TGISF – AWITM edition

Normally, you’d get TWBS back this week for your Sexy Friday goodness.  HOWEVAH, I begged and pleaded with him to let me do this one more time

as I had an idea in mind.  He reluctantly said ok.  This may or may not have been influenced by the fact that I got him several lap dances at a strip-tease establishment through my mad genius and subsequent exploitation of a certain Hippo’s misplaced love for Kroenke’s team.

Before we move on,  seriously,  was there ever anything finer than Britney Spears in her prime?  I still drool watching this video:

But I digress.

This week,  you will get no listings of other sports as they do not matter and, quite frankly, I’m a little lazy.

You will,  however, get a full helping of a SF that aims to honor and praise one of Earth’s greatest heroes.  I speak,  of course,  of this man:

And, more specifically, the best Futurama episode ever,  Amazon Women In The Mood.

That episode is so good that I’ll recap it here and add some appropriate SF goodness.

Everyone got the concept? Ok,  let’s roll.

***

The episode starts off in the conference room with Hermes

complaining about Nibbler coughing up hairballs. This leads into the realization that Zoidberg is not moving.  Everyone assumes Zoidberg to be dead when the DOOR FLIES OPEN and Zoidberg emerges newly pink

It turns out that Zoidberg molted, why not, and the fresh air feels good! As the crew starts to get repulsed by Zoidberg’s body, Amy’s phone rings and she rushes to answer.

It’s Kif, who,  unfortunately,  has the courage to call her,  but not speak with her and promptly hangs up.  Amy complains about these prank calls she’s been getting and Leela tries to empathize.

On the Nimbus, Zapp is looking for a bathroom attendant when he walks into Kif’s quarters and listens to Kif’s story of how he met Amy and how he does not have the courage to speak with her.  Seeing Leela in a picture with Amy

gives Zapp the brilliant idea to propose a double date. He then gets Leela on the phone to “negotiate”. This is some brilliant dialogue:

ZAPP I’m calling to negotiate a double date. You and me, Kif and Amy.

LEELA Forget it.

[Cut to: Planet Express: Meeting Room. She turns away from the screen.]

ZAPP Then let the negotiations begin. I propose we go out on 10 dates.

LEELA How about zero?

ZAPP Nine.

LEELA Zero.

[Cut to: Nimbus Bridge.] ZAPP Seven.

[Cut to: Planet Express: Meeting Room.] LEELA Zero.

ZAPP Eight?

[Amy leans down at Leela’s side.] AMY (whispering) Please, Leela? Kif’s like the sweetest guy who’s ever liked me.

ZAPP Five, and that’s my final offer … four

[Leela sighs.] LEELA One.

ZAPP Two.

LEELA One half.

[Cut to: Nimbus Bridge.] ZAPP I’ll take it.

[Cut to: Planet Express: Meeting Room.] ZAPP We’ll meet you tonight for part of dinner and the first half of a movie.

The guys meet the girls at the Palm D’Orbit, a super expensive revolving restaurant. Since Kif doesn’t go on many dates,  he doesn’t know what to say, so Zapp gives him his personal book of pickup lines.

The wordplay continues as they sit at the table where the girls are.

It turns out it’s karaoke night at the Palm D’Orbit and we see Morbo finishing his rendition of Funkytown. The food arrives and Amy notes that Kif had been quiet all night.  In an effort to impress her,  Kid pulls out Zapp’s book and reads a line:

Amy, (reading) if I said you had a beautiful body would you take your pants off and dance around a little?

It doesn’t go well,  so he tries another one:

(reading) I find the most erotic part of the woman is the boobies

This sends the girls to the restroom,  mad and ready to storm off. Zapp figures they can still salvage the date as “There’s only one sure-fire way back into a woman’s heart and parts beyond. I speak of course, of kareoke.”

As the girls return,  Kif is singing Total Eclipse of the Heart and Amy’s heart melts. Then Zapp rudely pushes him off and proceeds to shows everyone why he’s called The Velour Fog by singing Lola but changing it to Leela.

This empties out the restaurant as everyone hates his singing until only the four are left. Leela wants to go home  and wants to call a space taxi,

but Zapp believes he can fly the restaurant back home. Which produces one of the greatest lines ever:

Inevitably,  Zapp crashes the restaurant into a planet in an uncharted region of space. Uncharted,  of course,  because Zapp lost the charts.

