Your “Let’s Keep ‘Er Going Fellas” Sunday Afternoon/Morning NFL Football Open Thread

I’ll acknowledge you west-coasters in the lede just this one time and then never again. There’s so much football, basketball and hockey coming out the ying yang, it’s an embarrassment of riches. And I must say that all commenters acquitted themselves quite well all day/night long yesterday. Now it’s time to do it all over again… TO THE GAMES!

Miami/Buffalo:

The non-existent money I have riding on this tilt says that Catler will revert back to one of his earlier, ineffectual lives after a truly wtf? performance last week vs. the Pats. I’ll go further-whoever gets the start between the likes of Taylor, Webb and Peterman will out-shine The Catman.

Baltimore/Cleveland:

The Browns march to the opposite of perfection continues unabated… The Ravens at 7-6 seem to be barely in the playoff race-a-roo but after this week they’ll be murderizing the Colts and Bengals so all is good on the post-season front for them.

Cincinnati/Minnesota:

The Vikes are looking to get back on track after losing to Carolina and that’s why they’re embracing a home date vs. the Bengals so closely to their bosom. Why? The awesome Minny run D faces down a Cincy rushing attack that averages less than 80 ypg. Gulp. So that puts the game in the shaky hands of Mr. Dalton and voila-there’s your Bengals loss exactly as it was drawn up on the Etch-a-Sketch.

New York Jets/New Orleans:

Qb McCown broked his dadgum hand last week. Was it the same dude that stepped on Fatty Stafford’s paw a few weeks ago? Is there a secret “QB Hand-Ruining Cabal” forming in the NFL? The evidence is thin at the moment but that doesn’t stop me from thinking about it day and night. Anyhoo, the Nathan Peterman of the Jets-Bryce Petty-will be playing the part of the sacrificial lamb today.

Philadelphia/New York Giants:

Eagles fans aren’t buying Carson Wentz’s malarkey about his injury being a part of God’s plan. No, they’ve adopted the “Fucking, Suckbagging Shit! Why Does This Happen To Us Every Time?” narrative. Why is it that drooling, alcoholic, racist dickbags can never have nice things? (“hey, I’m painting with broad strokes here-easy now, fellas”) Foles gets the start.

Arizona/Washington:

To be watched for fantasy purposes only. How you managed to get this far with anyone from these two squads on your team is a mystery for the ages. (Says the guy that cacked out last week)

Green Bay/Carolina:

Today’s hagiography is brought to you by the letters “A” and “R” and by the number “1”(man team). Props go out to Brett Hundley who did his best to staunch the bleeding by going a semi-respectable 3-5 while the league’s most valuable clavicle healed itself. As for this game, Andy Reid would say, “There’s a lot of steak here.”

Houston/Jax:

If the Jags win they be in. T.J. Yates has state, “Not if I have anything to say about it!”. So there you have it-the Jags are in.

Fire up your nipples folks, there’s work to do down below.

 

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
669 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Can we get a quick side by side of W-L records for Hue Jackson, John Fox, and Marc Trestman?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Spur

that you Mike Brown? Trying to decide who to hire.

JustStopDude

And now a fucking sack fumble TD for the Ravens…

This fucking team…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Marvin Lewis: My job is on the line, men. Play to save me.
Bengals: LOL Watch this.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He and the team have decided “mutually, to part ways.” according to reports…. so no fucks given I guess.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Just like Alison Brie and I mutually decided not to pursue a sexual relationship

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, the Bengals owner knows Marvin exists.

JustStopDude

I fucking hate Sam Koch.

He has punted the Browns inside of the fucking 5 yard line FIVE GODDAMN TIMES THIS GAME!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, at least one of them donates a metric fuck-ton of money to the Smithsonian. Still doesn’t make up for his overall horribleness though.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well done.

Shogun Marcus

Even dez sez that is NOT catch.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Spur

that was a TD in Carolina?….ok

rockingdog

“my porn screen name is carpal tunnel syndrome,” i utter softly as my date continues to text someone on her cellphone

Spur

Dumb Panthers challenge.

