESPN)
Alabama deserves a much better thank you for Senator-elect Doug Muthafuckin’ Jones! than this wet fart of a game. Would blindly guess Arkie State -3.0, though. And y’all owe Hippo an apology for saying I was crazy for steadfastly predicting there were enough good Southern folk of conscience – even in Bama – to make sure that Senator Paedo was a bridge too far.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YCGFLhrMkk
Boise preventing OR back into the JV match
I’m going to lose a playoff FF game thanks to Ebron outscoring Jordan Howard
And my own stupidity
LOL….. it is peeing
Maybe they’re into it?
– R. Kelley
More importantly, it is peeing upstream
BING, BING!
So this seems kind of weird……
http://www.inbflat.net/
or cool?
Does this game suck, or does it REALLY suck? I’m not going to do anything so drastic as actually watch it, but I’m just assuming it sucks.
Its ok so far….. TE Ebron just made a nice grab for a TD for Lions.
Moderate suckage
still better than other December activities
/other than hanging self ,, obvs
Avoids sack fumbre narrowly, succeeds tossing pickerception. CIRCLE COMPLETE.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=s0ZDpeoyir8
Of course Marvin decides to show up this week.
Dats da fuck. Got his modulator and everything.
Just waiting for the Earth-shattering kaboom.
Good job, not Barth!
Bears losing me money.
Theo Riddick costing me pts.
I think it’s time to go eat and then start drankin’.
Francine was extremely 90’s Wrestling Valet
Wow. He’s got nice tits.
I’m sure it sucks to had your ass kicked by a girl, but you have to let it go.
Actually, it’s kinda fun.
Ah fuck.
Please tell me he was down.
Nope. I repeat…ah fuck.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybsGP_OlTRw
Hippo…if I ever….and I do mean EVAR…place a bet again in which I must rely on a Carolina grad to win it?
You have permission to kick me in teh nutz.
This game needs some spicing up
Some coaches would go for it here.
stupid Fuck Lions. No pressure at all.
First down? Time to run the ball again until it’s third down.
-John Fox
down 13-zip is indeed best time to establish the run
#FoxBall
BLEEERGH doesn’t want us to have any fun
merciful BLEERGH
The weekly realization that the Bears are fucking garbage
Sunrise, sunset.
Kinda looking like I might be loading moar $$$ tonight for tomorrow’s bets, huh?
LOL.
At least no Prater FG this time. LMFAO.
Hola Ladies and Gents.
Holy shit…how did he catch that horrid pass?
In honor of Cuntler:
Fuck you, Pernell McPhee, you fat pussy
Nice throw you fat fuck.
Riddick out of the backfield (wide ass open, btw) for the first down was definitely the wrong choice.
Dick.
Gfycat says this has 605,600 views.
And I’ve accounted for only about 500K..honest.
They didn’t “let” the young guy get in. Glennon played like an autistic paraplegic
As someone who has been stuck unloading trucks alone, that is the correct amount of anger and fuck-giving.
So that’s why shipping from China takes so fucking long.
aaaaaannnnnnddddd now I am glad I hedged my Boise bet a little. CHRIST
Lions with the inadvisable strategy of trading field goals for imminent doom.
They HAVE one? Huh.
Kinda mean for the NFL to label this game “Special” just because of the Bears and Lions’ abilities
Well fucking retarded would probably be in bad taste
“You have no idea.”
— Melania Trump
the key to betting bowl games is figuring out who is gonna phone it in.
Exhibit A – 7-pt favourite Oh-RAY-gawne
Hey
GET THE BALL TO TATE OR THROW A PICK YOU FAT FUCK
This will be me in the late fixture wrt Tyreek and the tiny-handed fuck
Gronk Jr gon’ show ye how it’s done.
/remembers Alex Smith can’t see the number 87
Never mind.
Doubt anyone else is watching the Notre dame iu basketball game, but i just wanna remind every one the refs still cheat for the Irish
tell Arch to keep his head up. And fuck Mike Brey
I think Brey could take him. DON’T DO IT ARCH!!!!!!!!
Why aren’t you watching our Bears lose?
he has to multi-task his pain
/State lost to UNC-G today (now 3-59 all-time v ACC foes, first win in 11 tries against us), good thing I wrote the basketball program off until a new AD cleans house
Another betting regret today.
smgdh
Every time they mention that streak of Lions games without a 100 yard rusher, even I get a sad for this guy
That one year Erik Kramer was super good and they made the playoffs for him was so much fucking fun.
It says a lot when guys like Dawkins consider their top pro moment to be tackling you once.
aha, think I finally get it. The all-grey unis are a tribute to mah native South, for rising up against “Judge” Roy Moore.
Again, thank you Alabama
Really looking forward to bartending a rich company’s xmas party tonight. I will update the ridiculousness throughout the night
In the olden days, would you get laid at these?
When I worked at resort hotels, yes, yes I would.
Oh, man.
Litre just might have to become our god?
Right?
I just want to get laid.
It’s overrated.
Trust me.
There’s definitely something to be said for rubbing one out and then realizing you don’t now have to deal with someone else’s bullshit.
Don’t forget to check the coatroom for bad illicit sex!
Two words…
Steal. Booze.
I’d really like it if one of those CGI Ford Pintos blew up.
I’m weird that way.
the punting, it shall be frequent
OK, Titbiscuit doesn’t want me to have money. Obvs.
Carolina shithead.
Maybe Trutitsky is humble because he hasn’t accomplished anything yet.
No AFAM degree?
Swahili minor, at least