Are you footballed out yet? If you are this site is no place for you. Gird your pyjama bottoms, eat some processed sugar product, find some caffeine, (have you tried that coffee enema yet? Maybe now’s the time) get rid of the family and lock the doors. You’ve got some watchin’ to do! TO THE GAMES!
Chicago/Minnesota:
When Minny wins (are you saying there’s another possible outcome?) they will have earned a first round playoff break. John Fox’s 14-34 record as coach of the Bears will be Exhibit A when his firing is announced tomorrow.
Cleveland/Pittsburgh:
Looks like them Steelers are without Antonio and that Ben and Bell will be pulled early if they play at all. Once again, if your fantasy league plays its champeenship on week 17, you’re a schlmiel.
Dallas/Philadelphia:
The Cowboys playoff aspirations went down last week vs the Seahawks and all the haters (myself included) were sated temporarily. If they can just pull off another loss today Jason Garrett will achieve the 8-8 record his coaching ability deserves.
New York Jets/New England:
The Jetskis are going to roll over like a puppy that wants its belly scratched. The Pats, like the kid that is a nascent psychopath, will see this gesture and respond by “punching that fucking puppy right in the goddamn face!”.
Green Bay/Detroit:
Turn off the lamp Jim Caldwell, the party’s over.
Washington/New York Giants:
Eli might be putting his helmet on backwards for the last time as a Giant today. At least he’s got that 3 game starting streak to brag about. A D that has given up 378 points so far will be without starters Collins, Jenkins and a certain cancerous Apple. Take the over, Hippo.
Houston/Indianapolis:
The Texans have no choice but to start TJ “19 of 47” Yates today. Watch this one for the intercepts and giggles.
Give me that thing you got down below. (I’ve had my shots)
Jest are making things interesting.
It would be wonderful if New England lost home field advantage.
/immediate FUMBRE
LOL
P*ts defense somewhat porous at the moment.
and they fumbled.
THESE JETS I CALL THEM SKINEMAX BECAUSE THEY ALWAYS TEASE BUT NEVER GO ALL THE WAY!
And it merely looks like they’re playing football.
Missed the first quarter of Philly-Dallas. Looks like I picked the best one to skip.
Traitor.
in terms of shitshows, GB/DET might be winning the gold star
At least Cleveland can punt good.
Oh no….wait.
PV = nRT ,, ppl forget that
V=IR
OK Boyle, settle down.
2016 Browns: “Well, we have no where to go but up!”
2017 Browns: “Hold my beer…”
2018 Browns: Thank God Hue is Cincy’s problem now.
If the Browns go 0-16 next year, think they’ll force Haslam out?
I mean, with Hue, continuity is clearly vital
are they really that strategic?
The people of Cleveland need to stop showing up to games.
Doesn’t matter if no one shows up at all since the teams do revenue sharing.
Yeah, but the embarrassment factor for the league might force Haslam out.
The NFL doesn’t care. If they worried about embarrassment, they would be allowing these moronic stadium moves that make no sense.
Remember the whole thing about the Rams and Chargers attendance?
Am gonna miss Eli. i hope the team gets him a ice cream cake.
When he retires I’m going to have him come back to the maturity school as an instructor, just like in Top Gun.
Fudgy the Whale!!
I’m sure Eli will miss his receivers as much as he did during the regular season.
Browns take a timeout instead of just letting the clock run out on the quarter.
Browns make goal line stop and my first thought is…
“Son of a bitch…this is just setting up a strip sack fumble TD”
Cowboys secondary might be decent next year. which means the linebackers will suck and the offense will be stagnant.
Canyanero? YA!!!
If there was ever a time to put people in the stands onto the field, it’d be now against the Browns.
Way to go #ThePauls!!! Held ’em to a (forthcoming) safety!!
Followed by JuJu running back the free kick for a touchdown.
Only if I can apply those points retroactively to my score two weeks ago.
I hope the Pats and Steelers play and as Harrison is chasing down Brown he throws Brown right into Tomlin. A huge fight breaks out and all the Steelers players are ejected.
“I hope… all the Steelers players are ejected.” could be the new quotus emeritus.
Not with balls at the switch.
That’s right!
Oh Cleveland.
Why did I not trust my gut and bet agin ya’z?
Remind me, where are we on Chargers watch? Any infinitesimal chance still of an all LA Superb Owl?
I think they need to win and get a Titans loss.
f u spanos!
