Your “3 Games But Only 1 Really Counts” NFL Football Open Thread

Is everything going to plan? I hope you and yours (if you’ve got a ‘yours’-I didn’t for the longest time and it was a mixed blessing) have got your shit together and are in the home stretch as far as getting organmazized. I only just now figured out that there’s no nighter tonight due to the double-header on tap tomorrow. I’ll not likely be able to catch the first one-I’ll be chained to a stove cooking my buttocks off or chained to a boring conversation having my ear chewed off. (“Do you know Fred Sassafrass? No? Let me tell you some juicy gossip about him anyway.”) I DON’T CARE! Guh. It’s the same damn thing every time. Are  the in-laws happy for someone when they do well for themselves? That would balance things out a bit. But no, that never happens. Forget about this silly tangent of mine. TO THE GAMES!

Jacksonville/San Fran:

Both have won 4 of their last 5 so it’s a bit interesting but not all that much. It’s good to see that there is life in the Niners after the acquisition of The World According to Janine Garoppolo. He’s been hitting at a 69% rate and will likely end up being the team leader in throwing yards having started a measely five whole games! He might end up being what Jerry Richardson calls “one of the good ones” but for now he’s simply hopped over a very low bar.

Seattle/Dallas: 

YAY! The “FEED ME” gesture is back and ready to make this cranky old fart toss something towards the TV tube. (not that close-she’s a beauty) With Atlanta crapping all over the field as of 3:48 EST, this game looks like a “separating the wheat from the chaff” type game. That excellent Seahawks run D you’ve heard about over the years gave up almost 250 yards vs. the Rammers last week. Oof.

New York Giants/Arizona:

Many have said that… Blech! Why bother? You’re not watching this travesty unfold.

Game on, Frenchy!

 

 

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Unsurprised
hippofant

What, how is that bed so big? Where would one even get a bed so big? How would they get the mattress through a door? So many questions, so little of Britta’s ass.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Maybe she’s just really tiny.

theeWeeBabySeamus

She’s tiny and sturdy.
Best combo.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Time to get niece’s things loaded up and her the hell outta here for the night.
Then….

Heavy alcohol consumption. Followed by not having to be a responsible adult.

Catch ya’s a li’l later.

WCS

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Unsurprised

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rockingdog

Scott Hansen with the crazy christmas suit!
oh my!
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Unsurprised

Announcer: “Cardinals are eating the clock.”

… Fuck …

Romonobyl

Did it half to be against Pete Carrol? The only thing worse would be…shudder…Darth Hoodie.
I recorded the game to watch later, caught the end live so I’m deleting that shit. Just as well, get it over with.

King Hippo

After TD, onside kick, TD, with 3 timeouts left…they give the goddamned match away with an after the play head butt.

Unsurprised

Computer, sum up the NFL in 2017.

rockingdog

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theeWeeBabySeamus

da Fuq? a Bortlesgood while I was eating dinner?
Whuddid I miss?

rockingdog

hahahahaha
Doink!
NFL should make a new rule where you get some points if the ball hits the goal post on a FG try….

King Hippo

methinks it should be at least a rouge.

Spur

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Spur

Am getting ready for dinner. Merry Christmas folks. Have a great holiday.
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Viva La Tabula Raza

I can hear the rending of garments and the gnashing of teeth from the DFW Metroplex clearly even down here in San Antonio.

Romonobyl

Keep going south.

Unsurprised

The fans in Mexico are also pretty pissed, so he’d just get it in stereo.

WCS

SHANK’LOR GIVETH, SHANK’LOR TAKETH

Petronel

Dammit Boyz. One job.

Spur

It’s over. offense and coaching fucked over the team. Double J needs to clean house on staff.

ballsofsteelandfury

He really does or else the Ginger will waste Zeke.

King Hippo

Jeebus, Bailey missed again. And Jaguras missed their XP. They still have all 3 timeouts, BTW, 1:50 left.

King Hippo

OMFG, fucking Troy gets it.

King Hippo

DAL should kick. RIGHT NOW.

rockingdog

just checked the Giants score….
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Spur

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King Hippo

Once one is in FG range down 2 scores, one should kick the FG (under 2:00)

rockingdog

Matt Barkley! dude he should get some Grabage minutes!

