Let me start off this week by saying that there is no buttception gif. I saw it, I got it, but then I realized that, in the NFL, butt stuff is only funny when it’s tragic. Maybe if the pass had hit the receiver in the derrière, knocking him to the ground (where his wrist shattered), and THEN the pass had been intercepted via ass. But, as is, there’s a reason we lean on screaming coaches, gruesome injuries, and fans here at Quotables.
Sorry to get all Young Sheldon about this. Guess I’m just an analytics guy.
Anyways, I’m gonna keep this short today. We hosted Christmas yesterday and I am still exhausted AF. To all my relatives who are “excited to see what we do next year” — hope you like vacant houses and me being on an island where I am not cooking, not cleaning, and not hearing grumbles about why NFL ratings are down (uhhhh, why buy the cow when you can get the Quotables milk for free?).
So be merry and get to it. Here are your Week 16 submissions.
[…] I gotta stop making bad dick jokes. All of this week’s submissions here. […]
“Oh, I’m sorry. Fox News had me convinced you were here to take my guns away and impose Sharia law.”
HOLDER: See all those zeroes up on the scoreboard there?
KICKER: Yup.
HOLDER: Don’t aim towards any of them.
KICKER: Got it.
There’s only one receiver in the league who could get high enough to catch this ball, and his name is Josh Gordon.
In Eli’s defense, he had disobeyed Olivia and watched Carrie the night before and thought those players coming at him were covered in “icky girl-blood.”
Someone just wants a hug and a “Good job, son” from his dad…
/BOLTMAN cums
Usually Bears are more territorial about other creatures shitting in their domain.
“You uncouth swine! You varlet! I shall not stand idly by while you besmirch this fine organization and the assembled constituents with crass language and insinuations that besmirch the the familial honor that is at the core of being a Buccaneer!”
THESE JETS I CALL DAVIS-MONTHAN AFB BECAUSE THEY’RE ALL USELESS, OUTDATED AND SHOULD BE RETIRED TO THE BONEYARD.
“If you don’t move while the camera’s on you, they won’t know they caught you masturbating.”
Jameis, please don’t assault your lawyer.
https://i1.wp.com/doorfliesopen.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/ezgif.com-optimize-4-2
Jameis, please don’t assault your lawyer.
Someone must have told him that hitting the “O” on the scoreboard would win the game
This Jets offense makes Joe Namath roll over in his grave
I haven’t seen a Chief create a hole that big since Jovan Belcher!
Chris Long: Just another white guy running away from the action in South Philly
“Nailed it.”
–Blair Walsh
Still better pursuit than Chris Conte
This is karma for the khunt TD against Dallas
Love that the old Santa has a mustard stain
Pictured here is Trent Green’S dad
Even Josh Gordon’s weed ain’t strong enough for this shit
“Call the home! I got a suitor for mom…”
-Michael McCaskey
Don’t know how to post the gif from above. Jets QB overthrowing receiver:
Belichick: C’mon, Patricia, let’s get some film time in for next week’s opponent. *watches this play* Fuck it, take the week off. It’s the holidays.
CONTROLLER DISCONNECTED
Bowles: “Hackenberg, you could learn something from that. At least he kept it in the same ZIP code!”
This kick may not have made it between NFL uprights, but it was close enough to get Mrs. Rivers pregnant.
There’s only one white guy who sneaks around Pittsburgh and delivers unexpected surprises in boxes.
Either get down or remember you’re on the Browns.
#12 remembered pretty quickly he was on the Browns.
Eli quickly surveyed the field and found zero fucks to give about where this pass ends up.
Remember, this is the side ESPN remains utterly convinced nobody in the AFC wants to have to face in the playoffs.
It’s good to have the Santas back in the stadiums after Obama had them banned for so long.
Hey, is that a white girl on the field!?!? Ooops, nope, just McCaffrey.
I mean, he saw panties and instinct just kicked in ,, smh
Jameis does NOT like tan suits!