Meanwhile,  back at Planet Express,  Fry,  Bender,  and Hermes are watching TV when Zoidberg walks in trying to figure out what his new shell will be. It is here that we find out that Bender is actually Mexican.

Then Fry gets curious as to why Leela and Amy haven’t returned from their double dates,  calls the restaurant,  and finds out it has crashed.  So, he convinces Bender to go with him to rescue the girls.

Bender, think of the señoritas!

 

The episode really steps into high gear here as we discover that the daters crashed onto a planet populated only by females. While Kif, Amy, and Leela try to hide from the Amazonians, Zapp tries to pick them up.

They are not amused and lead them back towards their city. Meanwhile,  Fry and Bender are “flying” the ship as best they can and manage to “land” it on the planet close to the crashed restaurant.

They head towards the city and are quickly discovered as their hiding place was actually an Amazonian’s skirt.

As Bender says,  “Wow”.

They join the others and the men are put in chains while the women are freed. They all head to the Amazonian city as the Amazonians tell Amy and Leela about their society. The guys mock them every chance they get.

LEELA Where are all the men in your society?

ORNIK Men die out many year ago.

BENDER With all these women around they were probably nagged to death. Are you with me, fellas?

THOG Here stadium, where our women basketball teams play.

KUG We no can dunk, but good fundamentals.

ORNIK That more fun to watch.

THOG This our comedy club. Humour here funny in different way.

ORNIK It not reinforce stereotypes.

KUG Comedy come from character, real situations. Not abstract craziness.

BENDER Translation: Boring!

Finally,  they reach the leader’s temple.

Not shown in the episode is where the steam came from…

As they enter the temple,  the leader of the planet  is revealed to be a female computer,  Femputer, which appeared mysteriously after the men died out and was elected as leader because she was NOT a beltway insider.

Although a gift of bath beads and scented soaps pleases Femputer,

she demands to know why there are men on her planet. She is not satisfied with the response that it was an accident and retires to decide their fate.

While Femputer is deliberating, the Amazonians secure the prisoners with straps.  Zapp does not mind.

ZAPP Yes! A little tighter. Tighter. Perhaps a hard spanking is in order?

I think we can do better…

Getting better…

There it is!

Seeing the men’s stupidity,  the Amazonians ask if men are any good for anything.  Amy whispers one thing:

They call it snu snu. Zapp immediately volunteers but the Amazonians want to hear nothing from him and point out what happened to the last men to visit Amazonia:

Which does not deter Zapp and Fry. Then,  Femputer returns with her verdict:

which both scares and excites the guys.

Leela tries to reason with Femputer but the Amazonians point out that the guys made fun of their basketball.  Femputer asks if the Amazonians mentioned how the fundamentals make up for the inability to dunk and when told yes denies Leela’s request for mercy.

At this point, Bender casually drops the fact that he is a man bot, not a man. Femputer spares him and he is untied but then orders the guys to be taken to the snu snu chambers.  As they say their goodbyes,  Femputer announces how things will go:

The Amazonians will be divided into three groups:

The one called Zapp will be snu snu’d by the Large Women.

He that is designated as Fry will be snu snu’d by the Petite Women.

And Kif, as the most attractive male,  will be snu snu’d by the Most Beautiful Women of Amazonia.

Then the Large Women.

Then the Petite Women.

Then the Large Women again.

As the women start to line up,  Leela pleads with Bender to do something to help the guys. He, reluctantly,  agrees and heads towards the Femputer’s temple.  It’s relatively easy for him to get past the guards as they are not having a good day.

He sneaks in,  confronts Femputer, and then realizes she is actually a fem bot. Given that,  it’s much easier for him to persuade her…

 

Meanwhile,  Leela decides to take things into get own hands by fighting the Amazonians. And fails.  Then Amy tries to use a disguise to get Kif, who is trying to get away from the Amazonian in his hut.

She IS successful and manages to catch Kif in her arms and runs towards the temple.

They get inside when they hear Bender and Femputer’s love sounds. Everyone is confused. Femputer tells them all to go away.  Bender tells them to get lost and bring gold.  Femputer reinforces it by telling them, “You heard the man!”