JustStopDude

Every 3rd commercial of the Browns radio coverage is an “Autism Speaks” ad.

Know your base I guess…

theeWeeBabySeamus

I didn’t.
Regerts.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THESE PANTHERS I CALL THEM ALEXEI NIKOLAEVICH BECAUSE THEY ARE GOING TO BLEED OUT ON THE FIELD OF PLAY

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why does the Buffalo play by play announcer sound like Paula Poundstone doing a Marv Albert impression?

Viva La Tabula Raza

You mean it isn’t?

ChemBro001

Ahhh, that’s it! I couldn’t place it.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Thielen blocked like Deion on that one

Unsurprised

So “not at all.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yuuuup

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Celine Dion blocks better.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Come on Fox, ditch this Houston debacle and take us to the Packers game.

Spur

just get a stream from Reddit. you could Cast to your TV

BrettFavresColonoscopy

HDMI cable, dawg

Spur

then it might be time for a new TV, a chromecast allows great flexibility

rockingdog
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Funchess got Funched Up on that one

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OH FUNCH, shouldna funched that gurl.

Spur

of course Funchess drops a TD.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey, know what’d be great?
Funchess holding onto that one. Let’s fire up the time machine!!!!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

If it feels good and doesn’t hurt anybody; ignore what your other dog friends think.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I reckon that dog must be a female; otherwise we’d probably have a glimpse of the lipstick coming out of it’s tube.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

ANDY DALTON! ANDY DALTON!!

Unsurprised

I like the mayor in Godless. She has non tolerance for bullshit. I met few NM politicians like that.

herodotus450

Is it just me or are all these games VERY slow? Some are still at halftime? It’s already 3pm eastern.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ded Packer in Charlotte.

theeWeeBabySeamus

And he’s recovered nicely.

Spur

Davis tried to put a hole in Adams head.

King Hippo

fuck you, Thomas Davis

Spur

haha, fuck you Rodgers.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

TOUCHDOWN SEAHAWKS!!

Unsurprised

Damn.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

moar commercials!!

Spur

i play one game of HOTS and Giants fucked up so quickly?

Horatio Cornblower
Spur

what does H.O.T.S stand for?

Horatio Cornblower

Help Out The Seals, of course.

Horatio Cornblower

OK, off to the gym so I can sit tight for the Pats-Steelers game. Where I can decide between the “alleged” rapist and the cheating guy who’s launching a shady business enterprise based on extremely questionable health advice.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Oh, REDACTEDS. Exactly what you deserve.

Gratliff

lolslurs

rockingdog

cant even catch the big balls rite

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Gratliff

Are…are the Jaguras for real?

King Hippo

YES. They are the only threat to the P*ts in the AFC whatsoever.

rockingdog

more like Furr real.
comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Gratliff

Goddamn, the Texans.

Unsurprised

Indeed

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Exactly! Most people in that state fucking suck.

Redshirt

Browns are out scoring the Bengals. The Browns!

(looks for bleach or sharp objects)

Unsurprised
theeWeeBabySeamus

HEY!!!! HOUSTON!!!!! IF YOU COULD LIKE, YA KNOW, SCORE EVEN ONCE IN THE 2ND HALF IT WOULD REALLY HELP ME OUT K THX.

King Hippo

on hopefully 14 completions to DeAndre Hopkins

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

I’m tellin’ ya, that mutt’s got a vicious streak a mile wide!

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The joys of gaming.

King Hippo

inorite??

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh FFS…. overdoing sterility for cat neutering and of course overcharging for it too.

No wonder people hate vets.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Thus the look of WTF?

I have never had a bad veterinarian and some have gone way above the call of duty.

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s great to hear, sincerely.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

When I was a kid our family vet stayed with my dog, who was poisoned, for about 24 hours until she pulled through.

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, I love our vets, and they’ve killed two of our dogs and one cat so far.

/euthanizing pets sucks so hard.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I bet that is the worst part of the job.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s not the best part, fo’ sho’.

