Quotable Submissions – End of Regular Season 2017

Happy New Year to everyone!  This is your friendly neighborhood Balls here.  Our usual author, Blaxxy, had himself quite a New Year and is under the weather.

Anywhoo, you get me this week. As I mentioned in the New Year Open Thread, one of my New Year resolutions is to look like this:

I will be chronicling my progress throughout the months.  At the start of 2018, the current Balls/Ryan level is as follows:

Stay tuned for this exciting development!

Speaking of exciting developments, there is a parade coming to Cleveland!

While I was looking for GIFs, I ran across this video.  So good:

Also, the playoffs are about to start!  However, Week 17 of the regular season brought plenty of exciting opportunities for us to make fun of the NFL.  Without further ado, TO THE GIFS!

Another example of the Jets doing everything in their power to not hurt Tom Brady.

Marvin Lewis gets his last win as a Bengal coach?

A Buffalo touchdown celebration or a preview of things to come?

I’m assuming this was before he sent out Blair Walsh onto the field.

A Brownsian motion?

Ya think he went to the game with his mistress?

Um, guys, don’t you remember that LA Dodger guy got in trouble for this?

I wonder what caught his eye?

And last, but not least:

I know what I’d be saying…

Kick some butt, kids!

ballsofsteelandfury

ballsofsteelandfury

International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.
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JerBear50Senor WeaseloDick E. PhuckPetronelUnsurprised Recent comment authors
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JerBear50
JerBear50

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Not pictured in attendance:
assistant whispers in his ear
Shit, really?
Uhh, never mind I guess.

Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

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This isn’t Philly. The water’s too clear and there’s a noticeable lack of rusty oil drums and empty Rolling Rock bottles.

Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

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In their defense that goal post was asking for it.

Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

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By sitting in up the owner’s box, Carson Wentz is THAT much closer to Jesus.

Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

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As much shit as people give Marvin Lewis (and deservedly so) I’d just like to say that in light of recent events, Hue Jackson makes Marvin Lewis look like Bill Walsh by comparison.

Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

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“I can’t believe I gave that scalper my crack supply for tickets to this shitty game. Goddamnit.”

Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

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“Did you know I was Michael Dudikoff’s stunt double in American Ninja? It’s True…Also jet fuel can’t melt steel beams.”

Petronel
Petronel

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“…my only friend.”
“Get back down here, man! Game’s not done yet.”
“MY ONLY FRIEND.”

Petronel
Petronel

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“Hey guys! Coach Lewis just called us back! He says we can come over and share their wings!”
“Can he still do that?”
“Apparently!”

Game Time Decision

https://gfycat.com/HeartfeltDecentFoxterrier

With poor fundamentals and tackling, Gregg wrote “game over” in his little notebook

Or

With the jets Jetsing, theres no need to have the refs help the P*ts.
-Goodel

Game Time Decision

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This TD celebration make Erin Andrews uncomfortable

Game Time Decision

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Did not maintain posesion of the football.Ruling on th filed has been overturned

Redshirt

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“I’M THE KING OF BUFFALO!!!!!”

Redshirt

or

(intro to bridge to My Heart Will Go On softly builds)
♫ You’rrrrrrre!! Hereeerrreee!! There’s nothing I fear! ♫

Redshirt

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♫ Brown Sugar! How come you taste so good? ♫

theeWeeBabySeamus

This seems like the best place to leave this. For anyone who might have missed it…
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Even Italian footballers see the flop he starts to do at the end as “a bit much.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Indeed. I tried to find a longer version which shows it better. But he went full Marsha Brady before it was over.

Too funny.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Here we go, shoulda checked youtube first anyway…

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

HE’S A PHONY!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I know, right?”

Tony Sparano

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I haven’t seen a shot to the face like that in New England since Gronk stopped banging Bibi Jones

theeWeeBabySeamus

I have no idea who she is.
As far as you know.

Senor Weaselo

“Personal foul, unsportsmanlike conduct, offense, number 11. Personal foul, also assessed to number 11 on the offense, for the player he hit flopping. Both penalties stack, number 11 is ejected for doing that in the same ZIP code as Tom Brady, he will be fined his first-born child, the Jets are docked a win and it is given to the Patriots, and it is a turnover on downs.”

JerBear50
JerBear50

Lebron approved.

LemonJello
LemonJello

https://gfycat.com/gifs/detail/heartfeltdecentfoxterrier
I haven’t seen a group of jets miss a target this badly since Ted Striker led the raid on Macho Grande.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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How’d Ryan Leaf afford tickets to this game?

monty this seems strange to me

or even find his way to the stadium?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The wind.