The episode winds down back at Planet Express as Zoidberg is happy with the new shell which was the old shell, Bender declares it the best mission ever on account of all the gold (he’s not here if the fembot calls), and Amy agrees as she’s found love with Kif.

Zapp and Fry are in agreement too.

And the moral to the story:

MEXICAN LOVEMAKING SAVES THE DAY!

Comment away…

ballsofsteelandfury

ballsofsteelandfury

International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.
ballsofsteelandfury

Latest posts by ballsofsteelandfury (see all)

Leave a Reply

Notify of
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

comment image
comment image
comment image
.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

For the real story on how they’re made…
https://www.
youtube.com/watch?v=IU7J6WweKy4
Do NOT watch this if you ever want to eat or look at a hot dog ever again. Or DO watch it, I don’t fuckin care.

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

The dick joke factory!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

LOL.
Three gifs there. Two of which are really smrt.

But you guys jumped on the weiners.
Pun very much intended

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

You can’t eat smarts but you can eat weiners.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Maybe a theme of sexy women and men from shithole countries?

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

This is good idea.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

But there are no surviving images from the Isle of Atlantis…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Do we include the ones we bombed the shit out of?

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Seems like a good night to either read or watch a movie.
Footedball will screw that kinda thing up for the next two days.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

They make books about movies, but is there a movie about books?

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Oh, wait, I got it, Princess Bride
/Ever notice how ‘Princess’ changes meaning when you take an ‘s’ off the end?

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

The Passion

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

comment image

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

How many times has Futurama been cancelled and re-un-cancelled?

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Three, I think.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

That more or less than Family Guy?

Senor Weaselo
Member

It’s probably-for-realsies done, but they still have the mobile game Worlds of Tomorrow which I played for a little while. It was okay, but clearly if I’m not still playing it it’s not mind-blowingly amazing.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Why are beer bottles so tall relative to their diameter? It seems like if they were shorter and fatter they would use less glass and not tip over as easily.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

But then it would be hardly impressive when you get a little ship inside them.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Then the lids could be like little mini-frisbees!!!!!!

Let’s move on this!!!!!!!

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

comment image

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

comment image

comment image

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

Everything’s turning up Balls today!

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

comment image

Yeah, CyberBalls has really had a lot of work done.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

All right, Rikki. If you get some chores done you can a) have a beer and b) play some video games.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

You finally get Desert Bus ?

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

Dubs get the win.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Fuckin’ Supreme Court…

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

Great story!
comment image

Wakezilla
Member

Balls, you deserve a Pulitzer for this one. Well done!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

More like a Pull-It-zer, amirite?

Wakezilla
Member

That was the joke, but I was autocorrected.

Note: Eat up Martha

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Classing up the joint.

comment image

comment image

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I finally saw Last Jedi and boy did they lay on the “Leave the past behind” stuff pretty goddamn thick. It is especially funny given how much JJ Abrams jerks off to nostalgia and did so in The Force Awakens and is certain to do in Ep. 9.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I like Rian Johnson’s style. Except for the “fly” episode of Breaking Bad. I did not care for that one.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I don’t care for BB.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Well, yeah, fuck the Patriots. I don’t see what that has to do with this, though.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I prefer Ohlong Johnson.

blaxabbath
Member

It was just thinking, I walked out of there enjoying that film, which was a relief because I knew it was absolute shit.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

The throne room fight was cool.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

That was actually one of my least favorite parts. Swordfights should either be short and precise (like in the end of Equilibrium) or long and brutal (like Aragorn vs. the Uruk-Hai in LOTR).

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised
Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Hello boys

comment image

Oooh. Wine cooler.

comment image

SonOfSpam
Member

“Excuse me, may I have a BJ”

/slap

“What I say???”

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

She’s into young boys.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Work it, y’all!

comment image

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Needs more sandwiches.

blaxabbath
Member

Would sandwich

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Veronica Sawyer – Heather Chandler style.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

She makes cookies.

Vegan cookies.

blaxabbath
Member

Is Beyoncé Oprah’s Tommy Gunn?