Unsurprised

He’s still playing? In the NFL?

King Hippo

UNIONS ,, amirite??

Unsurprised

SMDH

King Hippo

poor clock management by DAK! there

WCS

PROGRAMMING ALERT:

I will live-brogging Die Hard around 12:30 EST time.

ballsofsteelandfury

Here?

WCS

Indeed.

ballsofsteelandfury

Sweet! Does it have its own post?

WCS

No, I’m not doing that. I’m just taking over the night thread. It’s not like anything else will be going on by that point.

ballsofsteelandfury

You’re taking over this thread because I don’t think there’s a night thread…

WCS

Well, that works, too. Again, Hawaii Bowl, and then…

Anyway, I’ll be back after 23:00 Mass to experience Christmas’ greatest film.

Doktor Zymm

Why do people insist on putting chocolate on all desserts? That pistachio creme? That mango mousse? Both delicious before they were ruined by layering in chocolate

Unsurprised

People suck.

Spur

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Unsurprised

ACAB

King Hippo

#1 onside kick, GOOD

Unsurprised

I can’t get into bloody maries. Just add more vodka and ditch the rest.

Spur

once this becomes official it’s Spurs season. Also RAMMMMMMMMMMITTTTTTT and go Jags!

Spur

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

A third DAK INT would be helpful for me today

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s funny Troy said that to Pete’s face.

ballsofsteelandfury

“Yeah, Pete, in my day, we didn’t fuck up Super Bowls by throwing from the 2.”

King Hippo

two onside kicks, Jaguras right back in this mofo

Unsurprised

JAX-SF: If there’s a chance for both teams to lose, they will.

rockingdog

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Spur

Zeke falls forward for three yards a play. do that on two downs and you get a TD. Stupid fucking coaches.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

TFW you see a guy in a Walter Payton jersey and think about saying Go Bears in solidarity and then his beard makes you wonder if he’s wearing it ironically and then you’re pretty confident in that supposition when you see his lady friend is wearing a wolf howling at the moon t-shirt

Unsurprised

Then you tell him to eat shit for wearing that ironically because he’s a wimp.

Doktor Zymm

Wow, people wear Sweetness jerseys ironically now? A cutler jersey or something I could get, but that’s a tad fucked up

Spur

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King Hippo

now BRITA is perfect for yoga pants!

ballsofsteelandfury

Ginger throwing away timeouts like they’re brown bananas.

Doktor Zymm

Are you saying he should freeze and or make quick bread out of those timeouts?

ballsofsteelandfury

Bread is always a great option.

Spur

it’s time to hate drink!

Fronkenshteen

Way a fucking head of you.

King Hippo

Head Truther being a moe-ron here. The clock is your BFF

litre_cola

But steel doesn’t bend at that temp.

Spur

you have an All Pro running back. a “fresh” all pro running back. and you throw the ball. Does RAMMMIIITTTTTTT or the Jags do that?

ballsofsteelandfury

Ironic that they did that against Seattle, of all teams…

Fronkenshteen

Or LAC, or Buff, or Pitt, or THE FUCKING JETS?!?!!?!?!?

Spur

yep. that’s all on the Coaching staff.
Double J needs to die and sell to Carlos Slim

rockingdog

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hahahaha
Dallas is really farting this one away

King Hippo

oh my (RIP)

Spur

yes boo, boo all night. RUN THE BALL

ballsofsteelandfury

Seriously, when the fuck is Jerrah getting rid of the Ginger?

litre_cola

Replace him with Lewis and watch the taek storm.

ballsofsteelandfury

Gruden? Cowher?

Fronkenshteen

Marvin?!

Unsurprised

Joe (RIP)

Doktor Zymm

If you had told me at pretty much any point in the past few years that jacksonville – niners would be a good game I would have laughed in your face. I apologize to hypothetical past you

Petronel

In previous seasons, it might have been a “good” game in the “both teams suck so badly that the game should be somewhat competitive” sense.

Doktor Zymm

True, though they’ve been slightly out of synch with their shittiness, and it’s even weirder right now since there are Jagura playoff implications possible

Spur

great now they have to throw it. dumb fucks