– M. Mariota
No
#ThePauls offside, can’t even hold ’em to 3
Nick Foles is playing like crap.. RAMMMIIITTT, Viks and Panthers are going to eat him alive.
I just laughed so hard at the #Pauls that my dog came in to see what was so funny.
Can your dog play LB?
Better than anyone on Cleveland’s roster.
Nice tackle!
I have it on good authority she can take out knees with the best of ’em.
When does Pittsburgh rest their backups and put in the 3rd-stringers?
JEEBUS, #ThePauls
Some fan bases.
The rest. Go Broncos!*
*in the draft and FA.
Bill O’Brien is not a good coach. His comments on Savage when he got knocked out should be enough to fire him. Plus, dumbass was against playing Watson, he was hellbent on playing Savage.
Browns Total Yards < Current Temperature at Heinz Field
L’il Wakezilla-ette saw the Lions/Pack game and said “No!” Followed by changing the channel to Baby TV. This was the correct decision, as the content is better
She is wise beyond her years.
Can Hippo bet on it?
I saw the LA to Vegas pilot on the Fox Now app. Have to say, it wasn’t bad. Blonde stewardess is super cute.
I might give this one a shot.
I’ve sat next to worse.
You’ve played poker with the co-pilot. The redhead stripper played too last game.
She’s very young and very nice.
Serious? I need to get in that game again…
Um, what night of the week is that game?
Talking emojis are weird and creepy. Animojis. Whatever.
Cleveland do a good?
Pepperception.
Did they manage to shit in the bowl and not on the floor?
Peppers is known to be kind of slow in the head and he completely forgot the team was doing Operation “Vote of Confidence”…
I think that ugly-as-fuck notch on the top of the iPhone X is only there so it looks different from the other recent models, because what’s the point of buying the new one if other people can’t tell that it’s new?
I thought it was for your teeth a la a dogtag when you die
I can’t remember the last time an end around went for more than five yards, let alone a touchdown.
So Alexis Ren replaced Kate Upton in the Final Fantasy commercials. Those are some mighty big…shoes…to fill.
THIS ALEXIS REN, I CALL WAKEZILLA BECAUSE SHE NEEDS TO HIT THE GYM AND DO MORE SQUATS
Right?
Is that a tat above her elbow or a bar code?
Both? It’s both elbows too.
Good observation. I bet one says “left” and the other “right” as she looks almost the same from either side.
I like her better, and by better I mean it won’t take as long.
Cool! little eli is going for a duce!
and they miss….
He should of went before the game; somebody didn’t eat his vegetables yesterday.
Who here thought the Bears were going to keep this game close? This is just embarrassing.
I’m not gonna name names, but yeah, right?
ummmm, oopsie
Browns just had a 4th and 30.
“You can’t really fault the Offensive Line on that sack.”
(replay shows entire Cleveland line standing while Pittsburgh is piling on QB)
And Josh Rosen starts picking his classes for Fall 2018.
This Alabama family reunion in the Meadowlands rolls on…
Holy shit…the Browns offense is intentionally tanking as well!
We might see the team refuse to come out at half time folks!
It’s basically Varsity Blues without the hopeful ending.
RedZone is not funny enough for me. I’m switching to the Browns game.
Do it! I think we are watching live an actual team mutiny!!!!
This Lions/Packers game looks like it’s going to be an average exhibition game
Im thinking this in this Giants vs Redacteds game, the two QB’s throw for a total of 4 INTs.
In the first half.
I really think the Browns defense is taking “one for the team” and intentionally laying down on the field to force the ownership to get rid of Hue.
So I doubled up on the magic banana bread my friend brought me. This should be interesting. Good thing I don’t have to go anywhere.
BANANACAKES BREAD!
Is it like Space Cake? but Banana bread flavored space cake?
Why yes, yes it is. Was, actually.
Each time Amendola’s gotten taken down in this drive, pieces have flown off of him.
Someone get Pam Oliver a cough drop, stat!
Jesus, did someone remove Pam Oliver’s vocal chords?
So…the Steelers’ practice squad offense is better than the Browns starting defense.
They seriously just ran it down the Browns throat…
The Dame asked me if this is an important game, I told her it was basically meaningless. Her response?
“What’s the point in playing it then?”
I really can’t fault her logic on this.
At least she didn’t ask what the point in watching was
She did, I took the fifth.
Damn it! You fucking know it is on the schedule, these are professionals, seats are sold, concessions people need to feed their god damn families; what the hell is wrong with you?
*may not be married.