[can’t think of anything to say] Intros are for suckers… TO THE GAME!
Jacksonville/Pittsburgh:
Taking a look at this game I was reminded of an old Bart Simpson quote which goes something like, “Smashee, smashee”. Yeah, this one is gonna be a battle of physical and mental wills and no matter the outcome, both sides will suffer casualties-think in terms of Attica in early September of ’71. That’s how this one is going to go.
Injuries:
Antonio Brown is out/ready and raring to go, no question/a game-time decision-pick one. If he does throw the cleats on he’ll be staring down cb Jalen Ramsay. I love this matchup. Ramsay was thrown at only 5 times last week and was able to come up with an interception.
We Need To Talk About Blake:
Will the competent Blake or the inadequate Blake take the field today? Last week vs. the Bills he was 12/23 for 87 yards. Not so good, huh? Not so fast-he was able to offset that with 10 runs for 88 yards. Using the very latest-ish in phone calculator technology, I took a look back at his bipedal-centric shenanigans and discovered that in games where he runs 5 or more times he averages 7 yards per attempt. Interesting? Probably not but I’ll make the case that he recognizes/exploits running lanes far more than he is given credit for. I think another way to assess the fella is in terms of ‘comfort zone’. In the games where his QBR rating was over 100, (the lowest mark being 119!) his attempts/completions were 20-31, 18-26, 26-35, 18-27 and 21-29. Perhaps he’s not the game manager I thought he is but just a guy that needs to play within certain parameters in order to get the job done. Once outside those parameters though it becomes a bit of a crapshoot as to which guy shows up.
My Hot Takeaway:
I’ll be surprised if Bell and Fournette don’t combine for 50 carries between them. The thing is, [whips out suddenly trusty phone calculator again] this gives the Steelers a significant advantage. Perhaps Fournette is wearing down a bit but he’s only averaging 3 yards per rush over his last eight games. Mr. “Don’t Franchise Tag Me, Bro” Bell has averaged 4.2 in his last seven. As the carries pile up, it’ll be Pittsburgh that will more easily get up and down the field.
What are you waiting for? Get it on, bang your gong!
Darrius Heyward-Bey is their vocal leader now?
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA
Well he had might as well do something, he can’t catch.
#50 for the Jags ran down Bell. that was a great play.
Telvin Smith again. He’s a monster.
“it’s tough to run against this jacked up defensive line”
> 20 yard run
Fuck. You. Dan. Fouts.
its easy. throw it to tony Brown!
[gets way ahead of himself]
Don’t tell me a Jags blowout would be a ‘bad’ game.
This is porn for most DFO-ers.
“How the hell are you gonna come up with a game plan against this Jags team!?”
– Officials for the AFC championship game, watching from the Patriots practice facility.
The only thing that’s changed since the Week 5 beatdown is that JAX got better, especially BORT.
time to rip Ben’s head off. Go Jags!
This beating of the Steelers might be 100% more effective than any dick pill.
There’s not enough terrible Keystone in the entire, shitty road-laden Commonwealth to change this matchup. Play it 10 times, you’ll get this 9.
They are going to run out of Bort license plates now for sure.
When my get my first home robot, im gonna name it Bort. And its brother is gonna be named Bot.
I was slightly joking that the jags have a better shot at NE than the Stillers do, since the yinzers never beat the tahmmys.
nvm, this real
Heinz Field right now.
“Yeah, sucks to drop a loaded needle.”
– Todd Marinovich
“Running off-tackle on a first down? What kind of sorcery was that?”
-Ben McAdoo
really? really?
-CBS Ad executives
If this was next week, the result would be fumbled out of bounds in the endzone. Patriots ball, First and 10.
run that ball all fucking day Jags. don’t let up, don’t look at the score.
hahahaha
what if they say he’s short? like didnt get two feet in or something stupid?
The only way they rule that conclusively a touchdown is if he’d been wearing a Patriots uniform.
Well I’ll be damned.
“Well I’ll be damned.”
– Nick Saban, when presented with a unique, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
thats a TD
How does that ref NOT see it, FFS? He’s right fucking there!
Ahem, I thought the standard thought process here was that the officials want Pittsburgh to win?
I’m as surprised as anyone.
TD!
that’s a td
Week 18 and I still have to stop and think “Are the Jags REALLY for real?”
You mean 19?
#OddWeekJaguras!
Though if they can hypnotize themselves into thinking next week is #19, I’m good with that…
I feel like we’re reaching the limits of my mathematical abilities here
You still got one more toe to count on.
Just got home from rehearsal to see Myles Jack do things, and goddamnit, I’ve got another erection already.
JagginOff! INT babay! That was sick!
No bathroom stall door will be safe tonight.
I love how silent the Yinzer center is.
show that again, am going pump off to it.
This is like sex, just without the sweat and shame.
I’m sweating a little…
too cold AGAIN here. Wind chill of 15, after 70 and thunderstorms Friday night…
THE BENCEPTION
Jackception!
Holy shit. I like this game.
nice INT
That was a pick!!
He got JACKED!!!
That Bell won’t ring.
All these trophy T-1000s coming to life to shill for Honda really creep me out.
why does Honda need to advertise? All the people (like me) who want a reliable car and have given up on ever having sex again are already gonna buy them regardless.
Campbell should give Ben a DDT
Nice insecticide reference.
I feel like they should’ve gone with teal for the Jags on the scorebox there. It looks like the Steelers are winning at first glance.
As bad as BORT may be, let’s not ignore that he has the worstest set of WRs in the League.
“Yeah, those guys are an embarrassment.”
– Justin Blackmon, from the barroom floor
Don’t fuck with Pouncey:
Pouncey does seem like a good pet cat name.
I mean, a VERY BAD FUCKING IDEA, but clearly a pass.
Smrt Bortles is Smrt
WHAT are they booing? CLEARLY a pass.
easy Bortles.
I can see why Jeff Triplette is retiring. The game doesn’t make sense to him anymore.
Every night NFL officials mutter in their sleep: “It is New England ball at the 1 yard line. First down, New England.”
how is the President associating and giving sums of money to known pornstar not a big issue?
Because he’s a good man of God, according to the more crazy members of my family
My understanding is that, although he is not a man of God, he IS a tool of God that will enable all the prophecies come to fruition, so he gets a pass on all the other shit that would otherwise make him anathema to the fundies.
I agree with them on the tool part.
I’m more surprised with him normalizing the worked “shithole”.
“Funny, that’s where he tried to put it”
–Stormy Daniels
It’s like, the 12th most embarrassing/ incriminating item of his presidency.