Are you footballed out yet? If you are this site is no place for you. Gird your pyjama bottoms, eat some processed sugar product, find some caffeine, (have you tried that coffee enema yet? Maybe now’s the time) get rid of the family and lock the doors. You’ve got some watchin’ to do! TO THE GAMES!
Chicago/Minnesota:
When Minny wins (are you saying there’s another possible outcome?) they will have earned a first round playoff break. John Fox’s 14-34 record as coach of the Bears will be Exhibit A when his firing is announced tomorrow.
Cleveland/Pittsburgh:
Looks like them Steelers are without Antonio and that Ben and Bell will be pulled early if they play at all. Once again, if your fantasy league plays its champeenship on week 17, you’re a schlmiel.
Dallas/Philadelphia:
The Cowboys playoff aspirations went down last week vs the Seahawks and all the haters (myself included) were sated temporarily. If they can just pull off another loss today Jason Garrett will achieve the 8-8 record his coaching ability deserves.
New York Jets/New England:
The Jetskis are going to roll over like a puppy that wants its belly scratched. The Pats, like the kid that is a nascent psychopath, will see this gesture and respond by “punching that fucking puppy right in the goddamn face!”.
Green Bay/Detroit:
Turn off the lamp Jim Caldwell, the party’s over.
Washington/New York Giants:
Eli might be putting his helmet on backwards for the last time as a Giant today. At least he’s got that 3 game starting streak to brag about. A D that has given up 378 points so far will be without starters Collins, Jenkins and a certain cancerous Apple. Take the over, Hippo.
Houston/Indianapolis:
The Texans have no choice but to start TJ “19 of 47” Yates today. Watch this one for the intercepts and giggles.
Give me that thing you got down below. (I’ve had my shots)
#ThePauls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dallas vs Philly 9 punts in the first half!
0-0!
catch the fever!
it has mos def pulled ahead in the shitshow contest
Chlamydia would be more appealing right now.
Does she have that perfect combination of low expectations and Daddy issues??
She needs a ride tho.
“It took a bit of time, but she eventually realized that cars aren’t turned on the same way men are.”
Need to close the boot then.
Another point in the “Move your ass to California already!!!!” column.
Me: Hey…
Her: …
Me: Did you know that only a single game in NFL history has ended with one team scoring four poin–hey… where are you going?
but the ONE TIME that sparks interest will be PURE MAGICK
I’m going to go with a FG plus a blocked extra point returned and dropkicked for 1 the other way a la Aussie Rules. If that’s not possible then it should be.
Are… are they trying to squeeze her into a child’s swimsuit?
More of a teenagers size I guess; aerodynamic.
Embrace the Scorigami.
https://scorigami.herokuapp.com/
FYI: The most common final score in NFL history is 20-17.
I’m in the mood for a beverage, preferably something that was the result of the miracle of fermentation.
Romo is making weird noises today….
The second-hand neck actuator he got from Peyton acts up on cold days.
Case Keenum being a legit quarterback is another sign this is the darkest timeline
.
Dang-wish I had access to Pitt/Cle.
So did Capone.
http://www.buffstream.com/watch/nfl-3.php
try that….
We need more safeties. Safeties increase the chances of GLORIOUS SCORIGAMI!
Is 18-7 one?
It is not.
What are the odds of another safety here? 50/50?
I still cover at 7-18, so knock yourselves out!
Hard to believe I was nervous about this Dallas team punching the Eagles in the mouth even without Zeke in the middle of the season.
Good to see ENRON making another go at it.
Trump’s planned end-state for the EPA.
Boss: “I need that report first thing tomorrow!”
Guy: “Really? Can’t you see I’m swamped?”
ding ding!!
Guess the swamp still needs draining
Everyone Hates #ThePauls
In honor of Hippo, I’m having an Odell Isolation Ale
Pey-Pey SINGS!!
Ne-ver-Leave-Your-House-A-gain!!
How did the Giants get 15 points? Was it a Kickstarter donation?
GOFUNDME.
#ThePauls are on FIRE!!!
Daisy likes this +1
We have a barrel-maker down! (Figure it out)
Cooper??
That would even make the president of PETA rethink his priorities.
Steelers to Browns:
/revision/latest?cb=20160127042310
Ronde Barber sounds like he’s having an on-air stroke. A slow and lingering but still massive stroke.
