[can’t think of anything to say] Intros are for suckers… TO THE GAME!
Jacksonville/Pittsburgh:
Taking a look at this game I was reminded of an old Bart Simpson quote which goes something like, “Smashee, smashee”. Yeah, this one is gonna be a battle of physical and mental wills and no matter the outcome, both sides will suffer casualties-think in terms of Attica in early September of ’71. That’s how this one is going to go.
Injuries:
Antonio Brown is out/ready and raring to go, no question/a game-time decision-pick one. If he does throw the cleats on he’ll be staring down cb Jalen Ramsay. I love this matchup. Ramsay was thrown at only 5 times last week and was able to come up with an interception.
We Need To Talk About Blake:
Will the competent Blake or the inadequate Blake take the field today? Last week vs. the Bills he was 12/23 for 87 yards. Not so good, huh? Not so fast-he was able to offset that with 10 runs for 88 yards. Using the very latest-ish in phone calculator technology, I took a look back at his bipedal-centric shenanigans and discovered that in games where he runs 5 or more times he averages 7 yards per attempt. Interesting? Probably not but I’ll make the case that he recognizes/exploits running lanes far more than he is given credit for. I think another way to assess the fella is in terms of ‘comfort zone’. In the games where his QBR rating was over 100, (the lowest mark being 119!) his attempts/completions were 20-31, 18-26, 26-35, 18-27 and 21-29. Perhaps he’s not the game manager I thought he is but just a guy that needs to play within certain parameters in order to get the job done. Once outside those parameters though it becomes a bit of a crapshoot as to which guy shows up.
My Hot Takeaway:
I’ll be surprised if Bell and Fournette don’t combine for 50 carries between them. The thing is, [whips out suddenly trusty phone calculator again] this gives the Steelers a significant advantage. Perhaps Fournette is wearing down a bit but he’s only averaging 3 yards per rush over his last eight games. Mr. “Don’t Franchise Tag Me, Bro” Bell has averaged 4.2 in his last seven. As the carries pile up, it’ll be Pittsburgh that will more easily get up and down the field.
What are you waiting for? Get it on, bang your gong!
Yea! fumble for a Jagginoff TD!
Big Ben just needs to put the X on his retirement papers for everything to be official; they’re all filled out and ready to go, just waiting on the sideline for him.
Will they accept it if it’s writen in crayon?
I mean, Ray Lewis’ were written in blood, so I’m sure it won’t be a problem.
Ben was manhandled.
incomplete pass in new england
And roughing the passer.
They’ll make some obscure rule that’s never used again
And still enforce the taunting penalty: first down P*triots.
Oh hey, Triplette wasn’t here to call forward progress prematurely!
Telvin Smith, no longer underrated after today.
Nope. Just an asshole.
after that MNF in Cincy, there is no being an asshole to PIT that I acknowledge.
Understood.
God damn, the Jags are TERRIFYING.
AFC title match will truly be fascinating, contrast of styles.
/furiously masturbates
Is there any other way?
Taunting asshole.
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THANK YOU, THE BEN
WWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
HO LI FUK!
[Cumming Intensifies]
TELVIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SUDDEN CHANGE!!
HOLY YOTYCYFRKVDR SITKCLCTDF
HARFDOWN!
How much Toradol is being shot into Fournette’s ankle right now?
A) All of it
B) Yes
C) Whatever the fatal dosage is, -2%
D) All of the above
/Wife informed me we’re getting a puppy on Feb. 3rd
“WHO IS THE FATHER, GODDAMNIT!?”
Hippo you really should have bet Balls some lappers on this game.
Its a long game. Come on JackinOff better show up in the 2nd half!
OK time for pick six.
The Ben will deliver, don’t worry.
Close enough for me.
Would you settle for a Fumble6?
Seriously, wtf is Jax doing here?
Keep it on the ground, run the clock, let your defense do their thing.
Get to halftime with a two score lead and hopefully Fournette can get back.
Stupid shit right now.
Give Fournette some Meth.
plenty of supply in jax
“Just not mine.”
-every trailer park in Duval county
Balls and WCS are our resident Still fans no?
Yup
now this is no fun.
[Jax trainers prepare the mixed flightless bird juice needle for Little Red Fournette]
Fournette just needs to rub some dirt on it, that’s all.
good throw, bad decision
Do that “next man up” shit, JAX.
Bortles keeps threading the needle like that, he’s gonna regret it.
The Greatriots now have a three-week bye to the Super Bowl.
give him a shot and wrap it up.
Yeldon is still pretty good.
TJ Watt: bigger douche than his brother?
Less NFL John Cena, but also not very good.
shoot him up good, guys!
Noooo00000ooooo Fournette is limping!
and fournette is ded
welp, we have a game
BORKE BLATLES
NOOOOOOOOOOOO
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
A Bortleception, and we’ve got us a game.
Or a 3 and out.
7-minute TD drive. Soul crushing. C’mon.
Antonio is gonna get his-there’s no way around that.
Why do I feel Bort is going to Bort on this possession and the Stillers will make this a game again.
Again! Again! The Steelers are doing it to me again!
damn, hate losing the shutout like that. WATCH THE ONSIDE KICK, Jaguras!
I just keep telling myself that if 28-3 can happen, they can come back from this.
but #OddWeekJaguras are not the Falcons, and (shudder) The Ben ain’t Dreamboat.
Why can’t you let me have my fantasy?
Because you touch yourself?
Because I am the worst
He pushed off.
Brown makes it look so damn easy.