2017 Quotables – Week 16 (Submissions)

blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

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Let me start off this week by saying that there is no buttception gif. I saw it, I got it, but then I realized that, in the NFL, butt stuff is only funny when it’s tragic. Maybe if the pass had hit the receiver in the derrière, knocking him to the ground (where his wrist shattered), and THEN the pass had been intercepted via ass. But, as is, there’s a reason we lean on screaming coaches, gruesome injuries, and fans here at Quotables.

Sorry to get all Young Sheldon about this. Guess I’m just an analytics guy.

Anyways, I’m gonna keep this short today. We hosted Christmas yesterday and I am still exhausted AF. To all my relatives who are “excited to see what we do next year” — hope you like vacant houses and me being on an island where I am not cooking, not cleaning, and not hearing grumbles about why NFL ratings are down (uhhhh, why buy the cow when you can get the Quotables milk for free?).

So be merry and get to it. Here are your Week 16 submissions.


Why am I 100% sure Steelers Santa has never stepped foot in Pittsburgh?

How much does Chris Long charge kids to attend his camp and hear some washed-up D2 line coach yell at the linemen to play through the whistle?

I feel like this is the Packers-equivalent of that perpetual gif of the Miami Dolphins logo.

My favorite thing about this submission is how prominent the NFL logo is. There’s no distancing league offices from this play!

No team comes close to the Chargers in terms of putting kickers on Quotables. That is probably not a good thing either.

In the NFL, it’s a fine line — or even no line — between division champions and bumbling lackeys covered in BBQ sauce who can’t make a tackle at home.

This is exactly why they should not have live pricing for crab leg futures on the scoreboard during games.

Guys gotta have that internal clock. Either get down or remember you’re on the Browns.

Bonus Blax Bitterness: I actually found this submission as a candidate for Cardinals defensive play of the year.

 

blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.

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2017 Quotables – Week 16 (Results) – [DOOR FLIES OPEN]
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[…] I gotta stop making bad dick jokes.  All of this week’s submissions here. […]

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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“Oh, I’m sorry. Fox News had me convinced you were here to take my guns away and impose Sharia law.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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HOLDER: See all those zeroes up on the scoreboard there?

KICKER: Yup.

HOLDER: Don’t aim towards any of them.

KICKER: Got it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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There’s only one receiver in the league who could get high enough to catch this ball, and his name is Josh Gordon.

LemonJello
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LemonJello

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In Eli’s defense, he had disobeyed Olivia and watched Carrie the night before and thought those players coming at him were covered in “icky girl-blood.”

LemonJello
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LemonJello

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Someone just wants a hug and a “Good job, son” from his dad…

LemonJello
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LemonJello

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/BOLTMAN cums

LemonJello
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LemonJello

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Usually Bears are more territorial about other creatures shitting in their domain.

LemonJello
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LemonJello

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“You uncouth swine! You varlet! I shall not stand idly by while you besmirch this fine organization and the assembled constituents with crass language and insinuations that besmirch the the familial honor that is at the core of being a Buccaneer!”

LemonJello
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LemonJello

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THESE JETS I CALL DAVIS-MONTHAN AFB BECAUSE THEY’RE ALL USELESS, OUTDATED AND SHOULD BE RETIRED TO THE BONEYARD.

LemonJello
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LemonJello

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“If you don’t move while the camera’s on you, they won’t know they caught you masturbating.”

Enrico Pallazzo
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Jameis, please don’t assault your lawyer.

Enrico Pallazzo
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Game Time Decision
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Game Time Decision

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Someone must have told him that hitting the “O” on the scoreboard would win the game

BrettFavresColonoscopy
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This Jets offense makes Joe Namath roll over in his grave

BrettFavresColonoscopy
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I haven’t seen a Chief create a hole that big since Jovan Belcher!

BrettFavresColonoscopy
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Chris Long: Just another white guy running away from the action in South Philly

BrettFavresColonoscopy
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“Nailed it.”

–Blair Walsh

BrettFavresColonoscopy
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Still better pursuit than Chris Conte

Game Time Decision
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Game Time Decision

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This is karma for the khunt TD against Dallas

Game Time Decision
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Game Time Decision

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Love that the old Santa has a mustard stain

Game Time Decision
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Game Time Decision

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Pictured here is Trent Green’S dad

BrettFavresColonoscopy
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Even Josh Gordon’s weed ain’t strong enough for this shit

BrettFavresColonoscopy
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“Call the home! I got a suitor for mom…”

-Michael McCaskey

Viva La Tabula Raza
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Viva La Tabula Raza

Don’t know how to post the gif from above. Jets QB overthrowing receiver:
Belichick: C’mon, Patricia, let’s get some film time in for next week’s opponent. *watches this play* Fuck it, take the week off. It’s the holidays.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo
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CONTROLLER DISCONNECTED

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Bowles: “Hackenberg, you could learn something from that. At least he kept it in the same ZIP code!”

SonOfSpam
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This kick may not have made it between NFL uprights, but it was close enough to get Mrs. Rivers pregnant.

SonOfSpam
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There’s only one white guy who sneaks around Pittsburgh and delivers unexpected surprises in boxes.

monty this seems strange to me
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Either get down or remember you’re on the Browns.

#12 remembered pretty quickly he was on the Browns.

monty this seems strange to me
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Eli quickly surveyed the field and found zero fucks to give about where this pass ends up.

King Hippo
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Remember, this is the side ESPN remains utterly convinced nobody in the AFC wants to have to face in the playoffs.

monty this seems strange to me
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It’s good to have the Santas back in the stadiums after Obama had them banned for so long.

theeWeeBabySeamus
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Hey, is that a white girl on the field!?!? Ooops, nope, just McCaffrey.

King Hippo
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I mean, he saw panties and instinct just kicked in ,, smh

ballsofsteelandfury
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Jameis does NOT like tan suits!