“Oh sure, no one bats a eye at that.”
-K. Winslow, Jr.
Goddamn it, you beat me to it.
Yeah, that went off quicker than expected.
DAL/PHI is giving us exactly what we deserve.
Dunno if you’ve noticed this, but Truth Biscuit is kinda stupid.
Oh, Truth Biscuit. That should be at least one safety
lol safety
Dowell Loggains is the Messina of playcalling
So I think its pretty obvious…the defense wants Hue gone…the offense wants Hue gone…the officials want Hue gone.
Why is Hue still around?
works for food?
Dirt on the Haslems?
shitty PI call
specifically, WR came back and created all the contact
“Looked like there was a big hole there but it closed up quickly”
What are things I said on prom night for $400, Alex?
Title; “HARF”
Impressive job of not including a single interesting game in the 1 pm slot
stupid goddamned #ThePauls
I just handed the remote over in the middle of a game, hereby bringing an official end to my interest in the 2017-2018 NFL season.
What are my TV choices this morning?
NYJ-NE in a deep freeze
CHI-MIN in a building (it would be better if it was outside in the cold)
PBA Bowling with a guy with a big ‘fro
Joe Dirt On Comedy Central. This is a love-hate movie: some people hate it, but I love it. Yes, I am a Joe Dirt-loving type of person so sue me although I honestly don’t know what the grounds of that suit would be if you hope win a settlement of any kind.
Property Brothers: Man those two guys need a beating.
Ski Jumping! I hate it when they land successfully. Damn you Jim McKay! Wait I turned it on and they’re showing X-Country skiing. WTF?
Soccer? Nope.
Golden Girls Marathon on TBS: I’ll call my mom and we can watch it together over the phone.
Or I could switch the TV to antenna and surf between all the strange Korean and Vietnamese channels. I don’t care.
I’d like one of these.
?itemid=5663304
Beer with a beer chaser. I’m in.
Looks like a Wade Boggs flight.
Bowling
I got one episode left of The Grand Tour to watch, might just make that happen.
“No. Fucking. Way.”
– B. Parcells
Lions do a good! Golladay TD!
GAMBLOR backdoor (no homo) y’all!!!!
Bears did a good.
They fired Foxy already?
supposedly ded man Foxballin’
I’m guessing the McCaskeys aren’t even going to pay for his plane ticket home. Not to make a point or anything, but because they’re just cheap.
Same reason the players might have to take a bus back from Minneapolis.
I’m torn…I want the Browns to win…but a win will be justification by Haslam to keep Hue for another three year deal.
Blow it all up.
At least with a loss you get a parade!
perfect solution – A DRAW
Haslam would use that as an excuse to give Hue a two year extension.
Glad to see Zeke feasting on these backup eagles defenders to the tune of 1.125 YPC
How does he do the “feed me” motion while holding a bag of dicks?
Brady to Amendola: “I’m sorry for speaking to you like you were a woman or a negro.”
all’s I know is…I am betting 4 figures on RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!! if they are even money or more favourable odds v. Iggles in the divisional round.
Money line?
as always, depends on the maths in mah head, whether ATS is -105 or -115, etc
GAMBLOR requires being in tune with minor details
???
NOBODY LIEKS A QUITTER SMH
I thought it was a service to help you figure out who to bet on.
Oooh! I just thought of a great bet! If RAMMIT win, twbs can be your butler for a week. If they lose, he’ll be mine!
HA!!! I would probably have to murder him after 3-4 hours, a butler is not in the cards for a 100 scale introvert like me.
What?????? It’s not as if I sniffed your underpants last time.
As far as you know.
“Welcome aboard, Ensign Goodell.”
Nate Sudfeld.
Sounds like the name of the vegetable lasagna guy from seinfeld.
#ThePauls, y’all!!!!!!!
The key to suicide en masse is giving them hope at the end of this season
ok, battery-friendly Commentists – if Sudfeld looks cromulent…do you run with HIM in the RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!! rematch?
YES!
Saving Foles from a battery to the head?
Glad they let Foles hit his baseline performance before sitting him
Shank-the-lor.
This time, unexplained fires are a matter FOAR the courts (Canyanero ,, smh)
I was wrong about JuJu running a free kick back for a touchdown. He got it on a blown coverage instead.