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member
blaxabbath
Member

The GOP is an absolute fucking disaster. These people are to morals what the Browns are to winning.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

What’s funny is that if the phone had been ethnic enough they would have found a way to silence it within seconds.

blaxabbath
Member

What’s up Shitholes!?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

So while Norway is such a hot topic, true story – I fooled around with a Norwegian girl one time. I drove us to a public beach because I thought it would be romantic. It was too well-lit and was not romantic at all. It was so not romantic that she actually started crying a little.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Yeah, ok. SHE started crying a little.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

“Are you going to let me go?” she said. I told her I wasn’t sure.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Where did she want to go?
Oh wait…you meant…

blaxabbath
Member

Probably was because of your size.

SonOfSpam
Member

Thank you for many good pics plus acknowledgement of one of the great TV half-hours ever.

DEATH BY SNU SNU FOR BALLS!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I’m classing it up tonight – I’m drinking my Bacardi and RC Cola out of a GLASS.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Wait, I meant to say that I’m GLASSING it up.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

…whata glasshole

SonOfSpam
Member

La Dee Da, Mr. ROYAL Crown cola.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

It’s really just Coke. But it’s stolen, so that should count for something.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

It’s not called “stealing” when it’s Royal, it’s called “by Divine Right this is now mine and if you disagree I’ll murder you and salt the soil of your family tree.”

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

[Looks at dry bowl of cereal]
[Looks at glass of gin]
Hmmmm…. Someday.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Okay, so I’m only gonna do this once.

VR porn.

Shrug. It’s a neat concept, and I’m not gonna deny that I felt a bit of a stirring in my loins (it really is amazing the degree to which VR makes you oblivious to the real world around you) but there were two things I found quite disconcerting.

The first was how they used a guy with tattoos as the stud, which was very strange when I looked down at “my” arm and saw it covered with ink.

The second was a lack of resolution. When a pair of giant boobs are supposed to be slapping you in the face, it basically just looks like a bunch of glowing orange dots.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

[Sits up straight, hides boner]
Glowing orange dots, you say?

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

So. Many. Replies.
/brain goes ‘splodey

Senor Weaselo
Member

Brain goes ‘splodey, eh?

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

That’s my story.

SonOfSpam
Member

Whose face did you get? Hillary Clinton or Oprah?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

That is funny cause the first girl in the demo was white and the second was, um, swarthy.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

By the way I love the word swarthy and use it at every opportunity.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Nawt Mexican. Far from it actually, though she was born in LA.
Is that raycess?
Nah. Plus great dress.
Gigi Hadid, everybody….
comment image

Wakezilla
Member

Given their stance on Palestine, the US government rather call her Mexican than Palestinian

Spanky Datass
Member
Spanky Datass

Mayra Saurez.
comment image

Spanky Datass
Member
Spanky Datass

Something something Ufford in rainbow snakeskin short shorts something something DICK JOKE ….
comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Moar Maite Perroni?
Why yes, thank you.
comment image

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

She looks like Maria Ozawa.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Who’s that?

/knows damn well who Maria Ozawa is.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Yep.
comment image

SonOfSpam
Member

Nibbler did her.

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

This seems mandatory:

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Always

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

comment image

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

What Salma fixation? I don’t have a Salma fixation! You have a Salma fixation!

Sigh.

comment image

I’m lucky IWDB is understanding.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Yes, of course.
Because I’m sure she’s concerned you might have a shot.
comment image

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

Oh, hey, tWBS! How are you?

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

comment image

JustStopDude
Active Member
JustStopDude

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

See? Ravens always fuck it up for everyone!!!!!

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Did someone say Mexican love making????
comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

You know, cyclops girls are crazy in the sack.
Plus the one eye means no binocular vision. So their perception of distance/length is…well….
I think you see what I’m getting at here.
comment image

Senor Weaselo
Member

I’m honestly not sure which one of you is more batshit crazy at this point.
/Good work, but question still remains!

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

What the hell did I do???????????

litre_cola
Member

Really?

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

You know what you did.

comment image

WCS
Member

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

comment image

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

MEXICAN LOVEMAKING SAVES THE DAY!

OK, well, you’ve ruined the ending to Prisoners on the Pleasure Planet! I hope you’re happy with yourself.

/deletes 400 pages of text, sighs, starts over

litre_cola
Member

You really should get a room full of monkeys on typewriters, wait, that might be us!

WCS
Member

That was… something.

comment image

litre_cola
Member

That was quite the write up ballsy.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

comment image

1 2 3