Horatio Cornblower

I am playing for 5th place, despite having the most points in the league this season by a longshot, (which I’m happy to report Yahoo did make fun of me for), because the goddamn Jets couldn’t even get a lousy FG last week against Denver.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It took me awhile to build my roster but I hit a lucky roll midseason.
Then everything went to shit and my season ends today unless Brady and whichever WR I choose (JuJu or Woods) have career days.

Horatio Cornblower

Kamara’s concussion did me in. That and the Jets. Lost by less than ten, which the Broncos D, (nice pull by my opponent, I think Balls), got for the shut out. And Kamara’s on pace for 24 points today.

Could be worse. Yeah Right put up a stunning 166 points last week.

While on a bye.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I have Kamara too, but I can’t say he did me in. My whole team has just sucked the past coupla weeks.

It made Hippo happy, tho. So I can live with it. I like making Hippo happy.

No, not like that.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Succop could also kick like 10x 50+ yarders, but that seems unlikely.
LMFAO.

Unsurprised

Bwuh? Is the city of Houston playing Madden?

Gratliff

Nick Foles only needs 4 more TDs to reenter the NFL HoF

Unsurprised

No! No re-entry without a same-day receipt!

Unsurprised

Oh, yeah. That’s the stuff.

comment image

Doktor Zymm

Gee, it’s almost like the “Southern Gentlemen” concept is full of hateful crap!

Viva La Tabula Raza

“Your name is Toby.”
“My name is Kunta Kinte!”
“TOBY!”
*crack of whip*
most of y’all are probably to young to know the reference.

rockingdog

ROOTS. they did a remake of this last year. 2016….

Viva La Tabula Raza

Guess I’m too old to know about the remake.

Senor Weaselo

We watched it in 5th grade and I borrowed the book. And then never gave it back because graduation.

Viva La Tabula Raza

You must have been in one of those advanced student classes; I didn’t graduate till after 12th grade

rockingdog

Yea this guy is a perv/creep. I bet he stays till after the season ends.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Owners usually do.

King Hippo

Jerral is also undoubtedly not alone, nor likely in the minority (pun intended) in these gross aspects

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Both pay….. JJ pays first.

King Hippo

oops, I went all subconscious there, lumping ol’ Double-J with Mistuh Richardson

Unsurprised

I need another Donald Sterling shitcanning.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ll bet those settlements were about 3/5 what they could have gotten from anyone other than Richardson.

Horatio Cornblower

I almost added an “obligatory” to it.

Redshirt

What happened in Phi-NYG?

King Hippo

the Giants happened

Gratliff

INT with a long return, followed by a blocked punt, and the Eagles get back to back drives within the 30

Horatio Cornblower

Eli Manning quite frankly isn’t a good QB anymore.

Horatio Cornblower

Or, as Eli would call it, a Sun owie.

rockingdog

FIRE keeps everyone warm!!!!!!!
TD eagles!!!!!!!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Was hoping that was dreidel

Unsurprised

Fuck.

Gratliff

That was a very shortlived Giants rout

the Alpha and the Amoeba

I’m a Packers fan. I love Rodgers.

But for the LOVE OF GOD I wish the announcers would stop jerking themselves off about him coming back from injury. He doesn’t have shit on Favre when it comes to that.

Doktor Zymm

LOOKIT HIM WITH HIS NORMAL HEALING FACTOR

the Alpha and the Amoeba

MAH GOD HIS OSTEOBLASTS MUST HAVE BEEN WORKING OVERTIME!!! NO DOUBT HE’S BEEN GIVING THEM PEP TALKS!

King Hippo

Perhaps the best aspect of RedZone is that it minimizes one’s exposure to NARRATIVE

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Brett Favre can get fucked

Doktor Zymm

Football is a silly sport

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s one word for it, I suppose.

Redshirt

Safety is a near certainty

Unsurprised

The NFL seems pretty goddamn intent on ensuring there is zero safety left.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The Bills in the playoffs strikes me as hilarious

the Alpha and the Amoeba

If you think it’s funny, just imagine how much the Patriots players will be giggling if they ever face them in the postseason

King Hippo

Even MOAR hilarious, imagine the Laserface reaction

rockingdog

Block Block Block!!!!!!! eagles with great field position