Horatio Cornblower

Watching that Brady gif, which I can’t get to show up here for some reason, is like hitting five numbers in a lottery where you need six to win. IT WAS RIGHT THERE!!! WE HAD IT!!!!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Someone on the other side of the stadium said “69.”

Nice.

LemonJello
LemonJello

There IS a certain “Gronk-ness” to his appearance, isn’t there?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

That’s not Gronk? Shit. It didn’t hit me like a Duracell that the woman is wearing an Eagles coat, either.

Anyway, all white football players look alike.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Isn’t it Carson Wentz?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I seriously thought it was Gronk until you replied. Seeing the Eagles jacket makes me think that you’re right and it’s Wentz.

LemonJello
LemonJello

I was trying to think up a Wentz-Gronk comment earlier, then thought I’d been huffing too much ether and was seeing a similarity that wasn’t really there.

Maybe Wentz is the Bizarro-Gronk?

Game Time Decision

But did he play the basket ball in highschool?

Every announcer

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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I haven’t seen a bunch of Bills end up discarded on the lawn like that since the last time Warren Sapp went out to get his mail.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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“Goal weight.”
–Joey Julius

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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THESE NEW ORLEANS SAINTS I CALL THEM THE NASHVILLE MARRIOTT BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO QUALMS ABOUT PEOPLE LOOKING THROUGH THINGS THEY SHOULDN’T

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

A small black penis with the inner foreskin exposed.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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At least two of these people are masturbating

LemonJello
LemonJello

“What’s the o/u?”
-K. Hippo, Esq.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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“We all know 7-0 is safe, right?”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Well, I can tell you that 6-0 isn’t.”

– Josh McDaniels circa 2009

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Jag off

LemonJello
LemonJello

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Is this some weird alternate ending where Red escapes Shawshank, leaving Andy behind?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I love this.

JerBear50
JerBear50

There’s a poster of Rita Hayworth in his office covering the hole of perfect mediocrity he dug through Paul Brown Stadium.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Ooooh, so when Richie Incognito lays down with a bunch of men it’s ok?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Usually it’s a lack of hugs that leads to a young man ending up with his legs dangling in the air like that, wouldn’t you agree Coach Dungy?

Horatio Cornblower

Holy shit.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

JerBear50
JerBear50

For some reason this is not the banner yet and I’ll be damned if I know why.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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“That’s just terrible technique. But who will coach the coaches?”

– Ray Rice

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I hear OJ has some free time, if he wants to draw from the USC well again.

JerBear50
JerBear50

Janay Rice would like to apologize for her role in this video.

I know, I know… but horse meat is so goddamn tough if you don’t tenderize it.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“See how effective a wall can be?!? Now, just imagine it being two, three times as tall! with guns! and spikes! and barbed wire! Oooohhh, maybe some flame cannons too!”
-Anonymous, 1600 Pennsylvania Ave

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

That’s all facing the crowd, right?

LemonJello
LemonJello

Whichever side is poorest. So, yes.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“Scouting road trip with the boss!”

monty this seems strange to me

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“Woo! Best NFL team in Ohio!”

monty this seems strange to me

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Titans #67: Shit, I can’t reach him now that he’s up that high.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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What are these Saints so interested in? Hidden camera live-feed of the altar boys changing room?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

That cuts deep.

blaxabbath

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“Jeez, act like you’ve been there before.” -Titans Fan, sipping champagne and protesting against the removal of Confederate statues.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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The same reaction Rivers’ wife has after every pregnancy test.

blaxabbath

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(Per Wikipedia)
Assistant coaches under Marvin Lewis who have become NFL head coaches:

Leslie Frazier, Minnesota Vikings (2010–2013)
Hue Jackson, Oakland Raiders (2011), Cleveland Browns (2016–present)
Jay Gruden, Washington [*Redacteds] (2014–present)
Mike Zimmer, Minnesota Vikings (2014–present)
Vance Joseph, Denver Broncos (2017-present)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That’s less of a coaching tree and more of a coaching stump

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Hanging tree.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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I am not Jame Harrison! He don’t play for us no more (as if he was before he left anyway).

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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Right up in there like a government controlled jet into a skyscraper!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

“What isn’t a reaction to a Blair Walsh kick, Alex?”

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“I call this move, ‘Duracell’. Its Zoolander-approved!”

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

With those ears, I’d assume it would be the ‘Maxi-pad with wings.’

LemonJello
LemonJello

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That’s a nice tribute to their fans. Too bad the refs wouldn’t let them bring the folding tables into the end zone.

rockingdog
rockingdog

I like the…
“A buffalo TD or a preview of things to come” one.

monty this seems strange to me

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I haven’t seen this many bills falling since Wes Welker went to the Kentucky Derby.

monty this seems strange to me

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BOOM! Time off in January!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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